Disclaimer: (pouts) No, I don't own any Harry Potter related trademarks. If I did, this garbage would be canon, muaha!

Author's Note: Ahh, I do love the tormenting of Filch... I also like Sirius, so what better way to express this than to combine my two great loves into one chapter? Thanks to all the reviewers, you guys are awesome.

Set in the Marauder Era; no ship.


Filch's Diary

Screenname: Detention-man

Mood: Paranoid/Fuming mad

That's it, I'm sick of this school. Those marauders are driving me up the wall! I wish I could hang them by the thumbs in the dungeon, that'd teach them to mess around. You can never tell whether they're in front of you or behind you, until you're lying on the ground covered with Spellotape.

And PEEVES is worse! I've had to clean up after him six times today! That's right. He covered half the statues on the third floor with toilet paper, threw eggs on the roof in the Great Hall, and if that isn't enough, he covered poor Mrs. Norris in goop. I don't know what KIND of goop, just that it smells like a mixture of smelly sock, rotten eggs and dead fish... you don't want to know the rest.

The students all hate me, they're out to get me, I tell you! I heard them laughing their heads off when they locked me in that broom closet. That batty old Divination teacher Professor Cresswell heard me when she walked past, but all she did was tell me through the door that she had predicted that this would happen.

They're driving me up the bloody wall, they are. I had to ask Professor Binns where the key to the staffroom was the other day; instead of just telling me, I stood there for 5 minutes while he waffled on about the Egyptians and their wizardry. I fell asleep sitting on the lounge next to him, and woke up 2 hours later, COVERED in sticky marmalade and mayo, it took me 3 showers to get rid of the stench. I wish Dumbledore would sign those papers on whipping for me...I better go, I have floors to clean.

I'll be watching out for you, you miscreants!

(1 comments/Post a comment)

Screenname: Siriusly-me

Haha, no one likes you, old Filchy has no comments. You had that Spellotape coming to you, the feathers were just an extra feature. Nobody can escape the wrath of the Marauders, no-one! We'll always be here, watching you, waiting to cover you in unnatural substances. Watch your back, for I am Padfoot the Great! By the way, do you like bees? I hope so. Muahahaha.

Ciao, have a good sleep tonight, if you dare.