Disclaimer: Characters unfortunately © to all the wonderful makers of Fullmetal Alchemist. I only chose to play with the boys.
Author's Notes: For an added affect to enhance the angst, listen to Chopin's "Etude in E Major" while you're reading this chapter. It might ease in the waterworks if you're prone to them. And keep a pack of tissues nearby. As always, watch the spoilers – I took a lot of liberties, but there are some scenes that resonate pretty close to the episodes.
Namida
- chapter 10 -
Truth
How dare he pull something like that! The intentions to humiliate him were far too clear, far too obvious that it stirred something closely resembling fury within him. But the incentive to fight was lost as those lips moved against his own. Ed found himself frozen by that seductive rhythm, the brush of soft lips and tongue, even if they were hungry and possessive.
A twisted part deep inside of him had convinced itself that he actually looked forward to those touches, that sensation. The goose bumps that shot up his spine, the twitch his muscles reacted with. He could hardly feel the cold marble pressing against his back as he stared past that head of dark emerald to the high, elaborate ceiling above. It was then that it dawned on him. Where he was, who was there.
"Get off!" He finally struggled, shoving against that nimble body.
"I can do just that, chibi-san" Envy returned mockingly as he took the shameless liberty of sliding a hand down his stomach and without the slightest hesitation, far past the bridge of his pants.
Golden eyes widened, a shuddering gasp was ripped from his throat. "What t'hell do you think you're doing!" Edward scowled, squirming to get away, despite his body's involuntary response to the rough contact.
"Oi, chibi-san don't convince yourself you're better than this. Or have you forgotten how I had you squirming and begging for more just the other night…"
Before Envy could further add to the humiliation, he slammed his still-functioning metal fist into that pretty androgynous face, knocking him back and to the floor. "Who do you think you are!" He demanded, deaf to the mutterings behind him. Deaf to the call of his younger brother, deaf to Rose's brainwashed whimpers, to Gluttony's crazed feeding and slobbering. Envy was his center of attention then. That face that kept switching beneath him with a spark of alchemy at every turn. And at every turn he slammed a left fist into the new face.
"Stop it! You're nothing! You're nothing but borrowed faces, borrowed identities!" Edward screamed, even more furious when Envy gave him no reply, did not even seem to be phased by it. The only words that escaped his mouth were his name.
"I am whomever you'd like me to be, chibi-san." He grinned as Trisha's warm face was morphed.
"No!" Fullmetal screamed, another fist coming down. It left an angry red mark before the flesh tissue was once again replaced. This time Colonel Mustang lay beneath him, in such a compromising position. Edward grinned deviously, bringing his arm up for another punch.
"Do you intend on killing me, Fullmetal?"
"You couldn't have given me a better face…" he laughed quietly, bringing the fist down. "No...you can… you can but you won't!" Fingers tightened around Envy's throat, feeling the soft material of his turtleneck pressing against his palm. "Show me who you truly are! Or are you so in love with your insanity to have forgotten!"
He did not even notice the growing seriousness upon Envy's face, once more returned to the beauty he had known. The playful glint in those eyes had disappeared; those violets had darkened, brows furrowing dangerously. The grin no longer held any mirth, but instead danger – malice.
"You want to know so badly?" He hissed.
"Show it to me!" His voice echoed off the marble coated walls, only to die upon his throat seconds later as Envy lay there, peering up at him from matching golden eyes, from behind golden strands that lay haphazardly over his face – no where as beautiful as his chosen ambiguous form, but with a certain charm. He was not, however, picking out the details he could admire in that expression…instead, as he remained there, straddling the homunculus' waist, arm twitching as it had been readied for a punch, Ed could only stare in disbelief.
"Father…" he whispered, for that was whom he saw in those features. A younger face than he remembered, but it was definitely there. How could it? It made no sense, it had to be yet another lie, another façade, another way to play and mess with him just long enough to further muddle his mind.
However before he could utter a word, accusing him of the farce, Dante neared closer, long dresses whispering with every step. He knew she was speaking, he could hear the whirr or words slipping in and out of his mind like a rushing current. He heard his father's name being mentioned…the talk of human transmutation…the first…Envy was…
Ed gasped softly, shuddering with unfelt shivers as he gazed down at the homunculus that had acquired his true shape…his true identity, true face, true voice…those eyes…so like his own. Those golden strands, with their slight wave, ever so familiar. Fullmetal released a whimpered breath as the truth assaulted him mercilessly.
"…child died of mercury poisoning," he heard Dante say. Their child… this was…this was their child. This was Hohenheim's child of centuries past. This was…
…his own brother.
"You lied to me…" he whispered breathlessly. "You…" the words failed him, the thoughts clustered within his head in such a jumbled way he could make little sense of them. He felt the betrayal, the lies, the endless facades and false words. How could he have done it? How could he have done this to him! "Did all those words mean nothing…?" he gasped, his arm aching as he kept it held up…though the muscles gradually gave away, causing the shuddering limb to descend gradually. He could feel the tears welling up in the corners of his eyes, but just like that night…the night he'd been left alone and used on the cold floor to watch the sun recede into the horizon, Ed did not allow them to fall.
Beneath him, Envy retook his more natural form, but those sinister eyes did not change, nor soften at those words. If anything, he looked even angrier. "Don't make yourself the victim!" He snarled angrily, sitting up with a quick movement that neither Ed nor anyone else could have predicted.
Edward gasped sharply, eyes widening in disbelief. A tear fell then as his eyes stared beyond the homunculus whom he had once began to trust. Whom he had foolishly fallen for…the homunculus that was his half-brother. The pain of betrayal was nothing compared to the pain that filtered through his chest then. The physical pain Envy so strategically applied as his right arm had morphed itself into a spike. Behind him he could hear blood dripping from that sharpened tip to splatter against the floor. His blood…
He coughed…it hurt. Arms dropped, his body giving out on him. Lashes fluttered as he gasped for the air that refused to find its way into his lungs – no doubt having been pierced or in some how ruptured. The grand ballroom seemed fuzzy then, the colors once bright blurring into shades as the ceiling was suddenly above him. He hardly found the breath and voice to groan as that spike was brought out of his chest, taking away the only support his weakened body had.
Fullmetal collapsed upon the marble floor, staring unseeingly at the elaborate ceiling before it faded completely into perfect whiteness.
-
The gate appeared before him the third time that night…or had it become day by now? Perhaps it had been him who appeared… yes, that seemed more logical, Edward mused quietly, as he faced the towering structure. Its massive doors were shut, the nightmares within kept in their hellish prison of darkness for now… He did not quite comprehend what he was still doing here but...it took too much effort to question it.
Edward moved closer…glancing up at the gate from a few meter's distance and sighed. So this was what it was like…to die. Was this what Brigadier General Hughes had seen that night? Was this where all those faceless people caught in the wars saw before disappearing completely?
Was this what mom had seen before evading their grasp?
The alchemist frowned. The feeling of loneliness was almost worse than the nightmares those doors kept imprisoned within their hold. It was too quiet… but how else would someone dare to imagine the world of the dead?
He felt the need to sit down, the need to run, to scream, all at the same time. The knowledge he'd been left with, despite his attempts to ignore it, sung too loudly in his head.
In the last few minutes he had not only earned the stab of betrayal, a never previously mentioned half-brother as well as his own death. It was hard to distinguish which one caused him the most pain; the most torment. He could not erase the sight of those fierce violet eyes staring at him menacingly even in victory as he felt the morphed arm slide through his body. He could not forget the words that rang in his ears from nights spent together in relative peace. Envy had known all along who he was. He had done it on purpose, the bastard…he'd gotten close to him only to gain access to his father…their father.
Fullmetal cursed under his breath and rubbed the dampness out of his eyes. He'd been used after all. For the stone, for revenge, for nights of passion that meant nothing other than what physical pleasure they brought. He shook his head firmly and in a blink, saw the towering metal figure of his younger brother standing before him, only to disappear seconds later.
"Al..?" he whispered in question, only to be greeted with Envy's body cutting through the white surroundings to stand in front of him.
"Where am I!" The homunculus demanded firmly, as if nothing had just happened. As if the last year had not happened, as if the blonde had not been killed by his own betraying hand. Ed just stared at him with an infinite calmness he never knew existed within him. Yet…in seeing him once again, distressed like that, he felt a certain amount of satisfaction. However, as he noticed at once, Envy was far from distressed as he had been before in previous encounters with the gate.
"The gate…" he whispered quietly.
Violet eyes widened and the cat-like figure whirled around to stare at the massive structure towering before them. They seemed so insignificant standing there, so alone in the foreboding silence. "Where does it lead to!" His hateful lover…no, brother…demanded once more, turning those slit eyes toward him.
Edward did not respond at first, gazing into that angry face. Anger…always anger. He wondered why Envy had not been named Wrath instead. He carried enough of it. Just as he carried the lust that consumed them so many endless nights. Perhaps it had something to do with having been the first… having lived so long, survived so long like this. He almost felt pity for him. For that being stuck in such a form, driven only by his hate and sense of revenge.
"I…"
"Where!" Envy scowled, moving closer to him.
"London…I believe it leads to a place called London. Where….our…father is." The words came out choked. His lips felt parched, his throat completely dry. He regretted the words the moment they left his mouth. How could he have told him such a thing?
"Hohenheim!" He heard Envy shout, the surprise plastered upon those beautiful features. Even now, knowing the truth, knowing that his death had been at Envy's hand, he admired those features, as false as they may be.
"You mean he's still alive!" The questioning shook him from his endless contemplation.
"Is that all you think of…your revenge?" Edward uttered quietly, meeting those livid eyes sadly. There was a moment's worth satisfaction as he watched that angry expression falter momentarily.
"Tch!" Envy dismissed the question without further argument and whirled around, stomping off toward the massive doors that awaited them.
"What will you do once you get there?"
"What do you think I'm going to do, o-chibi-san?" He snarled, slipping his fingers through the small center opening between the two doors in order to pry them open. "I'm going to kill him," he sounded breathless but Ed knew better. This was the same tone he always had when their father was mentioned. "I'm going to kill him like he deserves!" He screamed, pulling the doors wide open.
Beyond them lay that haunting, nightmarish darkness. The blonde alchemist had seen it far too many times. Seen their secrets, their horrors. Nothing was worth the experience of being put at their mercy – those little hands, that eerie laughter one would easily associate to that of a child – and children they were. The offspring of the sins of many desperate alchemists. "You'd better not go…" he warned the homunculus, even knowing it would be in vain.
At least it made Envy pause before submerging himself into the madness that awaited to grasp him from inside the gate. Edward saw those slender shoulders shake, his head lower ever slightly, and blinked. Only when he heard the soft chuckle – quiet at first escape those lips did he frown. Laughing at him until the end.
The homunculus looked over his shoulder at him, laughing quietly, mockingly. "Are you suddenly worried about me, chibi-san?" A pause, "or maybe you're worried about that abandoning bastard!"
Fullmetal didn't flinch. He did, however, lower his gaze to the white ground beneath them.
"Which one is it, Fullmetal chibi?"
His lips parted…but only a breath came out at first. "…fuck you, Envy. Fuck you."
The bastard only laughed louder and completely turning to face him, held his hands out at his sides. "I already have" he declared loudly in a sing-song, even adding a wink for affect.
"I hate you!" The words were but a venomous whisper escaping his parched lips.
"I love you too, o-chibi-san" the Sin snickered and faced the open gate once more. "Take me to Hohenheim!" he commanded and at once, was grasped by those slithering black arms that engulfed his body into the darkness. Ed glimpsed up just in time to see his morphed figure whisk through the depths into the unknown that lay beyond.
The doors closed, leaving him alone once again. And it was then, finally when there was no one around, when there was nothing to witness his guilt that the tears rolled swiftly down his mildly tanned face. He made no motion to wipe them from his cheeks, it hardly mattered then. Glistening golden eyes looked up at the infinite whiteness above him, not understanding what it was he felt right then and there, not understanding what it was that pulled at his body – no, his soul. Something called to him, something he could not understand. His throat dry, tight, he released a soft, hushed sob even as he felt himself being pulled out of that vast, empty space.
It was then that he understood at last… wet eyes widened in dim comprehension. "What have you done…" he whispered. "Al…"
You have no idea what it took to write this chapter. -.-;; I put it off for quite a few days because I know how many bucket loads of angst it'd have. I really hope I didn't kill anyone with all the angst…
PS: Happy Valentine's Day. …Yes, I know I'm twisted. XD
