Disclaimer: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin, but that's okay. I like fantasizing.


Madness

The hitokiri didn't admit it, but the smell of blood was everywhere. It was in his mind, he knew, but he still couldn't get rid of the scent… until she came.

"Your questions pierced the haze around me. My half-lost sanity returned to me."

He owed her more than she would ever know.

Kenshin stared out the window, eyes clouded, sitting on his usual spot by the windowsill, conversations repeating in his mind.

If I had been carrying a sword that night, would you have…?

Her question kept echoing in his mind, whenever he was off duty and tried to get some peace. He had defended himself as best as he could against her disguised accusations, but she still didn't understand.

Or could it be that it's the other way around…?

He shook his head inwardly. He couldn't let his resolve slip. Despite whatever Yukishiro Tomoe believed, this was all for the good of Japan, for the future. A future with no oppression, bloodshed, or situations that would force a young boy to loose everything and bury the ones who protected him with his own hands… Even back then, he had showed his pure heart by burying the bandits who had murdered the troupe. He most definitely would not kill an unarmed man, much less a woman…

But when he met her, there had been that slight moment's hesitation.

For a moment I had hesitated… whether I should silence her or not.

"It was only a thought," he murmured, reassuring himself. "I was never going to kill her…not an unarmed civilian, a woman, alone on the street…no, not her…"

He slid off the sill silently and walked over to open the shoji, finding that Tomoe herself was about to enter. He thought to say something but didn't, and stepped back wordlessly, allowing her in. She walked past him, and once again, he inhaled her scent.

Hakubaikou… it finds its way into my dreams, now.

He stared at her back, feeling strangely tense, and then swept out of the room.

---

Two weeks later, he still wasn't sure what to think of her. She was not a lot of trouble, and Okami felt that she proved her worthiness and continued to keep Tomoe busy with chores. They talked everyday, but only in politeness and because it was required, since they shared a room, though they rarely occupied it at the same time.

He was sitting on the windowsill, his eyelids lowered to protect his eyes from the sun. He liked to look out of window, looking at what parts of the city he could see from the perch. He was seeing Kyoto for what it could be, after all the bloodshed. The murders were not done in the day.

"If I had been carrying a sword that night, would you have…?"

This again… Kenshin thought broodingly. That question…

The shoji slid open, revealing Tomoe, a handkerchief on her head and a broom in one hand. She fixed him with her doe-eyed stare. "I'm going to clean this room. Please leave it for a while."

Kenshin frowned, noticing how her sentences left no room for arguments. "I don't remember asking you to clean it," he said, annoyed at being ordered to leave.

"Okami asked me to," was all she said, a supposedly satisfying reason. He resigned, not in the mood to fight with her, and eased off the windowsill.

She really has settled in with us… Kenshin thought. This sort of thing seems familiar already.

An unfamiliar book on the stand caught his eye. Not mine, he thought. Haven't seen this before. "What's this notebook," he asked her.

"That's my diary," Tomoe said, her face as blank as paper. "Please don't read it."

Kenshin scowled a little. As if I would! I know privacy as much as the next person…his eyes flickered again to the diary. She really has settled in, if she's leaving her diary out in the open in my… our room.

Tomoe brushed past him, picking up the booklet and tucking it into her obi. "Just to be sure," she said, not looking at him. Kenshin's pride was tweaked. He couldn't believe she thought he would snoop through it. He walked out, peeved, and saw Iizuka in the hallway.

"Oi, Himura," said the older man.

"Iizuka," Kenshin acknowledged gruffly.

Hm? Iizuka peered at Kenshin, stroking his chin. A grin spread upon his face. "Why the long face? You have a fight with Tomoe?"

Kenshin's brow twitched and a click was heard as he unsheathed his katana with a push of his thumb. Iizuka leapt back, hands held in front of him protectively. "Okay, okay! What's eating you? Jeez."

"Did you want something?" Kenshin grunted, a little embarrassed at his show of anger.

Iizuka's face turned unnaturally serious, and with a flick of his wrist, a black envelope appeared between his fingers. "It's tonight. Take care of it."

Kenshin's eyes chilled, and his face became stony. He didn't say anything, but took the envelope without a word.

A job tonight. Prepare for the blood.

--

He waited in the shadows, and then sprang. He heard the chinking sounds of swords being grabbed for, but the first one, his target, didn't even get a chance to draw it. He was focused; his sword flashed out and slashed across that face with the widened eyes and gaping mouth. He didn't bother to watch him fall, and turned immediately to face his other opponents, wet drops of blood spilling up and landing on his back even as he created more. Across the chest, through the neck, his sword was dripping. He countered the next bodyguard's strike easily.

Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu, Sou Ryu Sen Ganami! The attack's name pulsed through his mind as his muscles pushed the sword powerfully through the man. Only two left. He turned his back and walked away even before the bodies fell.

The blood had not spilled on him, but he had to keep washing his hands… he heard her, felt her approaching, even though her steps barely made any noise, as silent as a cat.

Don't romanticize her… she's only a woman… just…

He was giving her too much credit. The thick tabi she was surely wearing at this time of year helped muffle her steps. That was all. Iie.

Her voice was soft and eased into the silence so that the sound of it wasn't startling. It just combined to make a soothing whisper… but the words carried no peace.

"Do you intend to keep killing like this?"

No, it's not just the tabi… she's graceful, beautiful, and she haunts me. I can't help but take heed to her words.

…Why?

She watched him, and his eyes flickered, reflecting only a fraction of the distraught confusion within. His hands scrubbed against each other harder, the water splashing out of the bucket.

--

He didn't see Tomoe for a few more days. He had another job, and another. Three nights in a row of assassinations, and finally, it was done. He crept to his room, glad that she wasn't there at the moment, and got upon the windowsill to rest. He was tired.

The smell of blood… and her perfume. But over time, the scent of white plum has overpowered the stench of blood…

His head slowly bowed, giving into sleep. The last things he remembered were his latest victims and her face. His body gave in, weary, and he slept, for how long, he didn't know. He slept until he heard the rustle of cloth, and then his eyes sprang open, maddened. He didn't recognize her. The sword was at her throat before she could scream.

Blood blood blood-

Her eyes were wide, frightened. She had a right to be.

Blood blood blood, but it was her-

Tomoe!

His eyes widened horribly and he let out a cry.

No! His body, now under control, jerked in resistance. His sword arm slowed enough for him to shove his hand between her body and the sword, shoving her away.

It was all over in an instant, but his body was covered in sweat and he was panting. He gripped the arm that held the sword. Oh, Kami…

What have I… what did I just do? What I could've done…

"I'm sorry," he managed to mutter, eyes closing, still breathing hard. She was still here; that was bad. She had to get away from him while she still could.

She was always with him… he couldn't stop thinking about her… she had to go.

"I bragged that I would never kill a civilian, and now look at me…" His head was bowed, his voice filled with hopeless contempt for himself. "If you had come any closer I would have…"

Please leave. Leave me…

He knew that she understood. He knew that she could hear his unspoken plea. But she set her shawl down onto his lap. He was stunned.

"Let me stay here a while… now you need a sheath, to hold back your madness."

His eyes widened, staring down at the cloth. He couldn't look into her eyes. That was all right, because he knew what he would've seen. A dark gaze, with eyes that seemed to accept all of him. She did accept all of him. He had almost killed her, and she was still here with him. She trusted him, despite his madness, and he trusted her. His fingers clenched, grabbing tight onto the silk scarf.

"I thought about my answer," he said, still bent over and clutching her shawl, Tomoe standing in front of him. "Whether or not I'd have killed you, if you had a sword. The answer is no."

His heart felt strangely heavy, not with grief, but another deep, unnamed emotion. "I wouldn't kill you. Whatever happened, I could never do that to you."

He felt her stir, not restlessly… but perhaps with the same emotion he felt. It was wondrous to imagine.

"Not to you," he continued, his voice dropping down to a whisper, lingering in the air. "Never."

I would never hurt you. I would never kill you.


...I love you.


A/N: Yeah, I suck at this now. As in, updating regularly. The last line is a little…coughs bleh, but I'm too bad to change it. Anyway, we need some romance for the holidays, right? (yeah, right…). Okay, enough of the negativity, all of you who had interest in this story, thanks for reviewing and letting me know. I'll try and keep up. See ya!