Shinji's POV:

Some people believe that just before you die, you see your life flashing before your eyes.

And somehow, I knew, that this walk to my father's office would be my last. Without Rei, there just seemed to be no reason to live anymore. And I didn't deserve to live after what I had done. I would take his life, and then my own. This was the decision I made. The many pathways in the Nerv complex reminded me of the choices we had to make in real life. It reminded me of the one mistake that brought me here today. Tears would never be enough to show how I felt.

It was night time, but the complex seemed full of noises. Everywhere I went, there were murmurs. The employees would cast strange looks at me, and whispered to their colleagues quietly. Others would look at my sympathetically and shake their heads. There was an air of uncertainties looming. It was so thick that even I could tell. People were becoming restless with their gossips.

I was stopped halfway through a corridor when someone called out my name from the back.

"Shinji! Shinji!" It was Maya, and behind her were the technicians Makoto and Shigeru.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Shinji, we…um…we were just wondering about what you said…"

"I do not tell lies. Every single word I said was true."

"Oh…it's just that everyone's been talking about it…"

"Ritsuko made the pills, and my father used them to blackmail Rei. It is as simple as that."

"But I know Ritsuko! She would never do anything like that!" Maya shot back. My hand reached into my pocket and took out Rei's bottle of pills. I then gave it to Maya.

"Here, take this. These belonged to Rei. Do a test on them, and see what they are. You can also visit Rei's apartment. The stains are still there. See the truth for yourself."

"Shinji…I…"

"When you see the truth, when you have to make a choice between what is right and what is easy, remember Rei. Remember what happened to her."

I walked away as soon as I finished the sentence, leaving the three technicians behind. Mentioning Rei's name was so painful. It brought tears to my eyes, but instead of wiping them away, I let them fall down my cheek as I stared forward. The whispers grew louder as I walked through several crowds of NERV staffs. There was no shame in letting them see my tears, if it would make them start to believe.

Soon, I arrived at my father's office. My hand reached up and turned the doorknob, opening it to reveal the gigantic room. Everything looked so dark even though one side of the walls was entirely made of glasses. As I stepped inside, I noticed the strange drawings on the ceiling and on the floor.

"What business do you have here?" My father said, ignoring the fact that I hadn't knocked on the door before coming in. Sub-commander Fuyutsuki was standing behind him.

"Revenge," As soon as I said the word, I took out my gun, aimed at him and fired a shot. A scream rang out as it hit him on the shoulder, knocking him off the chair. The alarm was sounded immediately. Fuyutsuki unleashed his gun and pointed it at me.

"Shinji!! What are you doing?!"

"This is for Rei you fucking monster!!!" I shouted and ran towards my father's desk. The man was hiding behind it and I had to get nearer if I wanted to finish him off. It was then a shot fired in the air and made me stopped running.

"Calm down Shinji! Think for yourself! This isn't worth it!" Fuyutsuki shouted. When I took another step forward, he pointed his gun at me menacingly and said firmly, "I warn you Shinji."

"He deserves it! He's nothing but a beast! He's a coward!"

Fuyutsuki just shook his head, "Don't take another step forward, Shinji."

"Let me kill him please! Let me kill him and then you can do whatever you want with me!"

We stood there silently staring at each other. Tension began to grow uncomfortably. I was so close to finishing him off. The only noise breaking the silence was my father's wailing of pain from behind the desk. I still couldn't get near him, and soon rushed footsteps could be heard from behind. The security guards had arrived and they were all pointing their guns at me.

"Put your weapon down slowly and lay your hands above your head!" The captain called out.

I was so close…I was so close to killing him. There was only a steel desk separating him from me. This was probably my only chance. He would have me executed for trying to murder him anyway. If I had to die, I would bring him down with me. So without any hesitance, I aimed my Desert Eagle at the desk and emptied my rounds into it, hoping that the bullets would penetrate the metal and finish off my father.

"AAHH !!! AAHH!!! AAHH!!!"

The coward let out a scream every time I fired a shot, but in the end, none of them managed to hit him. I half expected myself to be blown by a rain of bullets by now, and as I thought of my own failure, trails of tears streaked down my face. Closing my eyes, I dropped the gun and mouthed a silent sorry to Rei, but instead of bullets, I only felt something sharp hit my shoulder.

My legs suddenly felt wobbly and when I opened my eyes again, the world seemed to be spinning. Everything faded slowly after that and before I realised what had happened, I fell to the ground and lost consciousness.

Everything seemed so dark. It felt as if I was swimming in space. Why was I such a failure? Why couldn't I even protect Rei from harm? Why did I keep breaking my promises over and over again? Why was I so afraid of reality? Why was I always running away? Why couldn't I avenge Rei's death? Why was I so useless? Why couldn't I just die? I'm so sorry, Rei. I've let you down…

After what felt like eternity, I found myself waking up on a pile of straws. My mouth was very dry and my eyes hurt. My hand reached for my shoulder to feel for the spot where the tranquilizer had hit earlier. It had become numb. Taking a look around, I realised that I was in some sort of cell. Three walls were made from solid wall; the other one was consist of steel bars standing close to each other.

The atmosphere was slightly damp and there was a very awful smell. It reminded me of a dead rat I once found inside Misato's kitchen. To me, this looked like a prison, and I was not the only one being locked up in here. Just opposite mine was another cell, and inside it was a blonde woman still dressed in her lab coat.

"Finally woke up, eh?" She said.

"Ritsuko?"

"Ritsuko…I would have expected you to call me a whore…"

This was followed by a long silence. This place was dimly lit, but still bright enough for me to recognise every structure. I tried to look hopelessly for a way out, but needless to say, I could find none. The doctor was just sitting there looking at me with an amused look on her face. What she did was disgusting, but for some reasons I couldn't hate her. To me, everything was my father's fault. I sat back down after a while.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, breaking the silence.

"Me? I killed the clones, remember?"

"Oh…I see…so my father found out it was you…"

"No…he didn't, I told him. I told him in his face!" Ritsuko spat with a hoarse voice. It was clear that she hated my father as much as I did, but for a different reason.

"I see…how long have you been here?"

"Shortly before the sixteenth Angel attacked."

"What? That…that means my father knew the clones were destroyed when I arrived at the command centre!!! Then…then why did he let Rei die?"

"You don't think very often, do you?"

"It…it doesn't make sense…"

"There are two reasons. Reason number one, your father wanted Rei to die."

"W-what?"

"Don't you see? Don't you get it? Why was the sound system damaged? It wasn't the maintenance's fault, this much I can tell you."

"You…you mean…?"

"Yes Shinji…yes…Your father sabotaged it. Of course, that wouldn't be enough to kill Rei, so he did another trick."

"The Eva…It's the Eva! Asuka wasn't able to synch with her Eva! Neither was I!"

"Getting smarter, aren't we? Yes, you're correct. Gendo rewrote the formula of Unit-01 and Unit-02, so that you couldn't move your Eva, but was still aware of what was happening outside. He isn't stupid, however. You father had the old formulas ready in the Magi, so that he could key in the reactivation sequence to your Eva instantaneously, in case Rei decided her life was too precious to be wasted."

Her last sentence angered me, but what she said made sense. I kept silent and looked away from her. There were a lot of questions I wanted to ask, but couldn't bring myself to do so. We stayed like this for a while before she decided to add.

"I heard you managed to activate your Eva nonetheless…in that case, Shinji, you almost thwarted his plan."

"What do you mean? Why would my father want to do that?"

"Don't you see now? Shinji? Don't you understand your father's plan? He wanted you and Asuka to witness Rei's death. Your father knew Rei would sacrifice herself when she saw you there, immobile and defenceless, vulnerable to the Angel's attack."

"But…but why? Why? I-I don't understand…"

"It all started with the Dead Sea Scrolls, Shinji. Before your mother died, Gendo was a very religious man. He believed deeply in God, and for a short time, he lived a peaceful life with his one true love, but things changed. An accident happened and took away your mother's life. Gendo began to transform. In an act of desperation, he abandoned his religion, and chose to follow the Devil himself. Gendo began to see himself as the Devil's seed."

"The Devil's seed?"

"Yes, he read the Dead Sea Scrolls and with the prophecy's help, he started to work towards his ultimate goal. This is what we call human instrumentality. Once it is achieved, the sea would run red with blood, darkness would overtake the world and Mother Earth would live forever in chaos. That is human instrumentality, a beautiful name which hides its real meaning of living hell. Your father thinks of himself as hell's messenger, see? He thinks that if God couldn't provide him with the happiness he wants, then he will turn towards the Devil, and by burning our living world into ashes with the means of Third Impact, he would gain favour from the Devil and thus allowing him to bring back his wife."

"What…what does that have to do with Rei dying?"

"A lot more than you think. The first three Children are what we call the Trinity. The prophecy predicted that this Trinity would be the ultimate downfall of the Devil's seed. At first, Gendo wasn't worried about the Trinity, because the First Child and the Second Child repelled each other with a furious force, and you ware drowned in self-loathing, torn between the First and the Second Child."

"You mean…Rei, Asuka and I are the Trinity?"

"Yes, and for a moment it seemed that the Trinity was just a broken force. Gendo wasn't worried, see? But then he did something wrong…Gendo gave in to lust…he raped Rei. Gendo didn't expect that this simple act would create such a powerful bond between the three of you. The night when Rei tried to kill herself, we saw from the video surveillance how close you three had become. Gendo became paranoid."

"That means…he forced me and Asuka to witness Rei's death…because he wanted to break us…to break our will…"

"Exactly. Asuka would be broken because she couldn't synch with her Eva and failed to save Rei, and you would be broken because you saw your true love die in front of you. The bond of the Trinity would once again be broken."

"That's why…that's why I saw him smiling…I was falling into his trap…"

"Gendo now has the upper hand. Everything seems to be in his control. One thing I do not understand, however, is why is he letting you live? Why didn't he eliminate you straight away?"

"Ritsuko, how do you know all this?"

"Oh…I was once Gendo's most trusted servant. Besides, there is another person jailed here. We have…agreed…to put aside our past feuds, and when we get bored down here, we just exchange information and discuss Gendo's plan."

"Another person? Here? Who is this person you're talking about?"

"Someone who holds a lot of information about Gendo's secrets…someone you thought was dead…"

At the mention of this, my heart started to pound furiously. There was something stirring up inside me. It was a tinkle of light. I was careful not to let it grow, for I knew what it was. My situation was grim and things were not getting better, so there was no reason to raise my hope. I had learnt it the hard way, but subconsciously I was wishing for the miracle to be true, so I asked Ritsuko.

"Who? Is it…is it Rei?"

Please say it is…please say it is…please say it is…

"Still thinking about her, aren't you? You'll see for yourself soon enough."

"Where is this person you're talking about? She's Rei isn't she? Rei is still alive…tell me she's still alive!!"

"In the torture chamber. They've been at it for a while now…"

"T-Torture chamber? Haven't they done enough?! Hasn't she suffered enough?!"

Just then, I heard the metal door at the end of the corridor open. This was followed by footsteps approaching. When they finally passed my cell, I could see there were two guards carrying the limp body of a human. I tried to look closer, and from the dim light I managed to make the outline of the face. My heart died instantly.

A mass of filthy brown hair hung from his head. The top half of his body was naked, and there were criss-crosses on his back. Some of them were bleeding. Nevertheless, I could tell he was well-built with a tall frame. The beard had grown untidily along his jaw line, but I could recognise his eyes. It was Kaji.

The guards threw him inside the cell next to Ritsuko's. They then locked the door and left the prison. Kaji leaned against the metal bars and looked at me with a smile on his face.

"Ah…a new roommate. How are you, Shinji?"

"Kaji! Are you alright?"

"Just a few scratches, nothing that will kill me haha," he replied with a soft chuckle.

"What are you doing here? I thought you were dead!"

"Oh nothing that serious! They just invited me for a cup of tea, that's all." He laughed before exploding into a fit of coughs. Ritsuko decided to interrupt.

"I was just telling the boy about his father's plan. He now knows reason number one. I thought I would leave reason number two to you." She said.

"Oh I see! Excellent! I've always enjoyed telling stories! Now Shinji, would you like to know what reason number two is?" Kaji asked. It amazed me how calm he could be even with his injuries. I imagined they must hurt a lot, but the man's endurance was stunning.

"Yes I do, please tell me."

"Very well then, I suppose Ritsuko has told you what Third Impact is all about?"

"Yes she did."

"You see, Shinji. Third Impact requires four components. The first one is Lilith, the Angel hidden away deep inside this Nerv complex. The second one is Adam, the Angel embryo which Gendo had hid in a secret place. I was stopped half way through my investigation, so unfortunately I won't be able to tell you much about it. Are you still following me?"

"Yes…I think so…What about the other two components?"

"Ah…this is where things get interesting. Allow me to explain. The other two components are an artificial soul and a human body. At first, Gendo believed that Rei would provide the artificial soul, and that he himself would provide the human body, and thus he would be the one to control the Third Impact. He forgot one important thing, however. All this time, he thought of Rei as half-Angel, see? Gendo forgot to take into account that Rei's body was partly made from human genetics, and this alone had the potential to give Rei complete domination over the Third Impact. Needless to say, if that happened, Gendo's fourteen years of efforts would be wasted."

"You mean Rei could reject Gendo once she acquired Adam and Lilith?"

"Exactly. Gendo realised his mistake after Seele sent Tabris, the seventeenth Angel, to Tokyo-3. Tabris' mission is to find Adam, and once Adam, Lilith and Tabris himself were ready, Seele would storm in and start the Third Impact."

"Tabris…I think I've met him…he told me his name was Kaworu."

"Yes, that would be him. From what I know, instead of obeying Seele's orders, he is deliberately wasting time, although I do not have enough time to investigate his intentions."

"I see…"

"The arrival of Tabris prompted Gendo to create his own masterpiece to counter Seele. Unknown to everyone else, even Ritsuko and me, Gendo defied the law of nature and constructed the first artificially made pure Angel."

"An artificially made pure Angel?"

"Yes, Gendo studied how Tabris was born from Adam, and then with this information he extracted genetic materials from Lilith and crafted the eighteenth Angel. With this Angel, he needs not worry about the control over Third Impact being snatched away in the middle of its process. I believe Seele should have found out by now…They would be getting desperate…A war is coming, Shinji."

"W-wait!! What about the eighteenth Angel?! Tell me more about the eighteenth Angel!!"

Just then, a stirring sound of straws was heard from somewhere nearby. Ritsuko, who had been keeping quiet while I was talking to Kaji, directed her gaze to the cell beside mine before speaking. "I believe, Shinji, that the eighteenth Angel just woke up from her sleep."

Before I had time to realise what she had said, a soft sleepy voice was heard from the cell next to mine.

"Shinji? Shinji is that you?"

"R-Rei?"