HEARTS IN DARKNESS VIII

Once we got Kennedy situated, I asked Father Knowles for something unusual. "Can you supress the demon, so we can just talk to the girl?"

He thought and said that it could be done, but that it would only last about ten minutes. I told him that should be long enough. He went into the shed that the Shaman had prepared for us. About five minutes later, he came back out, and Buffy and I entered.

Kennedy's face looked strange; an odd combination of defiance and heart sickness flickered across her features. Buffy looked shaken. "Why Ken" she asked "why did you do all of this."

"So she would notice me" Kennedy answered. "I gave her all that I had, she was everything to me; but I wasn't everything to her. It was always, the coven, the coven, the coven; I was just a distraction from the coven at the end of the day".

I could never describe the rue and self loathing contained in that voice. "It was just supposed to be the two of us, always; then she starts a new life, and I'm left with whatever leftovers she decides to give me. Well screw that. If she didn't notice me then, she better be noticing me now. I'll keep coming until she does notice, until she knows the pain of being used and thrown away; the way she did that to me." She was whipping herself up into a frenzy. "I won't kill her, but I'll make her so wish that she was dead; and then, I'll hurt her and hurt her and hurt her…."

She just faded out, like a radio that was being dialed down. Buffy was speechless, I was just tired. We headed towards the door when a voice called softly "tell Willow, . . .I'm sorry." Buffy just turned and nodded and we left that place.

We walked a few paces, and then she stopped me. "Why did you do that, have me there when it was just Kennedy, why did I need to hear that?"

I looked her straight in the eye, but she didn't flinch; "several years ago, you asked Faith why she did what she did, that was your answer." Buffy looked horrified. "You were her world, Buffy. She had been alone all of her life, and she finally found a friend and colleague; someone who knew her better than she knew herself. You were everything to her, but she was barely anything to you. Remember that night in the Bronze, the two of you were dancing; I know guys were there, but in reality it was just the two of you. Suddenly there's Angel and you dropped her like a bad habit. She loved you, and you couldn't or wouldn't love her back. Any idea how crushing that is; any idea what it's like to find someone that you would die for and find out that they wont give you the time of day. Did you ever really open yourself to her, or did you just use her?" I left it at that, she was standing there, shaking her head in denial, but the tears on her cheeks told me that she knew I was right.

The conversation might have grown interesting, but just then another attack occurred. I yelled at the Father to take cover, and Buffy and I went to the aid of Dawn and Faith. Faith was squaring off with six of them while four were trying to surround Dawn. I was not surprised when Buffy went to Faith's aid leaving me to help Dawn. Despite her superior speed, they had boxed Dawn in. I saw her lay one out, but another got her from behind and she went down.

I just saw red. I barely slowed when I punched the first one in the jaw. She dropped like she had been shot. I tackled the other two at the same time. Punching and flailing until they stopped moving. Dawn was unconscious, but not hurt badly. I was trying to revive her, when I heard my name being called.

It was Faith, telling me to "get my ass over there now".

I picked up Dawn and ran over. Buffy was laying there with a huge wound in her gut. Faith was almost hysterical "one of em was commin at me with a knife, and B pushed me out of the way. The chick stuck her and B just held the knife in with one hand and punched her lights out with the other".

I placed my hand over the wound and exerted myself. There was a lot to do, and not much time and I was seriously drained. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to do enough, when I felt power surge through me. I glanced over and could see that Dawn was conscious and had her hand on my leg. She was sending me all the power I needed. I was able to close everything up and put it back where it was supposed to be. I let go of her "she'll be fine, I said "weak, but fine".

I just got two looks of gratitude. I nodded to Faith "take care of everything out here, the Father and I need to see if we can save one more."

I found Father Knowles and together we went into the shed that held Kennedy. An hour and a half later, I carried him out, defeated. I walked over to the girls and slumped down, "it can't be exorcised." I knew what was coming, what I would have to do, and I hated it. "She wanted it to possess her, it is part of her now; the two cannot be separated."

Faith and Buffy spoke at the same time "it's a slayer matter, we'll deal with it."

"No, you don't understand; it is so much a part of her, that you would have to destroy her body while she was still conscious and feeling everything. I will do it, it's my calling."

They exchanged a look and reluctantly nodded to me. I got up and removed Gabriel's dagger from its sheath on my back. This indeed was my job; to do what should never have to be done, to bear what should not have to be born, to take the pain of others onto myself. The demon could feel me coming and knew what it meant. It howled and gibbered and pleaded. It let Kennedy come forward and beg for her life. It broke my heart, but I did what had to be done; one stroke, quick, clean and accurate. The body slumped over in death; I said a prayer and went out through the wall into the scrub; appalled at what my calling sometimes brought me to. That's where Dawn found me, an hour later; sitting under the stars and crying for Kennedy and everyone like her. She took me in her arms and just held me until the pain subsided.