Chapter 9 – Time to heal and a lesson learned

"Hermione, Are you awake?" she heard a voice ask, she blinked as she opened her eyes it was so bright in the infirmary

"Harry?" She asked

"Yeah, how are you feeling?" He asked as he sat down next to her bed

"Not so good" she said "I really don't know why I am still here, I don't want to be"

"you are lucky, Draco saved your life" Harry told him, he always thought it would be he that saved her, never the cold hearted slytherin boy that they had recently allowed into their lives

"I, I didn't want to be saved" she said sadly shaking her head.

"Hermione, Draco thought he was helping, he doesn't understand that you did that to yourself, he is accustomed to people cursing themselves to die, not that method. I am not sure if he would have done the same if he had known. But more than likely he would, he has been in pretty bad shape the last three days"

"God what have I done to him?" Hermione gasped lifting her hand to her mouth as she did so she noticed her wrists were bandaged heavily

"He will be better once he sees that you are ok" Harry said "He has spent a lot of time in here the last few days, barely even leaving to eat"

Hermione mused over this for a second, he must still be feeling guilty although she had told him not to it wasn't his fault at all.

"And to be totally honest Hermione if it was me in that position and I do know what you were trying to do I would have stopped you also. We love you and we don't want to lose you" Harry told her as he stroked her hair

"I know you do" she said "but I just feel so full of grief and sadness, it's unbearable it's trying to consume me"

At that moment the doors to the hospital wing burst open and Draco rushed in followed by Ron.

"Dumbledore said you were awake" he said and held her hand

"You scared us" Ron said taking her other hand

"I didn't mean to scare anybody" she said, she was crying and she couldn't meet Draco's eyes.

"Hermione Professor McGonagall explained to me what happened. I didn't know I swear it. If I had realised what you were doing then I would have given you the honour to decide if you wanted it stopping or not" Draco said

Harry and Ron both stared at him uncomprehending what he had just said

"You would have let her kill herself?" Ron asked, he was totally

Taken aback at what he had just heard

"Of course" Draco said "I wouldn't have wanted to but there is an unwritten pureblood code that says should the witch/wizard decide their time is up then it is for them to choose and others should not interfere"

"Draco?" Hermione asked

"Yes" he said, he was a bit upset by the way Harry and Ron were being but he knew what he believed and he thought this to be honourable

"I am not a pureblood, you can't have forgotten that can you?" She asked

"Of course I didn't but you are as good as in my eyes" He said

Hermione finally met his eyes she understood that he just thought she was badly hurt.

"Thank You Draco" she said and pulled him into a slight hug

She still wanted to die but she knew she must thank him to put his mind at rest.

"Your welcome" he said "I am still sorry though"

"That's enough for one day" Madame Pomfrey said and came shooing them out of the hospital wing

"Can I just have a private word with Hermione quickly?" Draco asked coming back into the ward after Harry and Ron had gone

"Make it quick then" She said to him and went back into her office

"What is it Draco?" Hermione asked

"I just wanted to tell you something I thought it perhaps might help to make you feel better" he explained

"Ok" she said and motioned for him to sit on the bed

"Well my father went to Azkaban this year as you know and my mother has fled the country and gone to live with her sister, she is trying to get rid of the endless amounts of spells my father had placed upon her with the help of the ministry. See the thing is that has left me all alone. I have no remaining family and just lately apart from you, Ron and Harry I don't seem to have any friends either, so well what I am really trying to say to you is I know how it feels, I know my parents weren't murdered and taken from me like yours were but I have lost them none the less. Even if they do manage to cure my mother she could never really care about me now. Not after everything that has happened to her. Do you want to know what she said to me just before I came back to Hogwarts?"

"What was it?" Hermione asked. She didn't know when it had happened but Draco had absentmindedly taken hold of her hand and was stroking it

"She told me that I looked too much like my father, that I was a constant reminder of the pain and suffering she has endured for the last eighteen years. She had been under spells before I was even conceived. She said she couldn't help it but she didn't love me. She says she doesn't hate me, but she can never love me either and that I would just be better off without her in my life. Then she apparated. She never told me where she was going or even where her sister lives. She didn't even say goodbye" he was crying slightly as he said all this. It clearly hurt him deeply. He did remember times when she had appeared to love him. She had probably just been trying to live up to the expectations of a mother at that time. But when Lucius had reprimanded her for it she had never seemed to have been too bothered not to be allowed to anymore.

"Oh Draco that must have been awful for you" Hermione said squeezing his hand slightly

"Yes it is. But the reason I am telling you this is so you know you aren't alone. I considered cursing myself" he told her, which was true he had a number of times "but then I just thought of my father rotting away in his cell and thought that if I could bring the bastard down that had perverted my fathers mind and caused him to torture my mother so it would be worth being alive, and I swear to god I will, and I am glad I did otherwise I would never have had a friend like you Hermione"

Hermione sat up when he said this and hugged him again, he was glad of this she felt so comforting although he was a bit upset shouldn't it be he comforting her. She was always so selfless. She let his problems wash over hers for the time being.

"I know what you're saying Draco and it was rash and stupid of me. And well now I think about it I am glad you saved me. So so glad" she told him

And she truly was, she had never even considered the fact that someone else's life would be so miserable. Especially not someone so close to her.

"Right then Mr Malfoy you had better be off to bed now" Madame Pomfrey said as she came back into the ward. She had come to tell him before but had heard what he was saying and decided to leave him for a bit longer.

Hermione only spent another two days in the hospital wing and then she was free to return to her dorms.

"You may take extra time off your studies if you wish" Dumbledore told her as she arrived at her common room "time to heal"

"I am healed" she told him showing him her wrists, they had ever so slight pink scars on them

"No!" he said and patted on his chest "In here" and with that he walked off.

Hermione knew what he meant and ran after him

"No" she said "I have learnt a very, very valuable lesson these past few days"

"Yes miss granger what was it?" he asked her, his eyes twinkling

"That even though I feel bad I am not the only one, and that I can't let it control my life, I must take control of it and learn to fight back"

"Indeed" he said "and who did you learn this most precious lesson from?"
"Draco" she said simply

"Mr Malfoy has indeed suffered some terrible pain this year, and he has adjusted pretty well on the outside at least, I feel now he has shared some of his pain he may well be healing too" he said "I am glad you two have become good friends, you can do much for each other, goodnight" he said and again walked off

Thanks for the reviews for the last chapter

DCMMFAN – thank you for your input. I however feel that I do not want to drag things out too much as there is going to be a lot of stuff going on in this fic and I have already filled 19 chapters with it. If I dragged it out anymore I could be here for a long long time. Also I think that everybody deals with things such as death and losing loved ones in so many different ways that it depends on how I interpret it. Plus as Dumbledore said they would need to hurry

I do appreciate your comment though as I think any constructive criticism is useful. Thank you again

Please keep reading and reviewing people. Thank you!