Thanks so much for all of the reviews! It's so encouraging. I don't usually get a chance to update this quickly but wrote this and figured I would go ahead and post it because I know I won't get a chance to post again until at least Friday.

Note to Tiantian Wang: You asked how long this would be. My outline is for about 8 or 9 chapters, but I've been known to change plans midstream.

Chapter 4

Michelle sat with Audrey and Jack outside of the operating room suite in a waiting room. Huge fish tanks lined the walls. She knew that the fish were supposed to have a calming effect on those waiting for word on their loved ones, but all they did for her was remind her that, like the fish that swam aimlessly around, she and everyone around her were small and insignificant in the vast universe. Tony could die right now and nothing would change in the world.

Oh, of course, there would be people who would miss him, but for how long? For his friends, maybe they would think of him occasionally for the first few months, but rarely after that. For his family it might be years, but within a generation he would be forgotten. For all those who never knew him, he would be a few lines in the newspaper that would likely chronicle his last heroic moments.

To think that just a couple of hours ago she and Tony were talking about reconciling. He was going to put his life back together and she was going to help him. He had to live. He just had to live so they could be together again. Without even realizing it, Michelle was crying again. She couldn't stop the tears; they just flowed incessantly.

The waiting was endless. Jack went to the cafeteria and got coffee for all of them. Michelle eventually composed herself enough to call Tony's family and then her own. Calling his parents was one of the hardest things she had ever done. Tony was the youngest of their four children and they adored him. It was bad enough when he went to prison, but this was far worse. They were so happy when he was pardoned but he had become estranged from the family since he and Michelle separated. They didn't blame her; they understood that he was pushing her away as he had pushed them away. They also knew that he was drinking heavily and that the situation had become unbearable for her.

Tony's father cried as Michelle told him what happened. The elderly man had been sick recently. He had emphysema from years of smoking and work exposure to asbestos and toxic chemicals that he came in contact with while working in the shipyards. He was so proud of his children when they got college degrees and didn't have to do manual labor like he had. He wished he could get on the next plane to LA, but he couldn't. He was too sick. He was tethered to an oxygen tank that made such travel difficult. He and Tony's mother would have to sit near the phone and wait for news to come.

It was almost three hours before a woman dressed in scrubs walked into the waiting room. "The Almeida family," she called.

Michelle jumped from her chair and ran over to her. "I'm Mrs. Almeida," she told her. It sounded funny. She never called herself "Mrs. Almeida".

"Mrs. Almeida, Dr. Lombardo will be right out to see you. You can wait in the private consultation area." The woman walked her over to a small room. She pushed open the door and turned on the light for Michelle. "Have a seat; Dr. Lombardo will be right with you."

Michelle motioned to Jack and Audrey to come in with her. She was hoping for good news and wanted them to hear it, too. She also knew that if the news was bad, she would need their support.

The three of them waited in silence. Michelle was so nervous that she paced back and forth in the small room, unable to force herself to sit down. It was about ten minutes before a man about Len Copeland's age walked in and introduced himself as Dr. Lombardo. There was a second doctor behind him who was introduced as Dr. Kleeman. This man was a little older and he wasn't dressed in scrubs.

"Mrs. Almeida," Dr. Lombardo said softly as he reached for Michelle's hand, "let's sit down."

Michelle's lower lip began to quiver as a feeling of dread overtook her. "Is my husband alive?" she asked in a shaky voice.

Jack stood and helped her to a chair fearing the answer to that question almost as much as Michelle did.

"Yes, Mr. Almeida survived the surgery," Lombardo said, his voice remaining grave and emotionless.

"Oh, thank God!" Michelle cried putting her face in her hands. Jack squeezed her shoulders knowing that something more was coming.

"Mrs. Almeida, there's more and, I'm sorry, this news isn't as good," Dr. Lombardo told her. "Lenny Copeland called me shortly before we went into surgery with an x-ray report. On the x-ray done at CTU, Lenny identified a large mass in your husband's chest."

"A mass?" Michelle asked.

"A tumor, Mrs. Almeida."

"A tumor," she repeated. "Dr. Lombardo, are you telling me that my husband has cancer?"

"A form of cancer called lymphoma," Lombardo said. "That's why Dr. Kleeman is here. He's an oncologist, a cancer specialist, and he can answer any questions for you."

"You removed the tumor, right?" Michelle asked.

"No, Mrs. Almeida. We couldn't do that. It's too large and it has attached itself to the tissues throughout his chest. It's impossible to remove at this point."

"Then he'll get chemotherapy and radiation to cure it," Michelle said matter of factly.

Dr. Kleeman spoke up. "Unfortunately, Mrs. Almeida, it's too late for that. If it had been caught in an early stage that may have been possible, but the disease is very advanced. It has spread throughout his body. I'm surprised that he hasn't had any symptoms. I would think he would have been tired and short of breath or coughing a lot."

Michelle nodded, "He's had a cough. I think he just ignored it." She paused for a moment to collect her thoughts then looked directly at Dr. Kleeman. "So what you are telling me is that there is nothing you can do for Tony, that he's going to die."

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Almeida, but yes, you're correct. There is nothing more we can do to treat him. We'll do everything possible to make him comfortable."

"How long do you expect him to live?"

"I don't like to make those predictions. First, he has to recover from the gunshot wounds and that isn't a certainty. Since he has the advanced lymphoma, he's going to have difficulty healing."

"If he recovers from the shooting," Michelle persisted, "are we talking a year, two years? I need a time frame. I need to be able to plan our life." Tears streaked her face now. One nightmare was over: the surgery was complete and Tony was alive. A new nightmare had just begun: he was going to die slowly and she was going to have to watch.

Dr. Kleeman shook his head. "A couple of months at best," he said.

"Oh, God," she whispered. She doubled over in her chair as if in physical agony.

Jack thought she was going to fall off the chair. He came around and knelt on the floor in front of her to support her. She fell forward into his arms and cried inconsolably.

"I'm so sorry," Jack whispered over and over wishing that it would make everything alright. But it couldn't and he knew it. Her heart was broken. She felt as if her world was ending and she didn't know how she would ever put her life together again. In some ways, Michelle wished that Tony could have died from the shooting. She could have remembered him as a hero. Instead she was going to have to watch as he died slowly, wasting away to become someone that she didn't know. On the other hand, now she would have the time to take care of him and show him how much she loved him. In short, she wanted to make up for leaving him, if that was in any way possible.

The night was long and sleepless for Michelle. Tony's sister, Rosa, and Carlos, one of his brothers, flew in late that night. They were at once elated that Tony had survived the surgery and then devastated that he was, nonetheless, dying. Jack and Audrey tried to get the three of them to go back to Michelle's house and get some sleep. They were only able to spend a few minutes with Tony in the intensive care unit and wouldn't be able to see him again until morning. It really wasn't in anyone's best interest to spend the night in a waiting room, Jack told them. If Tony's condition changed, the doctor would call them.

They knew he was right, but refused anyway. They all wanted to be as close to Tony as possible, even if they couldn't see him. Michelle insisted that Jack and Audrey go back to their hotel. They were exhausted and finally agreed. Jack hugged Michelle and told her that they would be back in the morning.

Michelle eventually drifted off into a light sleep curled up in a chair when she a young woman's anxious voice disrupted her sleep.

"A friend of mine was brought here last night." the voice said. "He was shot. I just heard about it on the news this morning. His name is Tony Almeida." The young woman was talking to the receptionist at the waiting room entrance.

Michelle opened her eyes. Sun was shining brightly into the room. She must have been asleep longer than she realized. She and Tony's family had huddled on a group of chairs near the corner of the waiting room, far away from the windows. According to the clock on the wall, it was 7:58 am.

"I'm sorry, ma'am," the receptionist told the young woman. "Only family can see patients in the intensive care unit."

By this time Michelle had walked over to the desk. She recognized the woman; she was the waitress that Tony was living with. "Jen," Michelle said quietly.

"Yes," Jen said started, not sure why anyone here would know her name. She looked at Michelle and instantly recognized her from pictures that Tony kept hidden among his things. She looked down suddenly embarrassed that she was asking to see someone else's husband. "You're Michelle, aren't you? I recognize you from some pictures that Tony has."

"Yes, I am. I'm a little surprised that he has pictures of me."

"He keeps them hidden; I'm not supposed to know about them. How do you know my name?" Jen asked her.

"Let's say I did a little investigative work when Tony moved in with you."

"I'm sorry. He said you threw him out. He didn't have any place to go, so I let him crash at my place. I guess at the moment we both just needed somebody to be with. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. You're right, I asked him to leave. He had the right to go anywhere he wanted or to be with anyone he liked. I'm not angry with you. I'm actually happy that you took care of him. I was afraid that he'd end up on the street."

"I'm really sorry to have shown up here. I didn't know if any of his family would be here. He didn't seem very close to his family and I wanted to make sure that someone who cared about him was here for him. I'll leave; I just want to know if Tony's going to be okay?"

"You don't have to leave. If you'd like to see him for a few minutes, I can tell his nurse that it's okay. He's in pretty bad shape right now," Michelle paused for a moment. "Did you notice that Tony has had a cough recently?"

"Yeah, a bad one. He was real sick a couple of months ago. He's had that cough ever since. He's seemed tired and run down ever since that cold. I wanted him to see a doctor, but he's pretty stubborn."

Michelle smiled, "I know he is." Michelle looked down at the floor for a moment before looking up to meet Jen's eyes. "That cough was the sign of something more serious."

"You mean like pneumonia?"

"I wish it were that simple," Michelle paused. "Jen, Tony has lymphoma; it's a kind of cancer."

"Oh my God! I had no idea. I just thought he wasn't getting over the cold because he wasn't taking care of himself, because he was drinking too much. Is he going to be okay?"

Michelle closed her eyes and shook her head. "No, I'm afraid not."

Jen sat heavily in the nearest chair. "I can't believe this. I'm really sorry, Michelle. If I had had any idea, I would have made him go to the doctor."

Michelle shook her head again. "It's not your fault. The doctor told me that this was probably brewing for a long time."

Jen sat looking at the floor for a few minutes. She finally stood up still looking stunned. "I guess I should go," she said to Michelle. "Tony has you right now, he doesn't need me. I always knew that it was you that he loved. I guess I hoped that some day he would get his shit together. I knew he was smart and if he tried he could have a really good job. I had this fantasy that he would stop drinking and get a job. I pretended that he forgot about you and actually fell in love with me. He'd marry me and we'd get a house in the suburbs. I always knew it was just a dream. Tony was okay with crashing at my house, but he was too educated and too classy to ever fall for me. I didn't even finish high school. I wouldn't know how to act at some fancy office cocktail party. Just tell him I stopped by. Tell him that I'll be praying for him and that I'll miss him."

"I'll do that. I'm going to take him home as soon as he's well enough. When I do, would you like me to call you. Maybe you could come over and see him."

"If you get a chance, I'd kind of like that. I don't want to be in the way or anything, but I'd like to stop and say 'hi' to him. I'll pack his things up and bring them back to him."

"I'll call you when he gets home," Michelle promised. She watched Jen walk away without another word. Jen fidgeted and wiped away tears as she waited for the elevator.

Carlos and Rosa were both awake now. Carlos went over and put his arms around Michelle. "I know how hard that must have been. You handled it well."

"There was no point in beating up on the poor girl. She didn't do anything wrong. I threw Tony out and she knew a good man when she saw him. Maybe I could learn something from her."

The next few days passed slowly and painfully. Audrey and Jack had to return to Washington. Jack promised Michelle that he would keep in touch and he would try and get back to LA in the next couple of weeks.

Carlos and Rosa spent three days with Michelle but both had to return to their homes and families. They had not told their parents of Tony's illness yet. They decided that this was news best delivered in person rather than over the phone. Carlos would tell them when he returned to Chicago. They also discussed arrangements to fly Tony's parents to LA to see him.

Michelle called Brad Hammond and told him that she was taking a leave of absence to take care of Tony. She didn't know when she would be back and if Brad wouldn't agree to that she would resign. Her job was unimportant right now; Tony was her only concern. Hammond agreed. He wasn't happy about it but he knew that it was better to lose Michelle for the next few months than to lose her permanently.

Michelle then started making plans to take Tony home as soon as possible. She was determined that he wouldn't die in some cold, sterile hospital. He would die in their home, in their bed.

Tony was kept heavily sedated for the first couple of days. Even when he did begin to wake up on the third day after surgery, he was only awake for short periods of time. He still wasn't strong enough to breathe on his own, so he remained on a ventilator, unable to speak.

Michelle walked into the intensive care unit six days after Tony was shot more apprehensive than she had been in any of the previous five days. Tony was finally breathing on his own, although he needed an oxygen mask. He hadn't yet been told that he was terminally ill, but Dr. Kleeman was planning to come in that day to tell him.

"Hi, Sweetheart," she said smiling as she walked into his room. "How do you feel this morning?"

It was still hard for him to talk so he gave her a "thumbs up". She took his hand and leaned over to kiss him. He reached up weakly to move the oxygen mask.

"No," she told him, "you need that. You'll be short of breath without it."

"Just one kiss," he said quietly.

"Okay," she said. She removed the mask just long enough to kiss him. "There. How's that?"

"Better," he answered looking deeply into her eyes. "You need to get some rest, Honey."

"Don't worry about me. Let's worry about you right now."

They both looked toward the door in response to a quiet knock. Dr. Kleeman stood in the door. He entered the room and identified himself to Tony. Michelle stood silently next to Tony holding his hand as Dr. Kleeman gently told Tony about his illness.

Tony sat silently in bed listening to the doctor. He showed little emotion except for tightening his grip on Michelle's hand and momentarily closing his eyes and putting his head back. It reminded Michelle of how stoic he had been through his arrest and arraignment and sentencing. He never seemed to flinch, never showed any emotion. She stood with him, tears racing down her face, an occasional sob escaping from her throat. Tony asked the doctor a couple of questions and thanked him for his candor. He told Tony and Michelle to call him if they had more questions and then he left.

"When did you find out?" Tony asked Michelle as he stared at the wall.

"Right after the surgery."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Dr. Lombardo and Dr. Kleeman wanted to wait until you were more alert. That seemed reasonable to me."

"So you thought it was okay to let me think I was getting better, that all I had to do was recover from the gunshot wounds and I would be fine and that we would live happily ever after." He coughed sending an explosion of pain through his chest.

Michelle waited while he got his breath. "Tony, maybe it was the wrong thing to do. I'll admit, I'm not thinking all that clearly right now. Sweetheart, I'm so sorry. I didn't know how to tell you or what was right. All I know is that I love you and I'm afraid of losing you. I'm afraid of having to live my life without you."

Tony still stared at the wall. "Do my parents know?"

"Carlos told them when he got back to Chicago."

"How did they take it?"

"They're having a hard time with it. Your brothers are making arrangements to bring them out to see you in a few weeks."

"I don't want them to see me like this."

"Tony, they're your parents. They really want to see you; they need to see you."

Tony nodded almost imperceptibly and closed his eyes. "I need to be alone for a little while, Michelle."

"I'd like to stay with you. Just let me sit here with you. We need each other right now, Tony."

Tony shook his head. "Maybe later, but right now I need to be alone."

Michelle bit her lower lip and nodded. She was afraid that he was pushing her away. "I understand that you want some time, Tony, but I want you to know that I love you and I'm here for you. I took a leave of absence from work. As soon as you're up to it, I'm going to take you home. We're going to be together."

Tony nodded again and thanked her quietly. Michelle kissed his forehead. "I'll be in the waiting room. When you're ready for me to come back, tell your nurse. I'm sure she'd be nice enough to come and get me." Michelle turned slowly and started for the door.

She was about to walk out the door when she heard Tony's soft voice. "Don't go, Baby," He started to cry. "Don't leave me, Baby."

Michelle quickly crossed the room and took him in her arms. She held him and they cried together. His crying seemed to trigger a cough reflex and he began coughing weakly. Each cough sent sharp stabbing pain through his chest. Michelle called his nurse who gave him morphine to ease the pain. She told him that it would also relax him and suppress the cough. Mercifully, within minutes he was asleep.

Michelle kissed his forehead and adjusted the covers so that he was warm. She stood watching him sleep, stroking his face and remembering how happy they had once been and all of the hopes and dreams they had for the future. Those dreams were shattered now; they could never come true. Right now her dreams were reduced to something as simple as taking him home and making him comfortable in his own house. That dream was plausible. The others would have to fade and die like so many tender flowers under the brutal summer sun.

I hope the plot doesn't appear too similar to a story Maria Elizabeth wrote where Michelle is dying of cancer. I had this idea and had started to outline this story when I read that one. I thought about changing it, but decided against it. Honestly, I didn't steal the idea!