Boo! Here's the second chapter. I tried a different style of ending with this one, so your comments would be appreciated. Thanks to all the people who reviewed:

Rejiita: Here's the update, hope you like it!

Lullaby Lily: Hope you didn't get a hangover, and thanks for being so kind!

Endoh Chiaki: Thanks to you for being kind too- it's nice to know people enjoy the things I write!

Mistress-of-eternal-Darkness: Thanks!

Lemmingsrule: I know I was mean to Tala, I'm sorry! It gets better though!

Ellen: Um…please don't die…that wouldn't be good…and thanks for reviewing!

BTW, this is the last chapter as well!


Wondering why Tala had stopped so suddenly, Bryan looked over his shoulder and saw what Spencer and Ian were watching on TV. It was a news report on a riot somewhere, and there were a crowd of people behind the reporter chanting "Kill the gays!"

"It is suspected that more than twenty gay men were killed in an attack on a gay pride parade last month in Moscow, and the government is using this as an example of modern hooliganism..." Spencer looked up.

"Alright you two. Seen this? There wants to be more of that kind of thing, there's too many gays around-"

Bryan felt Tala tense. "Why're you just standing in the doorway?" Asked Ian, looking up as well as the screen showed one of the dead people being lifted into a body bag. Tala collapsed to his knees. "D-Dimitri..." He whispered. Bryan looked back to the screen quickly. The man...he had red hair...a pointed nose...Tala's wide blue eyes, staring into nothingness... The bag was zipped up fully as Bryan understood. "Oh no...Tala...that was-?"

"Tala? What's wrong?" Spencer and Ian leaned over the sides of their armchairs as Tala burst into tears.

"Dimitri..."

"The body just shown was that of Dimitri Ivanov, a gay rights campaigner originally from Minsk. He and five of his friends were shot while they were marching. This is of course more evidence that gun crimes in the modern world are up..."

"Ivanov? That was...your brother?" Asked Spencer, incredulous. "Your brother was a gay? Ugh..." He pulled a face. "Glad you turned out different."

"Don't speak like that about him!" Tala sobbed. "However you insult him you insult me!" Bryan could see that the situation was descending into a crisis, but he couldn't think of a way of ending the spiral into disaster. "Would you kill me? Do I deserve to die? Is that what you're saying?" Tala got to his feet and Bryan could see that the blood from the re-opened cuts on his stomach was seeping down onto his trousers.

"Tala...I didn't mean that your brother deserved to die...I..."

"Yes you did! Because he was gay! You said there should me more of that! Well get out a gun and shoot -me- then Spencer, because I'm gay too!" Tala screamed. Bryan watched, helpless. It was all so complicated...Dimitri, dying for being gay, Tala's fear of telling people, his cutting... "Should I die, Spencer? IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK?"

"Tala...you're...you're not gay..." Tala whipped round and grabbed Bryan, kissing him firmly. He wound his arms around Bryan's neck and Bryan pulled him closer. If this was how Tala wanted it to be...

Tala pulled away from him and turned his head. "I am. I'm gay. So do I deserve to die? Does Bryan deserve to die for letting me kiss him?" Spencer gawped at them, unable to comprehend what he was seeing. "Answer me!" Snapped Tala. Spencer gaped at him, a look of disgust etched upon his features. Bryan could almost predict what was going to happen next. "I've been sharing a room with a gay? Ugh!"

Bryan watched Tala's back as he tugged off the jacket and flung it onto the nearby table. The redhead turned, and Bryan could see that his whole front was red. He started to walk towards the door, then swayed, hand going immediately to his stomach. "I think it went too deep this time..." He whispered. Bryan wasn't sure if he was talking about Spencer's comment or the cuts. Tala closed his eyes for a second, then opened them full of tears. He started walking again and stumbled, falling.

He hit the floor with a muffled thud and Bryan cried out, kneeling down beside him and turning him over. Tala reached up a hand and caressed Bryan's cheek. "I told you..." He said thickly. "I told you they'd hate me...every day I lose more...sometimes I think it's not worth it..."

"Tala..." Bryan, in panic, ripped Tala's t-shirt down the front, exposing his abused top half.

"They'll stop bleeding. They always do...I've just moved too much, that's all. Don't worry about it..." Tala smiled, then Spencer loomed over him and the smile dropped away, replaced with a mix of anger, sadness and fear. Bryan growled. "Spencer, if you touch one hair on his head I swear I'll kill you."

"Maybe that would be better..." Whispered Tala. "It's people like you who made me do all this. People who can't accept the happiness of others, ne, Spence? You always thought you were so great, Mr. Straight, all macho, but did you ever suspect me? No. You're just full of stereotypes. Would it make you feel good if I died? Would it?" Spencer just stared at him. "Could you even bear to touch me? I've been there for you for so long, but something that doesn't even concern you is making you hate me..." He turned his eyes to Bryan. "I always knew it would be like this. It happened to Dimitri...that's why I was so scared, even before he was murdered..." He closed his eyes. "Isn't it funny how you can hate someone you don't even know for being what they are? That you can hate someone who you've known for years just because they're honest enough to tell you what they are?

"The word gay...used to mean happy and carefree...but being gay now is anything but carefree because of people like you, Spencer. And where's Ian? Is he staring at me as if he wants to knife me as well? I'm the same person I was before you knew. I still hate dogs, and I still like marshmallows. I've been gay for years...you've never noticed...and you're judging me when you have no right to! If I could get up Spencer, don't think I wouldn't have kicked your ass by now!" He opened his eyes and glared at Spencer. Bryan watched Spencer's hand curl into a fist and tensed, ready to push him away.

"Why didn't you tell us before?" Asked the tall boy, voice taut.

"Because I was scared...scared of what you'd think...but when I walked in I realised. You think being gay is like a disease, something to be eradicated...you think it's some kind of horrific mutation on what's normal, but did you know, Spence, only five percent of people are fully straight...sexuality is a sliding scale- you might even be part gay yourself. Isn't that ironic?" He laughed bitterly and raised a hand to his stomach, slipping his finger inside one of the wide cuts and brushing along inside it, tearing it further, making more blood seep out of it. "Bryan...could you get me a doctor?" The finger probed further, ripping the skin even more.

"Tala, stop that! You're making it worse!"

"Worse? How could it be worse?" Bryan almost panicked.

"Ian, go and get the medic, he's in the room off reception." Ian pelted away, and Bryan leaned over Tala, stroking his cheek. "Tala...it didn't look that bad outside..."

"It was dark...and I tore it when I struggled...Bryan..." Bryan could see that Tala's eyes were unfocusing. "I'm all messed up...maybe it would be better..."

"No!" Bryan cried.

"Everything's going wrong...my life is such a mess..." Tala closed his eyes. "If I wake up...will you be there?"

"God, Tala, of course I'll be there..." Bryan took hold of Tala's hand as he drifted into unconsciousness, then let go, standing up. "You did this. You did this to him. He was so scared of losing you as a friend he tortured himself, mentally and physically, and was it worth it all if this is how you treat him?"

"So you're gay as well? You're with him? Bryan how the fuck can you?"

"Oh for God's sake Spencer! Stop being so narrow-minded! Just forget he's gay for a -minute- and help me lift him onto the bed!" Spencer obliged and waited in silence with Bryan until Ian came back with the doctor, who was old, plump and thankfully not cheerful. Bryan didn't think he could bear it if he was cheerful... "He's a cutter, yes?" The doctor got straight to the point, and Bryan watched, helpless again, as the doctor cleaned Tala up and saw to his wounds. Before too long Tala was sporting a thick layer of bandages around his middle and the doctor had left, saying that he would go and call an ambulance. Bryan sat down on the bed next to the sleeping redhead and stroked his hair out of his eyes.

"His brother died...his brother died for being gay...and he was gay too...so he was even more scared than he had been about telling us...he was scared of losing us...so he hurt himself because he felt alone...he felt as if he couldn't talk to us..." Ian sat down as well and touched Tala's hand.

"I wouldn't have cared...why couldn't he just tell us? I would've rather known before now than have to see him like this..." He said quietly. Bryan turned to glare at Spencer.

"He couldn't tell us because he was scared of that homophobe over there." He stood up, pointing angrily, accusingly. "You spent your time saying gays should die and gays should be shipped out of the country and you scared him so much that he knifed himself on a regular basis! Some of those scars are months, maybe years old!"

The doctor rushed back inside with a team of paramedics and they hoisted Tala onto a stretcher. Bryan followed them down to the ambulance and got in with them, leaving Spencer and Ian watching from the reception as a crowd of people came to watch. There were two paramedics; a short brunette woman and a thin blonde man. The woman patted Bryan's shoulder as they took off the bandages and started to re-check Tala's condition. "Now we're just being careful, he's going to be okay but we need to make sure everything's as it should be, okay? We'll have your friend better in no time, and when he wakes up we can have him see a psychologist and get everything sorted out."

"I know why he did it." Bryan said quietly.

"Could you tell us why? It might help..." Asked the man. Bryan looked down at Tala and sighed.

"He's gay. He was...scared of telling us, and he felt as if he was alone...by the time he'd told me...he'd cut too deep...one of our friends...is homophobic. He kept saying gays should die so Tala was scared...and his brother was murdered in a gay pride parade and he was even more scared of telling us..." The woman nodded and clucked sympathetically.

"Don't worry, hon, we'll sort everything out now. Don't worry about a thing."

"I told him I'd be with him when he woke up..."

"You can be, it's okay. Now when we get to the hospital, we're going to take your friend to get his cuts stitched, and then we'll do some tests, and when we've put him in a bed we'll come and get you from the waiting room, okay? You can stay with him if you want to. I know how important it is to be there for your friends, after all..."


Bryan looked down at Tala and bit his lip. He looked so strange, just lying there in the bed, hooked up to a drip and breathing softly, skin pale against the sheets. Bryan reached out and touched his cheek, then looked up sharply as someone came in. It was Ian and Spencer, and they both looked worried. "Is he going to be okay?" Asked Spencer. Bryan was tempted to shake his head, just to see if Spencer felt even the tiniest bit of guilt, but he knew that was pointless and so nodded. "He'll live. No thanks to you."

"I still don't think it's right. But Tala was right. He's been there for me. I guess I could live with if he doesn't..."

"If he doesn't what?" Bryan asked, temper rising.

"If he doesn't...you know...act gay when I'm around. Like kissing you and stuff."

"I don't care as long as he's okay, you know?" Put in Ian. Bryan nodded.

"Now we just have to wait for him to wake up..."


Tala moaned and opened his eyes slowly. "Tala?"

"Bryan?" Tala had to drag the word up from deep inside himself. His eyes moved back into focus and Bryan's concerned face peered down at him. "Tala, are you awake?"

"Yeah..."

"Tala..." Bryan gave a half-laugh half-sigh and took hold of Tala's hand. "You're okay..."

"Ian? And Spencer?"

"Tala, Ian never really minded in the first place, and I talked to Spencer while we were waiting for you to wake up. As long as you don't...act gay around him, he doesn't care... Tala, do you feel okay?" Tala yawned and started to sit up, but Bryan pushed him back down gently. "Don't get up, Tala, just lie still. You need to rest- you lost a lot of blood in the end..."

Tala looked up at the blood drip hanging above his bed. "How long have I been asleep?"

"A few hours, I think. I don't know. Some time. Ian and Spencer just went to get us some drinks, but I said I'd stay..." Bryan glanced at the door and then when he was satisfied no-one was coming he moved closer and kissed Tala tenderly. "I was scared, Tala. I thought I was going to lose you." His eyes filled with tears. "You have to promise me you won't hurt yourself any more, Tala. I don't ever want to suffer like this again, thinking you could die..."

"Spencer and Ian are really okay with it? As long as I don't...around them?"

"Yeah." Bryan smiled down at Tala and leaned in to kiss him again. Slightly more awake than last time, Tala wound his arms around Bryan's neck and yanked him closer. Bryan strove to keep his balance and only succeeded in doing so by grabbing the bedpost.

"Ahem." Someone cleared their throat with all the subtlety of a pneumatic drill and Tala and Bryan sprang apart. Spencer was in the doorway, looking severely unimpressed. Tala smiled. "You should learn to knock, Spence. It'd save you a lot of eye burning." Spencer nodded and moved inside, letting Ian in as well.

He closed his eyes, then suddenly tensed. "Bryan, when will I be out of here?"

"I don't know...why?"

"I need to go back to Moscow...Dimitri...Dimitri's funeral's next week..."

"Oh."

"Can you ask someone?" Tala looked slightly desperate.

"I'll go." Ian stood up and went out, presumably to find one of the nurses. Tala lay back, looking worried again. Bryan didn't like that expression on Tala's face. He nodded towards the door and Spencer took the hint, saying something about needing the toilet and disappearing quickly.

"Tala, there's nothing for you to worry about any more, okay?" Bryan sat down beside Tala and took hold of his hands, squeezing them gently. "They want a psychologist to speak to you, but I think the problem's sorted itself...hasn't it?" If his hands had been free he would have crossed his fingers. Tala looked down at their joined hands for a second then smiled softly. "Yeah. I don't have anything to be scared of any more... You know...its kind of weird...how much being scared can do to you. If you're scared...you don't think straight. I was scared for so long..."

Bryan nodded as the door opened and Ian came back in. "They said you'll be out by next week, so don't worry." He came and sat down next to Tala, patting his shoulder reassuringly. Seconds passed and the door opened again. Bryan let go of Tala's hands but Spencer shook his head. He sat down next to Tala's feet. "I don't mind."

Tala sighed happily and leaned to one side, resting his head on Bryan's shoulder. "You really don't?"

"No. But only because it's you."

"All gay men have friends, Spence. Don't you think they all feel the same way? All they want is to be able to be who they are inside." He smiled thoughtfully. "You know...I think I'll do what Dimitri did and campaign for gay rights. Because I understand now. If you get murdered because your gay...well...why would you want to be alive in a world where you have to live a double life to justify your existence anyway? Dimitri was never scared of people knowing what he was. And maybe he died, but he didn't have to go through all this pain first. I'm not scared any more. I won't let other peoples' opinions hurt me like that again."

Bryan took hold of his hand once more and held it to his chest. "Tala..." He smiled. "I love you too." Tala blinked, then smiled back.

"Really?" Bryan nodded. "Honestly?" Another nod. "You're not just pranking Spencer are you?"

"No!"

"Good because I'm pranking you. Come here." Tala hugged Bryan tightly. "I'm not scared...because I know I have you to help me." He whispered into Bryan's ear. He pulled away slightly, looking at Ian and Spencer as well. "You know what? When the psychologist comes I'm going to tell him I have a whip fetish and see how freaked he gets!"


Years later, Bryan would have identified that as the point when everything went back to normal- Tala went back to being bossy, impulsive and inherently lovable, Spencer went back to being the surly guy in the corner, and Ian...well Ian just went back to being Ian. There were changes of course: when they went to hotels they didn't have to fork out as much, they just got three beds instead of four. Bryan stayed quietly gay for a while, until Tala dragged him on a gay pride march, and then he wasn't at all bothered about people knowing about him and Tala. Spencer eventually came around to the idea of homosexuality, so much so that he decided he would try it for himself. Bryan always wondered why he chose a lap dancer, of all people, to fall in love with. And the biggest change of all? Well that would have been the psychologist's. After his session with Tala he quit his job and took up white water rafting. It seemed less dangerous.

fin


Well, there you go, it's finished! Please R&R, I want to know what you think!

PS, all the stuff about doctors is just made up- sorry if it's all total rubbish and isn't actually what happens...