Ned Flanders: Hi-diddly-ho, readeroonies! (looks around) Gosh, ya know, I think this story has too much swearing and violence.
Marq: Fuck you! (shoots him)
Flanders: My point exact-iddly-act-iddly! (coughs up blood, then dies)
Marq: I'd just like to thank everyone who made suggestions to the story. I have used some, and others...well...um...see ya! (runs away)
MY ANIMAL CROSSING LIFE
CHAPTER 6
(By the time Russell and Kapp'n arrive at Game Island, Kapp'n can't sing anymore, due to repeatedly being punched in the stomach)
Kapp'n: (wheezing) Ye scurvy barnacle...pant...ye can find yer own damn way back! (rowing back to shore)
Russell: Yeah, goodbye and good riddance!
(Russell chucks a piece of meat at Kapp'n's boat. A shark comes and bites the boat in half. Kapp'n swims frantically, but is pulled out to sea by riptide)
Kapp'n: Ye wee bastard!
(Russell walks over to the flag. After a few minutes, the flag has been replaced with a pair of soiled underpants)
Russell: What? Don't look at me, they're not mine!
(Russell wanders around a bit, catching insects and fish, and pissing off Rowan, the island resident. After all this, Russell sits on the dock and ponders over how to get back)
Russell: Aw, crap. Maybe I need to calm down...people will help me more if I do. (sees a ship with a drunken pelican as the captain) YO! Over here! Pick me up! I need a riiiide!
(A large rope is thrown in the general direction of the island. Russell grabs the rope and is pulled safely onto the poop deck.)
Russell: Eeeeeeeeeeeww! Those were new shoes, too!
Oliver: (dreadfully inebriated) Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! (falls down, then guzzles the remaining contents of his bottle) An' wut the fick ish yerrrr name?
Russell: Does it matter?
(Just then, a loud smashing was heard and Russell and Oliver blacked out. A few hours later, Russell woke up on Gameland's beach.)
Russell: Ow...that hurts like a beach...Where am I?
(I just told you.)
Russell: Something is telling me that I'm on Gameland's bitch...err...beach.
(Yeah, me!)
(Russell ignores the voice and looks around. He then sees Oliver fiddling with himself.)
Marq: (opens the office door) What the– dammit, Knuckles, you sicko! I told you to stay the hell out of my office! Don't mess with my stories!(sits down at the computer, then jumps up and runs after the echidna) And gimme back that fucking backspace key!
(Russell ignores the voice and looks around. He then sees Oliver unconscious, face-down in the sand. Russell rushes to his side, flips him over, and performs CPR.)
Oliver: (coughs) Oh...my head...HOLY SHIT! (jumps away from Russell) You...you kissed me! You sick pervert!
Russell: (clearly pissed) Is that the way you talk to someone who just saved your fucking LIFE? I'll admit, I'm not nice when I'm stressed or annoyed, but I could have let you just lie there and inhale the bloody sand!
Oliver: (gargling with sea water, then spits) Yuck! Now, can you say that again? I was cleansing my mouth after you fouled it!
Russell: You already have a FOWL mouth! And I don't even like birds! (a wicked smile suddenly crosses his face) And you know what else I hate?
Oliver: What?
Russell: Bird shit! They just let their crap drop wherever they please! A seagull ruined a tuxedo I was wearing a few months before I came here! And it was a rental! Now I'm gonna do something I always wanted to do...
Oliver: Oh, hell no...
(I'm not going into this with great detail, but for the next few minutes, Russell was having the time of his life, crapping on Oliver. After that, he used Oliver's hat to wipe his ass, then he went to bed.)
END OF DAY 1
