Unconscious Fears
By: Alyson Tierney
Disclaimer: I do not own Lorelai or Rory Gilmore, or any other character associated with Gilmore Girls the way it is seen on television. Those characters and other related things and ideas belong to Amy Sherman-Palladino and the WB Network. However, Dr. Magnant, Dr. Lockham, Nurse Sayde, Alicia, and Arielle's characters are figments of my own imagination, so I do own them. Please do not use them without my permission. Thank you.
Author's Note: This story is the sequel to my story "Arielle." Everything that has happened up to the Gilmore Girls episode "Not as Cute as Pushkin" is consistent with this story, but after that, it takes its own path, so relationships and other facts may be different than on the show.
This is the last full-length chapter, full of sweetness, and then there's the epilogue, which I'll post tomorrow or Monday. I hope you like this chapter! Enjoy and please review if you wish! It's each and every one of yours' feedback, comments, likes, and dislikes that helps this story. Thank you all!
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Rory was just a few months old, and Lorelai was nursing her. Rory's eyes were closed, and she drank the milk hungrily. Her brown, curly locks lined her forehead, and her blue eyes fluttered open after she was finished eating. 'Mommy! Look!' The infant said, pointing. Lorelai looked, watching as her daughter sailed away on a ship across the Atlantic Ocean. The ship was large and massive, and her daughter looked so happy and peaceful. She looked back down at the baby nursing, and was surprised to realize it had turned into a blue-eyed, very-dark-brown-haired baby. This was not Rory, but she still felt some sense of familiarity and peace nursing this baby. She still felt some longing for Rory, who was now far away across the ocean, a speck in the distance.
Lorelai's eyelids popped open, her breathing sharp. She breathed in a few deep breaths, as she took in her surroundings. She was safely in bed at home, and from the looks of outside, morning was hours away. Checking the clock, she sighed, sure enough, it wasn't even four in the morning. Putting pillows behind her head so she could sit up more, Lorelai shook her head in order to wake herself. She listened to the nighttime noises of the house, relaxed at the thought that her daughter was sleeping just a floor below her.
Rory stood on the docks of the marina near New Haven. She'd often gone there to just think or read. This time was different. She and her mom had gone to swim at the beach, and walk along the docks. Lorelai had fallen in, and Rory was just watching her mom's face underwater. Lorelai's eyes were open and she seemed to be calling out for her daughter. Rory couldn't move, though. Her muscles and brain were screaming for her to reach out and pull her mom from the water, but she couldn't move. Her panicked state was causing a complete numb feeling. She knew she was dreaming, and she struggled to wake up. Wake up! Come on! Wake up! Rory! Wake up! Now! I command you! Wake…
"Up!" Rory screamed, as she bolted upright in bed, breathing hard. She struggled to get air in her panicked lungs. Breathing in short gasps, she hurried out of bed. She didn't want to stay asleep any longer than she had to. Needing her mom, Rory rushed out of her room and towards the stairs, shrieking as she felt someone bump into her and grab her arms.
"Rory?" Lorelai's sleepy voice asked, as Rory looked up at her mom, "Are you okay?" Rory took in a deep breath, still trying to get her breathing under control. She nodded, unable to talk, "Breathe, baby. Did you have a nightmare?"
Rory nodded again, "Yeah." She said, pitifully, "They keep coming, and you keep dying. I don't…I don't understand."
Lorelai pulled her daughter to her, "Come on, babe." She led Rory upstairs, and they crawled under the covers.
Rory rested her head facing her mom's. Taking her mom's hand, she tucked it under her chin, "They keep coming." Rory repeated.
Lorelai frowned, "I know babe. I don't think your dreams are a direct fear of me dying. I think they're a fear of me going away. Your dreams are telling you that you're scared of being away from home, scared of leaving me, and scared of taking big leaps out into the world after graduation."
Rory nodded slowly, "I am. Graduation is only two years away, and I'm expected to be some kind of big knowledge person."
Lorelai chuckled, "Rory, you are some kind of big knowledge person."
Rory blushed, "Not so much."
"Yes, so much. You are an incredibly bright and talented young lady." Lorelai nodded, tapping Rory's nose with her free hand.
"I guess. That doesn't scare me as much as the thought of being away from you. Even though I am away from you for a week or two at a time, I just don't like it. I thought I'd get used to it, but I still haven't. That's why…" Rory stopped and looked at her mom.
"Honey, you're not dropping out of school, are you?" Lorelai asked, her brows arched.
Rory laughed, "No, of course not. Alicia, Lane, and I are going to share an apartment together. We're going tomorrow to look at places, but Alicia's had her eye on the duplex two doors down from here. The sign's been up there forever."
Lorelai's face broke into a grin, "So you're going to stay in Stars Hollow?"
Rory nodded, "For the next two years at least, more if I can get a job near here. There are plenty of newspaper and writing jobs around here, I've been asking around." Rory said, smiling, "And I can continue working at the Inn, and even work a few additional hours to help with the cost of the apartment."
"As long as it doesn't interfere with your schoolwork…I'd love to have you there with me." Lorelai couldn't hide the satisfaction on her face, as she pulled Rory's hands towards her and gave them a big kiss.
"It won't interfere with my schoolwork." Rory said, her grin matching Lorelai's, "Promise."
Lorelai sighed, "Good. Then maybe my dreams will go away."
"Your dreams?" Rory asked, her brows crinkled.
Lorelai nodded, "Yeah. I've been having these weird dreams, with you in a bassinet or I'm nursing you, and then all of a sudden you go away on a plane or a boat or in a car. I'm stuck alone with an empty bassinet and empty arms. Tonight was weird though. I looked back down at my arms and there was another baby in it."
"Arielle?" Rory asked.
Lorelai shook her head, "No, this baby had blue eyes, but very dark hair. Remember how I burned all of my baby pictures?"
Rory asserted with a nod of her head, "Yes. I still don't know what you looked like as a baby."
"The baby looked kind of like me. It wasn't me, because it was me feeding it, but it was clearly my child. Not you, though." Lorelai said, looking confused.
Rory pursed her lips together, "Possibly you're feeling a little lost and alone now that I've gone to college, and are longing for the feeling again, and you think you can get that feeling by having another baby. Especially since attempts to shrink me have never succeeded."
Lorelai chuckled, "Probably. Another baby would be nice, especially after the past few months with Arielle. You're always going to be my first baby girl, though."
Rory smiled and snuggled closer, resting her head on her mom's stomach, "I love you, Mom."
Lorelai kissed the top of Rory's head, "I love you, too, kid. Sweet dreams." They closed their eyes, letting the sound of the other's breathing lull them to sleep. Knowing that Rory was going to be closer to her mom now, and they'd always be around each other let them sleep safely through the rest of the night.
