Hi and thanks again to all of you for reviewing. Sorry this has turned out to be a sad story and thanks for sticking with me even though this may not turn out the way all of us Tony and Michelle fans would like. I hope that the ending willat leastleave you with a feeling of hope for the future and that some of you might even find it happy. (This isn't the last chapter. I've got a few more to go.)

Chapter 5

It was three weeks before Tony was strong enough to go home. Even at that point his doctors weren't happy with the idea of him leaving the hospital, but both he and Michelle insisted. It was pointless for him to stay, he told them. They could do nothing more for him and he would be more comfortable in his own home. Michelle had arranged to have an oxygen tank at home and for a nurse to come and check on Tony every other day. Dr. Kleeman suggested that Michelle have a hospital bed brought into the house, but Tony balked at the idea. He wasn't sleeping in a hospital bed; he was sleeping next to his wife. He was walking with the help of a walker and was strong enough to get around the little three bedroom, ranch-style house they bought a few months after they were married.

Jack flew out to LA the day that Tony was coming home to help get him settled. They pulled into the driveway and Jack helped Tony inside. Tony smiled as soon as he saw the house. He loved the place and it held so many good memories. He was happy to be home and it wasn't long before Tony was settled in and sitting in his favorite chair in the family room.

"Jack," Michelle said, "Tony's family is coming in this weekend and I really need to pick up some groceries. Could you stay with Tony for a couple of hours while I shop?"

"Of course, Michelle. Take your time," Jack told her.

Michelle grabbed her purse, kissed Tony goodbye and thanked Jack again before she left. Tony sat in his chair channel surfing.

"Are you comfortable, Tony?" Jack asked him.

"More than I've been in a long time," he told Jack. "Thanks, Jack, for everything. You've been an incredible friend."

"I wish I could do more, Tony. If I lived close by, I'd be more help."

"You've been great. Michelle and I really appreciate it," Tony paused for a second but Jack knew that he had more to say. "Could you do me a favor?"

"Sure, anything," Jack told him.

"Back in the study, in the top, right hand drawer of the desk, there should be paper and envelopes. Could you get me a couple of sheets of paper and an envelope?"

Jack went off to find the items and returned a minute or two later. "I brought you a pen, too," Jack told him as he handed them all to Tony.

Tony thanked him, took a book from the nearby coffee table and began writing. Jack knew that whatever he was writing, he had thought about for a long time. He wrote without stopping, rarely making a correction. When he finally finished, he folded the paper in thirds and inserted it in the envelope. Then he sealed the envelope and put Michelle's name on the front.

"I need to ask another favor of you, Jack."

"I told you before, Tony, anything," Jack said.

Tony handed the envelope to Jack. "I want you to make sure the Michelle gets this on the first anniversary of my death. You can deliver it in person, or have Kim deliver it or have it sent by overnight mail, whatever is convenient for you, but I want her to get it that day. Until that time, I don't want her to know anything about it."

"Of course, Tony," Jack said as he took the envelope. "If I can possibly deliver it in person, I will."

Tony thanked him and Jack put the envelope away just as Michelle came into the house. Tony hastily turned on a sports show on ESPN and he and Jack acted as if they had been watching it all along.

Jack helped Michelle bring the groceries into the house and then said his goodbyes. He would be returning to Washington later that night but promised that he would talk to them every couple of days.

Tony tired out easily and, even after taking an afternoon nap, by 9:30 he was ready to go to bed. Michelle helped him to the bathroom where he stripped down his boxer shorts to wash up.

"Honey, I put clean shorts and a tee shirt on the bed for you," Michelle called into the bathroom. Tony was steady enough to get washed on his own right now, but Michelle knew that wouldn't last for long. The doctors had told her that, although he might appear to rally a bit in the first few days that he was home, his course would be steadily downhill. Michelle wasn't sure she was prepared for any of that but knew she would have to deal with it as it happened.

Tony finished in the bathroom and made his way slowly across the bedroom toward the bed. Michelle helped by carrying the portable oxygen tank that traveled with him everywhere. He started to take off his boxer shorts and then sat on the bed to complete the task. Once they were off Michelle handed him the clean pair.

He looked up at her and smiled. "Honey, we've never worn clothes to bed, I'm not going to start now. I don't have the strength to make love to you, but I still want to feel your skin against mine."

Michelle smiled back at him. He was right. Since they first became intimate, she couldn't remember a night when either of them had slept with clothes on. At times she would put on some piece of sexy lingerie, but he always took it off of her before they went to sleep.

Michelle got ready for bed and undressed letting her clothes lay on the floor were they fell. She slipped into bed next to him and moved close so that their bodies touched. Tony turned on his side and put his arms around her. That was the first she realized how thin he had become. His chest had always been full and muscular. Now she could feel his ribs and the reality that he would only become thinner and sicker seemed to wash over her like the tide rolling in. The pain of it was more than she could bear and, although she had been careful not to cry much in front of Tony, she was no longer able to contain it. Tears came in a torrent. She sobbed until she was breathless. All the while Tony held her and tried to comfort her. He had come to grips with the death sentence that had been handed down and he was no longer sad or afraid. At times he wondered if he was in denial, but really, he understood what was happening and he chose to accept it rather than fight it.

"Baby," he whispered. "Do you know how lucky we've been?"

"Lucky?" Michelle said incredulously. "Lucky? Tony, first you were sent to prison and now you're dying. I'm not sure I call that lucky."

"Honey," he said gently. "For the three years before any of that happened, we were the happiest people on the face of the earth. We had an incredible love. Some people never have that kind of love and we had it for three precious years. Whatever happens, you will always have those memories and the knowledge that we had something really special."

He continued, "We've also been given this time together to say all those things we wish we had said in the past and to show each other how deep our love is. Ask Jack if he would have liked to have had a chance to do that with Teri. I think he would say 'yes'."

"That's not fair, Tony. Teri was murdered. Jack had no warning at all; he found her dead."

"That's not the point, Michelle. If Jack had known that Teri was going to die, I'm sure there would have been things he would have told her first. I've got that chance and I'm not going to waste it.

"Michelle, you made me happier than I ever imagined I could be. Our love is boundless and magical. It defies all reason and logic. I've got the easy part here, Honey. I get to die and go on to what I believe is a better place. You have to stay behind. I don't want you to grieve. I want you to remember how special our love was and move forward. You have your whole life to live. Enjoy it. Cherish every day knowing that I'm with you no matter where you go or where life takes you." Tony kissed her forehead gently and wiped tears from her face.

"Tony, I'm so sorry for leaving you. You needed me and all I could see was that you were destroying yourself and I didn't know how to stop you. I wasn't strong enough to stand by and watch and I didn't know how to give you the support I needed, so I did the easiest thing, I left. After what you did for me, you deserved better."

"You don't need to apologize. You weren't responsible for stopping me from destroying myself. I was the only one who could do that. You were right to leave."

They lay quietly for a few minutes listening to the soft hiss of the oxygen and the crickets outside of the window. Soon they fell asleep, peacefully tangled in each other's arms.

Tony's parents and his brothers arrived the next day and seemed to breathe life into the otherwise lifeless house. The visit was sad, for they all suspected that it would be their last, but Tony enjoyed it. They talked for hours and Tony hardly seemed tired during the four days that his family was there. When it was time for them to leave, Tony refused to say 'goodbye', saying only that they would be together again one day.

Tony's sister and her husband visited the next weekend and friends and Michelle's family were in and out of the house on a regular basis visiting and bringing food and staying with Tony when Michelle had to go out. Jack called every couple of days for progress reports and to offer support.

The progression of Tony's illness over the next two months was difficult for everyone to watch. His spirit stayed in tact, but life seemed to ebb slowly from him. He slept more and more hours every day until he was sleeping twelve or so hours at night and another two or three hours in the afternoon.

After waking one morning and making what had become a laborious trip from the bedroom to his favorite chair in the family room, Tony patted the arm of the chair indicating to Michelle that he wanted her to sit. She was busy fussing over the tubing from the oxygen tank and making sure that his feet were propped up just so and tucking a blanket in around him.

"Sit," he said softly tugging at her hand. He was constantly short of breath now and speech had become difficult. "We need to talk."

Michelle sat on the arm of the chair. "What do we need to talk about, Sweetheart?"

"Time to make some arrangements, Babe," he said stopping to breathe in the middle of the sentence.

She knew what he meant but didn't want to talk about it. "Not yet, Tony. We have time."

"No. Now, Honey."

"Okay, I'm listening," she said trying to keep her voice from quivering.

"I want to be cremated," he told her.

Michelle nodded as tears filled her eyes. This was something they had talked about years earlier. They had a dangerous job that occasionally took them out in the field where death was a possibility. On a superficial level, with neither of them believing that it was really necessary, they had had this discussion early in their marriage.

"Bury my ashes in Chicago."

Michelle looked surprised. "Honey, I want you to be in LA."

Tony shook his head emphatically. "No, I don't want you to be tied to a grave. You're going to move on. You're moving up in the CIA. You might get transferred to Langley. I don't want you to feel obligated to come and visit. My family is in Chicago and my parents will be buried there. It's best if I'm buried there."

Michelle shook her head softly and cried.

"Please, Michelle. It's best," he paused to get his breath. "You don't think you'll move on right now, but you will. I want you to." He reached up weakly to wipe away her tears.

Tony slept much of the day. Michelle eventually helped him to bed. Over the past few days he had become too weak to wash up in the bathroom, so each night she brought a basin of water to the bedside and tenderly washed him. She started to undress him as she did every night so that they could lie together feeling the softness and warmth of each other's body. As she slipped her hands under his tee shirt to take it off, Tony reached for her hands.

"Too tired, Honey," he said in a barely audible whisper. "Leave it on."

Michelle was happy that his eyes were closed so that he couldn't see the tears tracing silent paths down her cheeks. It was only 8 o'clock, but she got ready for bed and slipped in beside him. He was asleep already so she just lay next to him crying, knowing that death would come soon but not knowing exactly when. His breathing was quiet but shallow and labored. She was afraid to sleep but at some point around midnight must have cried herself to total exhaustion and succumbed.

She awoke around 6a.m. grateful to hear Tony breathing next to her. She got up and got dressed but propped herself up on the bed next to him and tried to read but found herself just watching Tony sleep. He finally awoke around 11 o'clock. The shine seemed to be gone from his deep brown eyes.

"Hey, Sleepyhead," she whispered kissing his cheek lightly. "It's a beautiful day. How about if I get you up and I'll make you some breakfast?"

Tony shook his head slightly. "No, Baby," he said breathlessly. "Just want to sleep, just want to stay here."

"Will you eat some oatmeal?" she asked hopefully.

He shook his head again. "Just sleep," he whispered as he closed his eyes.

Michelle covered her mouth with her hand to keep from sobbing out loud. She went to the kitchen and grabbed her cell phone. She listened while a phone rang 3000 miles away in Washington D.C.

"This is Jack Bauer," the distracted voice on the other end said. He and Audrey were just coming back from lunch and were stealing a few quiet minutes together behind his office door. His lips were pressed softly against her neck and she was giggling at the tickling sensation.

"Jack," Michelle sobbed.

Jack stepped away from Audrey. "Michelle, what's going on?" he asked fearing her answer. He looked at Audrey who looked back at him, her face showing the same fear he felt.

"Tony's dying. He won't get out of bed or eat. All he wants to do is sleep. This is the end, Jack. I'm so scared!"

"Michelle, have you called Tony's family?"

"No, you're the first person I called."

"Tony's family needs to know. You have to get yourself together enough to call them now. Call Kim. She'll come over and stay with you. I'll get the next possible flight to LA, but you have to hang in there. You have to stay strong."

"I know," she sobbed. "I'm trying Jack, but it's so hard."

"I know it is, Michelle. I'm going to let you go now. I'll be there as soon as I can. Call me if you need to talk before I get there." Jack hung up the phone.

"Is he gone?" Audrey asked hesitantly.

"It's a matter of time," Jack said succinctly. "I'm going to get the next flight out. I'll talk to your dad and let him know what's going on."

"He'll give you whatever time you need. He's still grateful to Tony for saving our lives. Jack I'm coming with you."

"You're supposed to go to New York tomorrow."

"I'll cancel. This is more important. I want to be with you."

"Thanks, Baby. I need to there," he whispered as he kissed her softly. "I'll go talk to your dad."

Audrey stood for a moment in Jack's office trying to get her thoughts together and she found herself annoyed. Tony and Michelle had suddenly become Jack's focus. He talked to them every couple of days and emailed Michelle daily. Audrey knew that she was wrong to feel this way, that she was acting like a child and was angry at herself for it. She tried to remind herself that Tony was Jack's best friend and losing him was painful, but that wasn't enough to suppress the annoyance she felt.

On top of it all, Audrey felt as though Michelle was becoming too dependent on Jack. He was the first person she called with news whether it was good or bad. Shouldn't she be calling Tony's family first. Why Jack? Jack brushed it off by saying that it was because they had been good friends for years and Jack, having lost his own wife, understood the pain and sadness that Michelle was facing. The whole subject resulted in a huge argument a couple of days ago.

"Are you jealous?" Jack had queried her with a scowl on his face.

"Of course not," she had answered back indignantly. But the more she thought about it, the more she wondered if maybe Jack was right. It was ludicrous! How could she be jealous of a woman who was about to become a widow? What kind of cold-hearted person could feel that way?

Jack and Audrey arrived in LA around 9 o'clock that night and picked up a rental car. They drove directly to Tony and Michelle's house. When they rang the bell, it was Jack's daughter, Kim, who answered the door.

"Daddy," she said kissing and hugging him. "I'm so glad you're here. Michelle really needs you."

Kim hugged and kissed Audrey as well. She and Chase discussed it and neither of them thought the Audrey was right for Jack, but he seemed to be happy in the relationship so they kept their feelings to themselves and welcomed her.

"How's Tony?" Jack asked as he greeted Chase.

"He's basically just sleeping. He wakes up occasionally and says a few words, but otherwise he's sleeping. His breathing is really labored. He doesn't have long, Jack. His brothers are here. They're in the bedroom with him; so is Michelle. Why don't you go back and see him."

Jack nodded and turned to go down the hallway when he saw someone coming out of the kitchen.

"Jack," said a familiar voice.

"Kate," he said smiling in return. "How are you?"

His former girlfriend, Kate Warner, was a close friend of Michelle's. They had become friends several years back when Tony and Michelle had started dating and they frequently went out with Jack and Kate. After Jack broke up with Kate, she and Michelle remained good friends.

"It's good to see you, Jack," Kate told him as they hugged.

Jack stepped back and held Kate at arms length. "Well this is a surprise," he said looking down at her expanding belly. "I knew you were married, but I didn't know you were pregnant."

"I had some problems early in the pregnancy. I didn't want a lot of people to know so I kept it a secret until I started showing a few weeks ago."

"Congratulations," Jack said. "Are the problems all resolved?"

"Yes, everything's fine now. Thanks for asking."

Jack quickly introduced Audrey to Kate and the two exchanged pleasantries.

"I'm glad you can be here for Michelle. She really needs a good friend like you right now," Jack said to Kate.

"I wish I could do more," Kate sighed. "It's just so hard for me to understand what she's going through. You're the one she really needs, Jack. You really understand her. You should go back and see Tony."

Jack nodded and took a deep breath steeling himself for his last moments with his friend. He left his jacket on a chair in the living room and walked slowly into the bedroom. Michelle sat on the bed with her back to the door. Jack rested his hand lightly on Michelle's shoulder.

"How are you holding up, Honey," she said softly.

Michelle stood quickly and fell into Jack's arms. "Thank you for coming," she said, her voice quivering. He held her wishing that there was some way to transfer strength to her. He knew what the next days and weeks and months held for her and, if there were a way to save her from it, he would have gladly done it. The first days would be the worst, but just when she started to think it should get easier, friends and family would have moved on, gone home to live their lives and suddenly she would find herself more alone than she had ever been in her life. Suddenly she would feel as if she was the only person on the planet and her only love was gone. He knew the feeling and he hadn't dealt well with it. Almost seven years after Teri's death, sometimes he still felt that way. Sometimes he still felt like she just died yesterday and the pain was still fresh. He enjoyed his job and he adored Audrey, and all of that helped, but he suspected that the pain would never totally go away. He hated to see Michelle face the same pain.

She hugged Audrey as Jack greeted Tony's brothers.

Jack knelt next to the bed and rested his hand on top of Tony's. "Hey, Buddy," he said trying hard to keep his voice steady.

Michelle leaned close to Tony's face. "Honey, Jack's here," she told him. She smoothed his hair. "Can you say 'hello' to him?"

Tony seemed to fight to open his eyes. "Jack," he moved his lips but little sound came out.

Jack tightened his grip on Tony's hand and felt Tony's weak attempt to return the squeeze. "You just rest, Tony. You don't have to talk." Jack told him.

"Jack," Tony said again, this time with more strength and his eyes partially opened. "Gonna see Teri," he stopped to breathe. "Anything you want," he paused again, "me to tell her?"

"That I miss her as much today as the day she left me," Jack whispered through his tears. "And that I still love her."

Tony nodded almost imperceptibly. "Promise me," he paused to breathe, "you'll take care," he paused again, longer this time, "of Michelle for me."

"You know I will, Tony," Jack said no longer able to keep his voice steady. "You know I will." Jack leaned down and hugged Tony as he cried. He was amazed by how thin and frail his friend had become.

Jack stood and backed away from the bed so Tony's family could take the positions closest to him. He stepped back near the door where Audrey stood. He took a handkerchief from his pocket to wipe tears away. As he fought to regain composure, he reached for Audrey's hand. Audrey looked away and kept her hands clasped lightly together in front of her. Jack looked at her not sure what was wrong. He beckoned her out into the hallway.

"What's wrong, Audrey?" he asked quietly.

"I'm really tired, Jack and everyone here is either family or close friends. I feel really out of place. Maybe I should just go back to the hotel."

Jack was hurt but managed to mask it. Audrey had said she was coming to LA to support him and just when he needed to know she was close by and loved him she was going to go to the hotel. "If that's what you want, Audrey," he said quietly. "You can take the car. I'll have Chase bring me over to the hotel later."

"Okay," she said. "I'll see you when you get there. Call me and let me know how things are going." She gave him a light, friendly kiss, said quick goodbyes to everyone and left.

Jack watched her go from the porch. Chase stepped outside with him.

"What was that about?" Chase asked him.

"I'm not sure. Audrey's never been particularly self-centered, but she seems to be upset about how much time I'm spending with Michelle and Tony. Maybe I'm ignoring her and I didn't even realize it. It's just that," Jack shrugged, "they're my friends and they need me more right now than Audrey does. I wish she could understand that. Tony asked me if he could tell Teri anything. I said to tell her that I miss her and I love her. Maybe that upset Audrey, but we've talked about that. I've told Audrey, I'll never stop loving Teri. She was a part of my life for too many years. We raised a child together. That doesn't mean that I love Audrey any less.

"Remember, Jack, everything in LA is part of Teri and your old life. Audrey isn't really a part of that life. I can understand where that makes her a little insecure."

"Yeah, I guess," Jack said not really understanding but wanting the conversation to end. "Let's go back inside."

Jack and Chase walked inside. As they did, they prayed for a miracle even while they knew they had to face the inevitable.