Disclaimer: I own nothing, only the plot. Song is "Breathe No More" by Evanescence
Chapter Four
I've been looking in the mirror for so long,
That I've come to believe my soul's on the other side.
All the little pieces falling, shattered
Shards of me to sharp to put back together
Too small to matter
But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces
If I try to touch her.
And I bleed, I bleed.
And I breathe, I breathe, no more…
Some people would say that their dreams were their only means of survival. Dreams created a world that they could control. Who wanted to face reality when there were sweet dreams awaiting for anything you wanted?
Draco never had a chance to experience this. He had heard all the rumors, read the stories, listened to the songs, but still didn't understand it. Dreams were for the fortunate. He wasn't fortunate. Instead of peaceful dreams, he received nightmares. Nightmares that prohibited him from sleeping on several occasions. Nightmares filled with death and blood-curdling screams. No, dreams weren't for him. Whatever bastard that ruled over this universe made sure of that.
He opened his eyes to nothing. It was all white. Draco groaned and rubbed his head. The throbbing headache was his only key to knowing that he wasn't dead.
Guess I made it to the infirmary…Indeed he had, minutes later passing out. The last thing he remembered… What had happened? Draco squinted his eyes and looked briefly around the plain white room lined with several, uninhabited beds. He closed his eyes and concentrated hard.
What was the last thing he could remember?
There was Potions class… A potion project… Potter hitting him… Hermione helping him to the infirmary…
Shit, Hermione!
Draco groaned again, this time louder. What happened? He could remember talking to her, trying to get her to open up. She started to cry, she was rocking, and singing. God she had such a sweet voice. He tried to help her, reach out to her. He put his hand on her back…
Now it was clear. She was freaked out when he touched her. She ran, but why? Where did she go? That wasn't important, what mattered was why.
Draco had witnessed many times how girls had cringed when touched. Mainly it was when he watched a death eater touch a girl he would soon rape.
Was that it? Was she raped in the past. It seemed impossible. Hermione Granger had been in many deadly situations with Potter and Weasel. She was always smart enough to get out of dangers way. It seemed absurd that she would allow herself to be raped. But then again, it was absurd that she would distance herself from her two best friends and be caught cutting herself.
Nothing was really surprising to Draco anymore.
After a deep sigh, and large yawn, Draco managed to subside his thoughts. He was much to tired to think right now. Completely drained, He reached over and grabbed the bottle of Dreamless Sleep Draught and downed it completely. Giving into the beckoning slumber, Draco slipped back into the nothingness world he called home.
Take a breath and I try to draw from my spirit's well
Yet again I refuse to drink like a stubborn child
Lie to me, convince me that I've been sick forever.
And all of this will make sense when I get better
I know the difference
Between myself and my reflection
I just can't help but to wonder
Which of us do you love?
And I bleed, I bleed.
And I breathe, I breathe, no more…
The song played in her head over and over like a broken record. She sat frozen, showing no emotion as her eyes rested upon the giant lake before her. It seemed to never end. She enjoyed this. The silence, the peace. But most of all the silence. The voices in her head had finally disappeared. All it took was her giving into their demands.
Slowly, Hermione pulled back the sleeve and traced the deep cut lightly with her finger. She knew she could always conceal them with a simple charm. But she never did. Why erase something you created? They were her memories, only they were different. These memories she could see with her own eyes. They didn't haunt her dreams, they didn't whisper in her ear with a constant determination to reduce her to a tiny speck on the earth's surface. No, they were just there. She liked that. She liked to see what was causing her pain, instead of feeling it from some unknown source. Seeing it, knowing it, something about that was just so much bearable.
People didn't understand that. Society view cutting with disgrace. People killed other people on a daily basis. They caused the families and friends of their victims so much pain. Yet when a person chooses to put the same pain on themselves visibly, everyone judged them. They called them psychos. So Hermione was a psycho. So be it. At least she was alive. Isn't that all the world wanted? To keep her alive so it could use and abuse her? She gave it what it wanted, let her have something for herself.
Hermione picked up a rock and leisurely threw it in the lake. The disturbed water vibrated with ripples when struck. Hermione could relate to this. Being disturbed, trembling like the water. She knew Draco must have taken her as a fool for her weakness earlier that day, but she didn't care. She was once again numb, at least until another rock was thrown at her.
Standing up easily, Hermione gingerly rolled the sleeve back down her arm. She turned to walk back to the castle, knowing that she wouldn't be missed. She knew they would just assume she was in the library. Sighing, she slowly tock her time walking back to her prison.
Her hand trailed along the stonewalls in the hallway. It was late. She had missed the entire day of school. She didn't care. It was probably time for her to shed this façade she had been holding onto for so long. Suddenly, a thought occurred to her. Turning back, she crept into the opposite direction of the common room to the infirmary instead.
Slipping in silently, she made her way over the Draco's bed. Standing over him, she let herself fully analyze him for the first time. He was beautiful; she had to admit. His silver blonde hair gently framed his angelic face.
How could something so beautiful be so cruel?Hermione had never really forgiven him for the hell he had put her through since the day they met. He had hated her with full passion. In fact, she had never seen him more pleased than when he had ridiculed her and insulted her. She never gave into him and his degradation of her. She had always stood up to him. And he always came back to her.
It was a strange relationship if you thought about it. There were plenty of other people he could have teased. Plenty of others that he could make cowards of. But she was his favorite. He would insult her; call her a mudblood. She would bite back with just as much venom. They would leave each other furious with the other person. The next day they would do it all over again. They probably would have gone mad if they hadn't had the other to antagonize.
Hermione extended her arm and lightly brushed the strand hair out of his face. Surprisingly, Draco unconsciously reached up and grabbed her hand. Hermione jump, slightly startled. He was still asleep, she was sure of that. He lightly brushed his lips to the back of her hand and held it to his heart.
Hermione grew a bit panicky. What was she going to do? She couldn't just stand there the entire night. What if Pomfry happened to walk in? She would give Hermione hell which would wake Draco. That would be such an awkward mess.
Hermione gently squeezed Draco's hand and tried to pull away from him. Instead of prying free like she had planned, Draco reached up, grabbed more of her arm and pulled her to him. Hermione was practically on top of him. Draco proceeded to wrap his arms around her and pull her until she really was lying on top of him.
Damn it! How do I get out of this one?She could only imagine what the sight must have looked like. A slumbering Draco locking a struggling Hermione haphazardly in his arms. It would make just about anyone bust out into a mad fit of giggles.
With one last effort, Hermione Pushed away from Draco, a bit too forcefully, stumbling back a bit and knocking over a tray by the bed. Frightened and scared of being caught, she ran to the door of the wing, and got out as fast as she could, sure that if she saw her face it would be redder than Ron's hair.
Meanwhile, Draco laid in bed, his eyes half open, and the biggest grin on his face.
