####'Tis a Watermelon: CHAPTEH DOO###
(Harry, Ron, Hermione are still bored. It's still Saturday, and everyone seems to have developed a strange obsession with--GASP! WATERMELONS! The group is wandering around the grounds, somewhere too close to the lake...)
HERMIONE: So... whatcha want to do?
RON: I dunno. What d'you wanna do?
HARRY: I dunno. What d'you wanna do?
GINNY: I dunno. What---Ey, now don't start that again!
HERMIONE: I swear, that's from a movie!
RON: What's a mo--- (Harry claps a hand over his mouth)
GINNY: Harry, that's not very nice.
RON: (bites Harry's hand) mmmm, nummy!
HARRY: AGH! My hand!
HERMIONE: You'll live.
(Snape is walking towads them. The group acts like they don't notice, but he talks to them anyway)
SNAPE: Well, well, what are four young students doing by the lake on such a beautiful day?
RON: Well, we're not really all that young anymore, and we could ask you the same question, you watermelon-head.
(All stare in horror at Ron)
RON: What?
SNAPE: I'm afraid that little remark earned you a month's worth of detention, Weasel.
GINNY: It's Weasly, professor.
SNAPE: Same difference.
(Harry and Hermione exchange glances)
RON: (realization sinking in) HEY! You casn't gives me dentententtention, professsssor! I have Klidititititch!
SNAPE: (blinks)
HARRY: He said you can't give him detention because he has Quidditch.
SNAPE: (beginning to regret talking to them) Oh.
GINNY: (throws herself at Snape) Oh, please, Professor, let him play! It's better to break a man's leg than his heart!
HARRY: That's from a movie too!
HERMIONE: GET OFF MY FETISH, STUPID REDHEAD!
RON: Fubble fwah fwubble fwubbb... errrr?
HARRY: Uh, I think Ron is in need of medical attentoin... again...
RON: EEEEELKIEEE!
(Ginny and Hermione are wrestling on the ground. Neither of them notice Harry, Ron, or Snape.)
SNAPE: Screw you guys, I'm going home. (walks away)
HERMIONE: (jumps up) No! Severus, my love, wait for MEEEEE! (runs after him)
GINNY: God, did you see her? She's crazy!
RON: Glooooooooop
GINNY: What'd he say?
HARRY: He said "No, I'm the crazy one."
GINNY: How can you understand that?
HARRY: I dunno, but I figure I should. I mean, that kid that tries to look like me from those other books can understand his baby sister when she talks like that.
GINNY: (gasps) OH! Is he speaking BABY?!
DRACO: (comes out of nowhere) I'm afraid he is, Oliver.
HARRY: (looks around) Who's Oliver?
DRACO: You are.
GINNY: (sighs) No, dear, he's Harry. We've been over this, hon, you aren't ready to come back to school.
DRACO: Oh.. right... But it was a joke, you know, about Oliver Twist...
HARRY: But who's Oliver?
RON: ssstis fwah bwatahmelon.
GINNY: Hey! I understood that!
HARRY: But who's Oliver?
DRACO: Shutup Potter. I'm more insecure than you, I win. I ALWAYS WIN!!!
HARRY: Hey, you know what else happens a lot on this website?
GINNY: (strokes Draco's forehead) Yeah, I do...
HARRY: (attacks Ginny) NOT YOU!!
GINNY: Harry, get off me!
HARRY: (knocks Ginny out) There.
(Harry and Draco walk off into the sunset holding hands. Ron is left standing alone, dejected, and retarded)
RON: Fwah fwah fwubblefub fwooooooo!
Which of course means "I think the lovely roses taste like sunshine dust."
