Or not.
Wh-what's goin' on? I'm dead, ain't I?
Omigod, am I in Hell?
Wherever Ben was, it seemed to be a universe made up entirely of pain...and jostling that made the pain worse...and worst of all, pressure on his throat. Pressure that was cutting off his supply of the air he'd thought a dead man wouldn't need.
Hell? Was Justin able to drag me down with him? An eternity o' torture...
He fought, illogically, to breathe. And his muddled brain somehow recognized the illogic. His thought processes were slow, as labored as his breathing; but he sensed they were taking him in the right direction.
I ain't dead.
Not quite.
I'm hurt bad, an'...
An'...
An' someone's tryin' to finish me off.
Someone's chokin' me...
Killin' me.
He didn't really care. He was too exhausted, in too much pain, to care. Hadn't he expected, all along, to be killed after he took out the Usher?
He just couldn't suppress the reflex that kept him struggling to breathe. Prolonging his agony.
His mind served up more explanations of what was probably happening.
The jostlin'...I'm in some kind o' movin' vehicle. Layin' on my back.
Justin's men...found me...tossed me in a cart...
If they were gonna kill me, why didn't they do it before they put me in the cart?
Oh! They thought I was dead! Someone just noticed I wasn't.
Ridiculously, under the circumstances, he felt a surge of pride at having figured that out.
Coming closer to full consciousness, he succeeded in opening his eyes. But the shock of the strangulation was making them water, and he saw only a blur before the lids dropped shut again.
What's takin' this guy so long? It ain't decent! He tried to struggle, but found himself too weak to manage anything more than a feeble flapping of his hands. At his sides - he couldn't lift his arms.
He knew his sense of the passage of time was probably distorted. But even so, he believed he was right in thinking the person choking him wasn't very strong. If he'd had even a fraction of his normal strength, he could have fought him off.
Dammit, this ain't a dignified way to die...
But at last, he was dying. He was seeing stars...consciousness fading again, yet he felt his back arch as his body fought to live...
And then a thought struck him, crashing into his mind like a tidal wave.
Someone who ain't very strong...my God, what if it's Justin? They put us both in the damn cart, neither of us was quite dead - an' he's still weak, but he's come back enough to have another chance to win?
It can't be. It can't!
He forced his eyes open again, blinking frantically to clear them. He had to see his killer!
The face came into focus.
And even as he heard the death rattle in his throat, Ben tried to scream.
He fought desperately, ignoring his pain, calling up the last iota of a Prophet's strength to cling to consciousness, to writhe and kick and claw at his attacker. No, no, nooo! I mustn't die this way! Please, God, anythin' but this. Anythin' but this!
Real tears were blinding him now. The hands tightened on his throat, and he knew his struggles were of no avail.
He knew, too, that he could save himself by saying one word. A single word! But he couldn't force out even a squawk.
And then...the moving vehicle stopped.
Not a normal stop, but the jolting stop that occurs when brakes are slammed on by a driver reacting to an emergency. Ben's attacker involuntarily let go of him. Ben was wracked by spasms of pain - but he gulped in a breath, then deliberately rolled off what he now knew was a bed.
Hitting the floor gave him a new introduction to what pain really was. But it bought him the extra moments he needed, as the would-be killer lunged for him. He gathered his strength, and somehow made his raw throat produce that all-important word.
"Ruthie!"
x
x
x
His attacker paused. Faltered. Fingers inches from his throat...
And then the silvery film over her eyes dissolved, and it was Ruthie's own brown eyes that blinked once - then widened in horror. She let out a shriek. "Ben? Ben! Oh my God, what did I do? What did I do? I hurt you worse than you were hurt before -"
" 'S all right..." Ben didn't know which of them was trembling more violently. But he could see that the woman kneeling beside him was on the verge of hysteria, so he kept whispering in his raspy voice, trying to calm her. "I'll be okay. I know it warn't you, it was Lodz."
Had to be Lodz, but how could it be?
He heard men's voices. They were yelling at each other, somewhere outside the trailer...whichever trailer it was.
What the hell's goin' on? Glad they're makin' enough noise that no one noticed Ruthie screamin'. But I can't let myself pass out now, I can't.
Ruthie was shaking her head. "My fault, my fault." Between sobs, she choked out, "Lodz has been doin' things to me...I knew that...but I thought he could only get at me when I was asleep. I never woulda volunteered to sit here with you if I thought there was any danger. An' I didn't fall asleep, I didn't! He took me while I was awake!" With that, she broke down completely.
Ben was stunned. Lodz has been "doin' things"? Possessin' her? Shit, that ain't her fault, it's mine! It's gotta have somethin' to do with my exchangin' Lodz's life for hers.
While he was trying to absorb that revelation, he realized he was lying in a spreading pool of blood. "Ruthie? I think...I'm bleedin'..."
She pulled herself together, looked at him, and gasped. "Your wound has opened again!"
She leapt to her feet and he lost sight of her. Too weak to lift his head, he panicked. Ruthie? Where are you? Don't leave me...I was lyin' about bein' okay, I'm gonna bleed to death...
Ruthie?
Oh God, was she scared away by the sight o' that creepy blue blood? I want her with me!
Then he heard her voice, which still sounded anguished. "Just lie still an' rest. I'm gettin' more first aid supplies."
She apparently only had to go a few steps to get them; she was back in seconds. But badly as he needed help, when she dropped to her knees, he found himself whispering, "D-don't touch me..."
She drew back, with a stricken look on her face. "I understand," she said meekly. "I'll get someone else."
"No! You don't understand. Lemme think for a second."
He'd acquired so much information in recent weeks - from his boon, and from Belyakov's books - that he couldn't keep it all straight. Especially in his current weakened state.
Will she be in danger if we touch? Can my self-healin' cut in an' draw on her for life-force if I don't want it to?
Didn't happen when she was chokin' me. But in a way, that was Lodz, an' he's already dead.
Plenty o' people musta touched me, just to get me back to the carnival. But I was unconscious then. I don't think self-healin' can start when an Avatar's unconscious...
Wait. Belyakov was always in need o' healin'. But he was able to touch me to give me a vision. An' Scudder - he touched him without takin' life-force or doin' any self-healin'.
We were Avatars. But he musta touched Lodz too, when he restored his vision!
So it's safe.
He looked up at the white-faced Ruthie and whispered, "Okay. Help me...please?"
x
x
x
He closed his eyes and tried to relax while she put pressure on the abdominal wound, brought the bleeding under control - somehow - and applied a fresh bandage. But he couldn't stop trembling. If this ain't killed me yet, does it mean it ain't goin' to? I know Prophets are hard to kill. But...will the damn thing ever heal, without use o' my powers?
"Ruthie?" he whispered.
"Yeah? I'm here." Her voice was steady now, as were her hands.
"Why didn't I die in that cornfield? Shoulda bled to death then..."
"You passed out, face down, on top o' the preacher's body, remember? You'd lost a lot o' blood before that. But it didn't get any worse, 'cause you were pressed against him an' that just about stopped the bleedin'." She made a derisive sound. "In a way, he saved your life."
"Oh." He tried to smile. "Ruthie?"
"Yeah?"
"There's somethin' I gotta tell you. About Lodz..."
She said calmly, "You killed him?"
His eyes flew open. "Yeah. But how did you -"
"Lila's been tellin' people that. God knows how she knew. But I suspected it all along. The snake that bit me was in a bag o' clothes Lila mended for me. I was sure Lodz was behind it, an' I thought you mighta figured it out too.
"Besides, the next time I saw you, you'd got a different shirt, after bein' stuck with the same one for months. I guessed you'd scrapped the old one 'cause it had blood on it."
Ben thought that over. "You were right. But there's more to it." Like the fact that I strangled him. "I gotta tell you..." But he was worn out. He mumbled, "When I'm stronger, okay?"
"O' course. But don't feel you have to." Then she said tentatively, "I've done all I can with the bandagin'. Do you think that if I help you, you can get back up on the bed? You'd be more comfortable -"
He knew he couldn't do it. "Uh, I just wanna lay here an' rest a while." He was sure now that "here" was the floor of Belyakov's old cubby in the Management trailer. And Samson wasn't around because he always rode in the lead truck with Jonesy. "Any idea why we're stopped? What the problem is?" The agitated voices outside hadn't died down.
"Jesus. I've been so worried about you that it never occurred to me we should be movin'." Ruthie still sounded so anxious that he felt guilty about staying on the floor. "One o' the vehicles musta hit another," she guessed. "No big deal. Can I get you anythin', Ben?"
"Water, please?" He couldn't remember ever having been so thirsty.
"Why didn't I think o' that? 'Course you need fluids, after losin' all that blood. Right away!"
She knelt beside him again to give him the water, and carefully lifted his head. He suppressed a shudder as he thought of Justin doing the same thing, with very different intent.
Don't dwell on that. It's over.
Unless Justin had an evil son that I don't know about, I'm the only Avatar still alive. Does that mean the war's over, at least for me? To be carried on by Creatures o' Light an' Darkness who ain't even been born yet?
I was a fool. I thought I could protect Ruthie by stayin' away from her, an' all I did was "protect" myself from learnin' that an enemy was hurtin' her. Almost got myself killed, an' left her with a memory that coulda drove her as crazy as my grandma.
Now that I know what's goin' on, I can deal with Lodz. My mistake was stayin' away from Ruthie. The real danger is over. At the cost, maybe, o' my health bein' shot, but...
As she took the cup away from his lips and gently laid his head down, he looked up at her and whispered, "Ruthie..."
Their eyes met.
He saw hers widen, disbelief giving way to wonderment and then, slowly, to ecstasy, as she realized he wanted exactly what she did.
She dropped down beside him, and they shared a long, tender kiss.
They were still kissing when the trailer door burst open. A familiar voice yelled, "Ruthie!" And then, in astonishment, "What the hell's goin' on here?"
