####'Tis a Watermelon: CHAPTEH DOO###

(Harry, Ron, Hermione are still bored. It's still Saturday, and everyone seems to have developed a strange obsession with--GASP! WATERMELONS! The group is wandering around the grounds, somewhere too close to the lake...)

HERMIONE: So... whatcha want to do?

RON: I dunno. What d'you wanna do?

HARRY: I dunno. What d'you wanna do?

GINNY: I dunno. What---Ey, now don't start that again!

HERMIONE: I swear, that's from a movie!

RON: What's a mo--- (Harry claps a hand over his mouth)

GINNY: Harry, that's not very nice.

RON: (bites Harry's hand) mmmm, nummy!

HARRY: AGH! My hand!

HERMIONE: You'll live.

(Snape is walking towads them. The group acts like they don't notice, but he talks to them anyway)

SNAPE: Well, well, what are four young students doing by the lake on such a beautiful day?

RON: Well, we're not really all that young anymore, and we could ask you the same question, you watermelon-head.

(All stare in horror at Ron)

RON: What?

SNAPE: I'm afraid that little remark earned you a month's worth of detention, Weasel.

GINNY: It's Weasly, professor.

SNAPE: Same difference.

(Harry and Hermione exchange glances)

RON: (realization sinking in) HEY! You casn't gives me dentententtention, professsssor! I have Klidititititch!

SNAPE: (blinks)

HARRY: He said you can't give him detention because he has Quidditch.

SNAPE: (beginning to regret talking to them) Oh.

GINNY: (throws herself at Snape) Oh, please, Professor, let him play! It's better to break a man's leg than his heart!

HARRY: That's from a movie too!

HERMIONE: GET OFF MY FETISH, STUPID REDHEAD!

RON: Fubble fwah fwubble fwubbb... errrr?

HARRY: Uh, I think Ron is in need of medical attentoin... again...

RON: EEEEELKIEEE!

(Ginny and Hermione are wrestling on the ground. Neither of them notice Harry, Ron, or Snape.)

SNAPE: Screw you guys, I'm going home. (walks away)

HERMIONE: (jumps up) No! Severus, my love, wait for MEEEEE! (runs after him)

GINNY: God, did you see her? She's crazy!

RON: Glooooooooop

GINNY: What'd he say?

HARRY: He said "No, I'm the crazy one."

GINNY: How can you understand that?

HARRY: I dunno, but I figure I should. I mean, that kid that tries to look like me from those other books can understand his baby sister when she talks like that.

GINNY: (gasps) OH! Is he speaking BABY?!

DRACO: (comes out of nowhere) I'm afraid he is, Oliver.

HARRY: (looks around) Who's Oliver?

DRACO: You are.

GINNY: (sighs) No, dear, he's Harry. We've been over this, hon, you aren't ready to come back to school.

DRACO: Oh.. right... But it was a joke, you know, about Oliver Twist...

HARRY: But who's Oliver?

RON: ssstis fwah bwatahmelon.

GINNY: Hey! I understood that!

HARRY: But who's Oliver?

DRACO: Shutup Potter. I'm more insecure than you, I win. I ALWAYS WIN!!!

HARRY: Hey, you know what else happens a lot on this website?

GINNY: (strokes Draco's forehead) Yeah, I do...

HARRY: (attacks Ginny) NOT YOU!!

GINNY: Harry, get off me!

HARRY: (knocks Ginny out) There.

(Harry and Draco walk off into the sunset holding hands. Ron is left standing alone, dejected, and retarded)

RON: Fwah fwah fwubblefub fwooooooo!

Which of course means "I think the lovely roses taste like sunshine dust."