Mike hadn't been home for two days and both I and mom were worried sick about him. He had been gone longer times before but this time it just felt different. It was horrible, I couldn't think straight, in school I just sat around, didn't listen and didn't talk. And at the gym all I did was beat on that sandbag until my knuckles bled. All that was in my mind was Mike and the fact that I loved him. I loved him like crazy and still I didn't even really know him. We talked sometimes but never outside of the where're you going´ be careful´ where've you been´ genre. All I really knew about my only brother was that he was too busy with his gang, which he never let me meet, to spend time with me. I felt a bit bitter about that, but I knew he never had meant for it be like that he just wanted to keep me from getting into trouble.

I was sitting in our living room watching some lame game show late at night when there was a loud knock on the door; I jumped out of the couch and ran to open the door, hoping it would be Mike. I didn't really think about the fact that he wouldn't have knocked he would have just walked in. I flung the door open only to find two police officers standing in the hallway.

"Is your mother home miss?" a young officer asked with a calm face. Shit I thought, Mike was in jail again, what had he done this time, robbed a store, sold drugs? I felt my anger bubble up inside me, how was mom gonna take care of the bills now? Without Mike's money we could never make it, I knew that from other times he had been in jail. He had been forced to take a day job just to pay our depths as soon as he got out.

I looked at the police men who were standing silent watching me with their honest and calm faces; they were both holding their hands on their belt buckles. But there was something off, they looked resigned and I felt a cold shiver of apprehension run down my spine as I saw the sad eyes of the younger one of them. He must be new at this, not yet able to hide his emotions.

I felt a lump grow in my throat as I went to get my mom. She was resting on her bed and as I shook her foot to wake her up the first thing she said was "Mike?"

I only remember parts of what the officers told us because that lump in my throat was now so big that I had trouble breathing.

"…died straight away…car…wall…"

"…waiting for an autopsy… perhaps under the influence…"

"…sorry…"

When they had left me and mom sat in silence next to each other. My mind was reeling. He had driven his car into a house, why? It must have been an accident…why hadn't he called for two days? Was he high? Probably but that didn't answer anything.

I watched my mothers face, she was staring into the wall, tears running slowly down her cheeks. Her eyes were far away, her mouth a bit open as she breathed heavily. She was totally crushed. Her oldest child was gone, her only son.

The funeral was on a Friday. It was a beautiful late spring Friday. The air smelled of flowers and grass, but I didn't want to see another flower ever again. The church was filled with flowers, roses and pimpernels and I was sick of the smell. It was like watching a movie, like someone was trying to direct a movie about suffering a loss and I just happened to play a part in that movie. I didn't feel a thing as I sat there watching my brothers coffin, watching his smiling face on the photograph next to the preacher. Everything was a haze.

It wasn't until we were standing at the entrance after the ceremony that I began to wake up a little. We had been hugged and muttered awkward condolences to for like forever and it was driving me mad. I wanted to scream at them to go away, I didn't even know them, some I had never seen in my life.

"It's good to see you Tim" I heard my mother's soft voice. I watched as Tim Shepard hugged my mother tightly and said something in a low voice to her, when he took a step back she was holding one of his large hands and her other reached up to stroke his cheek affectionately. I wondered in my confused mind how she could know him that well, when I had just met him by accident a few days ago.

Tim took a step towards me and I heard in the distance as Angela and Curly politely talked to my mother. I felt a hand on my arm and looked up to see Tim looking down on me, his eyes were a bit red and he looked tired. His black eyes were looking into mine carefully searching for something.

"How're you doing Nancy?" he asked his voice soft and caring. I shrugged my shoulders not knowing what to say. I felt like shit but he already knew that because I could tell he felt the same way. I wondered just how well he had known my brother since he was at his funeral and since my mother seemed to know him. He stroked my arm gently and leaned in close to my ear. He wasn't touching me but I could still feel the warmth from his body, he felt safe. Just like Mike had always felt safe.

"If you ever need anything, just call me" he said giving my arm a little squeeze before he turned and walked away. I watched him go; only now realizing that he had been wearing a black suit.

"I'm sorry for your loss Nancy" I turned to see Angela stand there, dressed in a black skirt and black blouse. Her black hair was falling down her shoulders in soft curls. Her eyes were big and sad. She looked like an angel of death. I just nodded silently and she walked off. I felt myself get a little pissed by the fact that she had known my brother when I never knew hers or even my own for that matter.

I suddenly felt strong arms around me hugging me close and when I tilted my head I recognised Curly's face above mine. He didn't say anything he just held me tightly and I relaxed, letting my head rest against his shoulder, so close to him that my nose was almost touching his neck. He felt warm and I felt myself absorb it greedy, it wasn't the safe-warmth that his brother radiated it was more of an electric warmth, like it could shock me. I felt him bend down his head to rest his forehead on my shoulder. I could smell his cologne, it smelled like an autumn night, kind of earthy and wild. He smelled like freedom.

He sighed deep and pulled away suddenly. He took a step back to look at me while holding my hands. I didn't look at him, I felt embarrassed for enjoining his closeness so much so I fixed my eyes on the floor. He put his hand under my chin and tilted my head up so I met his eyes. They were a blackish blue like a stormy ocean and they looked hard and soft at the same time. His whole face looked like that. His features where hard and sharp but his expression was soft and sad.

"Take care" he said and tore his eyes away from me, walking away slowly.

Sorry for not updating sooner, and sorry for killing Mike, but I had to do it to make the story work... Hope you like it! Tack!