Shinji's POV:

Ayanami seemed like she was hiding something from me. I wanted to ask her to tell me what was worrying her so much, but I didn't have the heart to push her after seeing her cry like that. I did believe what she told me, but I couldn't get rid of the feeling that there was something wrong and she didn't want to tell me.

She was such a quiet person, and sometimes it gave the feeling that she would take any harm thrown at her and not blurt a single word. Was that ignorance or innocence? I didn't know myself. But what I could be sure was that no sane person could bear seeing her hurt. Her body might not be pure anymore but I didn't care.

Her heart was pure and that was all that mattered. I was glad that she agreed to come home with me. Misato's apartment had heating system and was a hundred times more comfortable than her own apartment. I really wanted to take care of her. I had to tell her my feelings soon. I wanted to make sure that she would be free from my father's inhuman ways. I wanted to be her knight.

When Asuka saw us enter the living room, her eyes widened and she looked very uncomfortable. I had always known that she didn't like Ayanami, but she did go to Ayanami's apartment to help her, right? Then why was her expression so strange? I let Ayanami sit down and went to the kitchen to fix some dinner. Misato was having nightshift today, so it saved me the effort of explaining things to her. I cooked some porridge. With Ayanami's current state, this was probably the most suitable meal for her. I could vaguely hear Asuka and Ayanami talking in the living room.

"…Shinji know…true origin…?"

"…haven't…him yet…"

"…deserves…know…you…selfish…"

"…don't…lose him…"

"…must…him know…sooner or later…"

"…just…tonight…feels…being loved…"

"…intend to do…?"

"……"

"……"

There was a long silence and I could feel the tension growing. I had heard that Asuka and Ayanami had had a fight in the elevator the other day, although I didn't see any injuries on Asuka and there had been a hand mark on Rei's cheek that day. If another fight broke out now, I don't know if I could stop them.

Luckily the porridge was ready and I called out to the two girls to come and have dinner. Both were looking moody when they came into the dining room, although with Ayanami it was hard to be certain. But surprisingly there was no tension or hostility. In fact, I could see a hint of concern on Asuka's face, and worry on Ayanami's face. I wonder what was going on between the two of them. Maybe it's the stress everyone's having these past few days.

We ate dinner quietly. Asuka would glance at me and Ayanami occasionally, whereas Ayanami just kept her head down and ate her porridge. Does Asuka know what Ayanami is trying to hide from me? I couldn't help but kept asking myself that question.

After dinner, Asuka just went back to her room. Ayanami helped me clean the plates. I told her to rest, but she said she wanted to stay close to me. It was great hearing her say that. Her arms brushed against mine occasionally and her skin felt so smooth. Taking a closer inspection at her, I noticed that she looked a lot like a mother.

I had no doubt that she would be a good mother one day. She would love her children very much. I felt my face heat up intensely when she turned around and stared at me curiously. I felt guilty for thinking such private thoughts about her. As if she had sensed my anxiety, she gave me a warm smile. No matter the circumstances, her smile would always calm me. I had decided to tell her that I love her. Exactly when I do not know, but I intend to tell her very soon.

After we were done with the plates, I took her to my bedroom and let her lay down on my bed. From under the bed, I pulled out another mattress for myself. And then I found myself sitting beside the bed and looking at her, admiring her beauty. It didn't hit me that I was staring at her until I noticed her blushing. With the moon light shining on her face, she looked like an angel. I mean those angels who have got white wings and come from heaven. Ayanami looked like one of them. Subconsciously, my hand reached up and brushed her hair aside and gently touched her face. She smiled again. I am in heaven!

"Ayanami…" I tried to open up a conversation, but I didn't know what to say. She didn't verbally answer me. Nevertheless, something told me that I had her attention anyway.

"There is something I've been wanting to tell you." I continued.

"What is it?" She asked me back. I wonder if this was a bad time to confess my feelings. She might not be ready to accept me after what my father had done. But maybe this would help her feel loved.

"I…I um…"

"……"

"I…I won't let him touch you again." The words died in my mouth, but what I told her was still true. I would never let my father come near her again.

She smiled and nodded her head.

"I promise." These two words were said with a slight edge. I wanted to kill him. I had never had any love for him. There was no love lost, but now I hated him even more. I recalled what I had done to the fourteenth angel. That was exactly what I wanted to do to him now. I want to mutilate him…slowly…

"Well then…goodnight Ayanami…" Not knowing what else to say, I decided to retire to my own mattress. But before I got up, her hand grabbed my sleeve and stopped me.

"Stay with me."

"Don't worry. I will be right here when you need my help."

"No, stay close to me."

"W-what do you mean?"

"Sleep with me."

There was a tickling sensation rising from my nose. I tried to fight back an unfamiliar urge. Ayanami was probably feeling scared. She probably did not know how to express herself properly since she rarely spoke.

"It's all right, Ayanami. I'll be sleeping right there. If you need any help, just call my name, all right?"

"Is it wrong for you to sleep on your own bed?"

"N-no…but…um…it might not be…appropriate?"

"Oh…" I was glad she understood, or else I didn't know how I would be able to go to sleep tonight. As I tried to move away from the bed, her grip on me tightened. Curiously, I looked at her.

"Ayanami?"

"I…I would like you to call me Rei…"

"Oh…ok…Rei." It was strange speaking her first name, but I think my tongue would get used to that.

"I insist." Rei said.

"Oh, ok. I will call you Rei from now on. And you can call me Shinji."

"No, I insist that you sleep by my side tonight." She continued.

I took a large gulp and the saliva almost choked me. With a firm grip, she started pulling me towards the bed. I was losing it. I guessed I couldn't resist, so I decided to give in to her request.

"All right…but we won't do anything else. We'll only sleep, ok?"

"And dream." Her words echoed inside my head as we lied down. Dream…perhaps Rei could only taste peace inside a dream world. I pitied her so much. Silently, I promised myself two things before darkness overtook my senses.

One, I will never let Rei be hurt again.

Two, Ikari will pay.


Rei's POV:

I brushed my hand along Shinji's face as I watched him sleep. He looked so peaceful. Shinji's heart was pure. He was kind and caring even to someone like me. In my mind, he was the most wonderful person in this world. If everyone was like him, there would be no war, no Eva; there would only be paradise.

Letting out a sigh, I couldn't deny that no matter how much our affection was to each other, he would still be considered as my half brother.

If he could choose, would he choose me or morals?

Shinji…would you still love me if you knew I am actually your half sister? Would you still love me if you knew I am part angel? You love me even though you know my body is not pure anymore. Would you be willing to go one step further and accept me for who I am?

Maybe he will…but not now…perhaps sometime in the distant future…

"Rei, what's wrong?" Shinji's voice woke me up from my thoughts. There were some water droplets on his face. I must have wakened him up.

"I'm sorry, did I wake you up?"

"What? Oh no…I just um…I had a bad dream, that's all." He lied.

I kept quiet.

"What's wrong, Ayanami? Are you all right?" There was concern in his voice.

I lied down beside him and put my arms around his neck. Resting my head on his chest, I could feel his heart beating. He had an arm around my shoulder. As I tried to snuggle closer to him, he pulled up the blanket and covered both our bodies.

"Shinji…why are you so kind to me?"

"Because I care…I…I…don't know…" Shinji stuttered.

"Am I worthy of your care?" Honestly, I knew the answer, but I wanted him to reassure me.

"What makes you say that?" He raised his eyebrow and looked at me directly in the eyes.

"Don't you think you deserve someone better?"

"No. I'm the lowliest life in this world." Shinji said. His words were familiar. I had said the same thing to myself dozens of times before.

"No. That would be me, Shinji."

"Please don't say that."

Silence…

"Rei, every human being is unique. Don't look down on yourself." Shinji continued. His words made me think. Every human is unique…but am I unique? I'm not just a normal human. Shinji is a human, he is unique too.

"Then why are you looking down on yourself?"

"……"

"Do you believe what you said, Shinji?" I continued to push for an answer.

Silence…

"I was a fool, Rei. I thought no one liked me." Shinji said after a long searching for his answer.

"……"

"I kept thinking about what I don't have. I never thought about what I have."

"What do you have?"

"I have you. And I have Asuka and Misato. I felt low and miserable because I thought I had no one. But I have people loving me all the time. I just never realised what I have."

"What do I have?" It was a curious question. I've always wondered if I had anything at all apart from my purpose.

"You have me, Rei. And maybe Asuka too. We care."

"But why do you care about me?"

"You don't always need a reason to care."

"What if you lost the ones you care?"

"Then…I…I would feel hurt…" Shinji said with a shaky voice.

"Then why do you still care? Aren't you afraid?"

Silence…

"Yes…but the memories will live on…it's better to love and lose, then never love…" I've heard that saying before, but I don't totally agree. That day when Shinji walked away from my apartment, leaving me behind to the darkness, I had experienced a pain so intense that not even the commander could inflict. I would have chosen never to love, rather than love and lose.

"Do you believe what you said, Shinji?"

"Yes I do."

I smiled. There was determination on his face. It doesn't matter if his thinking is different from mine. As long as he had the resolve, everything would be fine, and he would be happy. I just hope he would remember what he said…it's better to love and lose than never to love.

"Promise me never to look down on yourself, Rei. You're too kind and beautiful." Shinji continued as I kept silent.

"What if I'm not kind and beautiful? Should I look down on myself then?"

"No, someone care for you. It means you have a place in their hearts."

"Is that why you care for me, Shinji? Because you think I'm kind and beautiful?"

Shinji blushed and nodded his head.

"But that is not all. I wish to tell you that…I love you for who you are…" Shinji replied.

"You love me…for who I am?" I asked back. What does he mean by that?

"Yes…because you are Ayanami Rei…"

"Because I am Ayanami Rei…" I felt strange…but good. Ayanami Rei is an identity…my identity…

Shinji nodded his head again. His body felt so warm. I made myself comfortable as I snuggled closer to him.

"I love you too, Ikari Shinji."

With that, he smiled and drifted off to sleep. We stayed like that for a few hours. I had been awake all the time. I was afraid that if I went to sleep I would miss this last chance of knowing how it felt by being so close to him.

But content would not last for eternity. I had given myself a task and it was time I faced up to the commander. Slowly and carefully, I got up from bed and stood beside his bed, taking one last look at him. Shinji…

He was pure and kind. He would find love without me. I whispered a quiet thank you to him.

As if a force was in the work, I found myself being pulled slowly to him until I planted a soft kiss on his forehead. It hurt but now was not the time to let emotion get in the way. I have to be strong enough, or else I would not be able to defeat the commander and my purpose. I turned and left the room, never looking back again.

I was about to leave the apartment when I remembered her. She had showed me care when I needed it most. Asuka…maybe I should say something to her before I go. I turned around and walked towards Asuka's room. Quietly, my hands reached up and slid open her door, only to find her sleeping soundly.

Asuka…I can't help but wonder, what would have been if I was given the chance to further explore my feelings for her? Would I eventually become her friend? Or am I already her friend?

It doesn't really matter anymore. I had told her what the commander was trying to achieve, but to make sure that she didn't ignore her duty; I decided to leave her a note. Sitting down in the living room, I picked up a pen and a paper and wrote down what I had to tell Asuka. It was not long, but it was sufficient. I left the note on her study table and walked out of the apartment.

Shinji and Asuka, a lover and a friend…My mind kept playing images of them over and over again as I walked through the dark night towards the Nerv headquarters.