Disclaimer: I own nothing, just the plot. Song is "Nature Boy" by Celine Dion.
Chapter Sixteen
There was a boy...
A very strange enchanted boy.
They say he wandered very far, very far
Over land and sea,
A little shy and sad of eye
But very wise was he.
The train whistled loudly startling many of the students anxiously awaiting their retreat from school. The sky was gloomy, a perfect refection of all the things Draco felt deep inside himself. A single rain drop fell on his shoulder and he stood still in the crowd.
Hermione was on the other side of the station, helping students find their way on board. He smiled. She was so cute when she was all demanding and in control. Both students had dread this day. Hermione would be staying behind at school along with Harry and Ron.
This agitated Draco. Not only did he not want to leave her in the first place, but he didn't want her alone with Potter for more than thirty minutes at a time. Draco wasn't stupid, he knew of Harry infatuation with Hermione, and he loathed it.
One could ask him if he trusted her. He'd tell them no. Draco trusted no one; not himself, Snape, or even Hermione. But he did respect her intelligence. He knew she had more dignity for herself than that. That's the only thing that kept him satisfied with leaving her here, that morsel of respect.
The two didn't say their good-byes. They knew better. Telling a person good-bye is a bad omen. It's like sealing their fate with the knowledge that you'll never see each other again. With Draco leaving to join Voldemort and return to the manor, that omen was already increased tenfold. No, they wouldn't say good-bye. They wouldn't shake hands or hug or wish a good journey. No tears would be shed, no regrets made.
And then one day,
A magic day, he passed my way.
And while we spoke of many things,
Fools and kings,
This he said to me,
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn
Is just to love and be loved in return."
Another whistle blew that went unnoticed. Hermione raised her hand to wipe the sweat off her forehead. Her arms were feeling tired from hauling around luggage. Her brain hurt from trying to think so much about controlling the heathens that roamed the station. She could feel a pair of whimsical eyes on her. Turning around, she smiled to Draco.
That's all she could do… smile. They had made a look but don't touch rule some time before about when they were in public. Draco didn't have the power over the school he once had. He wasn't focused on and in the center of attention like he used to be. No one really paid anything to him anymore. However, that didn't stop the possibility of certain Death Eater Juniors spying on him and relaying his relationships with the Dark Lord. So their relationship remained anonymous and secret.
At the sight of her smile, Draco crumbled. All morning his thoughts had been boiling in his head. There were so many things he should tell her, so many things she deserved to know. Unspeakable inevitabilities he knew about, the real plans he had made for going home. That damned promise of returning.
The fact of the matter was that he knew he wouldn't be coming back. He knew that leaving this school would be the death of him, literally. Once he got on that train it would be over. He sighed and tried to choke back the tears screaming to be released.
He would never hold her again, never touch her again. He would never hear her voice whispering his name. The one individual on this whole damned planet that understood him was the only one he couldn't tell the absolute truth to. It would kill her to know that he would be dead by the next week.
No good-byes, no regrets. He would regret telling her, he would regret not telling her. It was a lose-lose situation that was tearing him in half.
And then one day,
A magic day, he passed my way.
And while we spoke of many things,
Fools and kings,
This he said to me,
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn
Is just to love and be loved in return."
The train gave out one last whistle signaling it's last call before departing. Now was the time. Draco shuddered.
He couldn't do this. Leave and never return. He could leave alright, but it was that never returning part that devastated him.
No one was supposed to know about him and Hermione's love affair. If he just got on that train they wouldn't ever find out. Draco walked towards one of the train doors. About ten more feet and he would be gone… forever. Hermione would be safe, never knowing of what would truly lie ahead on the road made for Draco to walk on. Eight more feet and the secret would be kept. Seven more feet and it would all be behind him.
A tear rolled down his cheek. Anyone sitting on the train that looked out would be able to see it. They probably would wonder what made the great Draco Malfoy on the verge of breaking down in public. Some would speculate, some would laugh, and some would pity.
Five more feet and there would be no more Draco. Five more feet and their would be no more Hermione. Five more feet and his world would come to an end. And no one would know, not even her, until the news reached the school sometime after the holidays ended.
Four more feet…
Three more feet…
He could see her smile, hear the faint laugh she made when he whispered something erotic or sweet in her ear. He could smell her intoxicating shampoo she used on her massive frizzy locks of hair. He could taste her…
Two more feet…
He had promised not to leave her behind. He had said many things. Hermione had seen right through them…
No good-byes…
No regrets…
One more foot…
Draco placed one foot inside the doorway to the train. He painfully took in a deep breath. Then he felt it… her eyes. He could feel her presence. Turning around, he saw her standing there. She had tears begging to be leaked out. She had a look of confidence that killed him. She really thought he would be coming back.
Draco broke. He took his foot out of the door way and ran to her. Hermione was shocked and surprised to see him heading towards her. When he was in arms length he snatched her into his embrace. Hermione wrapped her arms around him, knowing this wasn't right. She felt his body convulsing as he wept. He wept many things on the inside, grasping her on the outside like he would die if he let go. The sad thing was… he would die once he let go.
Not loosening his grip the slightest, Draco undug his face from her hair and kissed her. He kissed her passionately in front of the train, in front of the whole school, in front of everyone. Their secret was no longer a secret. Hermione could feel the tears dripping on her face. When he pulled away she had the greatest look of questioning in her eyes. She was petrified of what his actions could symbolize.
With great anger, determination, and pain, Draco harshly whispered into her ear through the tears. "Good-bye." And like that he was gone. He yanked himself away from her arms. Hermione tried to grab for him again, but he was too quick. He stormed back onto the train without looking back just once.
Hermione stood in an uncontrollable emotion she couldn't describe. Her heart shattered once again. No good-byes… he had said good-bye. He was gone…
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn
Is just to love and be loved in return."
The fire crackled lightly as she sat in the Gryffindor common room. The fire before her was so bright, yet it was nothing compared to the fire in her heart that had just been extinguished an hour ago.
When Hermione returned to the building, she had headed straight for this very spot. She hadn't budged since. Students had come and gone through the common room, none of which got any attention out of her. Hermione's eyes only stayed locked on the fire in front of her.
Another figure walked into the room and saw her sitting there. This figure stood in place, unsure of what to do. Finally, the figure walked towards her slightly and sat next to her.
"He's gone…" Hermione whispered silently. It was all she said. The figure next to her sighed, torn between wanting to comfort her and wanting just to kill her.
"Why him?" Harry asked in a hurt tone of confusion. It was the only thing he could ask for it was the only question that plagued his mind day in and day out.
"He loved me," Hermione stated.
"I loved you," Harry retorted, truly hurt by her answer.
"No Harry," she said, turning and facing him once and for all. "You loved the idea of me. You knew nothing about me, just what you witnessed day by day. You loved Hermione Granger; Head Girl and number one student at Hogwarts. You didn't love me."
Harry was silent. His eyes stared at her in bewilderment and anger. "How can you say that Hermione!" he practically shouted. His tone didn't affect Hermione. She didn't flinch at his harsh accusation. "I would have died for you—"
"—You would die for many people!" She snapped. "You don't know me Harry. Draco did."
"You were so busy being whipped off your feet by Draco to let me know you Hermione!" Harry rejected. "You didn't give two ounces of piss about me!"
"Neither did you to me," Hermione stated. "You were so caught up on that damn break up from last year… Harry, I never loved you that way."
"Then why did you act like you did?" Harry shot out.
"Because I was weak and stupid. I don't know!" Hermione began to become hysterical as she tried to defend herself. "I'm so used to being in pain, so it didn't phase me, but I didn't want you to hurt. So I pretended. I lied. Lying is such a natural thing for me I do it without thinking about it. I can't help it that you became enthralled with me. I'm sorry I led you on Harry, I hate myself for it, believe me!"
"Why should I believe you?" Harry bit out. "Since all you do is lie, why should I believe a damn word you say?"
"You shouldn't, and that's the point," Hermione whispered.
Harry's mind was still buzzing. "I just don't understand what you see in him…" Harry stated to himself.
"I see myself in him," Hermione explained. It seemed like a weird explanation, but it was the perfect one when you considered it. Hermione sighed and reached for Harry's hand.
"Harry," she said softly. He didn't want to look at her first, so she reached up and moved his chin with her fingers. "You really have no idea who I am. Don't ask me to tell you, you don't want to know. I'd rather you have the perfect image in your head about me, than to have it all messed up and feel like I do. Stay in love with that idea of me. I don't want to destroy you like I've done myself. Draco was already destroyed, we were both living in shambles, so it doesn't matter what goes on with us, nothing could get worse. But you're so pure compared to me, I don't want to ruin that."
Harry's eyes began to swell. His anger had fizzled out completely. His heart began to ache and feel like it was disappearing altogether.
"Please let go, Harry… Just let go…" Hermione pleaded. "You're so much better off without me. You don't see it now, but you are. Please."
Harry sighed. Nodding his head, he let go of her hand. Hermione leaned over and gently kissed his cheek and hugged him. Harry shuddered at her touch. Without another word, he got up and left her to herself.
Hermione wrapped the blanket around her tighter and returned her gaze to the fire before her.
The pictures being played outside the window were fizzy and hard to make out. Draco's eyes stung from the tears that had finally subsided. He was alone in the compartment as he stared out to the scenery passing by.
He had said good-bye when he had sworn not to. He had revealed their secret when he had sworn not to. He had told her everything about his plans with two single words. He didn't regret any of it.
The train would be entering the station in under half an hour. He only had half an hour before meeting up with Lucius and returning to the manor. His mother would greet him with a fake excitement, and everything would be just like it was supposed to be. He would begin bossing the house elves around just to get frustrations out and then have to endure dinner followed by Lucius' planned lecture about disappointment and Death Eater initiation arrangements. Then he'd go to bed-- maybe—and join the Dark Lord the next day—maybe.
Draco pinched the bridge between his eyes. This was all mind bogglingly predictable. He let his mind drift off. Where it drifted he didn't know, as long as it wasn't thinking about Voldemort and the initiation he was good.
Draco felt the train slowing down. He looked out the window and faced the crowd that was waiting for them. He sighed. Getting up, he took his time retreating his belongings and evacuating the train. Scanning the crowd nonchalantly, he spotted the tall figure with blonde hair that would eventually be the death of him.
Lucius stared back at him with no emotion. There was no excitement, no happiness, not even annoyance. Just nothing. A small smirk formed on his face though, only out of habit. Pretending to have a difficult time only to delay their meeting, Draco sifted through the crowd at a slow pace.
Finally reaching him, the two men looked at each other square in the eye. No words were shared as Lucius turned and led Draco out of the crowd to the carriage that would bring them to the manor.
