Spoilers for Siege part 1.
The rambling thoughts of Rodney McKay just a few moments after watching the Satellite explode. This is for the Apologies Challenge. It hasn't been beta read or anything like that.
"I'm Sorry".
Those were the last words he heard Peter say. How could he be sorry? He had done nothing wrong. He was not the one to misjudge the relays. He was not the one who didn't even consider in his haste and overconfidence that something would overheat or malfunction. He was the one who should be and was sorry. He was responsible for Peter's death. Sure the Wraith had pulled the trigger, but he was the one who "fixed" the satellite. He was the one who made the decision to leave Peter there. He was the one who abandoned him and left him to die alone. There was no way he could have survived that blast. No way to keep the flames from his skin, no suit to keep the cold of space at bay. He would have been the one in the satellite when it was attacked if it hadn't of been for that damned short pencil. He still had it in his pocket, the pencil that had saved him, and cost Peter his life. He was so sure he had been the loser, but he hadn't, it had been Peter in the end.
"I'm Sorry".
Was that what he had been sorry about? That he had "won"? That he had stayed and made him do the EVA? No, Peter wasn't like that. If Peter had known what would happen he would have volunteered to be the one that stayed. He was brave, with his soft spoken voice and gentle manner. He was such an integral part of Atlantis, what would Elizabeth do without him? Would she understand when he told her about Peter? Would she blame him? Would she forgive him for letting Peter die?
"I'm Sorry".
Could Peter of actually thought that he had failed them some how? Had he been sorry for failing? Hadn't he realized that he was a hero? He had powered down the satellite long enough for the Wraith to get close. It was only by having Peter there that they were able to bring it up and surprise the ships. They might have changed course or opened fire if they had left the satellite up and running. Then they would still have three hive ships to deal with instead of just two. But then, they would have had Peter still as well. Was his one life worth that of an entire hive ship? Was that an acceptable price to pay? The mind says it is, but the heart says no. It doesn't matter anyways, he's gone and there isn't anything anybody can do about it now.
"I'm sorry I couldn't save you".
