Post-Butterflied
Disclaimer: I still don't own CSI and get no profit from writing these stories…yadda yadda yadda.
Chapter Five
The next day, sure enough Sara was at work early. Grissom spotted her heading into the locker room and a few minutes later he casually strolled in. She glanced at him briefly and continued whatever it was she was fiddling with in her locker. Grissom wanted desperately to remain cool and calm as he leaned casually against the locker next to hers.
"Are you actually going to talk or just stand there staring at me all day?" Sara snapped after a few moments of silence.
Grissom had to suppress a laugh as he spoke, "Sorry. I didn't mean to just stare at you like that. I want to talk to you…in my office or something so no one can eavesdrop."
Sara checked her watch, "I guess we've got time before shift."
Grissom was somewhat relieved as they headed out of the locker room and towards his office. She hadn't flat out refused his offer to talk, something he had been deathly afraid of since the conversation he'd overheard between her and Catherine. She didn't exactly seem happy at the prospect of being alone with him in his office, but she wasn't looking for a way to escape either. Once they were situated with the door closed, Grissom was trying to work up the nerve to speak.
"I thought you said you wanted to talk," Sara said impatiently.
"I do, I'm sorry. It's just that it's going to take a lot for me to say this right," Grissom closed his eyes, "please tell me you'll just hear me out?"
Sara scowled slightly, "I guess so."
"I've been doing a lot of thinking the past few days. The case with Debbie Marlin and Dr. Lurie has caused me a lot of stress," Grissom started.
"Because the vic looked like me?" Sara asked, "if that's what it was, I know. Everyone has told me that. I'm okay with it."
"I guess part of it is because of that, but this isn't so much about you as it is about me," Grissom said, "when I saw her in that bathroom, I could have sworn it was you, Sara. You have no idea what kind of emotions that put me through. Every time I saw you or talked to you for the next couple days, it was just bizarre. Seeing her laying there and thinking it was you made me realize that I do have feelings for you. I have never told you that before, but I do care about you Sara."
"That's just great," Sara looked ready to cry.
"What?" Grissom was confused, "are you okay?"
"You don't know do you?" Sara shook her head, "I was in the viewing room when you interrogated Dr. Lurie. I heard everything you said…about not being able to take the risk."
Grissom was dumbfounded. He had no idea that Sara had overheard all that. Suddenly his words replayed in his head and he realized in horror what Sara must be thinking. He didn't know what to say to her.
"It's okay, you don't have to say anything else, I get it," Sara stood up, "you don't want to have a life with me. And you know what? I'm fine with it now."
Grissom stared after her, frantically trying to say something to make her stop. Before he could say a word though, she was gone. He sat frozen at his desk, unsure of what to do with himself. He couldn't get over the fact that she'd heard his speech to Dr. Lurie. No wonder she had called in sick the other night, she had to be sick after hearing him say all that. The worst part was that he was about to admit to her that he loved her so much he was willing to take a risk. Now she was angry with him and he didn't know where she would go to hide.
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Sara was less than pleased when Grissom had managed to corner her in the locker room. She followed him reluctantly to his office, but was afraid of what he might have to say. She promised she'd let him say whatever it was he wanted, but once he started talking about that case, she couldn't stand it anymore. She was afraid she was going to start crying in front of Grissom and that was the last thing she wanted. She didn't want him to rehash speech to her, she was trying to get over him, but it was still a tender subject. She ran out of the crime lab and sat in her car once again, breathing hard and gripping the steering wheel.
She was startled when someone knocked on her window. It was Catherine, looking very concerned. Sara opened her door to see what Catherine wanted.
"You okay, Sara?" Catherine asked.
"Yeah," Sara lied.
"You look like something happened to you, you sure you're all right?" Catherine asked again.
Sara sighed, "Grissom wanted to talk to me. I couldn't say no, so I went into his office and when he started talking, I freaked out. I had the feeling he was about to repeat what he said to Dr. Lurie, so I told him I already heard it. Then I ran out here."
"Sara," Catherine started, "I don't know what to tell you."
Sara shook her head, "I should have stayed and listened to him, but I can't hear that again. I want to get over him and I couldn't break down in front of him."
"Do you want me to go talk to him?" Catherine offered.
"No, you don't have to. Just leave me alone for a few minutes and I'll be okay," Sara said, "but thanks for the offer."
"Okay, and if you need to talk later, you know I'm here for you," Catherine told her.
"Thanks," Sara managed a half smile.
Catherine's heart broke for Sara. She said she was getting over Grissom, but her heart was clearly not getting over him. She had been hurt several times, too many times and she wanted to move on. It was clear that her heart was not with her head on this one. Catherine decided she would have to say something to Grissom despite what Sara said she wanted. She found Grissom in his office, staring at his tarantula.
"Gil," she knocked gently.
"Oh Cath, hi," he jumped as he turned around.
"Are you okay?" Catherine's anger suddenly melted away when she saw his face.
"I'm not in the mood to talk," Grissom said honestly.
Catherine was confused now, "I just ran into Sara outside…what's going on?"
Grissom closed his eyes, "I was about to tell her something, but she ran out of here before I had a chance."
"What were you going to say?" Catherine asked, "was it something like what you said to Lurie?"
Grissom's eyes shot open, "How does everyone know that?"
"You know what the rumor mill is like," Catherine crossed her arms.
"I was going to tell her that I have spent a lot of time thinking about it and she deserves for me to give her a chance. I do care about her and it kills me when I hurt her," Grissom said in a voice barely above a whisper.
"She thinks you were going to tell her to face what you said to Dr. Lurie," Catherine gasped.
"No, not even close. When she told me she heard that, I froze. I had no idea she heard that. I never meant for her to hear that. I couldn't say anything to it because my words kept replaying in my head and I wanted to just go back and never say it again," Grissom said shakily.
"Gil, go find her and tell her that, she needs to know that you do love her. Right now she's very upset and she says she's over you, but I know she's not. I can see it in her eyes that she's still desperately in love with you," Catherine said.
"Where is she?" Grissom asked, knowing Catherine was right.
"Out in the parking lot," Catherine stepped aside so he could go out to see her.
"Thanks Cath," Grissom quickly kissed her cheek and made his way determinedly toward the parking lot.
Grissom stepped out of the crime lab and saw Sara sitting alone her car. He approached her car and slipped in the passenger's seat before Sara could protest.
A/N: :O A cliffhanger! Oh no! Don't worry, the next chapter will be coming soon. I thought CSI was new this week for some reason so I was disappointed when it was a rerun. :P I guess it was a good thing though because the girl from down the hall was in here talking for most of the episode.
