Hiya!
Yawn…Oh, so what? It's 22.25 o'clock…that's 10.25 pm…when I'm writing this. We only have two chapters to go now, don't we? Yeah, It's been a hard ride and I actually never planned to write any fanfiction at all. The only thing I wanted to do was reading other's stories. But I changed my mind, and wrote this and the previous one-shot. I read it all through yesterday, and realised just how terrible my English is! Sigh, but I think I've improved a bit, haven't I? Thanks for all the reviews! I still can't believe that you guys have put up with my ass for this long!

Dark-anime-slave: Yeah…I dunno. Sorry…I forgot to fatten the letters on you username for the previous chapter.
Soul's Eclipse: Hey, I've missed you! Glad you like the chapters! Hehehe…I actually chuckled about that devil thing, causing my friends to say like 'now what?', needless to say I'm always weird!
Rei's Baby: You think? Well thank you! All in one day? That sounds…well…hard. Here's the update!
Reisgurl: :)
Constantine: Ja, er liebt Rei…und Rei…hmmm…ich glaubte er liebt Kai. (evil smirk) Just kidding ya. And I'm pretty sure I did something wrong with 'er'…should it be 'ihr' or something? I don't know what you mean by 'monster Camilla', but it reminded me about your story…what is it named?
jak'idiot: You think? I've actually heard that I'm pretty good at reading people's souls, so that's ironical that you are saying that. Thank you!
Arista57: You do? that's making me really happy! Hope you'll keep on loving it!
kero-chan39: Uhm, don't worry, I'll have them to fix this!
Endoh Chiaki: killing you with each chapter? What do you mean? Hm, thanks for the suggestion. However, It's a lot better than it sounds! I wouldn't call it a 'novel', more like a fiction. But I'm really bad at summaries…It IS better than it sounds!
Platinum Rei: Thank you! And here's the update.
wingedsoldier: Don't worry, it will work out just fine! Not entirely fluffy happy but close enough.
gift-of-the-elves: You don't? Totally understandable though. What features did you add? Yeah, I love Tala's outfit!
Kiko cat: You're on the right track here!
M.S.K: Harsh? what did I do? He's never done anything to me…I like him…
UlTiMaTe KaI LuVa: Don't worry, he may…Good it doesn't sound too weird! Just between the two of us, the Swedish voice of Kai litterally sucks! Tala's is a bit weird and Rei's is really mature. You know, I talk to the guy making Rei's voice on messenger. He's nice…(okay, so totally off topic)
Mya Ino: Darling! I've learned 'kana', yatta! It's fun! I might actually do those pics you suggested, I'll think about that! Yeah, I too think my writing is better that when I first started. Well…the ending won't be exactly 'happy' but not in any way tragic or sad! I think it's really good! See ya!

Disclaimer: …Same as ever…

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:chapter 18:

:the truth:

Kai was walking quickly through the corridor. He was irritated and all around very sour at the moment. Not only had Tala stolen the first dance of the evening with him, but Rei had literally disappeared. Not that he was looking for the neko, but still. No, right now he was more angry at himself, partly for not turning the idiot Tala down, partly because he forgot to give something really important to Rei. So, now he was walking back to the suite to get it.
He cursed under his breath as he pulled out the key and unlocked the door. It was dark inside, the only light coming from the lamps outside the hotel.
The phoenix walked over to his suitcase and pulled out a flat dark green box. He smiled as he ran his hand over the plastic. he had carried that box around with him for as far as he could remember, always wanted to give it to the Amber eyed teen. He had bought it when he first realised he loved Rei. And he had bought it to give it to him.
The Russian sighed and sat down on the couch. He inhaled slowly and looked out the window. It was snowing again, heavy white snowflakes falling from the dark sky. Kai loved snow. He always had. To him, they meant luck.
When he had been with the Demolition boys, he had noticed that of all five members, he was the only one to like it. Tala totally hated it, Spencer and Ian thought it was annoying and Bryan didn't care much. His mind wandered off to the members of blade breakers…or the former members of blade breakers, Tyson was really amused by snow, Max loved it and was ecstatic every time the white stuff arrived, Kenny thought it was a source of great annoyance and Rei…Rei…he didn't know when it came to Rei. Come of think of it, there wasn't much he knew about his raven haired team mate.
"Everything about Rei is a mystery. He's like a split personality, loving the first second, scary the other, depressed the next and sometimes without a problem in the world…so it seams." The phoenix mumbled out in the air. "Mariah, Lee, Max, Steve, Oliver, Johnny, Bryan…me, and a few I haven't got the names of, that's all I know about Rei, except from his skills as a blader and his intelligence." He realised he was talking out loud and paused. Then he laughed. "Aw, what the heck! I can listen to my own babbling, nothing wrong in talking to yourself when no one else is around." he coughed and continued. "Somewhere along that list, something must have happened. The only question is what?" The talk between Himself and Rei flashed through his mind. He hadn't given it much thought before, but now he realised that a clue to the problem might lie in the story, and so he started to think about it.
"He said that he first dated Mariah, and it didn't work because he realised that he was gay. Now his village was small, so he fell for someone close to him, Lee. Lee then cheated on him, not hesitating of doing so either. In other words, Lee took advantage of the situation. After that, he left his village…and here it's blank…totally blank, till he meets us, and Max. They get along well, until Rei brakes up with him…he did say that anyway, that he didn't like Max's happy going side. But that can't really be true, considering that Max only have been in that state of mind for the last year or so. When Blade breakers first formed, Max was just very nice and friendly, always hanging around Tyson…Tyson? Might that be the reason? It could indeed. Was it that Max confessed he loved Tyson, not Rei that broke them apart? If that was the case, it was the third time he'd been 'unloved'." He sighed and got up from the black leather couch. "I sound like a nut case, talking to myself, but I have to say it, and since no one's here to listen, I guess I have to listen to this by myself" he took a deep breath. "Then it was Steve, which he said to be a one night stand. Would Rei really agree to that?" The phoenix sighed for the millionth time that evening, as he remembered the stuff about Oliver and Johnny. "Yes, he would agree to that" he stated. "Then Bryan, one person that actually showed Rei what love is. Then why did he break up with him? It doesn't make any sense at all!"

"…Do you really want to know that, Kai?" The phoenix jumped right out of his skin at the voice coming from behind. He spun around and stared at the cause…Rei. The neko was standing a couple of meters away, staring at him and with a really tired look in his eyes. "Do you?" Kai swallowed.

"When did you get in here? Have you heard everything I've said?"

"Do you?" Kai shivered at the coldness of Rei's otherwise smooth voice. He had taken out the lenses and now stared with such an ice cold gaze it could have caused hell to freeze. But he seamed to be calm and quiet. "Do you, Kai?" the Russian nodded.

"Yes, I do"

"I broke up with him, because I was bored and irritated"

"What?" Kai looked at the boy before him.

"I was restless. I was afraid that he was serious about it. I wasn't serious. I could have been, if he hadn't chased away every guy that came near me. He could never have lived with me. He was too jealous" Kai looked into the Chinese's eyes. They weren't lying, he was telling the truth.

"What do you mean by that?"

"The person being my boyfriend can't under any circumstances be jealous. Then it's doomed to fail." Rei switched the light on. "I heard your analyse about me, and I can say you are very close indeed. Mariah is correct, and Lee…is correct too. He was using me, telling me he'd let me be his lover if he could do what he wanted with me. Blinded by…love…I accepted that. And so, he did whatever he wanted with me. He even forced me to have sex with him and his two friends. I didn't complain, was only happy that I could call someone my boyfriend. Then he cheated on me. I knew he had, and I was a bit hurt. Then he told me that he could never love a fucked up idiot like me, that no one ever would, and that he thought I should be grateful he even paid me attention at all. I was hurt and angry, so I ran away." Kai looked down at the floor.

"I'm sorry Rei. I had no idea that…" Rei didn't take any notice of him.

"The reason I came up here was that I wanted to ask you something…something of great importance. Then, I wanted to explain why I'm about to do this"

"What? I don't understand"

"Do you love me Kai?" the phoenix rose his eyebrows.

"Yes, I do…I really do!"

"How do you know that? How?"

"I…I…I don't know. I just do. It's like every time I look at you, I fall in love all over again. But it isn't something you can explain"

"I see. In other words 'love' is a term created for feelings you don't know the meaning of. Is that really so? That sets a few things spinning. Now, I want to know, if I told you something, would it cause you to change your mind about me?" Kai widened his eyes at the firm tone Rei spoke in and shook his head.

"No…nothing would. It doesn't matter what you said to me, I would still love you!"

"Really?" the neko chuckled sarcastically. "I don't know about that. What I'm about to tell you might change your so called 'love' into disgust, rejection or even hate. Will you still listen to it?"

"Of course I will!"

"Well then, I'll tell you the missing pieces of my life-story. The problem was that I really was and still am a fucked up idiot, just like Lee stated. I didn't bring anything at all when I left, except Driger…nothing. I had left in total anger and sadness, blinded with the pain of a broken heart. But I had nothing. As I arrived in nearest town I was starving. I hadn't eaten for three days, and I was cold as hell. I tried to get myself a job, but because of my rather dirty appearance, no one would hire me…almost.
At the fifth day of my so called freedom, I hadn't slept for an hour total. I was cold and hungry, needless to say thirsty, and I had lost all of my strengths. Then I met this guy, who just out of nowhere greeted me with 'hey, you! how much do you charge?'. Not knowing what to do I answered '50 dollars'. I though that as long as I got some food and shelter out of it, it would be okay. He accepted at once, bringing me with him to his motel. He gave me some food and water. It was so cosy and warm inside, and I was so happy I finally could recover somewhat. Then he fucked me and I got my money.
I stayed in the town. But since surprisingly everyone knew about my night with the guy, no one gave me a job. I had no choice, I had to get myself food and shelter for the nights, because it was very close to winter. I did well, charging 100 dollars per night. So you might say, I was a cheap fuck…" Kai said nothing. Just stared at the neko, wondering why he suddenly told him everything. The Chinese both sounded and looked very bitter. It was like if his aura had faded away.

"…Rei…" he tried but the raven haired teen cut him.

"After six months in that town, it was visited by an old friend to my family, and I had known him when I was little, more precisely Mr. Dickinson. We met at a bar and he recognised me instantly. I told him that I had left my village, not why, and he asked if I still bladed. Of course I did, always during my spare time. He then asked me if I would want to join team Japan, and I accepted with great appreciation. I took a job at a hotel in Hong-Kong so that I still earned some money and went with him to Japan, where I met you guys." He sighed and sat down on the couch. "Care to join me here, Kai? This will be a long story, so I don't think you should be standing." Kai walked over to the couch and sat down.

"Why? Why are you telling me this now? You haven't spoken a single word about this, and suddenly you are fine with telling?" Rei glared at him.

"If you can't figure that out for your self, I don't see why I should Keep on!" He stared blankly out in the air and continued like a robot. "I met Max. Because of my previous experiences I didn't really hesitate about being with someone. He claimed he loved me for some time, and just when I started to believe him, he suddenly said that he loved Tyson, and that he wanted to break up. I didn't talk back, nor did I ask about anything. It was his call to do what he wanted. And besides, I was used to that. And I started to believe that maybe Lee was right, no one would love me.
When we then arrived in China, we met the White Tigers. I was scared and when we talked to them. I met him again, Lee, the same night. I was just off from work and had a drink at a bar. Suddenly someone whispered some familiar words In my ear, 'what do you charge?', and I answered out of old habit, '100 for a night'. The one behind me chuckled and spun me around, telling me he accepted. When I looked at him, I saw that it was Lee.
That whole night he more or less raped me. I got my money yes, but I was totally exhausted, and the only thing he had called me during that night was 'little whore', 'slut' and 'bitch' and that he'd always known I was gonna end up there. I know I am those things, he just reminded me, that's all. And it wasn't his fault, since it was I who accepted to fuck with him that night"

"Of course it was his fault! That isn't something he just can get away with! Rei, you got to do something!" Kai sounded calm and steady, but he was actually shaking with fury and burning from anger.

"And what should I do? He didn't do anything illegal in my eyes. Nothing at all. I was. I was the one who became a whore…a slut you might say. And just shut up and let me finish!" Kai stared at him in surprise. "Nothing more to tell from China, because I think you know the rest through the tournaments.
In America, I was picked up by Steve when I was walking to the hotel. He asked if I wanted a drink, and I thought 'yeah, what the fuck' and followed him. He was amazed about the strength of my Blade and I admitted I was interested in his battle style. And so that night too ended the normal way, and in the morning, he threw me out of the room. I was confused but soon found out that he wasn't interested in me at all, so I left it at that rate. I accepted it but was angry that I didn't see it coming and that I hadn't gotten anything out of it.
Then, when we came to Europe, we met Oliver. Now, Oliver is a dear friend of mine and I won't bad talk him, but he's a pretty selfish guy. I met him the day he battled Tyson, and his gaze instantly told me he wanted something. Then at the evening we accidentally ran into each other at a restaurant and we talked for hours. He was very nice and he had told me that his boyfriend Enrique had been cheating on him with some girl. And so, he was a little upset, and I came up with the idea that he could do the same. If he cheated on Enrique, they would be even. And of course, he said that he couldn't because he couldn't just go off and ask anyone that…but I told him that I would be glad doing that if he paid me." the neko sighed and leant backwards. He looked at Kai, sitting beside him. The phoenix's expression was unreadable, and Rei smiled weakly. "I thought that it would either break them apart so that I had a chance with Oliver, or get them closer to each other so that their relationship would be saved. Of course the latter one was the truth.
We then met Enrique and I kept my distance from them, not wanting to ruin everything. And we followed them to Robert…and Johnny. Now Johnny was flirting with me non stop and then just suddenly pinned me to the wall and kissed me in the morning. He was really surprised that I instantly answered and kissed him back, and he pressed me down at the bed. I ain't sure, but I think his first intention was to rape me, but as I returned the gesture, he had no need of doing so."

"You mean Johnny raped you!" Kai couldn't believe his ears. Had that jackass hurt Rei? But the tiger shook his head.

"No, that's the point. Since I agreed to have sex with him, it wasn't a rape. He was very rough though, and I ended up with many bruises." Rei suddenly started laughing, and Kai cracked an eyebrow.

"I can't see what's so amusing about all this, Rei!"

"Oh, it's just that it all sounds so pathetic when you say it. Not to mention that Lee really was right, I am a slut! The only thing is that this whole story is in fact my life. And even more pathetic is the part about Bryan. I was becoming more and more comfortable with all these people fucking me. I had heard the words 'I love you' so many times, they didn't mean a rats ass to me anymore. And even I had said them to the point in when they had no meaning. When I met Bryan, it was the same thing. He kissed me, saying that he loved me and had sex with me. Then, he continued to see me, and I started to have the feeling that he was just using me for free. And so, I took the control over him, being the seme. And when I realized that he actually was telling the truth, I panicked. I didn't know what to do. My whole world was wobbling and I was afraid…afraid that he might disappoint me and stop loving me. And so I've learned he would have, right? I think you know about him and Tala too" Kai nodded quietly. "but I ended it when he still was in the adoration state, because he couldn't possibly have loved me considering all the guys I hit on when we were out on clubs. So, I left him, so that my heart would be safe. I still do that. I won't open, or I might loose my will to live again."

"Again?" Kai whispered quietly and Rei nodded slowly.

"After Bryan, I was lost. I didn't eat nor sleep. I just kept on charging people to fuck me. I tried to get myself other jobs, but no one would hire me because according to them, I was mentally disturbed and always a wreck. And maybe I am. I lost so much weight, one of the guys I slept with dragged me to the hospital. There, they treated me and forced me to eat. I didn't care, because I'm used to do what others tell me to do. Then, I started to blade again, joining you guys after visiting my village, where of course they didn't want me. I slept with people every now and then, thinking it was no big deal at all. Then I once again switched team, joining the White Tigers again on request by Lee. We two did what we'd always done, and the rest is history. That night with you, when you revealed your interest in me…I had just returned from a really rough date, and I needed a shower and something to get my strengths back."

"Rei…why didn't you tell me? It would have really helped me to understand you. I'm here for you, you're the one I live for!"

"No Kai. A person only lives for his or her own sake. You can't say you live for me because that would be a lie. That's the reason I told you…because I wanted you to understand what I am about to tell you"

"What? That you don't want me to love you, because you don't love me?" Rei blinked. Had Kai really picked that up? Kai was glaring at him in a very strange way and not knowing what to answer, Rei nodded.

"Hai. It's also because I don't think I'm worth love. Since I might not ever be able to return those feelings…ever" Kai slowly rose his hand and stroke the neko's cheek, causing him to shiver.

"Rei, listen to me, It doesn't matter whether you love me or not. Of course I care, but the fact is that nothing will ever change my feelings towards you, not even the fact that you don't return those feelings."

"Do you really mean that, or is it just another lie?" Rei murmured.

"I do mean that! And I'll do what you want me to, even if that is to leave you alone. I'm so sorry about what have happened to you, Rei…and frankly I don't know what to do or how to help you, only that I want to. And I want you to let me try"

"So you're saying that if I asked you to disappear from my life, you wouldn't hesitate to do so?" Kai nodded and squeezed the amber eyed teen's hand.

"Yeah, I would." he smiled warmly. Rei looked at him, eyes glowing in the dull light. His body was cold and stiff, Then, he slowly started to shiver. His shaking soon formed into crying and he sank to the floor. "Rei? You okay?" Kai asked and followed him down on the thick red carpet. The Chinese choked on the sobbing but nodded.

"Y-Yeah…I-I-I a-am" he stuttered and nuzzled into Kai's chest. The Russian wrapped his arms around the thin body and held him hard. "I-I-I j-just can't believe that y-you are so nice to me after this"

"What do you mean?" the phoenix frowned and Rei inhaled to calm himself.

"The purpose of this was to scare you away, or cause you to stop loving me, but now you telling me you don't care about the past and that you will do as I say…and now you've made me uncertain what to do."

"Think about it, Rei. I just want you to know I'll support your decision one hundred percent, even if it doesn't include me…because my love for you is real. I love you Rei Kon, though I might never hear that back."

"Kai…would you let me stay with you…even if I never told you those words?"

"Yeah…I think I would. If that was what you wanted, and that it made you happy" Rei sighed and smiled. He had stopped crying and was fully aware of the strong arms holding him, the slow movements from Kai's breathing, his warmth and the sound of his heart beat.

"That's what I'll do then. I would like to become your boyfriend…because what I feel for you might actually be love, but I need time for that…I have to wait and see"

"You're sure that's what you want?"

"Yeah…I am…but I'm afraid that you might dump me when you get tired of me, or if I hit on someone else, or if I never respond on your feelings"

"If you hit on anyone else, of course I would be hurt, but I wouldn't stop loving you because of that. And nothing could make me tired of you…nothing" He reached up and took the box of the table. "This you might say is a promise of that. I will wait for you to love me, till the end of time if I have to." Rei looked from Kai to the box and back again.

"For me?" he asked.

"Yeah. I've wanted to give you that for some time." the neko slowly opened the box and gasped. It was an oval charm in pure gold, decorated with the sign of the tiger and the phoenix. he slowly opened it. Inside was a picture of Kai, the one that Rei had taken with the digital-camera three summers ago when they were on vacation. It was during the sunset, and Kai was standing and looking directly at the camera with the remaining red light coming from the side, eyes showing strangely much love and warmth.

"Where did you get this picture?" he asked confused.

"You loaded it into Dizzi, remember? And I asked her to give it to me" Rei returned his attention to the charm and looked at the opposite side of the inside. It was an inscription which he read out loud.

"Forever yours…with love…Kai. Oh Kai, it's beautiful. I don't know what to say…I…I just……thank you" the Chinese stroke away a tear from the corned of his eye and hung it around his neck. Kai bent forward and captured Rei's lips in a tender kiss. The tiger returned the kiss and smiled. "I won't ever take it off…only when I shower" he sneered causing Kai to start laughing.

"Yeah, you do that" he smiled. "…Do you want to get back downstairs to the party, or do you want to stay here?" the raven haired blader smiled.

"We can go down. Yeah…we have to tell people about the new team, which reminds me…" They got up and walked towards the door.

"Of what?"

"Something that Bryan asked me about…I'll explain as we walk" the ebony haired blader smiled as they walked outside and closed the door behind them, heading back to the party. The Chinese boy felt something inside him, something he hadn't felt for a long time…or like forever…hope.

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Yepp, yepp…that's Rei's story. And what do you think about it? It's very lame, I know…but what to do? You just have to put up with this, right. And now it's only one chapter left…and then…well, we'll see what happen! As usual review and wee you next week! Some questions:

1. After I finish this story I won't start with the sequel right away, instead I'll start on something new…what would you want to read about? If you don't know, don't worry. I have a few stories to choose from.

2. One thing I've wanted to know for some time, how did you found this story to begin with?

3. What's your number one favorite fanfiction?

4. Which of the characters is your favorite in the series?…

5. …In my story?

6. Is my spelling and stuff as bad as when I started or am I getting better?