Morning light fell on the Higurashi shrine, washing the surrounding area in warmth.  Birds sang and the daily hustle and bustle of Tokyo could be heard.  This day radiated with energy and excitement in contrast to the windy, quiet night that fell before it.  Beneath a sea of sky blue, speckled with small clouds, and towering buildings paneled with glass reflecting rays of morning sun, an elderly Shinto priest slowly made his way up the steps of the Higurashi shrine.

"Ahhh, to be home again…" the old shrine keeper sighed as he reached the top step.  He stretched a bit and stroked his beard before picking up his suitcase and slowly making his way to the small house on the shrine grounds he called home.   He hummed a merry tune he'd learned long ago. "Being at that shrine in Okayama really refreshed my spirits.  The trees, the streams, the very air thrived with spiritual energy.  Katsuhito was also a very gracious host.  But, I can't help but to wonder about those weird explosions that kept happening close by…  Hmm…  very odd indeed…." 

                The old man continued on seemingly lost in his thoughts until something pink caught his eye, "Eh… what on earth is this?  This looks like…" The Shinto priest bent down to pick up the dirty comforter but stopped when he saw a huddled figure on the ground.  What on earth…?  His heart leaped into his throat as he realized that the dirty figure on the ground appeared to be Kagome.  He ran as fast as his old legs would take him.  Dropping down on his knees at her side, he grasped her hand.  There is no sign of bleeding or any wounds…  "Kami-sama…  My granddaughter…  what happened to you?"

                The young girl groaned but did not open her eyes.  Kagome's grandfather relaxed a bit upon seeing that she was definitely alive but anxiety quickly resurfaced as he bent down to take her slight figure in his arms.   "Kagome… child you're burning with fever…  What made you do this?"

                Feeling herself being lifted, Kagome groaned again.  Inu Yasha…  did you come back for me?  Am I still dreaming?  So hot…  Why am I so hot?  She barely found the strength to open her eyes.  Although her sight was blurry, she knew instinctively that her hero was not Inu Yasha, "Jii-chan…?  I'm so…  I hurt…"

                Her grandfather winced at her raw whisper, "Don't worry, Kagome.  I will take care of you.  I promise."

                Kagome could only give a slight nod before closing her eyes again.  Her thoughts were too fractured to make any sense of the words he spoke.  Her body was sore beyond belief and even trying to move her head sent stars of pain shooting straight to her eyes.  How did it all come to this? 

                The elderly priest opened his mouth to speak but quickly noticed that his granddaughter was no longer awake.  He heaved a sigh and carried her into the house.      

*****

                The next time she awoke, Kagome found herself in her bed shrouded in a pink blanket.  She tried to move her wrist but winced when she felt something sharp prick her skin.  Groggily, she looked at her surroundings.  Where am I?  This isn't home…  How did I get here…?  Alarms started going off in her aching head.  With much effort she pushed herself up into a sitting position. 

                "Kagome…  don't move too much, you'll make the IV come out…" it was a woman's voice, a very familiar voice.

                "Mama…" Kagome croaked out, she turned to find her mother sitting at her side. 

                "Oh darling…  What did you do to yourself?" tears glistened in Mrs. Higurashi's gentle brown eyes.  "When your grandfather called, Souta and I caught the next train to Tokyo.  I was so worried."

                "Souta…" Kagome questioned confused beyond belief, "Mama, where am I?"

                "You're in the hospital, Kagome.  You have been burning with fever for two days.  Grandfather said he found you passed out in the courtyard."

                He found me in the courtyard?  I passed out? I…  Inu Yasha…  Memories came flooding back to Kagome's brain.  I was sick in school and came home to rest.  I woke up because Inu Yasha…  was…  he came to…  Oh God…  Tears streamed down her cheeks unchecked.  He… 

                Noticing her daughter's distress, Mrs. Higurashi stood by Kagome's bedside and embraced her.  "Oh Kagome…"

                Kagome sobbed uncontrollably, her heart and mind echoing with the cruel words spoken to her only nights before.  Her shoulders shook violently and her head pounded.  How could he be so hateful…?  "Mama…"

                "Please, my darling, don't cry.  You'll make yourself sick again."  Her mother's scolding was light yet, comforting.  What happened to you, Kagome?  What has caused you such pain?

                After awhile, the young girl's sobs reduced to sniffles and hiccups.  Her mother sighed, rubbing her daughter's back and slightly rocking her to and fro.  They sat in silence, neither willing to initiate a conversation.  Kagome allowed her mother's comfort; it had been so long since she and her mother actually bonded.  This interaction calmed her a bit.  When Mrs. Higurashi pulled back slightly, Kagome looked up, her eyes silently pleading with her mother to hold her again.  Mama… Please, make the hurt go away. 

                Her mother sighed again and wiped the tears from Kagome face, "You know that I will be there for you whenever you need me, right?  You're a strong, intelligent girl and destined for great things."  A wistful smile crossed her mother's kind face before continuing, "You've grown up so much.  Don't be afraid to talk to me if you need.  I'm here to listen."

                Kagome nodded, her eyes glazing over in tears again before resting her head on her mother's bosom once again.  I don't know if I can tell you, mom.  I just want to forget…  I want to forget everything right now…  Kagome didn't even notice when the door to her room opened and closed. 

                "Kagome onee-chan!  What happened to you?  I was worried." Souta flung himself into her lap, startling Kagome. 

                  For the first time since she awakened, a soft smile touched her lips, "I am okay, brat."  Pulling away from her mother, Kagome ruffled her younger brother's hair playfully. 

                "Kagome, I thought you were going to die or something…"

                The gods only know that I want to…

                "Hey," Souta's head popped up abruptly as a he had an epiphany, "Why are you in this time anyway?  And where's Inu Yasha?"

                A shadow passed over Kagome's face and her shining brown eyes dulled at the mention of her antagonist's name.  She dropped her hands from Souta's head and clenched them in her lap.  Biting her lip in an effort not to cry in front of her younger brother and mother, Kagome looked down at her fisted hands.  Inu Yasha…

                Mrs. Higurashi stepped in to save the day, "Souta, your sister is still very ill.  Bothering her with millions of questions will not help her get better."

                "I'm sorry Mom, Kagome…" Souta looked thoroughly chastised.  Big sister, I worry about you. 

                "Don't worry about it, dear.  Go into the hallway and tell your grandfather that Kagome-chan is awake."  Mrs. Higurashi cast a worried glance back at Kagome before sitting down in her seat. 

                Kagome still gripped the sheets, trying to compose herself.  Feeling her mother's hand slide over her clenched fist, she relaxed a bit.  Falling back heavily on her hospital bed, the young girl released a wavering sigh and turned her to look at her mom, "When do I get to go home?"  Being in a hospital bed all day is going to drive me crazy. I won't be able to go anywhere and it smells weird.  

                  "The doctor will have to check on you to make sure you're well enough to go home.  Hopefully, you'll get to return by today or tomorrow.  Don't worry, I will stay here until you get released." Mrs. Higurashi smiled at her daughter.  You are much too pale, daughter of mine.  And your eyes… they hold so much pain.  I wish you would tell me what you are going through.  

                A moment later, Kagome's grandfather entered her room followed by Souta.  He walked over to Kagome's bedside opposite her mother, "You've given me a lot of trouble, young lady.  You know as well as I, this old heart of mine can't take too much excitement."

                Beneath his gruff scolding, Kagome could hear her grandfather's profound concern, "I apologize for scaring you, jii-chan."

                The old man grunted and then sighed a bit, "Youth these days… too rash and unthinking… not like in my day…"

                Kagome could not help but to roll her eyes a bit as her grandfather journeyed into nostalgia.  Same old jii-chan...  Always babbling about nothing in particular.  His spiel served as a pleasant distraction.  Listening to her grandfather's ramblings always provided Kagome with a bit of amusement.  She yawned, lulled into sleep by her grandfather's never-ending tale and the warmth of her mother's hand stroking her tangled hair.  Thank you for being here with me.  I am going to need your support…  She closed her eyes and sighed.

                "Uhhh, grandpa?" Souta tugged lightly on his grandfather's sleeve. 

                "What boy?  Can't you see I'm educating both of you?" his grandfather replied irately. 

                "Well, I don't think I mind all that much but, Kagome's asleep…" Souta rubbed the back his head.

                "Nani!?" The Shinto priest face faulted, "No one ever wants to listen to the old man."

                Mrs. Higurashi shook her head lightly, suppressing a girlish giggle.  She ran her fingers through Kagome's tangled mass of shiny black hair as she spoke, "She needs her sleep.  I have the feeling that she has had a very trying experience."

                The old man replied in hushed tones, "I'll say.  You know I'm not one to depend on all this modern medicine and newfangled ideas when old-fashioned remedies usually work, but I just couldn't seem to get Kagome's fever down.  Also, she seemed to be in the grips of some horrible nightmare.  I couldn't understand a word she said, crying and carrying on.  Such a terrible fever dream…"

                Kagome's mother could only nod.  Her brow furrowed slightly.

                Souta inched over to Kagome's bedside, "I wonder where Inu Yasha was?  Didn't he swear to protect her?"

                "I don't know, Souta.  I wish I knew…" his mother replied sadly, staring at her daughter's sleep smoothed face.  Somehow, I just know that's a part of the problem.  A mother always knows…

***Three days later*** 

Kagome lie sleeping beneath amongst a mountain of pillows and sheets.  The young girl twisted and turned in her slumber; her brow furrowed with some unpleasant thought.  The hospital released her two days ago.  The doctor told her the same thing every doctor says to his/her patients.  Drink plenty of fluids, stay in bed, don't over exert yourself, and take this medication twice a day.  Being bed ridden and taking medication strong enough to knock an elephant out meant Kagome could do nothing more than sleep; something she was increasingly afraid to do.  Each time she closed her eyes, the nightmares would attack her.   Kagome even tried to fight the effects of the medicine, but her body sooner or later betrayed her. 

***

Kagome stood alone in a void.  There was nothing but darkness.  Yet somehow, Kagome could clearly see herself as if standing in a spotlight.  Lost and confused, she cried out for help, "Hello, is anyone there?  Can somebody tell me where I am?"

 

                Fear clutched at heart when she received no answer.  "How did I get here?"

                Then a response came to her in the form of a bitter blast of wind that chilled not only her body, but also her very soul.  It whipped all about her, musing her hair and pressing her pajamas close to her body.  It was then that she heard the voices, taunting and cruel.  Like the wind, those voices assaulted her from all sides, growing stronger and stronger.    

I never loved you…

                You're pathetic…

                You mean nothing to me…

                You're weak and useless…

                Weak…

                Naïve…

                A fool….

                I only kept you around because you could see jewel shards…

                It's over…

                I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!!!!

                ***

                Kagome jolted upright in her bed, sweating and gasping for breath causing her faithful housecat, Buyo, to scramble off the bed in fright.  The young girl looked around her room anxiously.  When her mind finally registered that she was no longer dreaming, Kagome dropped her face into her hands.  I can't do this… I can't go on like this.  Kagome curled into the fetal position and did the one thing she been doing frequently for the last 4 days:  cry.  Why can't I stop crying?  What kind of existence is this?  I sleep, have nightmares, wake up, cry, and then start all over again. 

After she cried herself dry, she lay silent and unmoving in her bed.  Gripping her pillow tight and staring blankly out her bedroom window, Kagome's thoughts drifted away.   My heart is hurting…  It feels like I'm dying inside.  I don't know if I want to go on… without Inu Yasha.  Once again, tears pooled in her eyes and trailed down her cheeks.  I thought I didn't have any tears left…  I guess I will never stop crying…  I just wish I could make the hurting stop…  I wish someone could tell me why this is happening to me because I don't understand…  What could make him say such horrible things?  What did I do wrong? 

As Kagome remembered Inu Yasha's words, her body curled into itself.  His eyes were so cold and hateful.  He mocked me…  He told me I was weak and useless…  that I was nothing compared to Kikyo…  It's still hard to believe that Inu Yasha could be so cruel and uncaring towards me.   I thought we had a bond…  I thought we were friends…  I see now that I was blind…  How can I deny the words that came straight from his lips?  Yet, after all he said, I still want to believe that it was all a joke…  I still have hope that Inu Yasha was just lying and that this whole situation will blow over…  or that it's all just a bad dream…  or that it wasn't him talking… or… I don't know…  I just…  I …  need some kind of explanation…  I want to understand.

 I guess I am the fool he called me…   I still want to believe in Inu Yasha…  I cannot just turn off my heart…  I can't suddenly stop the way I feel…  Kagome clutched at the shards of the Shikon no Tama hanging around her neck.  Through tear-blurred eyes, she saw the dim light of the two shards throbbing. The Shikon no Tama…  The shards have been doing that a lot lately…   She sighed as she let the shards drop back down onto her bosom.  What should I do now?  Should I hand over the shards?  Can I just turn away from everything that I came to know and love?

Love…

All I came to know and love…

Yet, there is no love for me…  It was all a farce…  False feelings…  false friendship… 

Can his words really be true?  Did he really mean what he said that night? 

And if he did…  How can I go back?  How can I look him in the eye knowing he hates me?  Knowing that every moment near him will make me hurt deep inside…

Kagome sat up, suddenly angry. That baka…  How could he be such a bastard to me?  I have always supported him…  I have always trusted him and this is what he does to me…   He betrayed my trust… my heart…  I can't believe I was so stupid.

I could just go back to Sengoku Jidai and throw this stupid jewel in Inu Yasha's face…

Better yet…  I could seal the well so that he'll never complete his precious Shikon no Tama…

Kagome drooped as her anger dissipated as quickly as it came.  I am ashamed of my thoughts…  How horrible do I sound right now?  I know in my heart I could never be so cruel... so careless.  Kagome unconsciously clutched the jewel around her neck.   I can't keep the Shikon no Tama here.  Who knows what evil lurks in my time and I am not strong enough to fend for myself as I am now.  The Noh mask that attacked the shrine years ago, made me realize how dangerous these shards are…  So many lives have been lost in the past and here as well in our quest to complete the Shikon no Tama.  I can't risk my family's well being out of anger at Inu Yasha.  I can't bring myself to be so hateful…  Inu Yasha…    

So what do I do?

Can I just give back the jewel and leave this quest behind?  What about my real friends?  Sango…  Miroku…  Kaede…  Shippou…  What about them?  Can I just abandon them all? Or should I just leave them be?   Am I really a burden?  Are they really my friends?  Could they be keeping me around out of pity too? 

I know I can't fight as well as the others…  I know I am always in a bind…  Could I be causing them more trouble than necessary? 

Am I getting in the way?  

What should I do?

I made a vow to complete this quest…  but what if it's not meant to be…  What if this is just a sign that I belong in my time?    

                What am I supposed to do? 

               

                Kagome's thoughts frustrated her beyond what she could bare.  Breaking down once again she sobbed, "I don't know…  I don't know what to do…"

                I just don't know…