A/N: Thank you to coors1977 for reviewing. You where indeed suppose to laugh at 'the list' but you where spot on, you where suppose to feel sorry. Even Kate doesn't know how messed up she is really. Anyway, enjoy!-Kiera

I didn't know what to do and I hated thinking about the whole thing. For the rest of the day I busied myself with anything and everything. I did the most mundane and boring jobs just to keep my mind off John because thinking about him and what he had said made my head spin and not in a good way. There was no way I could go out with him for reasons mentioned on the list, I just couldn't this was John and me. Of course no matter how hard I tried to avoid him John was everywhere, whenever he saw me he would smile and wave and I would scurry off in the opposite direction, my attempts to avoid him weren't subtle. What else could I do? I had no idea what to do, I had no idea what I even wanted to do which didn't help. When the show ended he was waiting for me and all I could do was force a grin.

"You know what Kate," he began before I had even taken a breath. "I know what you're going to say, I can tell a mile away, well I don't know exactly what you're going to say but I've got a good idea. "

"Really?" I asked feeling slightly uneasy.

"It wasn't so hard to figure out after you're little pep talk before. But don't worry, whatever excuse you're going to give me Kate I don't want to hear because I won't believe whatever you have to say. You're coming on a date with me no matter what."

I reached up and grabbed a strand of my hair and began twisting it nervously. "John..,"

"No, I don't care. Come on."

I couldn't and when I feel pressured and stressed my scouse accent becomes sharper and I tend to get aggressive, I could tell it was happening already.

"I can't."

"Yes you can, it's not that hard Kate, really."

God how little he knew. Things like this where always easy for people like John, but not me, I was different and he just didn't get that.

He had grabbed my arm in what I suppose was suppose to be a gentle manner, but I was pulling away.

"John, no. I can't go out with you."

"Yes you can."

I pulled my arm away as hard as I could, I must of looked like a possessed women or something because John took a few steps back.

"No I can't! I can't go out with you and I keep telling you that but you won't listen."

"Why? And don't give me one of those half assed reasons you gave me before."

Half assed? I wanted to slap him because now he really had no idea and I was passed the point of being scared, I was just annoyed, really annoyed.

"Why do you want to go out with me anyway?"

"Because I like you!"

I rolled my eyes and tried to fix my bag. "John look, I appreciate this and everything but you don't have to do all this to make me feel special or something. I was happy just being friends with you and you don't have to try and prove anything to me."

He frowned and I realised I hadn't explained my whole theory to him, I didn't think I would have to because I assumed he knew what I was talking about.

"You think I asked you out to make you feel special, not because I like you?"

"Not special exactly, I think maybe you where trying to help me fit in or something. But don't worry, its ok, I'll speak to you tomorrow."

I waved briefly and then I really did run in the opposite direction, I had to.

In an attempt to block out the horrible scene in the hallway I committed the ultimate sin, I headed directly to the mini bar and like I always do when things go bad I began to drink. To be honest drinking isn't my problem, its stopping that's the problem. I sat on the bed with my little array of bottles, ignored my ringing phone and watched Ally McBeal re-runs and desperately tried not to think about John. It was hard, damn hard because I have trouble letting go of anything at the best of times and when I'm drunk its ten times worse, I began ranting out loud and I didn't even hear someone knocking on the door.

"Kate."

"Bugger off!" I shouted and there went another bottle, empty in three seconds flat.

"Kate! Open the door!"

I gave a loud sigh and rolled off the bed, crawled over to the door and by some act of god managed to pull myself up.

"Are you drunk?" John asked.

"And?"

I wandered back into the room and dropped onto the bed letting him decide if he wanted to come in or not.

"I guess now isn't a good time to talk about what happened."

"Its never going to be a good time to talk about that." I informed him seriously and rooted through the pile of empty bottles for one that wasn't so.

"I think you need to,"

I had spent the larger part of my late teen years talking about what was wrong with me. I was tired of it, basically because I was unable to figure it out and John didn't need to know that.

"We talked, its ok."

"What you said in the arena was wrong."

"I'm never wrong about stuff like that and it really doesn't matter."

"But you are wrong."

I held up my hand. "Stop it, look I'm alright with it, so go to bed or something."

"Kate."

I threw my bottle down and looked at John, who to my surprise was sitting right next to me.

"What?"

Before he could say anything my phone rang again and I reached for it.

"Really John, I may be drunk but I know what's going on so lets forget it and be friends."

It was better that way, for both of us.

"Whose on the phone?" he asked just before he left.

"Toby."