Uhhhhhhhhh. . . . . My head hurts. . . Where am I? Who am I? Oh, right, I'm Inuyasha. The good-looking and sexiest hanyou in the world that no lady can resist. Hehehhhhhhh.
But, wait. . . Why can't I move???
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The Kazaana SUCKS!
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by yours truly,
Onigiri in a Sailor Uniform
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REVIEWER THANKIN' TIME!
Sango-san (story huggles you back) 33 Arigatou for the compliments! And your San/Mir fics are great! I'll be sure to read the rest of InuYasha Version of the Ringas soon as possible! Well, thanks for dropping by!! D
Ganheim-san Hmm. Okay, you asked if this was going to be a serious story or just plain humorous and random and, well. . .it's a little of both. I mean, this story does have a plot, though a not-so-serious one at that. However, that doesn't mean the story will just end up as a big, discombobulated mess. So. . .yeah. I don't really want to ask you to take this story more seriously because I don't think it was even that serious to begin with, but at least read this second chapter and then make your decision on whether or not reading The Kazaana SUCKS! is wasting your time. No one is forcing you to read this.
Haunt-san She likes it! Hey, Mikey!! P Thanks fer reviewin' and about the Hamtaro thing. . . Well, see, whenever he is confused or something, the little dude always cocks his head to the side and goes, "Hi-keh?", so he was really, like, spying on the gang and glaring because they STOLE HIS LINE!!!!!. I hope that clears it up for ya. D Thanks, again!
ainominako-san Wow!! I'm glad I made you laugh so much and hanks for the compliments!! 3
Liika-san Yay! More laughter! D And there will be more about Hamtaro in future chapters. ) You know, I never liked those damn push-pops. . . They'd always get my finger sticky! T.T
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o0o-Chapter Two-o0o
It is such a hassle when you lose your sanity because after you do, every single person who talks to you sounds like thheyy'rrre talllkiiinng ssooo ssllloowww and they make you wear the most uncomfortable white jacket and THOSE ANNOYING VOICES! Ugh, they're the worst! I mean, at first they're good company and make great conversations, but after a while they're just so boring and keep droning on and on and on.
. . .But the food's pretty good.
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There was nothing but darkness. . .
Inuyasha tried to move, but found he was stuck between something digging into his side and a hard place. ". . .The hell?" The hanyou's eyelids slowly lifted; his golden orbs examining the position he was currently in. It seemed something was lying on top of him. . . Correction: someone.
He tried to push the heavy weight off of him, but all it resulted in was a mass of raven-colored locks flowing down onto chest. At that second, realization donned. 'Kagome!' A wide, sly grin then spread across Inuyasha's face as one of his naked feet felt around until coming in contact with another, smoother surface of skin. The grin grew even larger and he began to rub his foot up the human's long leg then back down to her own uncovered foot.
This went on for a few minutes or so until he felt the girl begin to stir. The hanyou's foot then immediately froze.
"I-. . .I-Inuyasha. . .?" Kagome asked groggily, slowly rising off of him (the said hanyou getting up onto his elbows, a bit disappointed). Her legs folded under her into an Indian-style sitting position and she looked up at Inuyasha, furrowing her brows. "Inuyasha, were you. . .playing footsies with me??"
The hanyou's face lit up like a blood-red lantern, but immediately after, he took on that same sly grin. "Why, yes. . ." He inched closer toward the girl. "Does that. . ." His cold lips brushed against her soft ears as he whispered suggestively, ". . .turn you on?"
"Well, actually, I sorta have this foot fungus that's highly contagious," Kagome replied bluntly.
Inuyasha's eyes widened in a blank stare, then slowly moved downward toward his left foot.
"YAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The dog-demon nearly jumped out of his skin as he looked down at the throbbing, oozing, dark purple lump that was probably three feet tall or more. Large, pulsating veins spiraled all around it in colors of purple, red, and green. "Wh-. . .What-. . .k-kind of fungus IS THAT!?!?" he screamed in fear, the mound of monstrous gross-osity towering above him.
"Wow. . ." Kagome breathed, slipping her feet back into the black buckled shoes that most likely had fallen off during her quite unpleasant descent into this alien place. "And here I only got this tiny, little wart. . ."
"U-u-uhhhhh. . . K-Kago-ome, it's. . .i-it's. . ."
"Hm?" The raven-haired girl turned her head just in time to see the huge and grotesque deformation rip itself apart from Inuyasha's trembling foot, shooting high up into the sky. Her eyes were as wide as two baseballs as she watched the blob slowly begin to take the shape of. . .
". . .a person?"
"No. . ." Inuyasha growled, his brows furrowing together. "A hamster. . ." He then quickly unsheathed Tetsusaiga, and leapt into the air with ferocity. "YOU BASTARD RODENT THAT RESEMBLES A RABBIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!" he screamed angrily, swinging the huge fang in his hands in a vertical slice. However, the tiny, shadowed figure swiftly dodged it, and jumped to the ground, Inuyasha landing his giant leap simultaneously.
"Tikki, tikki, tikki, tikki, tikki, tikki, tikkiiiiiiiiiiii!!" the little thing squeaked in fear, running over to Kagome who was still kneeling on one leg with hands around her shoe buckle, still a bit stunned. Then, a moment later. . . . .
"EEEEEEEEEEK!!!! GETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUUUUUUUUUUT!!!!" Kagome shrieked, hands thrashing at the small lump in her shirt moving around in frantic circles, face burning bright red.
Before Inuyasha could make a move, a low, masculine voice boomed, "Never fear, my lovely damsel in distress, for it is I. . ."
The inu hanyou and schoolgirl both turned their heads to the voice and gasped in unison.
"MINAZAWA COBALT!!!" exclaimed a gorgeous, teenage boy with long, black, spiky hair reaching down to his neck and thin, cat-like cobalt blue eyes. He wore a sleek, black trench coat that flapped around his calves, the cuffs covered in fluffy, white cotton all around. Under that was a tight-fitting, red shirt that showed off his lean but built body and a pair of loose, black pants. Inuyasha growled at him darkly; Kagome just melted.
"'Damsel in distress'!?" the dog demon growled. "It's just a stupid hamster! All ya gotta do is stick yer hand down her shirt and-"His eyes widened as he realized where this conversation was going and royally regretted ever opening his huge trap in the first place.
"Well," Cobalt began, brushing a strand of hair out of his heavenly eyes. "I am always willing. . ." He gracefully strode over to the motionless and blushing Kagome with his black, leather boot, the same white fluff covering the very tops. ". . .to help such a beautiful young lady in need. . ." He slowly lifted the right hand at his side up to the top button of the schoolgirl's schoolblouse and toyed with it for only a few seconds before it suddenly snapped right out of the buttonhole, causing Kagome to nearly jump out of her tense and burning skin. She watched stiffly as Cobalt reached for the next button. He gently toyed with this one just the same and as it slowly became undone, she felt a rush of cold air against the now exposed half of her chest, and her skin tingled, but she really felt like she was burning up, a drop of sweat rolling down her cheek as he reached for the last button. . .grasped it in his strong fingers. . . . .and. . . . . . .
"NOT IN YOUR FUCKIN' LIFE, PRETTY BOY!!!"
A red-clad leg came flying out of nowhere, striking Cobalt right across the jaw and sending him flying into the air. Blood splattered onto the bright, violet ground as he went spinning through the air, soon smacking against the hard, bumpy surface, as well.
"I-. . .Inuyasha. . . How. . . . ." Kagome breathed, looking up in awe at the scowling hanyou whose eyes glared deathly daggers at the unconscious boy. ". .DARE YOU DO THAT!!!!!" All admirer-ance instantly left her eyes, replaced by burning flames of rage. Always willing to make her glare the more menacing, Kagome quickly stood up, tightly clenched her hands into fists, and pulled her arms to her side, towering over Inuyasha and-
SHHNNNAAAAPPPPP!!!!!!!
Because she had pulled her arms back so hard, the girl's schoolblouse was stretched out fast and tight and the last button came flying off of the bottom. Her shirt flew wide open, and Inuyasha caught a front row view of her bodacious breasts. . . .and a very heavy nosebleed following right after. Kagome just stood there, stunned and wide-eyed, the hamster quickly scurrying away, unnoticed.
(scene break)(scene break)(scene break)(scene break)(scene break)(scene break)(scene break)
"What d'you mean "tour guide"?" Inuyasha demanded, arms crossed and two small pieces of tissue up his nostrils.
The said hanyou, Kagome, Shippo, who sat atop the schoolgirl's head, and Sango all watched Cobalt intently as he replied in his deep, manly voice, "As I said before, you have all been sucked into the monk's Wind Tunnel. If you wish to ever return to the outside world again, you must venture throughout the man's body until you find. . .another opening."
The gang's faces all became a little green at this comment.
"However," the black-haired bishie continued. "All the monsters and demons the monk has ever sucked up are lurking somewhere inside this curséd place. . . Obviously you will have to fight them sometime along your quest and also obviously, you would not know where the hell you were ever going- especially if this mutt here is your leader- unless accompanied by someone who has been trapped here for quite some time now. . ."
"WHAT DID YOU CALL M-"
"We'd love you to be our tour guide!!" Sango and Kagome cut in, hands clasped together and hearts in their eyes. Cobalt then flashed the two ladies one of trademark-pretty-boy-smiles and they both nearly fainted.
"Hey, Inuyasha, Minazawa-san is really nice, and handsome, too, don'cha think??" Shippo said happily with a big, innocent smile. A fist sent right at the kitsune's small head was the inu hanyou's replied.
Inuyasha then suddenly turned back around toward the black-haired bishie. "Wait a minute, Minazawa," he spat irritably, hands crossed against his chest once again.
The boy gave him a questioning smile.
"You wouldn't've known Kagome was in trouble if you weren't spyin' on us or somethin', so obviously you saw the whole show with that hamster's transformation. If you've been in here for as long as you say, then you should know what that thing was and why it was born from a fungus on my foot."
Cobalt chuckled softly and began to explain. "This dimension you all are trapped in is wicked and strange. Once you return to the outside, after all the things you have been through, nothing will seem to be impossible anymore." He then simply spun around on his heel and started to walk away.
". . . . ." The gang just stared after him with blank looks, their minds completely in a fog.
"Now, then, let us be on our way!" Cobalt exclaimed to them over his shoulder. He then whipped out a battered, rolled-up piece of parchment and slowly unrolled it, never slowing his pace. "According to the map I have cleverly drawn from the time I have spent in the Kazaana, we should head. . ." He shot a hand out and pointed toward the northeast. "THAT WAY!"
"As long as your with us, I'm sure we'll be out of here in no time. . ." Sango and Kagome sighed as they began following the teen with mesmerized eyes.
Three days later. . .
Bags dangled under Sango and Kagome's tired eyes as they sluggishly dragged their feet across the never-ending stretch of dirt, arms nearly dragging along the ground, as well; throats dry and becoming tighter with every passing second. The two girls' shriveled up tongues hung out from between their chapped lips, no longer from drooling over Cobalt, but from complete and total exhaust-
"FORGET THE DAMN DESCIPTIONS!!!!! WE'VE BEEN WALKIN' FOR THREE FREAKIN' DAYS AND HAVEN'T HAD A SINGLE THING TO DRINK OR EAT IN FOREVER!!!!!" Kagome screamed.
"And it's all because a certain bastard had the map upside down the whole time!" Inuyasha growled into Cobalt's ear.
"Kagomeeeee, when are we gonna get outta heeeeere?" Shippo whined from atop the schoolgirl's head.
"You know what. . ." she seethed through clenched teeth. "I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR DAMN WHINING!!!!!" The raven-haired girl snatched the little kitsune off of her head and began to strangle him in Ultimate Rage. "You can't even go one damn episode without complaining about something!!!!!" she growled as she shook his tiny body back and forth with a scowling, swirly-eyed face. "'Kagome, I'm hungry', 'Kagome, I can't sleep', 'Kagome, my Barbie Doll has a split end'!!!!!"
Everyone else just stared with wide eyes, much too frightened to move.
Finally, Sango got the courage to speak up. "Kagome, Kagome, Kagome!" she yelled, pulling the sobbing Shippo out of her death-grasp. "Strangling Shippo will not help us get food faster!"
Blinking back to reality, Kagome looked down in shame and said softly, "I guess you're right. . . I'm so sorry I blew up like that, Shippo-kun. . ."
"Now, that is much better," Sango said sweetly, gently setting the fox demon onto the ground. "Let's hurry up and find a restaurant or something so-"As soon as the kunoichi took her hands off of Shippo's waist, with a mad screech, Kagome pounced onto the kitsune, mouth frothing insanely.
The delusional girl then whipped out a deathly sharp axe, raised it high above her head as she stared down at the horrified Shippo with a hungry, swirly stare, and-
The scene suddenly switches to a still cartoon of an overly-cute-to-the-point-of-freaky anime rabbit frolicking in a serene plain, the sun and trees having overly-cute-to-the-point-of-freaky anime faces, as well.
ENJOY THIS ANNOYING ELEVATOR MUSIC FOR FIVE SECONDS
AND WE'LL GET BACK TO YOUR SCHEDULED PROGRAM
The screen then switched back.
Kagome happily licked the very last drop of blood off the ground like a starving cat as the rest of the gang stared at her with eyes the size of kagami-mochi and faces a sick shade of green. Sango barely parted her trembling lips and squeaked out a, "I-"
"GrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!" Kagome's content face immediately changed into one of sheer rage as she whipped around and began chasing after Sango on all fours. The kunoichi dashed away, shrieking and hands flailing wildly.
. . .Inuyasha and Cobalt stayed unmoving, staring after them. "o.O"
After a few minutes of this, Kagome and Sango long gone from sight, Cobalt spoke up. "I believe we should go after them. . ."
Inuyasha grunted in reply, cracking his neck. "It's too late for that now. Let's go find a restaurant or somethin- WAAHHHHHHH!!"
Tha hanyou was suddenly pushed from behind and sent hurdling down into a giant, gaping hole.
end chapter two
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o/n:
I am sooo very, truly, and deeply sorry that this chapter took this long to come out! Not only was damn school taking up all of my free time, I had a small case of Writer's Block as well! XP But I promise you will never have to wait that long again. I'm going to finish up re-writing the next chapter of Whose Line With the Hackers! and then work on Chapter Three of this. Thanks for being patient with my complete lack of updates. . . )
NEXT CHAPTER – Cobalt, Inuyasha, Kagome, and Sango have all been split up! They must now solve riddles, battle monsters, and face their worst fears with no one but themselves! And, wait. Why has Cobalt suddenly become suspicious. . .?
StAy TuNeD ;)
