.: To be Loved :.

:By:

Mys C

A/N

Ohk, It's spring break so I can maybe put up a chapter or two before it ends…So I hope you enjoy this fic and keep reviewing, come on people I need more inspiration and for the people who are reviewing I love you all a lot!

Disclaimer

This is where I say I don't own Inuyasha and friends, nor do I own a billion dollars and will never ever be as talented as Rumiko Takahashi…If this isn't the place to say that well, um sorry.

Short Chapter Summary

A flashback from his childhood has Sesshoumaru regretting his actions.


Chapter 5 . . . When Opposites Attract

Things didn't go the way he planned.

Better yet, nothing went the way he planned. The child was supposed to be dead. The miko and the demon lord weren't supposed to fight the spell. It was supposed to blind and consume them, until they have mated. Inuyasha was supposed to stay long enough to see them and kill his brother, blinded by rage, anger, betrayal. But the miko proved to be a bigger complication than he expected.

He sat and wondered what he miscalculated about the plan. It was the miko and the cold Western Lord.

Naraku hated miscalculations, it only takes one to ruin everything. It only took one miscalculation for a quick brush with death and he loses all the hard work he's done. It only took one miscalculation, and he would have none of that.

The jewel shard that was just recently taken out from the human child's shoulder contained a spell. The spell didn't work because obviously things aren't the way they're supposed to be.

Capturing the child again and implanting a new shard with a more powerful spell is still too complicated. He will not just sit here while death gets closer.

Naraku eyed the small mirror the pale child held in front of him.

It showed the miko trying to regain the demon lord's consciousness. Sesshoumaru was surrounded by a soft pink aura. Naraku almost smirked at the miko's clumsiness. But the thought that the miko had that power in her brought a scowl on his face.

With a wave of his hand the pale child was sent away and he was left pondering. At first he thought it would have been simple to kill his enemies, now that thought was so far from the truth and he was starting to doubt how long he will live.


Emptiness wasn't something she never felt before. It felt exactly as is, empty. She could touch, but not feel. She could see, but not smell. She was robbed by the simple pleasures of life and she wanted to move on.

If not for the shikon no tama and her guarding it, she would be aged, wrinkled, and old, but she lived and could feel. That was the grand thing. The only feelings she's been able to keep were those of rage and anger, of betrayal and pain. She wanted to move on, to rest, but most of all, to forget.

Inuyasha and the shikon no tama were the only reasons she can't, couldn't. The rage and anger she felt were for Inuyasha, for his betrayal. She couldn't rest until he's dead. Kikyo didn't want to kill him, she couldn't. But the jewels wishes were against hers.

Until the jewel is complete and forgotten she could not rest.

She envied her reincarnate. Kagome was free to roam, free to decide, simply just free. Kikyo wanted that freedom, that small ounce of humanity.

She hated roaming this world as nothing more than a shadow, a ghost, an empty shell. She no longer wanted that, she just wanted everything to end. Her connection with Naraku made her think lowly of herself. That she would stoop that low to gain help, from him of all people.

If she were to ask for his help again, she would loose what little pride she had. The envy she has for Kagome drove her to ask for Naraku's help in the beginning.

Kikyo looked up as she felt a near fatal purification; she scowled when she sensed it was from Kagome.

Maybe that envy just might drive her to insanity.


Inuyasha hated this.

This feeling he gets every time Kagome isn't under his watch, where she was safe. He didn't know what he was feeling.

Was it jealousy? Was he jealous that Kagome was now under his half brother's watch? Was it envy? Envy, that Kagome might have preferred his half brother's care and presence, than his.

No, he couldn't imagine Kagome, his humble Kagome, preferring Sesshoumaru over him. Sesshoumaru might have wealth and power, but he doesn't have what Kagome wanted, what he had.

It was emotion, understanding, and feelings. If Inuyasha truly knew Kagome, she would prefer those over wealth and power.

He turned his head back when he sensed a powerful purification. It was like water hitting blazing fire, a clash of pureness and evil.

Inuyasha smirked when he sensed where that mass of power came from and wished that Sesshoumaru was suffering.


When he hit the opposite wall, he was brought back to reality, he regained his control, and time stopped. Suddenly emotions clashed and hit him like a dull blade. It was painful, too sudden, unexpected. All this was caused by a small fragile human.

Kagome.

Was that her name? His anger was blocking every other information, every detail. His mind was closed in, letting only anger out. How could a small human like her, hold that much power?

He was burning everywhere, his flesh, his mind, his soul. Sesshoumaru has never experienced this much physical and emotional pain, since…

He didn't want to think about it, old memories might worsen the pain. He sealed his eyes shut, as red began to tint it. Feelings inside him were mixing and he didn't want to lose control, not for a second time today. His claws was starting to lengthen, fangs grew longer, anger getting harder to control.

The burning never eased, but the anger cooled. Before he blocked all the sounds that threatened to unleash his control once more, he heard her sudden intake of air, her quickened heart beat, his name coming from him, barely over a whisper, her bare feet tapping on the hard wood floor. The only room in the whole fortress that was made of wood.

No, he couldn't think of that now.

He dared open his eyes.

A light tint of red was left when his eyes met hers. They were frightened, big as saucers as she looked down on him. The copper taste of panic and fear surrounded her aura. Everything about her screamed fear and guilt, but she didn't turn and run, like most idiotic humans would. He fought an urge to scream and howl as the burning itched deeper in his body, his soul.

The hypnotic rhythm her heart made, her strenuous breathing, the pain on his shoulders, the burning in his soul, all made him feel dizzy and bemused. The last thing he saw was her hand brushing his bangs away from his eyes and the tears that slowly made its long journey down her face. Then his eyes rolled back and darkness embraced him with open arms.

'Oh great. Now he faints.'

The moment her hands hit his shoulders and sent him to the wall, everything happened in slow motion. Time not moving fast enough and movements too slow to catch up. She looked down at his still figure. His hair was slightly tousled, but the sheen and glow didn't vanish. His eyes were closed; his lips slightly parted showing his sharp pointed fangs that gleamed under the sun's rays.

Everything about him looked pure and holy, it was impossible for Kagome to think that only minutes ago he was clawing at her clothes and his eyes held a hint of red. Now, he could have been mistaken for a fallen angel, all he needed was wings and he was good as one.

Brushing his bangs aside seemed implement a softer look. She had an impulse to trace the indigo crescent moon and the stripes that grazed his high cheekbones. His skin was cold and pale. It was like touching silk. Soft, smooth.

She looked down at his shoulders. They both had her hand prints, burnt and red. The burns contrasted with his pale skin. Kagome felt guilt for marring his smooth skin; it felt so wrong that she caused damage to his flawless body. The breeze that came in had her shivering and then, only then, did she notice that she was half naked.

Blood rushed to her cheeks and she dashed to the bed to grab the covers around her. Before she could properly cover herself she heard a door open and slam shut. It was either embarrassment or anger that sent him out, but she seriously didn't want to know. Kagome hated the thought that she had to confront him.

Maybe if she pretended nothing happened, everything would go smoothly. Maybe if they didn't have a confrontation, she didn't need to worry about anything. Maybe if she jumped out that window and ran like she was being chased by hoards of demons and never looked back, would make everything better. Maybe if she did try to escape Sesshoumaru wouldn't come after her because of pride or embarrassment.

Who was she kidding? She couldn't depend on maybes. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, slowly exhaling. She got out of bed and went to the tall oak wardrobe that she didn't notice. The oak looked old and used, but sturdy and it still had its natural sheen. It screamed class, feminism, and authenticity. It differed from the roughly male room, Sesshoumaru had. She grasped the aged-rusted handles and opened the wardrobe slowly, surprised that the hinges didn't rust and creak with age.

Inside there were more than twenty, twenty five colorful kimonos, she didn't know, she lost count. She reached out to touch one, it was soft as silk and it slid through her fingers. It felt so fragile, soft, feminine. There aren't much kimono's in her time that could compare to this. She took it out, carefully, savoring the feel of it against her fingers. Unconsciously, the towel dropped and she wrapped the kimono around her. It was hard to tie the sash by herself, but she got through it.

And hell, it was worth it to feel the silk and texture over her whole body. There wasn't a mirror around and she didn't bother, she sat on the bed and pondered, about everything, everyone.

What's going to happen to her now? Will Inuyasha come back? Will Sesshoumaru ever let her go? She gently laid her head on the pillow and wished that when she woke, everything would be a dream, and none of this really happened.


How could she?

How could someone like her do this to him? He eyed his shoulders and what little remains of burnt flesh there was. He obviously underestimated the human. As a child, he was a great judge of character, demon or human. It was the art of patience and observation. This Kagome, proved to be a harder character to judge.

The way she brushed his hair away from his eyes reminded him of that day that shaped him to what he is today. He tilted his head back and slowly reminisced the days of his adolescence. Time around him stopped as he closed his eyes to remember the day he wanted to forget.

.: Flashback :.

Sesshoumaru hated him.

It didn't matter that he was his father, the great lord of the western lands. None of that mattered.

This was too much, for one week. News spread that his mother has died. Sesshoumaru didn't care about her, that bitch. He wouldn't forget the day she left. As soon as he learned to stand on his two feet, she left without as much as a note to his father.

You have him.

That's what it said, in fine black ink. He cried that day, for the first and last time. His legs were against his chest, head on his knees, tears falling silently down his pale cheek. No one was allowed to see this state. Did she leave him because he wasn't good enough? Was it because he was a brat? No, he wouldn't lower himself for her pleasing. He would forget her, forget she existed, forget the feelings, and forget everything.

This was all fathers' fault. If he wasn't seen with the pathetic human, Sesshoumaru's mother would not have left them. He envied and hated that human. She got all of father's attention now, her and her enlarged stomach. She reeked of human smells, mixed with his father's.

Father didn't care about the talk around the estate. He didn't care that she was human. He was blinded by love, whatever that was. The way his father's eyes lighted up every time the human passes by, pathetic. He never had those eyes when Sesshoumaru's mother was around. Was it the love that weakened his father? Was it the love for the human that caused him to degrade himself?

Sesshoumaru wouldn't allow himself to feel such a stupid thing as love. He wouldn't degrade and weaken himself for another being, because of love. Never.

He caged himself in his room, refusing to get out. He needed isolation, time for himself, to think. It was hard to think when the human was in the room next to his. Her scent filled his nostrils. It wasn't all bad, but it didn't alter the fact that she was human. Sesshoumaru would forever hate her for stealing his father from him, the only family he had.

"Lord Sesshoumaru?" Lost in thought, Sesshoumaru didn't know that the human was right out his door. He growled as the handle was being twisted and the door stood ajar, letting the humans scent in.

"Get out! I want to be left alone." He snarled and screamed at her, but she was smiling, her eyes slanted, he lips curled into a half smile.

"Your father asked for you." She let herself in, the smile still planted on her face. Sesshoumaru didn't like the fact that she didn't cower and run in fear when he screamed. It felt awkward.

"It doesn't matter; I will not leave my room. Show yourself out." He was still huddled on the floor next to his bed; at an age of ten he perfectly portrayed a sulking teen. Even if he isn't close to that age, as of yet.

"Nay my lord. He asked for me to see to you. Do you need anything my lord?" The drapes were hung low, little sunlight made it in, but her face glowed.

"Did father send you to be my maid? Or is this part of a whore's job?"

She ignored his comment. Still smiling.

"Well? Can't you humans to anything to defend yourselves. How pathetic." When the smile wouldn't shake off, he growled and dashed to her. His tiny claws on her smooth neck. For a demon his age, he had a strong like grip.

"Why do you keep smiling? Did I say something funny?"

Once again, Lady Izayoi ignored his question. The young demon had heart, but the ice around it, needed to melt. She heard him cry in his sleep once, crying his mother's name. She understood him, read him like an open book.

She thought of Sesshoumaru as a wise old demon, hidden in a ten year olds body. He desperately needed fun and freedom. He tries to let everyone see that he's strong, but deep down he knows he is not. Over confident and independent. The child in him needed to laugh and have fun, but his priorities and status held him back.

She could see his tear-streaked face, bangs hid his golden orbs. So much like his father, but so different. His father's eyes were warm and honey brown, this child's eyes were icy, cold, and expressionless.

Lady Izayoi reached out to brush his bangs from his eyes, to clearly see the boy's eyes. She traced his damp cheeks, slowly. They were cold and pale. The child needed someone right now. He needed support and love, even if he didn't know it. Everything about him screamed it.

"She didn't leave you because she hated you, not because you weren't good enough. She left because you were more than she could handle, more than she wanted. She left because you were too good for her. She thought that you didn't deserve her; someone like her wouldn't know how to take care of children. Deep down she loved you and didn't want to leave, but she knew you would do better with your father alone."

"You don't know her; you do not talk about my mother like that. She might have been a whore, but she isn't human, like you!" Tears were threatening to fall. He needed to run, get away from this. No one ever saw him at this state, reckless and emotions pouring out.

He stood, walked slowly to the door.

"So is that what you do? You run away from your problems. When emotions are too great for you to control, you run?" He slowly turned back, claws were starting to extend. No one was allowed to make fun of him, she was pointing out that he was a coward. No one called him a coward and lived.

His small golden eyes were starting to bleed red. Izayoi was staring at the child as he slowly changed from one to a deadly demon. Her smile vanished when she noticed his claws. The child was proud and strong. She respected that.

As Sesshoumaru neared her, the smile faded. He stopped when he was in front of her. He looked up at her now pale face. Her heart beat wasn't erratic, but it wasn't slow. Sesshoumaru's head barely made it above her swollen belly. He was short, but at the end of this he would soon be looking down at the human's dead figure.

He drew his hand back, preparing to strike, when she did the unthinkable.

She kneeled in front of him, wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly. The tears trailing down her cheeks were warm.

"You are strong Lord Sesshoumaru, but you are still only a child. A child shouldn't live around violence and death, even for a demon. You cannot let your mother's death bring you down. You have a father who loves you."

At her words, his claws retracted and his eyes returned to their golden state and became glassy as the unshed tears started forming. His small arms remained at his side. This human woman was touching him intimately. She was warm and soft. His mother never hugged him at all. It felt knew and unexpected.

Giving in to temptation, he wrapped her arms around her and buried his face in her chest, letting his tears fall. He didn't give a damn who saw. All that mattered was this moment, this was what he needed. He needed support, love. Sesshoumaru never knew that you didn't need to give love in order to get it, but deep down he knew he was itching closer to loving this human.

.: End Flashback :.

Lady Izayoi said things no other human would have the courage to say. His mother's death affected him greatly. He kept telling himself that she was a whore and he didn't care, but he did care and she was more than a whore, she was his mother.

Sesshoumaru never regretted that moment with Lady Izayoi. It helped him to have someone, anyone, just there for him, to support and care for him. The way Lady Izayoi and Kagome affected him, were so similar it frightened him. They were both humans, one emotionally strong, the other…He didn't know what Kagome had, but something about her affected him greatly. Was it because Kagome reminded him so much of Lady Izayoi, no. He loved Lady Izayoi as a mother.

Love.

That strong powerful word, did the same to him as it did to his father. Weakened his defenses, and for that period of time, melted the ice around his heart.

What made him loose his control so easily. There was an aura around the estate, he wasn't sure of what. But it was strong and it smelled familiar.

It was Naraku. Definitely Naraku.

He kept telling himself that, unable to accept that it might have been him, his attraction to Kagome that made him loose control. Her and her innocence. Untouched, unmarred innocence, she was pure and good. What would happen if opposites attract?

Not again. He wouldn't weaken his defenses for a human, he wouldn't fall off the edge for another human. It didn't matter if it was a motherly gesture or another. He hated himself as he moved closer to that edge and fell. He didn't know what he was falling in, but he did know one thing.

It would take forever to hit bottom.


The images never came back, she didn't have to cry herself to sleep, and she knew she would be safe. She was back home, with Sesshoumaru, where she was the safest. The burning in her shoulder passed, and she rarely notices the scar left behind.

Kagome did help, she did take away the pain, take away the memories. Rin thanks Kagome from the bottom of her heart, for making everything easier. For the first time in days she cried, not because of pain, but for happiness, tears of joy. For the first time in days she laughed because now she could sleep without worrying about the images that would creep back.

For the first time in days, the death like grip around her heart eased and caused her to breathe easier. To think freely, without fear and worries.

For the first time in days, she smiled and got to enjoy the sunrise, the birds singing, and the soft breeze that swayed her hair.

Was this pure joy and contentment?

She almost forgot what those things felt like, what it was like to be happy and just be content with everything. The evil man would never come back and take her. The nightmares would ease and disappear.

She backed away from the window to lie down on her soft bed. Never noticing, how plump and smooth the pillows and blankets were, until now.

Rin rested her head on the pillow, savoring the warm rays of the sun that passed through the open window. Letting the gentle breeze come in, the sounds of calm nature.

She took a deep breath. For the first time in days she felt at peace and stress free. Rin slowly closed her eyes and for the first time in days, she had her first soothing, dreamless, sleep.


And...

Cut!

YaY! I finally finished this chapter. Sorry for the delay. I'm experiencing writer's block. I hope the flashback didn't suck. I wanted to portray an adult Sesshy in a child's body. I didn't do such a good job, but hey! It's a new chapter…

Wohoo. Hehe…Ohh…And in the beginning when Kikyo, Naraku, and Inuyasha's points of views were shown, was just for fun. So everyone can see what everyone feels…I don't hate Kikyo, much…She's misunderstood and everything…Ohk…To make this clear, the room Kagome sleeps in is Lady Izayoi's old room…So yeah…

Now I need to brain storm for the next chapter. Spring break ends next week so I might put up another chapter by then…Hopefully! Ohk on to the reviews…

Sora's Chi Aka Kaminari: Sorry cant let them continue, but maybe I will in later chapters. Rin will be fine probably next chapter. Hehe…I'm glad you like my fic.

Kura Miakoda: Hehe, hello tottles! Sorry to keep you waiting…

legatohaze88: Rin will get back to normal, eventually. No, sorry, Sesshoumaru won't take her…yet…Hehe…Stay tuned…

Pearl Knight: If I was her, I would give myself freely to Sesshy…Him and his fluff! Hehe…But running like a chicken with my head cut off, doesn't sound like a bad idea.

honey-gurl808: The mystery with Naraku is slightly revealed to the readers, but not to Sesshoumaru and Kagome…Don't tell them! LoL…

Psychotica Bunny: Ohhhh Death Rays! I likey…

And special thanks to...

Silvar

Erena G.T. Rose

lyn

sexylucifer

Gasert

amigalgal23555586

Lady Caite

sheenachi

parsnip

angel-demoness7

Salena-Jagonashi


Kagome's Last Thought:

'I wish I was home, I wish I was home, I wish I was home!'


:Disclaimer:

The characters of Inuyasha do not belong to me. I claim no rights to any, those rights rightfully belong to Rumiko Takahashi. This is a mere fan fiction to show my passion for the anime/manga series created by the talented Rumiko Takahashi.

Mys C -