Authoress' Notes: Meh. Nothing much to say except I'm thinking of a new Kirby fic to write. Praise the stars.
Chuigi's Seriously Messed-Up Mansion!
Chapter 4: Wherefore Art Thou, Boolossus?
Hooray! We're on Area 3 now! This is where the real shit happens! ...then again, crap like this has been going on all night, in Chuigi's case... Either way, Chuigi took the big-ass green key and opened the door at the end of Area 2!
Area 3!
Teh Courtyard!
Chuigi saw a water fountain and got some water! Then, he, like went over to the next door, only to find it was locked!
"Damn it! Where's the fucking key?" Chuigi grumbled, kicking a shack, causing the door to fly open! And a Shroomish was in there!
"Chuigi!" the mushroom whined again!
"What? Why the hell do you guys keep following me?" Chuigi demanded, holding the P-3000 in a threat!
"Eh? What? We're not stalking you! It's not my fault that I got locked in here because I saw Pikario trapped down in the well and I also saw that he dropped some of his items all around the house and that you have one, which is his hat, and he also dropped a whole shitload of other stuff and I didn't pick them up because I was too lazy, so get your ass down that fucking well and suffer, before the plot twist runs out!" Shroomish spilled out the beans, but Chuigi had already left, tired of his ramblings! He went into the well to look for the key!
Teh Well... OF DOOOOOOOOOOOM!
"Fucking Shroomish... damn them all! Why won't they leave me alone?" Chuigi grumbled, looking around for a key!
"...what the hell? You bastard! You can't do that!" Pikario's voice could be heard from the next room!
Chuigi's ears perked up! "What?"
He soon found a small hole in the well, leading into some other room that he had never seen before! Chuigi was just small enough to fit through! Looking around, he saw Pikario in painting and King Boo hovering beside him... and they were both playing Super Smash Bros. Melee!
Pikario threw his controller down! "Damn it! You can't do that! It was my turn!"
King Boo frowned. "The hell it was! You don't take turns on this game!"
Pikario was about to retort, but he then saw Chuigi's head poking through the wall! "Chuigi!"
King Boo turned around! "What? Hey, you're not supposed to be in here yet!"
"Shit!" So, Chuigi ran away, somehow finding a key and going back into the house!
Teh Rec Room!
Chuigi shook his head. "So, that's where Pikario is... Hmmm, I'll make sure not to go there!"
"Silence, you little mousy thing! I'm trying to work, here!" Biff Atlas barked from across the room!
"Who're you calling little?" Chuigi kicked Biff in the nuts, then sucked him up, getting a key, a Boo, and a DVD player!
Teh Hallway!
Chuigi went upstairs to do more shit! Upon arriving, he saw yet another door on fire! He had some water in the P-3000, so he put it out and went in!
Teh Tea Room!
Chuigi looked around in the room, sucked up some ghosts, a Boo, and some evil, possessed dishes! He then accidentally stepped on some switch got got him upside on the ceiling! Once again, Chuigi was unphased, as he figured it was another one of his drinking spells coming back to get him! Either way, he got the Ice Elemental Medal thingy!
"Hey, Chuigi! You can set stuff on ice now! COOOOOOOOOL!" E. Gadd called, then left!
Chuigi sighed. "Now what the hell can I do with a bunch of ice?"
Teh Bathroom!
After sucking some stupid evil-hugging Duskulls, Chuigi notcied that there was a very sexy woman WITH BIG BOOBS taking a shower! The only thing keeping Chuigi from seeing her delightful chest was some wimpy shower curtain. Destroying it couldn't be easier; too bad Chuigi never figured out that if something's too good to be true, it usually is.
Chuigi pulled back the curtain with the P-3000, ready for some boobage, only to be drenched by a Blastoise's Hydro Pump. Most disappointing.
Chuigi shook the water off in a rage. "What the hell?"
"How dare you, you dirty little rat, you? A pervert, that's what you are!" the Blastoise, Miss Petunia lectured, making Chuigi more annoyed.
"Pervert? THAT'S AN INCOMPLETE INSULT!" Chuigi barked.
KSDLFHNVOOMGTEHPWNAGELOLOLOLGFMJEIPHUBMTKIJDFG! Chuigi sucked her up after icing her down, took the pearls, the key, and a douchebag he found in the sink.
Teh Evil Room of Nana the Crazed Wobbuffet!
For some reason or other, Chuigi went into Teh Evil Room of Nana the Crazed Wobbuffet. This could be very good or very bad, depending on how you look at it. Unfortunately, in this case, it's very bad.
Chuigi ignored the evil rocking chair in the middle of the room, assuming it was the ever loving-booze again. Instead, he took a look at the nearby yarn on a table. Ha ha! "Took" and "look" both rhyme! Ha ha! I'm freaked out now.
The very second Chuigi touched the yarn balls, they all rolled off and the madness BEGAN! WAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Nana stopped knitting and perked up! "Whuh? Eh? MY BALLS!"
Chuigi started laughing and pointed at the evil Wobbuffet, who was appearently evil. "HAHAHAHA! You're a woman and you said 'balls'! ...wait, are you a lesbo?"
Nana was outraged. "WHAT?
Chuigi was confused! "What?"
Irritated, Nana decided to start up her evil rocking chair of doom and chase after Chuigi to punish him for what he did to her 'balls'! Too bad the chair was put in 'Netrual', so all it did was crash into the wall for some reason. Chuigi used this to his advantage and sucked her up, along with her pearls, the next key and her purse that was on the table. If you're going to be unoriginal, steal stuff from old ladies!
Teh Astral Hall!
Seeing he missed a room, Chuigi made his way to the Astral Hall, killed some ghosts for the 57,489th time, and did some shit that eventually led him into the other room. Let's all do the Chicken Dance!
Teh Observatory!
Upon walking into the messed up room, Chuigi saw nothing but a very exspenive-looking telescope! And that's a bad thing, too...
Chuigi turned the thing over! "Sweet! I can sell this on the Black Market for, like, 85,598,985,895 dollars and no one would notice!"
Just as Chuigi knocked down the telescope, the wall on the right disappeared and was replaced by the universe, rainbows, and singing bottles of alcohol! Then, an extremely milky Milky Way made a trail all the way to a cut-in-half moon with a red box on it!
"I really need to cut back on the drinking..." Chuigi muttered, riding an evil, mallet-swinging penguin to the moon!
Once he got there, he opened it up to find the rest of Pikario's items: a broken bottle of booze, a well-used condom, his Nintendo DS, and a 13-day old slice of pizza. Along with his hat, that was all of Pikario's lost items! How wonderful! Yeah, right...
Teh Billards Room!
Trudging back through the house, Chuigi ended up in teh Billards Room, which was bad for him, since he hated pool, the water kind and the game kind. Nonetheless, there was a Golduck ghost guy playing the idiotic game as Chuigi walked in.
The Golduck, Slim Bankshot, waved his stick... thing around in a threat. "You want some of this?"
"No," Chuigi plainly said, sucking him up. He got the goods and moved on!
Teh Projection Room!
Chuigi was very annoyed at himself. Why did he even go into this room? There was nothing to get and a shitload of ghosts out to get him! The point of the room soon became clear as Chuigi defeated the beings from beyond and turned on the projector movie thingy. Getting out some strangely-placed popcorn, he sat down and watched "Scary Movie 2" and had fun! Yay!
Teh Twins' Room!
About 2 hours later, Chuigi had finished watching the movie and was now in teh Twins' Room! Oh joy!
"This room totally sucks," Chuigi spat, looking at the kiddie toys and the bed. "Probably isn't shit in here!"
Just then, the Twins with no name appeared!
"What do you mean our room sucks?" one demanded.
"Our room rules!" the other said.
Chuigi shrugged. "It sucks. You guys don't even have a GameCube! Now, THAT'S stupid! And I mean that in a bad way."
"Shut up and play with us!" the 2 said, hiding in some GameCubes that magically appeared in the room!
Chuigi turned on 2 random GameCubes, finding both of the Twins!
One of them got mad! "Hey, I think this guy is cheating!"
"Let's kill him and eat his spleen!" the other growled.
"...or we can just kill him," the other suggested.
"Okay," the other agreed.
So the strange, little Twins decided to attack Chuigi with a car! This didn't work, of course, because the car was out of gas! So, they tried to kill him with an airplane! But that didn't work either because neither one of them knew how to fly it, so they ended up crashing into the wall and knocking themselves out! Chuigi sucked them up, along with their car, airplane, some cash, and the 3 remaining GameCubes!
Teh Fortune-Teller's Room
Seeing as he hadn't gotten his revenge on Madame Clairvoya yet, he took a trip back to her room!
Clairvoya saw him and instantly got pissed! "Do you have your brother's shit yet?"
Chuigi threw Pikario's shit all the table! "You want it? Here!"
Clairvoya sat up! "What the hell? I don't want this junk!"
"Too bad, now die!" Chuigi pulled out the P-3000 and squirted Clairvoya with the wettest water anywhere! ...or whatever...
"YOU LITTLE BRAT! I WAS GOING TO TELL YOU WHERE YOUR BROTHER WAS!" Clairvoya spat, soaked.
"I already know, but I wish I didn't!" Chuigi retorted.
Yadda, yadda, yadda! Chuigi finally got his revenge and sucked up and captured Madame Clairvoya! Yay for him and his suckiness stuff!
Teh Safari Room!
Chuigi had to admit that he was getting tired of walking all over the house, but if it meant getting rid of a hangover that might eventually kill him, then it was well worth it! Finding teh Safari Room, Chuigi was starting to think that there was a fucking room for fucking everything! Who the hell would waste their time going out on a safari anyway? This is the future and 999999.9 percent of the people reading this are not in Africa! Chuigi did what he had been doing all night; suck up the randomly-placed ghosts, get some moolah, a Boo, and a key to teh Balcony!
Teh Balcony!
Chuigi's GBH went absolutely mad as he got to teh Balcony. Finally getting there, he saw why, too. There were 15 Boos all holding hands and going around in a circle, or something! It kinda looked like a retarded game of Ring Around the Rosy, or maybe it was some kind of gothic cult... Chuigi didn't know, or care!
"Hey, look! It's Chuigi!" one Boo said.
Chuigi rolled his eyes. "How come everytime I see you guys, someone has to say that?"
The Boos all looked at one another! "We don't know!"
Chuigi sweatdropped. "That's just fucking great..."
"Who cares about that? Boos, let us assume our REAL form and make Chuigi wet himself with fear!" the head Boo shouted.
"I have a paticularly strong bladder, you know!" Chuigi informed the Boos, who obviously didn't care!
By this time, the Boos has becme Boolossus! He was a big-ass, scary, giant Boo that would kill Chuigi not by Licking him to death, or using Destiny Bond or something on him, but by bouncing aroung like a retard in an attempt to squish him... Now, Boos are cute and all, but that's just plain stupid...
"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Boolossus laughed, bouncing around randomly, "Chuigi will die tonight and we will feast on his appendix, which is a vestigial structure! MWAHAHAHAHA!"
Chuigi sat beside one of the conveniently-placed Rapidash statues that were frozen somehow, waiting for Boolossus to pop himself on it like the idiot he was! It didn't take him very long to do so and Chuigi got all the Boos but one! SHOWDOWN TIME!
The Boo hovered around. "Well, it looks like it's just you and me now..."
Chuigi spit on a Rapidash staue. "Yep."
Then the two decided to charge at one another to see who wasthe strongest, once and for all! Chuigi had his P-3000 ready, while the Boo licked out his tongue dangerously! They got closer... and closer...
AND CLOSER...
THEN...
Chuigi sucked up the Boo. Simple, huh?
Chuigi also defeated the third boss with much ease and got the Blue Key for Area 4! Then, E. Gadd called!
"Good work, Chuigi! Now, it's time to come back so we can talk about shit!"
Back in the shack, Chuigi played Paper Mario: TTYD and defeated the last boss! Wow, what an honor!
"Way to go, Chuigi," E. Gadd said. "Now only one Area is left and then you can save your brother!"
"More like save myself..." Chuigi muttered.
Teh Secret Chamber of Secretness!
Pikario glared at King Boo
King Boo glared back!
Pikario glared at King Boo
King Boo glared back!
Pikario glared at King Boo
King Boo glared back!
Pikario glared at King Boo
King Boo glared back!
Pikario blinked!
King Boo laughed! "MWAHAHAHAHA! I win! I am the staring contest master!"
Pikario rubbed his eyes. "No fair, damn it! You cheated!"
"No, I didn't!"
"Yes, you did!"
"No, I didn't!"
"Yes, you did!"
"No, I didn't!"
"Yes, you did!"
"No, I didn't!"
"Yes, you did!"
Authoress' Notes: Gyah! I don't think I did very well in this Chapter, mostly because this is the point where the game gets ridiculously tedious. After Area 4 next chapter, the story will be over, but not before a random plot twist! Stay tuned to see if Chuigi saves his brother or suffers from an evil hangover! BTW, Scary Movie 2 is only good when it's uncensored, so guess which one Chuigi saw...
