Authoress' Notes: Here's "Chuigi's Seriously Messed Up Mansion!" for ya. Enjoy and try not to relate to it. :P


Chuigi's Seriously Messed-Up Mansion!

Chapter 1: Night of the Drunken Bastards!


SETTING! It was Saturday night! Two brothers had nothing to do! There was unopened booze in the corner! DO THE MATH!

"Well..." Chuigi slurred, extremely wasted, "I'm extremely wasted! How 'bout you?" he asked Pikario, who just shrugged.

"I need too goe heet uhp sum cheeks!" His much more drunkenly brother somewhat replied!

"What you say?!" Chuigi asked.

"All your base are belong to us!" Pikario shouted randomly.

This is getting boring, so the phone rang! This gave Pikario & Chuigi bad headaches, 'cause they were drunk, so Chuigi politely answered it!

"WHAT THE FREAKIN' HELL DO YOU WANT?! I'M TRYING TO GET DRUNK AND HAVE A HANGOVER HERE!"

"Congratulations, Mr. Chuigi! You've won a mansion in a contest that you never even entered OR heard about! In fact, it was over with, like 60 years ago, before you were even born, but you still won!"

"AWESOME!" Chuigi shouted. Pikario, overhearing the phone, got suspicious and asked Chuigi a serious question of seriousness that either meant life or death!

"...Do we have to pay anything?!"

"NO!" the phone said! "Just come to the mansion in Forever Forest and whoever gets here first, gets a free hot prostitute to play with!"

"SSSSSSAH-WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Pikario & Chuigi shouted, as they ran out the door and into the conveniently-placed Forever Forest!

Unfortunately, Chuigi remembered that he forgot to hang up the phone and went back to do so because their phone bills were murder and he wasn't about to give up his Playboy magazines for something like THAT!

Obviously, Pikario got to the mansion first and he was still drunk, so the freaky-looking mansion looked like a palace to him! Running up to the door, he looked around for a hot prostitute, or at least Peach; either was fine with him!

"Hey! Where's my free prostitute?! I got here first and I didn't even cheat! Chuigi chickened out! The bastard..."

All of a sudden, a bunch of Boos came out and grabbed the very inebriated Pikario, carrying him off to places unknown!

"Ah, 'tis of the coolness! I'm getting kidnapped by DEAD prostitutes! This night just keeps getting better and better!" Pikario exclaimed as he was, uh... STOLEN!

An hour later, Chuigi finally arrived at the freaky-ass mansion because he had passed out after trying to drink 5 bottles of booze at once on his way there!

"Pikario!" he shouted, looking and listening for Pikario to be yelling at the prostitute about how skunks need love too and that government is run by evil monkeys with technology beyond our comprehension! When he heard nothing, he stormed into mansion and threw the doors open! And said...

"THE GOVERNMENT HAS BEEN TAKEN OVER BY NINTENDO EXACTLY 55 TIMES, AND YOU KNOW IT, PIKARIO! WE WERE THERE!"

After his brother didn't respond with something like, 'It was all Kirby's fault! He told me wasn't a virgin!', he knew something was wrong!

"Aw, crap!" So, Chuigi ran upstairs! But the door was locked...

"Time to take drastic ACTION!" he shouted as he knocked the door down! "Now, where the hell are you, Pikario?! I wanna vandalize this place, then come back in the morning and kick myself for doing that to a free mansion that I inexplicably won in a contest that was held way back when there probably was no such thing as contests!"

All of a sudden, an ORANGE Haunter came up! And ORANGE pisses Chuigi off cause he hates Halloween, cause he's tried of kids coming to his door, asking him for candy that he bought for himself! So, once again, he took DRASTIC ACTION!

"SO, YOU THINK YOU CAN LOVE ME AND LEAVE ME TO DIE?! Chuigi questioned the Haunter, who sweatdropped.

"What?!" It SAID!

Just then, Chuigi began singing the Ghostbusters' theme song and this made the Haunter mad, so he pulled out the one thing the Chuigi was afraid of...

"N-N-N-NOT PANTYHOSE!!!! THOSE THINGS ARE EVIL! ALL UNDERWEAR IS EVILLLLLLLLLLLL!!!! And gay people, too!" Chuigi howled, as the Haunter began to threaten him with the pantyhose of fear and he backed into the wall!

Just as the Haunter was about to force the pantyhose onto Chuigi in an embarrassing fashion, he was pulled by a... SPINDA WITH A VACCUUM! HALLELUJAH!

"Ooh, a penny!" the Spinda exclaimed, as he idiotically let go of the vacuum AND the Haunter to pick up a freakin' penny!

"Damn! Look what you did, you ass!" Chuigi yelled, as three more Haunters appeared! "Forget this! I'm outta here!" And so, Chuigi bolted out the door with the Spinda and his NEW PENNY behind!

Upon reaching outside, Chuigi ran to the nearest house (a shack!) and slammed the door behind him, locking the 1 cent richer Spinda out!

"Hey! Lemme in! This is MY house! I need to pay the rent and with this penny, now I can, so let me in or else this place'll be repossessed!"

Chuigi opened the door and poked his head out. "Really?"

"NO!" The Spinda charged in and locked himself in with a pissed off Pichu!

"Hey! Are you the prostitute?! Cause I can sue you for being a guy and for the deception of an infantile mind!" Chuigi remarked.

"No, I'm Professor E. Gadd!"

"EGAD!" Chuigi said, sarcastically!

"Anyway, your brother's in that mansion, which is haunted by dead Pokemon ghosts and you have to save him from the ghosts and catch them in this contraption; the Poltergeist 3000, which will catch the sprits for you and save yo' brudda and we'll all be happy!"

"Feh!" Chuigi spat. "First off, I don't want to save Pikario! He's a pain in the ass! Second, I need his insurance money! I got bills! Third, dis be muh turf now, so I can do what I want! AND you're trespassing!"

"I still have the deed to this shack, so I'm not breaking any rules! Plus, if you really want some cash, that mansion is chock full of it!"

"I thought you said it was haunted!"

"It is, but ghosts need money, too! So they can... uh...pay people to mess up their house?" E. Gadd lied!

Chuigi scratched his chin and smiled! "You know, that sounds just crazy enough to work! Just imagine; 100 bucks for each ghost I find! I could be a millionaire by morning and I'm still not 100 percent sober, so I'll be 10 times as fun!"

E. Gadd sweatdropped. "Yeah, let's go with that..."

"I'LL DO IT!" So, Chuigi grabbed the Poltergeist 3000 and ran off into mansion, not knowing anything about the vacuum, but then again, he was still drunk, so he probably never would've understood how to use it anyway!

E. Gadd shook his head. "Oh, well." Going back into the shack, he opened his closet door and a prostitute Jolteon steeped out!

"Are they gone?" she asked.

"Yep!"

(TO BE CONTINUED!)

And the moral of this chapter is: If you ever see a prostitute, for the love of God, please shoot it!


Authoress' Notes: So, uh, that's the end, I guess! Of this chapter, anyway, R&R please, but due to the strict ruling, I don't think I can answer them in the story anymore.