Kaimono
Kakashi blinked. Of all the things he'd imagined himself doing with Iruka after their celebratory game of hide-the-trouser-snake, food shopping wasn't one of them. He now stood outside one of Konoha's two supermarkets, wondering just how the chuunin had managed to drag him there so damned fast. Just as he was about to make a crack about Iruka's housewifely tendencies, he found himself ushered through the sliding doors and the handle of a trolley thrust into his hands. Iruka was already walking off down the dairy aisle, a gleeful 'I'm going to fill the fridge so full, opening it is going to be a health hazard' look upon his face. With a resigned sigh, Kakashi started to follow, leaning his elbows on the handle of his trolley. He wondered vaguely what a sight the two of them must make. Iruka was getting ahead in his enthusiasm and had to keep trotting back, his arms full of various produce.
Eyeing the latest jumble of foodstuffs, Kakashi said, "Is there some upcoming siege I don't know about?"
Iruka surprised Kakashi by actually stopping to reply, although the air around him felt like it was buzzing with barely suppressed energy.
"Heh, gomen, Kakashi-kun," the chuunin replied, blushing. "I just thought we should start things off the right way, you know. I mean, before I never knew when I'd need to make sure I had enough to feed two people in my fridge. Now I know you'll be around at meal times, I have to be sure there's plenty for both of us."
Kakashi gave Iruka a slightly bored look. "I'm not expecting gourmet cuisine, Iru-kun. I can survive on whatever's available. Just stock up with plenty of natto and I'll be fine."
Iruka had the look of someone staring at a large slug on a plate and being told it was all that was left for dinner. "You…you eat that stuff?"
Kakashi lifted his eyebrows, widening his eyes a little. "You don't? I practically lived off it at one point. Of course I was being called on to do a lot of S class missions at the time. Natto all the time was fine when I was busy, but it soon got boring when I had less to do. That's when I started getting creative." At this point his visible eye curved upwards.
"Crea…creative..?" Iruka asked, already regretting it.
"Hai. Let's see…so many wonderful creations, it's hard to pick out the best..." Kakashi's eyes slid up to stare at the ceiling and he placed a finger over the mask where his lips would be. "Well, there was the honey and ketchup ramen with canned ham. That was pretty good. And for desert with that I made sandwiches out of some castilla cake I had lying around, with sweet bean paste spread on it…"
Iruka's face wore the same expression he'd had the first time Pakkun had opened his mouth and spoken to him.
"Then there were the onigiri I dipped in toffee…oh and I made sushi with horseradish in because I didn't have anything resembling fish left…and not much resembling vegetables either now that I think about it."
Iruka's face was turning a strange shade, his teeth clenched tightly together as Kakashi continued to rattle off bizarre concoctions that didn't sound at all healthy.
"Ok, ok, stop!" the chuunin said at last, unable to take any more disgusting mental images, not to mention the phantom tastes he was imagining in his mouth. "One thing has become abundantly clear. You're never cooking me dinner EVER."
Kakashi's eyes came down from the ceiling to rest on Iruka. "Eating is a means of survival, Iru-kun. My stomach is particularly hardy. I'm not really bothered what I eat, in what order so long as it gets the job done. It all gets mixed together inside anyway."
"That doesn't mean you have to eat like that even when it's not necessary, Kashi-kun! Damnit, I'm making double sure I cook decent meals for you from now on." With that, Iruka grabbed the trolley from Kakashi, who nearly landed on the floor, having had the object he had been propping himself up with removed rather swiftly. Sighing, he straightened up, shoved his hands in his pockets and proceeded to walk after Iruka, trying to keep up with the blur of a chuunin (who was now grabbing fresh vegetables by the armful), but without looking remotely hurried. It was a skill that was known to few, and mastered by even less. He made a mental note to make sure he took Iruka out to a restaurant often enough to make up for all the homecooked meals it sounded like he was going to be forcefed. Not that he minded. Iruka was quite proficient in the kitchen. 'Even more so on the kitchen table', Kakashi thought with a smirk.
He followed Iruka , who was just passing the pet supplies section. "Chotto, Iru-kun. I need to grab something from here," he called out, scanning the products.
"Pet food? What could you possibly need pet food for?" Iruka asked, looking confused. "I've been to your apartment almost every day for the past few months and I've never seen anything resembling an animal."
"Ahh, that would be because Miyu-chan doesn't stay in my apartment," Kakashi replied mysteriously.
"Miyu-chan?" Iruka replied, confusion changing to curiosity.
"Hai, Miyu-chan. My cat-friend. He visits me from time to time. I leave food out for him. I don't think he has an actual owner, but he's too aloof and private to stay in my apartment with me. He doesn't even eat when I'm looking."
'Sounds familiar', Iruka thought, a sarcastic look on his face. "So he's mooching off you?"
"Hmm…perhaps. But I have a feeling his presence and the lack of rodent problems I have are connected. The people in the block right next to mine have had serious infestations, while my block has remained in the clear. Plus, Miyu-chan must eat between visits. It all adds up," Kakashi said, examining a sachet of cat food.
"I see. Oh, but wait. You're moving in with me. What will Miyu do when you're gone?"
"Oh, don't worry about him. He'll figure out where I am. One time I had guard duty at the gates three nights in a row. He turned up there on the third demanding his payment," Kakashi replied, looking dissatisfied with the available cat food. He turned away from the pet food, making a beeline for the canned goods section, Iruka following him. Picking up several cans of mackerel, he looked satisfied with what he'd got.
"Mackerel? Isn't that more expensive than regular cat-food?" Iruka asked.
"Hai. But I've tried giving him normal stuff before and he always leaves me 'presents' when I do. The kind that smell and require plastic bags to remove. So mackerel it is," the jounin answered.
"Sou ka. Well, I think that's everything, unless you want anything else?" Kakashi shook his head, no. Moving to the checkout, Iruka started to unload the trolley, putting everything in the order it was to go in the bags. The lady serving them recognised him and after asking him how he was doing, and wasn't the weather lovely, started talking about her child, whom Iruka was teaching. Kakashi meanwhile had given himself the mission of bag-packing. He organised each item as it arrived, not putting anything into bags yet, but preparing for it. Once every item had been checked by the lady at the counter, he checked to make sure both of them were still engrossed in their conversation, then began packing the bags at lightning speed, almost too fast for human eyes to follow. Within 5 seconds, all the items were packed neatly and efficiently. Iruka payed and turned to Kakashi, giving him an odd, confused look, feeling something akin to déjà vu, except instead of feeling like he was seeing something again, he felt he'd just missed something. It was the same feeling he got when he looked up to find Kakashi had just devoured a bowl of ramen in the five seconds he'd been ordering drinks from a waiter. Kakashi for his part just looked bored, holding five bags, leaving Iruka three.
"All done, Iru-kun?" the jounin asked.
"Yeah…let's go," Iruka replied, hoping he didn't sound too overtly suspicious.
Notes
References
Castilla sandwiches- A reference to Bleach's Inoue Orihime and her bizarre nutritional inventions.
Miyu- A reference to FLCL. I don't know why, but that name just struck me as the perfect cat name.
The mackerel- A reference ( I know it's a pretty random thing to be a reference, lol) to Haruki Murakami's "The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle". If anyone happens to have insightful thoughts about the book, I'd love to hear them. It feels like understanding is just out of reach.
JapaneseMatte- Wait
Kaimono- Shopping
Gomen- Sorry
Sou ka- I see
Hai- yes/that is correct
Chotto- just a moment/wait a sec. Abbreviation of "Chotto matte".
Onigiri- Rice ball with nori wrapped around it
Natto- Fermented soya beans. Apparently they're one of the top 5 breakfast foods in Japan. Seems to be the marmite of Japan; you either love it or hate it. Apparently I think Kakashi is a natto man. Although I don't know what that says about him.
And no, I don't know why Kakashi has a 'cat-friend'. Perhaps I'll use that later, perhaps not. I'm not exactly sure what these stories are. I guess I'll call them a series of one-shots/vignettes for now, but post them on together for easy viewing. They do follow on so far, I just have no idea where they're going, lol. I have ideas for the next chapter, if I can call it that, so I'll start on that when I can.
Disclaimer:
Me: "Characters and Konoha don't belong to me."
Masashi Kishimoto: "No, they belong to meeeeeee!"
Me: "Yare yare, no need to rub it in."
