Every Suspicion
Concretya
Disclaimer: Not mine. JKR's.
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Chapter One
1981
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He woke to the sound of silence, that dreary Tuesday that was the start of so much. Or wait, not silence… there was certainly raucous clamoring in his head.
Sirius Black looked at his watch and sighed. "Shi-" he paused. Here he was, lying awake at six bloody thirty because of an abominable headache. And the house sounded unnaturally silent. It would take a while to get used to talking here. And the silence seemed to be resisting sound. But he experimentally finished the phrase. "-it."
Well, it was a small price to pay. An empty house for the lives of three people. A headache for being the only person who could ruin those lives. And he wouldn't. By god, he wouldn't.
The casting of the Fidelius charm had gone smoothly the day before. Sirius, however, couldn't remember much of it- just James looking more worried than anyone had a right to make him, Lily murmuring that the charm didn't look that hard, she might even be able to do it herself….
It was the dinner right before that stuck in his mind now. Remus was too interested, and Peter was too disinterested. And James had been a bloody fool, telling the two of them where Sirius himself would be hiding… that was something he'd been planning to confront James about. They didn't know who the spy was, really, and Sirius would prefer if his location was unknown.
Stop it, he told himself this morning. It's not like Wormtail's gonna tell anyone where you live, for kripe's sake... Or Moony.
But it would be so much better if he didn't have to worry about his locations being forced out with Imperius or Veritaserum…
Hell, it would be so much better if there wasn't a war, and there was no such thing as betrayal.
Sirius ran a hand through his hair in a way vaguely reminiscent of James, turned to his other side, and pulled up the blankets.
This was going to be excruciatingly boring, and lonely, and nerve-wracking. He wanted more sleep before thinking again.
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Sirius felt gnawing sickness in his gut when he woke again. The mid-afternoon sun streaming through the small window burst in on his mind, and black spots had come to dance in his eyes before he'd even opened them. If he moved his body he would likely puke, and if he moved his head he would likely faint. Either that or he would completely explode.
It seemed that, while he slept, his fear and unease had manifested itself into physical pain. Great. Just great.
He cautiously reached out for his wand. Eyes still clamped tight shut, Sirius slipped his hand under the covers, scrambling for the slender wood. Ah. There it was.
Sirius wanted to moan. But he wouldn't, because… well, no reason. Except that he was cowering in his new bed, considering the mess he'd just made of four lives.
James and Lily. Lily and James. They were depending on him. His first and best friend. Then Lily, to whom he had always wanted to prove himself. And when James had married Lily, Lily had said she was practically marrying Sirius as well.
And Harry. Harry was depending on his Padfoot. The only reason Sirius didn't want to ever be Harry's father was because it would mean James and Lils were dead. The only reason.
And now all three of them were depending on him.
And he had to depend on Remus and Peter. On their loyalty.
He didn't like it when he had to rely on someone else, when someone else had the power to destroy everything.
And the Potter family was his responsibility. They shouldn't need the integrity of anyone else.
He couldn't even move to hide somewhere else. The others might be threats, but it would be even more dangerous for him to transfer elsewhere. He would need to tell James or Dumbledore first, and he couldn't get to Hogwarts… and going to Godric's Hollow was most definitely out of the question. So… were there any options?
Sirius needed some time away from this blasted sun and headache. He gingerly sat up. Padfoot would give him some respite. From everything.
The bang that meant the wards were down came in the split second he was transforming, and he barely noticed. The large black dog stood stock-still, tensed. This was wrong. Something was wrong. Something was happening. This shouldn't be happened. The house smelled strange. Wide open. It didn't take long for him to recognize what this meant; the boys and he had experimented to see just what magic the Animagi forms could detect. Shit.
Padfoot snapped up the wand in his jaws, sprang off the bed, and did something a human Sirius would never do- dashed under the bed. He was fairly quivering to leap out at the intruders, but things were different now. He had to avoid trouble now.
Three figures came rushing into the room. Padfoot could only see their legs, but he somehow doubted their faces would be visible even if he was staring straight at them. And that would certainly get him killed.
"Are you sure this is the right place?"
"It's where he said. You honestly think we would mess something like this up?"
"Well, where is Black, then?" Two of the Death Eaters remained standing at the door; but the other was striding all around the room.
This was it. There was no way they wouldn't find him… so he had to find them first. And hold them just long enough to make a break for it. Got it, Padfoot? You run. No heroics. James and Lily and.. and Harry are depending on you. Gods, this war has Sirius Black running! It's all so wrong, so wrong…
Padfoot laid his right paw over the wand and took a deep breath. Words on the tip of his tongue, the Grim-dog transformed into a young man and sprung from under the bed.
Sirius catapulted at the single Death Eater, shouting "Stupefy!" even as he was in the air. The bed overturned with a clatter, and the other Death Eaters' spells went awry. But Sirius' current target dodged, riposting instantly. He blocked the incoming curse, whirling and sending a succession of light bouncing off the walls.
His speed proved to be his undoing as fatigue, stress, and dehydration rushed back. His head reeled, mind spinning in the opposite direction of his body. He barely managed to dodge the next curse, stumbling instinctively out of the way.
This can't be happening. Sirius, in one last, desperate attempt, dropped to the ground. The bottom of his stomach plummeted and rose with waves of bile; his headache subsided in the brief moment he lay prone, but it was in that moment that a curse found its mark. It wasn't a drastic curse, no, Sirius regretted that he had seen much worse; but he could feel his face seizing up, his lips merging into each other, his jaw cracking.
All three of the enemies shouted stupefy! Sirius tried to speak and couldn't, rolled, and was hit by one of the stunning spells. It was highly likely that the blackness engulfing him was naturally generated as well as magical.
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Lily was musing, curled up on the couch in front of the fire. Her Harry was nestled in with her; he was the difference between her current home and the seven years she spent in the haven of the Gryffindor Common Room.
She was attempting not to worry, truly she was, but the whole situation was nagging her, keeping her awake when she was so warm, snuggling here with her son. Lily had long ago adjusted herself to the threat of Voldemort, but this estrangement was new.
How long would she feel like this? How long would they live like this? Were they talking months, was Voldemort about to meet his downfall so all the cobwebs could be cleared away? Or were they talking years? Would Harry grow up ostracized from everything even as the war raged? Did either side have enough resources to keep the war in full throttle?
What if it appeared that the war was over, and they thought they could walk free again, and disaster struck?
Would they even know what horrors were happening to their friends outside?
"Whatcha thinking about, love?"
Lily smiled as James came and sat beside her. She immediately leaned her head against his chest, tucked under his chin. Her husband gently rested a hand on their son.
"The common room," the redhead heard herself replying.
"What about it?"
"How similar it is to here. Well, except it's just the three of us, no Remus or Sirius or Peter… so how similar our house is to the common room really late at night. When sensible people are in bed," she added blandly. "And it's all dark. And quiet."
"You know, Lily… it wasn't always dark and quiet."
"I know. Believe me, I know."
"Oh really? Perfect Lily Evans knows what goes on in the common room after hours?"
"Perfect Lily Evans knew. Perfect Lily Potter knows now." She smiled. "Once in my fourth year I came in to the dorms even later than you did, you know."
"And?" He nuzzled her.
"You were all sleeping in a heap. Well, Remus and Sirius were sleeping in a heap, and the rest of you were conked out nearby."
"Padfoot and Moony always were silly little puppies." James fell silent. Lily stared into the fire until her eyes watered.
"It may not have been lonely there at night, but we're here now."
James buried his face in Lily's flaming hair. "But we have Harry now."
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Sirius could've sworn he heard a whispered "Enervate" as he woke. But he kept his eyes clenched shut, and no one seemed to notice that he was conscious again. Indeed, the three Death Eaters were talking, a conversation he wasn't supposed to be listening to.
"…sure it's the right man? It would be seen as a heinous betrayal if we brought the wrong one…"
"The Lord would not like it if it was the correct person, and we failed to bring him. And we followed the information. If this is not Black, it will show that our information was false."
His breath quickened. Was he about to hear who the spy was? If only he was, and got away…This was it, thiswasit, the first step…
Luck was with him.
"I suppose. I don't trust that Lupin."
WHAT? Bloody hell! Sirius could only pray that he had not made any noises out loud that would show he was awake. Remus? Moony? His friend? His mate? He had known it could be Moony, yes, but he had tried not to worry about it, and… Moony. Damn him.
One thought surfaced and pushed his rage away: Get out of here.
In one motion, he sat up halfway and dove forwards. One of the Death Eaters immediately shot a jet of red light at him, but he was Padfoot before it hit, and it sailed over his head.
Pleaseletthisworkpleaseletthisworkpleaseletthispleaseplease… he spotted his wand lying on the floor a few feet in front of him. He transformed faster than he had in his life before, popping into his human shape, practically slamming a hand on to his wand, and switching back to his dog shape. An explosion of tinkling glass rang out as the unspecific magic he had just used sent a tremor up the wall and shattered the window.
The others spun instinctively. Padfoot snatched up his wand in his mouth and ran like the fires of hell were behind him. As he cleared the neighborhood of his small hideout, he had a nasty though- That was too easy. Until it sunk in. They can afford to be careless with a measly Black now that they have that damn werewolf as an informant.
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"DUMBLEDORE!" The bellow very nearly shook the floor of the office in which sat the man being called. He was weary, and could hardly believe the news he had just received. The head of the Order of the Phoenix had been in grim contemplation of the magnitude of this catastrophe when- "DUMBLEDORE!"
Albus Dumbledore felt something clench his heart when Sirius Black sprinted into the circular room. Sirius would certainly be one of the… casualties, one might say, of this betrayal.
The young man was trembling. Out of breath, slightly battered, and trembling from fear, exertion, or anger. His words, practically spat out, confirmed which of the equally likely emotions it was.
"Professor, find Remus Lupin." Sirius banged his fist on the table. "Find him, Dumbledore!" Albus opened his mouth to speak, but Sirius continued, his normally deep voice skipping an octave and tripling in volume. "REMUS LUPIN IS A BLOODY TRAITOR."
Well then. There was only one good thing to this- Albus needn't tell the rash, "excitable" Black that his friend- no, mate and brother- had no compunctions to seeing their little band of friends die. And that would hardly qualify as good in light of the situation… Sirius probably found out in an unsavory way.
"Did you speak to anyone before coming here?" he asked sharply. Sirius' eyes flashed, and the black-haired man opened his mouth to protest, but Albus cut in again. "Yes, Sirius, I am aware of Remus Lupin's betrayal."
Sirius did a double take. Albus knew? "Since when?"
"Since when? I have known for merely a few hours. I was informed this morning. If you are referring to Lupin's position as a Death Eater… no one can say."
Though he was no longer yelling, Sirius was still tense. And would be for a very long time. Hell, Prongs and Wormtail and I broke the law for him? I lived with him! I loved him, we all did! "So do you have him?" I'm just dying to speak with him.
"No."
"WHAT? You've known for hours and you don't even have him? Professor, Remus knew where I was staying, and that I was the Secret Keeper! He's a fucking Death Eater!"
"Sirius, Remus Lupin disappeared this morning, right before my informant found out about his position. I have informed the Ministry, but as of yet, he has not been found." Dumbledore's eyes glittered coldly. Even he had trouble deciphering the differences between anger and sorrow when a former student- especially that student- threw away everything. "Right now, we need to speak to the Potters, and Pettigrew."
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Author's Note: Whee. Chapter one. Comes with references to puppy-love and Lily & James fluff, naturally
####. I officially hate my writing style. This is way too abrupt. :wail:
Ahh. It's killing me that I can't write Remus, but that will… well, I can't. Yet. Right now it's Sirius-torment… but later shall come Remus-torment…
Kachi is my unofficial beta. ::glomps::
