Rei's POV:
It had been four days since we left Misato's apartment and came to stay at Kaworu's. The room was a bit small, but we managed to create some space after cleaning out the rubble. Makoto and Shigeru slept in the kitchen, whereas the rest of us shared the living room. This place was even dirtier than my old apartment, and there were no beds available, but Misato had bought some bedrolls for us.
Despite having many friends here with me, I did not feel safe. In fact, it was the reason why I was worried. We were fortunate that Kaworu kept this location a secret from NERV. His accommodation as recorded in the NERV documents was of another apartment where he used to visit sometimes to keep the section two agents away.
However, I was afraid that they would eventually discover this place and come searching for me here.That scene in Misato's apartment kept playing itself over and over again in my head, and every time I looked at these people here, I was reminded of the deaths of those two agents who tried to protect me. I did not want to be a burden to everyone.
Shinji…the one I loved deeply…
Asuka…my first and best friend…
Misato…a mother I never had…
Maya, Makoto, Shigeru…people who were genuinely concerned about me…
And Kaworu…a brother I only recently found out that I had. Perhaps there was a link between him and me, for I felt comfortable and agreeable in his presence. It seemed to me that he and Asuka were very good friends. Not unlike Shinji and me, Misato had learnt that he was the seventeenth Angel from Mr. Kaji, but I could not be sure if Asuka knew of his true origin.
There was nothing much we could do in this long period of predicament.Everyday, we waited for news to arrive from the UN, but none ever came. There was no contact between us and Mr. Kaji either. Days passed by slowly; each day becoming more and more wearisome as we waited for something to happen, waited for help to arrive. None of us could go back to NERV anymore. I did not know how the others felt, but inside my heart hope was gradually fading away and being replaced by fear. Nevertheless, I did not tell Shinji, neither did I tell Asuka. They had done much for me, and there was no point in having them worrying about me at a time like this.
It was this night that Misato took a big risk and infiltrated NERV. She said she needed to find out what was happening. We objected, but she was persistent. The technicians wanted to go with her. However, Misato insisted that she went in alone. In the end, we could not convince her to abandon the plan. In the five hours that she was away, I waited with my heart hanging on a thin thread, and silently prayed that she would return safe.
Fortunately, she came back unscathed, but she brought bad news. NERV was disbanding, and there were barely anyone left. Even most of those who were still on the employed list had been absent for days. Vice Commander Fuyutsuki had previously agreed to help us, but he too had gone missing. It did not lighten the mood much when Misato revealed that Commander…Commander Ikari was still alive, and that Dr. Akagi had joined the others on the missing list of people.
There was a very long silence upon the deliverance of this news, something I was becoming familiar with. No one felt like saying anything. Even the expression on Kaworu's face was grim, and Asuka, who had been trying hard to cheer us, was looking evidently depressed. Misato was simply exhausted. It was Shinji who finally spoke first.
"Is anyone hungry? I'll cook supper. I know it's late…but…"
"That'd be awesome!" Asuka replied; her smile looking forced.
"What about you, Rei? Would you like anything to eat?"
"No."
"Are you alright? You look tired," Shinji asked, sounding concerned.
"I will be fine with just an orange," I replied, standing up and walking into the kitchen. Shinji followed closely behind. I crouched down and opened the fridge; there was nothing much left inside. A loaf of half eaten bread, a few jars of jam, some canned food, a tray of eggs, a bottle of mineral water and some apples and oranges in a plastic bag were all there was. I picked up one of the fruit and stood back up.
Shinji was already preparing to cook, but I had not been expecting to see Asuka here helping him instead of Maya. Shinji and the female technician had been in charge of cooking, and occasionally Misato would participate, but we only agreed to let her cook her own food. Asuka and I only helped clean the dishes. The surprise must be showing on my face, for she started to look at me sheepishly.
"Well, I thought I'd learn some skills from the little idiot…I-I mean Shinji! Yeah…learn something from him, might be useful in the future since he doesn't know how to cook…hehehe…"
I did not like how she often referred to Shinji as the little idiot, but on my request she had began to change the bad habit. "Who were you speaking about?"
"Huh?"
"You said he did not know how to cook. Who were you referring to?"
"N-nothing! I didn't say anything like that! J-just go and get some rest. I'll tell you when the food's ready, ok?"
"Asuka is right, Rei, you should go get some rest." Shinji added with a smile. I like it when he did that. It reminded me of how important I was to him, and it felt pleasant knowing it. I nodded my head and went back to the living room, although I still did not understand why Asuka was acting so strangely. It was often that I saw Shinji stuttering, but definitely not her.
Misato was lying at a corner of the room; Maya was sleeping on her mattress too. I guess everyone was tired after the long night. Despite this, Makoto and Shigeru were still outside the building watching out for us. It made me feel cold on the inside. I picked a spot beside the piano and sat down, with my back leaning against one of its legs.
I took a bite on the orange. For some reasons, my vision was getting blurred as seconds passed by. It was one of the many times when I tried to understand why they were all doing this for me. Not only were they putting themselves in danger, but they had to live under such strenuous conditions as well. They were willing to risk everything for me, but why? Did they think that I was worth it? I tried hard not to cry, but I did not succeed.
"Feeling a little depressed?" Kaworu sat down beside me.
"No."
"I know how you feel, but you shouldn't blame it on yourself."
I kept quiet and took another bite. The tears were still flowing, so I looked away, but he turned my shoulder around to face him. Again, I tried to avoid his eyes by keeping my gaze downwards. Kaworu then lifted my face gently with his delicate fingers. As I started into those two red orbs, he continued, "We did not choose to be who we are, or what we are. We were just born that way. It's not our fault that we were born different; it's what we do afterwards that matters."
I hesitated for a while, but asked him eventually, "Is there anything I can do?"
"You can decide your own destiny. At one stage, I was feeling the same way as you do, but in the end, I chose not to merge with Adam. I chose to be free. And I'm happy I made that decision."
"I do not understand…Why must this happen? All this would not have happened if they were not trying to achieve Third Impact."
"Because mankind is not perfect, the greed for money, the greed for power, wishing that they could achieve evolution through Third Impact, stemmed from the greed for knowledge…and of course, the greed for love."
"The greed for love?"
"Yes, it's why Gendo did what he did."
I cringed at the mention of his name. To know that he was still alive, and to think about what he would do to me if he found me…it was traumatising. He had dictated all my life and I wish…I wish that we had finished him off when we had the chance. Now we had to live with the consequences.
"Sorry." Kaworu apologised.
"Why?"
"I shouldn't have mentioned him."
Our conversation was interrupted when Asuka was heard yelling from the kitchen. It seemed that Shinji had given her the wrong instruction and she had somehow managed to mix soy sauce with salad. Despite the shoutings, they sounded like they were having fun, something rare these days…Maya was still sleeping peacefully beside Misato, however. It seemed that the loud noises had not managed to wake her up.
"Kaworu."
"What is it?"
"I do not want to be a burden."
His reaction was quite different to Shinji's when I had told him the same thing. Kaworu acted as if he had expected me to bring this up. The smile on his face never faded when he asked. "Why do you think like that?"
"I am endangering everyone. I do not want them to end up like the two agents who were trying to protect me."
"Is that why you think of yourself as a burden?"
"Yes."
"Hmm…let's see…" Kaworu had his eyebrows drawn together, putting up a curious, but somewhat delighted look on his face. "Say if one day, Shinji was being hunted down by a group of bandits, and they'd kill him if they caught him, what would you do?"
"I would do all I can to protect him from them." It was an easy question, but I could not understand why Kaworu would ask something like this.
"Why? These bandits are brutal and dangerous people. Wouldn't Shinji be a burden to you?"
"No, of course he would not."
"Why?" Kaworu asked, looking happy and satisfied.
"Because I love him deeply."
"And because you're concerned about him?" Kaworu pressed on.
"Yes, because I'm concerned." I replied.
"That's how we all think about you. We're concerned. To us, you're a friend, not a burden. Never was, never will be."
Kaworu's words were sympathetic and considerate, but it caused more tears to flow. It was one of the many times when I understood tears were not just for pain and sorrow, and that something beautiful could also trigger the same reaction. I was not ashamed of him seeing me in this state, but I wished I was the one protecting everyone, instead of having them doing it for me. I had powers that they had not, and yet I could not use it to help everyone.
"I do not want to be weak. I want to help, to keep my friends away from harm. Can you teach me how to do that?" I asked.
The smile on his face disappeared as he stared immensely into me. I stared back, not willing to back down from this intimidation. There was a tense moment, but I did not know how long we kept this silence. Finally, he looked back down on the floor. "There's nothing I can teach you."
"Yes there is. You can teach me how to generate my own AT-Field."
"I'm sorry. I can't teach you that."
"Yes you can! I may not have been given a holy name like you, Tabris, but I am still the same as you!" I did not understand why I became so emotional. I was just tired of being the reason why we were all here worrying for our own lives.
Kaworu's eyes widened with my sudden outburst. I guess the mention of his holy name somehow had an effect on him, for he replied, "As I said, I can't teach you, but if you insist, I can explain it to you."
"I insist. I want to know." I replied immediately.
There was another long silence, but Kaworu finally gave in and sighed, the warm smile returning to his face, "Fine…I'll tell you then. AT-Field…" He paused for a moment before continuing, "AT-Field is a holy domain, the light of our minds, the walls we erect around us. It's what defines individuality."
I tried hard to digest what he said, but failed miserably. All this time, I had thought that AT-Field was just a form of self-defence, and that only Angels possessed it. The explanation Kaworu gave to me was completely different from what the NERV scientists had told me. I felt disappointed with my own knowledge and intellect, but somehow, Kaworu knew what I was thinking, for he grabbed my hand and continued.
"Within the boundaries of an AT-Field is the zone of security and safety. It protects you from the outside world, and returns you to yourself. You can't will it from the brain. It doesn't work that way. You can only will it from here…" He said and put his palm over his own heart.
"I do not understand. In that case, why can I not generate an AT-Field on my own free will?"
"From what I heard, you've already managed to do it twice. The first time was in the NERV prison, you were trying to protect something special, something you wish to give to Shinji."
My cheeks heat up uncontrollably at this, but I kept quiet and continued listening nonetheless.
"The second time was in Misato's apartment, you were trying to protect the two people most important to you, the first ones to truly care for you. You used to think you owe your existence to someone else; now you think you owe it to them. There's one thing common in these two cases, do you know what it is?"
I tried to think carefully. It was difficult at first, but I finally managed to come out with an answer. "I was becoming desperate in both situations."
"Correct. Unlike humans, Angels were born with the natural ability to freely project their own AT-Fields. Your consciousness, however, was first created when you were only a half-Angel, thus making it hard for you."
"I see…" I said, sounding disappointed. I could not help it. "I understand now."
"That's not to say you can never use your AT-Field like a real Angel, which you already are. You just need some getting used to. Like Adam, you were born directly from Lilith. Your AT-Field should be stronger than any of the Angels you fought."
No matter how hard Kaworu tried to sound optimistic, I was still feeling upset, and a little frustrated by my own inabilities. There used to be a time when I was having great difficulties in understanding emotions; there used to be a time when I failed to act as a human being. And now I was unable to generate my own AT-Field even though I was a complete Angel. I failed again, and failing twice did not feel pleasant at all.
"Still feeling a little depressed?" Kaworu asked again.
"No, I feel better now."
"Say…I remember you saying something about how you and I are the same…" He said, smiling.
"Are we not the same?"
"Yes of course we're the same," Kaworu laughed softly, "so I'm just wondering…"
There was a long pause. I waited for him to continue, but he just sat there quietly. The big, warm smile on his face forced his eyes into two thin lines. We stayed like this for nearly a minute.
"Well? Aren't you going to ask me what I'm wondering about?"
"What are you wondering about?"
"Oh, I'm just wondering if I could call you my sister," He replied, still smiling.
A sister…? His good intentions made me feel warmed up on the inside. Before the commander started abusing me, I used to think that he was my only family. Since then I had been all alone; not even Shinji could be counted, not until we were…married…
I wanted to say yes to Kaworu, but something prevented me from doing so. Were we siblings just because we were similar? Then what would that make the other Angels I fought? Did that mean I was a murderer, someone who killed my own brothers and sisters?
"I've always wanted to have a family." Kaworu interrupted my thoughts.
"But we are only of the same species. You were born from Adam, and I from Lilith. We do not share the same parents."
"You're right, but we can still become siblings from a more spiritual point of view, don't you agree?" He asked, sounding hopeful.
"Asuka would get suspicious if you start calling me your sister."
"Oh…that…" His face changed, now looking doubtful.
"You have not yet told her of your true origin, have you?"
"No, I haven't."
"You must tell her as soon as you can. She is your good friend, and it is your responsibility to be honest with her. I have my own experience."
"I just don't think this is a good time. She might not be able to take it."
"That is what I used to think. I had many chances to tell Shinji, but in the end, I did not dare take the risk." I tried to share my past, hoping that he would understand how important this was, "When I finally gathered the courage to let him know, someone else already did it for me. It hurt Shinji badly."
Kaworu kept silent, his eyes staring onto the floor, so I continued, "Asuka once told me something valuable. She said if she were Shinji, she would prefer to find out the truth from me, rather than have someone else tell her. I think the same thing works for you."
It was another long silence before he spoke, "Thank you for the advice, Rei. I'll keep that in mind."
"Once you've revealed the truth to her, we can start referring to each other as brother and sister." I said, putting on a smile and trying to look optimistic.
"All right then," He smiled back at last, "Don't worry, I know what to do."
It was then Shinji walked into the living room towards Misato and Maya, as I first noticed the aroma of cooked food floating in the air. He then bent down and gently shook the female technician awake. It did not take very long. When Maya finally sat up, Shinji asked softly.
"Supper's ready, Maya. Would you like to have some?"
"Sure…" She rubbed her eyes, "Where are Makoto and Shigeru?"
"They're outside keeping watch." Shinji replied.
"Ok…I'll go fetch some food for them too." Maya said as she stood up. Shinji then proceeded to Misato's mattress. He was about to wake her when Maya stopped him. "Don't wake her. She's probably too tired…and she needs her rest. Let her sleep…"
Shinji nodded his head and stood up as well. He then headed back towards the kitchen, with Maya following closely behind. Before he disappeared into the door, Shinji glanced at me and then at Kaworu. "Just sit there, Rei. I'll get something for you."
I did not understand why, but there was an awkward silence after he was out of sight. The only sound we heard were the clinking sound of cutlery coming from the kitchen. Kaworu also got up after a while.
"Well, I'm getting hungry too. Let's see what they've got for us."
"Tell Shinji that I am not hungry and not to worry about me," I said to him.
"All right, go and have a rest then," He replied, disappearing into the kitchen.
Feeling weary after the long talk with Kaworu, I stood up and let my heavy legs walk me back to my own mattress. It was the one I shared with Shinji. There, I finally lay down and pulled the blanket over myself. It felt warm and comfortable. I could smell Shinji's scent from it too. Taking a last glance at the surroundings, I saw Misato still lying there, snoring loudly. Maya walked back into the living room with a tray of food. She then proceeded through the main entrance door to the other two technicians outside.
After a while, I noticed Shinji coming back with a plate of fruit on his hand too, but by then I had become too tired to say anything. So I let my eyes close and drifted off to sleep.
I did not know for how long I slept, but it must have been hours, for when I woke up, it was already early morning. There was no window in Kaworu's apartment, but the gentle sunlight shining through the cracks on the walls allowed me to guess what time it was. Still feeling groggy, I felt around for Shinji. My hand landed on his upper thigh; he was sitting just beside me.
"Good morning, Rei. How are you feeling?" He asked.
"I feel fine, but a little thirsty."
Shinji stood up immediately and went to the kitchen. I sat up and rubbed my eyes clear. Asuka was there sleeping with her head leaning onto Kaworu's shoulder. The boy, however, was awake and he waved at me, smiling. There was no sight of Misato and the others.
A few minutes later, Shinji returned with a glass of water. He sat back down beside me and handed me the glass. "Here, have a drink."
"Thank you," I received the glass from him and took a few sips. "Where is everyone?"
"Asuka's over there sleeping beside Kaworu. Misato's in the kitchen making her own breakfast. We're running out of food, so Maya, Shigeru and Makoto have gone to the market to get them." He replied. His eyes kept darting between me, Asuka and Kaworu.
"They seem to be very good friends, do they not?" I asked.
"Yes, they surely do. I wonder how they met each other."
"According to Asuka, she caught Kaworu stalking her."
Shinji laughed softly, "You don't seriously believe what she said, do you?"
"Why not?" I asked back, feeling a little confused.
"I think she was just kidding, but nevermind…" He replied. There was a slight pause before he continued, "Say…what were you and Kaworu doing last night?"
"We had a long conversation."
"Oh I see…what did you two talk about?"
"He was telling me how I am not a burden to everyone here."
"A burden? You asked him?" Shinji sounded a little edgy when he asked.
"Yes, I asked him."
"But didn't I tell you before! You're not a burden! Wasn't that enough for you!"
"I-I just needed a little more assurance." I replied, slightly surprised at Shinji's sudden outburst. Even Kaworu was now looking at us curiously; Asuka was still sleeping.
There was a long pause before he spoke again, "Sorry, I just don't want you to think like that. You're not a burden. The real burden here is my father and NERV."
"I see…I understand now." I said, putting on a smile. I knew Shinji always liked that, but he was still looking angry, although I did not understand why he would feel that way. So, I tried to move on to another topic. "Kaworu also explained the meaning of AT-Field to me. Would you like to listen?"
"Yeah…sure…" He sounded uninterested, but I continued nonetheless.
"AT-Field is a holy domain, the light of our minds, the walls we erect around us. It is what defines individuality. It protects you from harm and brings you back to yourself."
"I see…" Shinji replied, still sounding detached. I was beginning to get worried.
"Shinji, is something wrong? You look angry."
"Nothing…everything's fine…"
I followed Shinji's eyes and saw Kaworu waving at us from the other end of the room. Shinji looked away immediately. It confirmed my suspicion that something was not right. I took his hand and asked, "You are not jealous, are you?"
"J-Jealous? Of course not! Why would I be jealous? There's nothing to be jealous of!" He blurted hastily, but I was not convinced with what he said.
"Shinji, there is something I must tell you. It is about Kaworu and me."
"W-What is it?" Shinji asked, swallowing an audible gulp. His forehead was covered with sweat.
"It is a secret, so you must not tell Asuka." I said solemnly.
"No…it can't be… Don't tell me you two are-"
"Kaworu and I are siblings. We have accepted that."
Shinji's face twisted into a look of shock. I thought he felt happy and relieved too, but I could not be sure. There was a very long pause before he spoke again. "Eh? Siblings? As in brother and sister?"
"Yes. Kaworu said he had always wanted a family, so I have agreed to let him call me his sister, and I will call him my brother."
"Oh…hehe…haha…" He began to laugh sheepishly, "I see…I understand now…haha…"
"You and Asuka were playing happily in the kitchen last night, and yet I did not feel jealous. You should have believed in me, as I did in you." I frowned.
"But Asuka and I were just…" Shinji replied before stopping halfway, "I see…I understand what you're saying now, Rei. I'm sorry for doubting you. It was my fault." He finished with a sigh, looking evidently displeased with himself.
"It is all right. I do not blame you. I was just…" I paused, trying to search for the word Asuka had told me. She said I needed to do it to Shinji sometimes, or else he might get bored with me. "I was just teasing you." I said finally, putting on a smile.
"Teasing me?" Shinji's eyes were wide with shock. There was a long pause; I kept on smiling. And then he started to grin. "Why you naughty girl!"
Suddenly, I felt myself being pushed down on the shoulder. Once I lay flat on the mattress, Shinji climbed on top of me; his hands reached to my waist and started tickling me. I was slightly surprised, so I tried to push him away, but was stopped when he pinned both my hands over my head with his right hand. His other free hand continued to tickle me as I tried to break free.
"How do you like that! Huh?" He laughed cheerfully.
I tried to compose myself, but was only partly successful as I heard myself giggling. "Stop it…hehe…Shinji! Hehe…Stop!"
He ignored me and continued with the tickling, but I managed to stifle the giggles after a while. For a moment, I noticed how happy and carefree he looked. Sometimes, I wished that we did not have to endure all this hardship, but it was times like this that I appreciated the togetherness and unity it brought us. It was what made me understand that there was a beautiful side to everything, and that what we needed to do was to search for that light. And then maybe…just maybe sometime in the future, if we all survived the coming war, we would be able to live in everlasting peace, and every moment from then onwards would just be like this…just me and him…just joy and laughter…
"Rei, did I hurt you? Are you alright?" Shinji asked, aware that I had suddenly become quiet. He let go of my hands immediately and stopped what he was doing.
"Yes I am."
"Are you sure? You're…you're blushing heavily…"
I touched my cheek; it was hot. "Yes I am."
"Oh…ok…" He lay down beside me and pulled me into a hug, "Sorry, I got a bit carried away."
"It is alright. I enjoyed it. We can try it again in the future." I replied honestly.
His body became immensely warmed up as I buried my face into his chest. I inhaled the pleasant scent coming from his body; it gave me a sense of belonging. Shinji responded by planting a kiss on the top of my head.
There was something I had been waiting to ask Shinji for quite a while now, and I remembered Asuka telling me that I needed to ask him in a romantic situation. She said it was necessary to gain a favourable response. I guess now should be considered as a romantic situation. Perhaps the time had come for me to ask him.
"Shinji, can I ask you something?"
"Yes of course. What is it?"
I wanted to state my request directly, but in the end I decided that I should do it slowly. So I asked, "Do you remember what Misato and Mr. Kaji were doing that night?"
"Huh? What are you talking about?"
"We were secretly listening outside their room, remember?"
"Oh! Oh that! Ahem…um…Rei…you see…I think there's something you need to know…" Shinji stuttered as he gently pulled me upwards until my face was level to his.
"What is it?"
"You see, Rei…it's true that lovers do what they did…but…but we just can't do it now."
"But we are lovers, are we not? Why can we not do the same?" I asked, feeling a little confused; I did not think my request would be so difficult to accomplish.
"Yes of course we are…but what I'm trying to say is…is that we're still young and we should at least wait until we're older."
"I do not believe age plays a role in this practice." I replied firmly.
Shinji then opened his mouth to say something, but stopped halfway. He then scratched his head and stayed quiet for a short while before speaking again. "Ok…Rei…" Shinji sighed, "I know it's difficult to convince you, but you're still not very familiar with normal social custom. Believe it or not, age does matter. Besides…" He blushed and looked around the room.
"Besides what?"
"We should only do it somewhere private. There are other people watching here, so it's not right to do it here, do you understand now?"
"But Asuka said it is common practice among lovers. She said people do it even in public places." I tried to reason with Shinji.
"Rei, you shouldn't listen to everything she told you. Yes, Asuka is your friend, but you are Ayanami Rei, not someone else. You should be your innocent self. It's what I love about you, understand?"
Shinji made a good point. I should not have believed everything Asuka told me, but I still could not understand why Shinji would not agree to my simple request. However, since he mentioned he liked me being myself, I thought I should try one more time and ask the question directly.
"Shin-chan," I said.
"Huh?"
"I just called you Shin-chan. See? It was not so difficult. Kaworu and Asuka did not even care." I stated the obvious.
"What? Huh? I…I don't understand…"
"I want you to call me Rei-chan, and I will call you Shin-chan. It is a simple request, is it not?"
"Oh…Oh I see! So…so you were not talking about having sex…" He laughed awkwardly.
"Do you wish to have sex with me?"
"No! Of course not! I-I mean yes! No I mean no! Ok…yes…but not here, not now, maybe sometime in the future in somewhere more private." He said, smiling sheepishly and blushing profusely.
I could not help but feel myself heating up as well. Putting on a smile, I reached forward and stroke his face, "Shin-chan…"
Letting out a sigh of joy and relief, he smiled back, his hand caressing my cheek, "Rei-chan…"
As I stared into his deep blue eyes, I was reminded of the sea, the source of all life. They looked so peaceful. It was one of the many times when I would just snuggle close to him and stayed like that in contentment. I could feel his breaths, his chest rising and falling to a steady rhythm. It felt so warm.
The quiet serenity was violently disturbed by a sudden gunshot.
Shinji and I sat up instantaneously, but before we could think, the main entrance door was kicked open. A dart shot through the air and pierced into Kaworu's shoulder. I was about to rush to him when he suddenly raised his hand and created an AT-Field next to me. There was a small, high pitched sound as something hit the barrier. A second dart dropped to the floor beside my feet as the orange light vanished. Kaworu then fell limply to the ground.
It surprised me even more when Makoto, Maya and Shigeru, all gagged and tied up, were shoved brutally into the room. Makoto had bruises and cuts all over his face, and his left eye was so grossly swollen that he could barely open it; Maya's nose was bleeding, and her face was badly scratched; Shigeru just lay on the floor motionlessly, both his eye sockets were empty. Then, two tall men dressed in black suits came inside. One was a savage looking African; the other was a blonde Caucasian. Both had a gun pointing at the technicians.
"Makoto! Maya! Shigeru!" Misato cried, dropping her glass of water onto the floor. Asuka woke up and stared at the technicians, looking very frightened; she pulled the dart out of Kaworu and wrapped her arm around the exhausted boy. Shinji was shaking, but he put his arm in front of me protectively. My mind went blank; all I could think of was the vicious scene displayed in front of my eyes.
A short moment later, another tall man with long white hair came into the room. I recognised him as Yamazaki. It was the same agent we met at Misato's apartment. His squinty eyes scanned the entire room carefully, but stopped when he saw me. The man shook his head and grinned wickedly, before stepping to a side.
It was then the fourth and final man came into sight. Although as tall as the other three, he looked significantly weaker, and he had to use a walking stick to aid his gait. His face and neck were covered with incompletely healed wounds, and his left eye was missing with the loose eyelids hanging over the empty hollow. His short brown hair was plastered to his sweaty forehead. The once handsome face was now rigid and wrinkled.
I did not know why I was crying. There were too many reasons.
"Good morning, Rei…" The commander's face twisted into an ugly smirk. "I miss you…"
"You son of a bitch!" Misato shouted and unleashed her desert eagle. The agent called Yamazaki pointed his rifle at her immediately.
"You'd be wise enough not to challenge me, major," The commander said firmly, "Or the three kind technicians here would suffer the same fate as your good friend did."
"M-My good friend? W-What did you do to Ritsuko?"
He grinned, "I killed her and burnt the body. It was a close call though. I was lucky that Mr. Yamazaki here came in time to pull the mad woman away from me."
"My pleasure, Mr. Ikari," The white haired man replied.
My heart dropped like a stone. No matter how cruel Dr Akagi was to me in the past, that last look she gave me before our escape from the NERV prison reminded me that in the end, she was also a victim of the commander's sinister schemes.
"Ritsuko…" Misato wept as she dropped her weapon and fell to her knees, "Ritsuko…"
"Cry as hard as you want, woman. I'm not here to play your silly game. Hand over Rei quietly, and I might just let you live the day." The commander said coldly.
"No!" Shinji shouted, "We'll never give her to you!"
His father, however, chose to ignore him and turned to me. "Come on, Rei. Let's go."
"No…I will not go with you."
"Have you forgotten that it was I who created you? What happened to you? What happened to my obedient Rei? You used to follow everything I said even in bed, remember?" He grinned.
"I could have been yours, but you never truly cared, and Shinji showed me the way."
His face changed; the grin disappeared as I mentioned Shinji. "As I said, I'm not here to play games. You either come with me, or watch your friends suffer the consequences." He said brandishing his gun and pointing it to the technicians.
"Don't listen to him Rei! He wants to use you for Third Impact! It's going to kill all of us!" Asuka shouted.
The commander glared at Asuka before laughing sarcastically, "Well, well, well…what do we have here? The mighty Second Child, the warrior who's merciless on the battlefield."
"If I had known who you truly are, I would've finished you off with my Eva long time ago when I had the chance!" Asuka spat back.
"Haha…my dear Asuka, you disappoint me. What happened to your glorious days? What happened to the days when you'd effortlessly kill every Angel that stood in your way? I honestly thought you were the best, but look at you now…shamelessly embracing an Angel in your arms!"
"W-What?" Asuka said, completely stunned.
"He was lying! Do not let him fool you!" I tried to shout, but it did not come out loud, and I was not sure if she heard me. It was even more agonising to see Kaworu desperately trying to hold her, but Asuka broke free of his loose grasp. She shot a look at me, and then stared back at Kaworu.
"Is that…is that true, Kaworu? That you're an Angel? Is that why you look so much like Rei?"
"Asuka, I…" His voice sounded asthmatic.
"Tell me honestly, please." She gritted her teeth.
Kaworu sighed; he forced himself to take a deep breath before answering, "Yes…yes it's true. I…I wanted to…to tell you, but-"
Asuka slapped him before he could finish. She then stood up and took a few steps backwards, away from Kaworu.
"Ouch…that got to hurt…" The commander laughed, "You see now, Asuka? Nobody cares about you. Kaworu…or should I say, Tabris kept the truth from you; Rei lied to you; Shinji knew it but he didn't tell you either. To everyone, you're just an expandable doll."
"GENDO!" Kaworu's eyes flared up as a weak flicker of orange light was seen in front of him.
A gunshot was heard.
"Mmmppphhh!" Makoto moaned painfully. His knee was bleeding.
With smoke still coming from his gun, the commander said calmly, "Before you pull off any of your tricks, Tabris, be aware that it would be your fault if any of these human beings died here."
The boy's AT-Field disappeared immediately. He was now sweating and shaking with frustration. Asuka just stood there sobbing angrily with her fists clenched.
My tears became dried as all I felt was a dreadful hollow. These people…they did not deserve this. It was my fault. I should go with the commander and prevent further meaningless sufferings. I stood up and took a few steps towards him before Shinji pulled me back.
"No! Don't go with him!"
"Release me, Shinji. I must go."
The commander smiled, "I see you've finally returned to your senses, my dear Rei. Come! Come with me and fulfil your purpose!"
"Don't go with him!" Misato shouted, standing up, "Asuka's right. Third Impact will kill all of us. Therefore, you must stay, do you understand?"
I stopped. What she said was partly true. Third Impact would allow the commander to become God, and it was most likely that he would terminate all of us and reshape the world which would bring him back to his deceased wife. It used to be my sole purpose, but through these months I had learnt how to live as a normal human being…Shinji showed it to me…and it was now my duty to prevent Third Impact…but if I rejected the commander, what would happen to the technicians? They were people who tried to help me, so was it right for me to abandon them when they needed me the most? What would that make me? Would I be branded as a disloyal friend? Would I become the same as the commander, someone who made use of the people around me, and then disposed them when they finally lost their value? I did not want to become like him, but Third Impact would wipe out everything I had gained…What should I do…? What must I do…?
The commander saw me hesitating. He pointed his gun at Shigeru's chest.
Many gunshots were heard afterwards, each of them seemed to pierce through my ears as I saw the technician's body twitched violently before becoming completely limp. I gasped in horror as his two empty eye sockets stared at me lifelessly.
"MMMPPPHHH!" Maya and Makoto shouted through the gags.
"SHIGERU!" Misato and Shinji cried.
I just stood there, not knowing what to do. Once again, the familiar tears were making their way down my face. I wept hard…for my own failure…for my own indecision that took away an innocent life. It was my fault that he died. I wanted to apologise to him, but all I could do was regret my mistake, for he could no longer hear my words.
"I am sorry…Shigeru…" I sobbed, falling to my knees as my legs lost their strength, "I am so sorry…"
"That's correct, Rei. You're to blame for his death," I heard the commander saying. "These technicians are your good friends indeed. We caught them on their way back from the market, and then we tortured them, but they never told us where you were hiding."
"You lied," Misato gritted her teeth, "If they didn't tell you, then how did you find us here?"
"Ah…I almost forgot…" The commander replied, "I have to thank you, major. For you see, it was you who led us here…"
"M-Me?"
"Yes…you came to visit NERV last night. Mr Yamazaki spotted you and followed you here. This morning, on our way here, we were lucky to come across your good technician friends, so I just thought we could use them as hostages. And once again, I must thank you, major. Without your help, I wouldn't have found out about your location."
"No…no…" Misato said as she leaned weakly against the wall. "It…it can't be true…"
"I commend your skills, major. You managed to fool the security cameras, but I'm afraid you're still no match for an experienced section-two agent like Mr Yamazaki." The commander laughed.
"No…oh no I'm so sorry…so sorry…" She sobbed, "I should've listened to you all…I should've listened and stayed here…I'm so sorry…it's my fault…I shouldn't have risked going into NERV…I'm so sorry…"
The commander then turned back to me, "You see, Rei, these friends of yours were willing to sacrifice themselves for you, surely you'd so the same for them? Surely you wouldn't let them die meaninglessly here? Only you can prevent their deaths, and you know it." He said and pushed his gun ruthlessly onto Makoto's head. "Do not make me kill another."
I tried to stay calm, but my voice cracked when I spoke. "I will come with you. Please do not hurt them again."
"Good," He replied and gave Yamazaki a signal, "I'm afraid I must tie you up with these. You've got some special abilities, and I must prevent you from using it against me."
The white haired man walked towards me with a long metal chain on his hand. Shinji rushed forward to stop him, "No! I won't let you touch her!"
Yamazaki grinned, and then as fast as lightning, he elbowed Shinji on the face. The boy then fell to the ground clutching his nose. I hurried towards Shinji and crouched down beside him, "Shinji! Are you alright?"
He moaned in response, but before he could give further reply, Yamazaki pulled me away from him. "Don't resist, young woman, it's for you own good."
I stood there quietly as the section-two agent wrapped the heavy chain around my body. Shinji was still squirming on the floor; his nose was bent and bleeding. When Yamazaki was done with the chains, he took out a rope and secured my hands behind my back. The tall man then grabbed a free end of the chain and pulled me towards the commander. I struggled to keep my balance.
"These chains were made from the same materials used to construct Eva. You'd find it highly resistant to your weak AT-Field, should you decide to rebel against me." The commander informed as he walked towards Shinji.
"Rei…Rei…don't go…stay with me…Rei-chan…stay…" He stood up shakily.
His father laughed sarcastically, and then he raised his walking stick and swiped it across Shinji's face. The boy fell to the floor; his mouth now bleeding as well.
"No! I will come with you! Please leave him alone!" I yelled.
"Pathetic…I'm ashamed to have a son like you, Shinji, for you disappoint me. You gave Rei up so easily; I would never have given up on Yui, not even in death. It just proves that your love for Rei is insignificant compared to mine for Yui."
"Commander," Yamazaki interrupted and signalled towards Asuka, "Can I have her now?"
The commander glanced at the section two agent, and then at Asuka, and finally at Kaworu whose eyes were starting to flare up again. The boy was slowly overcoming the tranquilizer's effect.
"No, I'm sorry Mr Yamazaki, but you may not. We must leave now. We have more important business to attend to." The commander replied.
"But you said that I could-"
"Yes, I did say that you could have her, but I've now changed my mind. To compensate for your loss, I will allow you to have Rei later."
"Very well then," Yamazaki grinned lecherously as he looked me up and down, "Look's like we're going to have some fun, little missy."
I stared back at him, feeling horrified. The African and Caucasian agents then pulled Makoto and Maya to their feet, but the male technician's injured knee gave way and he fell back down.
"Mmph…" He moaned painfully.
"Leave him here. Just take the woman with us, we don't have time to take care of cripples," The commander said as he gave Shinji one last kick and spat on him, "Come on, let's go."
Maya was then shoved outside by the two agents. The commander followed closely behind. Yamazaki dragged me along as he too walked out of the apartment. I took one final look inside the room. Shinji was still lying on the floor; Kaworu was struggling hard to stand up, but he was succeeding; Asuka just stood there with an empty look on her face; Misato rushed forward to attend to the agonised Makoto.
He ruined everything…The commander destroyed all that I had…
As we reached the black Mercedes parked outside, a propelling sound was heard. And then it gradually grew louder. We stopped and I looked to the sky. A row of ten helicopters were seen flying in the horizon, heading towards the NERV headquarters.
"They're here," Yamazaki said, "SEELE have finally arrived."
"And so it begins…Come on," The commander said as he got into the shogun, "We don't have much time."
The black agent then shoved me into the back seat and climbed in after me. Maya and the Caucasian agent were already inside. The female technician was looking very scared with tears streaming down her face. I wanted to comfort her, but knew I was in no position to do so. Yamazaki took the driver's seat and we sped off to NERV.
