I don't own Inu Yasha … However, I do own a nifty pair of shoes … Yay, for me… ^_^…

Kagome thrashed about in her bed in the grips of a nightmare.  Her furrowed brow glistened with a sheen of sweat and her nightclothes clung to her.  The shards of the Shikon no Tama hanging about her neck, flashed with an eerie purple glow, as if reacting to her emotions.  Finally breaking free of her torturous dream, the young girl lie awake and breathing heavily.  Outside her bedroom window, the night sky was slowly giving way to morning.  With glazed brown eyes, Kagome stared up at her ceiling trying to clear her mind.  My nightmares are so frequent now; I cannot even remember what I dreamt about.  It is all just one scary blur.  She placed her hand over her necklace of Shikon shards, sensing the weird fluctuations of power emanating from the shards of crystal.  I think the Shikon no Tama is reacting to my nightmares.  I can feel it.  This has never happened before…  I don't understand…

Kagome rose from her bed as the first rays of sunlight peeked through clouds and onto the streets of Tokyo.  Walking over to her bedroom window, she pressed her forehead against the cold unyielding glass.  Her chocolate brown eyes caught sight of her grandfather sweeping the shrine grounds as he did every morning.

"It's Monday…" Kagome sighed to no one in particular.  She did not even have Buyo as an audience this early morning, for the lazy housecat opted to curl up next to her younger brother, Souta, rather than sleep next to Kagome, who nowadays was plagued with violent nightmares that scared or physically abused the poor animal.  It's Monday…  I haven't been to school in over a week.  I have been well for a couple of days now but…  I can't bring myself to do much…  I am still not sure what it is I am supposed to do. 

                Heaving another heartfelt sigh, Kagome turned away from the window and caught sight of herself in her bedroom mirror.  She barely recognized the person staring back at her.  The pale girl in the mirror watched Kagome with haunted, melancholy eyes, dark shadows marring her usually cheery face.  Her wrinkled pajamas engulfed her slim frame, making her seem more like a lost child than the budding woman she once was.  Kagome ran her hand through her black tresses, screwing up her face as she felt the many tangles impeding her fingers from combing through her thick black hair. 

Is this what I have become? 

The young miko had to quell the urge to break the offending mirror.  Instead, she walked out of the room, as if to flee. 

I cannot go on like this… 

                She found herself in the bathroom, once again face to face with her reflection.  She washed her face hoping that the cold water would somehow clear her vision.  Looking into the mirror once again, she frowned.  Her wet, pale skin seemed to grow paler; the shadows beneath her eyes more pronounced.  Kagome paused, looking deeply into her own eyes, eyes that had darkened to near black.

                I once envied Kikyo because she was dead… because she had Inu Yasha's love… but… here I am…  I'm more dead than alive and I'm alone.  Unlike Kikyo, I have to choice to live now and instead, I am letting myself slowly waste away.  Is this what I want?  Do I not want to exist anymore? 

                Kagome looked away from the mirror, slowly placing her hand over her heart.  I hurt inside…  I hurt so badly… but…  Kagome frowned as tears, splashed onto her pale hand.  I thought I had no tears left…  She wiped roughly away her tears and she faced her reflection.  Her eyes began to glow faintly inner fire that she once lost.  No matter how much it hurts…  I cannot go on like this.  Even if Inu Yasha hates me… even if I am the weakling he called me…  I am still here…  I am not Kikyo…. I am not dead…

                Unlike Kikyo, even though my heart is broken…  I choose to live…  That's all I know how to do…

                "And now is as good a time as any to start…" Kagome spoke her resolution aloud, hoping to garner the strength she did not feel.  With that she began the process of getting ready for school.  I might as well make my appearance now.  There is no need to stay cloistered away in the house especially when I have school to deal with…  I bet I am so behind… 

While washing her hair, Kagome mentally groaned as she thought of all the time she would need to make up for her missed work.  I spent all my time wallowing in depression…  What a mess I have made of my life.  I'll probably never get into Tokyo University this way…  Well, there is no point in obsessing over it now…  All I can do is hope for the best…

After washing thoroughly, Kagome stepped out the tub and into a fluffy towel.  She purposely avoided the foggy bathroom mirror and went up to her room to change into her uniform.  She discovered that her uniform hung a bit loosely on her frame.  Kagome frowned in disdain at this.  I need to start eating better. After fussing over her uniform, she sat down at her vanity and began the process of detangling and brushing her hair.  In the mirror, she could see her cheeks flushed from her bath and the shadows under her eyes fading ever so slightly.   Little by little, I will get through this.  I promise myself that.   I will just go about my daily life…  I am not in any rush to face Inu Yasha…  Not after our last meeting…

Kagome froze.  I can't continue to think about it… about him…  If I do I will surely go crazy…  I know I can't just forget everything but for now…  I will be a normal school girl, living a normal life.  No Inu Yasha…  No Miroku…  No Sango… No Shippou…  No anyone…  I need this time for myself…  Eventually I will deal with my problems… just not now… 

    With that she finished brushing her hair, grabbed her book bag and went downstairs.  The sound of someone in the kitchen caught her attention.  She peeked in to find her mother preparing breakfast.  Mrs. Higurashi turned at that moment as if she sensed Kagome's presence.

"Kagome-chan, you're up early…" Mrs. Higurashi's eyes widened a bit a she took in Kagome's state of dress, "Kagome are you going to school?  Are you sure you're ready?"

Kagome smiled sadly knowing that her mother was worried more about her mental state than her physical, "Yes Mama…  I am ready…  I have to go to school sometimes and staring at the walls all day is far from fun."

Kagome's mother put down a bowl of pickled turnips she was holding and walked over to Kagome side.  She embraced the young girl, "You don't have to force yourself to do anything until you are ready.  You know that, right?"

"Yes Mama…  I know…  Thank you for worrying and watching over me." She replied softly, leaning into her mother's warmth. 

"That's what mothers do…" Mrs. Higurashi sighed before releasing Kagome.  She stood back observing the young girl closely, "You are much too thin…  If you are going to school today make sure to eat breakfast first.  It is after all the most important meal of the day."  Tapping Kagome lightly on the forehead, she continued, "The mind is so much clearer when the stomach is full and happy…"

Kagome smiled genuinely, "I could eat… forever."

"Now… you are stretching it.  I can't roll you around everywhere…" Her mother quipped as she went back to her task.

"Moooooooooooooooooooooooooooommm…." Kagome sighed in exasperation then giggled a bit at the mental image conjured by her mother's words.

Unbeknownst to Kagome, her mother wiped an errant tear from her eyes as she turned away.  My Kagome is back… finally… She is so much stronger than she knows… 

                "Mama?" Kagome noticed that her mother had become unnaturally silent.  "Mom, are you okay?"

                Mrs. Higurashi turned to smile at her daughter, "No, I am okay.  I was just trying to figure out what to make for dinner tonight…"

                "Okay, well I am going to take my breakfast to go so I can get an early start at school." Kagome replied as she packed away some food into containers and shoved it in her book bag.

                "But it's so early.  Souta hasn't even gotten up yet…"

                "I just need to get out into the fresh air.  I promise to stay out of trouble." Kagome sighed, sensing her mother's worry.

                "Well, I won't hold you here if you wish to leave early." Mrs. Higurashi said.  "But please be safe."

                After slinging her backpack onto her shoulders, Kagome walked over to her mother's side and placed a light kiss on her cheek. "I will be alright."

                "I know… I know…" her mother sighed. 

                Kagome left her mother's presence and walked out into the shrine courtyard.  There she found her grandfather still tending to the shrine grounds.

                "Ohayo jii-chan!!!" Kagome greeted him.

                "Kagome…  What on earth are you doing out of bed?" the Shinto priest replied in shock.

                "What does it look like, jii-chan?  I am going to school…"

                The old man walked over to stand before his granddaughter, "Don't get prissy with me.  Are you sure you are okay?  I just thought of the most excellent disease to tell the school you have…"

                Kagome rolled her eyes, "Ohh jii-chan… Anyways…  I have to go.  I am trying to get an early start today…"

                Her grandfather huffed indignantly as he watched Kagome trot away, "Teenagers…  I just don't understand them…"  

                Kagome heard her grandfather's mumblings but she didn't acknowledge it.  Jii-chan is always making a fuss about one thing or another.  He is awfully obsessed with making up weird illnesses.  Not once has he told my school that I had a common cold…  No, that would be too simple.  Instead, he goes off into some far-fetched tale.  I don't know how anyone believes him.  I think he needs a new hobby.

 Kagome walked across the courtyard purposefully avoiding the small shack housing the Bone Eater's well.  If I don't see it, I don't have to think about it.  Kagome kept her eyes averted from the well house and walked down the long flight of stairs to the city streets below.  The sound of chirping birds and honking car horns assailed her ears as she headed towards her school.  Kagome walked slowly for there was no real rush to get to school, after all, she did leave home early.  Kagome observed her surrounding sadly before getting lost in her thoughts. 

I should get used to seeing this everyday… soon…  I will be just a normal girl… or as normal as I can be without Sengoku Jidai…  There won't be any need for my powers, especially when I…  I…  I am not even sure I want to give the shards back…  She felt the shards warm against her skin.  Holding the necklace up to the light, she could see the small flecks dancing within the small shards.  How odd…  Once upon a time, I would have done anything to get rid of the Shikon no Tama.  I didn't even understand its power or its worth.  Even when it came out of my body, I didn't really think twice about it.  This jewel has been stolen so many times because of my negligence… because I didn't care about it… because I'm weak…  Kagome's thoughts ended abruptly as she bumped into someone.  She had been so lost in her thoughts that she wasn't even paying attention to where she was going.

Embarrassed at her own clumsiness, Kagome quickly apologized.  "Ahhh…  Gomen nasai…  I'm so sorry I…"  Pink stained her cheeks, as she recognized her victim when they turned towards her, "Hakibi-sensei…  I am such a baka…  I didn't mean to…  I mean…"

  "Higurashi!!!"  Sae exclaimed in surprise, "I heard that you fell ill last week.  Are you okay?"

"Yes, I am fine, Hakibi-sensei…  I guess…  I think I just had the flu or something…" Kagome sighed a bit sadly.

"So I am guessing the flu gave you amnesia as well, Ms. Higurashi?" Sae replied, her face stern.

"Nani?  I… uhh…  I promise to make up any work I missed…  I mean…." Kagome stuttered nervously, not understanding.

"I am well aware that you will make up your work…" Sae continued as a hint of smile tugged at her mouth, "That is not an option…  However, I told you to call me Sae.  I feel like an old bag every time you call me Hakibi-sensei…  We are at least acquaintances now, are we not?"

Kagome smiled brightly, "Of course we are, Sae-sama."

"Now that we have that out of the way, help me pick up all these books you made me drop.  I assume you're heading towards school anyways." Sae spoke as she bent down to pick her books off of the sidewalk.

Kagome knelt besides her picking up as many books as she could carry, "Again, I am sorry.  I didn't mean to bump into you like that.  I was just so lost in thought."

Sae stood smiling as she went, "As long as you don't do that in class…  I will forgive you.  Now, let's get this stuff back to school shall we."

Kagome fell into step beside her teacher.   For a couple of blocks they walked in silence, neither in any particular hurry to spark up a conversation.   Kagome looked over at Sae as she walked.  She's probably as strong as Sango.  Both of them are trained to fight.  Sae grew up without her family and managed to do things I can only dream of.  I wish I could be like her.

"Kagome-san?"

Kagome blinked as she came back to the real world, "Yes, Sae-sensei?"

"You are so quiet today.  Is there something wrong?  Are you feeling well?" Sae frowned in concern. 

"No…  No…  I am fine…  I was just wondering… if…" Kagome faltered.

"What is it, Kagome-san?"

"Could… you… teach me to fight..?" Kagome ended awkwardly.  Did I just ask her that?  What if she says no…

"You want to learn how to fight?" the older woman sounded shocked.

I knew it…  I knew she would say no…  "I wanted to become stronger….  For awhile now, I've been considered the weak one… the burden…  I just want to be able to do things on my own….  I don't want to be a weakling anymore." Kagome spoke solemnly, her heart hurting with each word.

"You're health is so fragile, I wouldn't want to be responsible if you get hurt Kagome." The young teacher replied, doubt seeping into her voice.

"You don't know how much I need this.  Anything that happens to me will be my own responsibility.  I am the one asking…" the young girl pressed onward.  You don't know how much I really need this…

Sae hesitated, "Well…"

"Please…  I promise you won't regret it…" Kagome pleaded. 

"But, you probably will…" Sae sighed, "Training at my dojo is not easy…"

Kagome smiled inwardly, "I will do my best." 

"Well, we should start immediately.  Are you free this afternoon?  My classes are from 6-9 Monday through Thursday and all day on Saturday." Sae replied.

"I can come…"

"Good… You can meet me at my classroom once school ends…"  The young teacher than turned to Kagome, her stern expression returning, "I must have you know I will not go easy on you…"

This time Kagome smiled brightly, "I wouldn't expect you to, Sae-sensei."  Kagome walked up the tree-lined pathway to the school alongside her teacher, "I can't wait to start."

"That's what you say now…" Sae snorted, but then laughed lightly, "You just might make a good student…."

Kagome looked up at the cherry blossoms petals falling like snow from the trees, "I hope so…'

***

The day went by uneventfully until Yuka, Eri, and Ayumi all rushed Kagome as soon as they saw her in the hallway, chattering loudly and bombarding her with questions.

"Are you okay?  I was worried sick…  You didn't even return my calls…  Or Eri's or Yuka's…" Ayumi lectured.  Her flunkies nodded sternly agreeing with Ayumi.

Kagome rubbed the back of her head nervously, a blush rising to her cheeks, "I was really sick.  I didn't get out of bed for a week…"

Eri eyed Kagome suspiciously, "Are you sure you were sick?  You didn't have a fight with your boyfriend, did you?

Kagome face faulted.  Frantically, she waved her hands in front of her trying to ward off the conversation she knew was coming, "No… No…  I was sick, honestly…"

The three friends exchanged glances before turning back to Kagome.

Oh here they go…  This is just what I need right now… Kagome inwardly sighed. 

Ayumi spoke first, "That jealous boyfriend of yours is nothing but trouble.  You need to just leave him be…"

Eri continued, "Besides, Hojo likes you a lot!"

Yuka finished it off, "He has been asking us about you everyday.  It seems you didn't return his calls either.  Not well done of you at all."

Kagome sighed again.   I really need to tell Hojo I don't like him like that...  or hook one of these girls up with him so they can stop bugging me about my social life and get one of their own.  "I told you guys I was sorry…"

The trio shrugged and then filled Kagome in on the latest gossip around school, as usual, causing Kagome to laugh all the way down the hallway.  At lunch, she opted to sit alone beneath one of the sakura trees, in hopes of having some time to herself. 

"Finally, I can eat breakfast…  I hope it hasn't gone bad…" Kagome said to herself as she pulled several containers out of her book bag.

"Can I join you?"

Kagome froze, recognizing the voice right away, "Hojo-kun…" Oh great…

Hojo smiled charmingly and took a seat beside her, "Gomen ne…  Did I startle you?"

Kagome plastered on a smile, "No, not at all…  I was just having some lunch." 

Hojo's expression suddenly became very serious, "I was worried about you.  You didn't return anyone's call and I was wandering if you were doing all right."

"I was really sick…" Kagome sighed, "I am sorry if I worried you guys.  I am better now, though.  And, umm, thanks for bringing me home last Friday.  I was really out of it…"

"No problem…" Hojo smiled again but said nothing more.

What is Hojo up to?  What does he want?  He is starting to give me the creeps.  Kagome looked over at her companion wearily.  Hojo is blushing again….  Oh no….

The oblivious boy decided to speak at that moment, "Kagome-san…  Have you given any thought to what I asked you about last the time we talked?  I mean… I know we didn't get to talk about it much… and I was supposed to take you out to dinner first... but…  This seems likes just as good a time as any to talk... if you want to of course…"

This is so not a good time for me…. However, I might as well tell him how I feel.  No sense in leading him on, like I was…  Kagome took a deep breath before beginning; she fully planned on telling Hojo that she thought of him as just a friend in gentlest way possible.  There is no need to hurt his feelings  "Hojo-kun, I_"

                "Kagome-san… I really like you.  I have liked you for a very long time now." Hojo sighed, interrupting Kagome's whole spiel.  "However, I feel so disconnected form you lately.  It's like you are in another world. I really want to be with you but I am not sure if I can get past this."

                Kagome face-faulted, nearly tipping over in shock.  Nani!?  Is he breaking up with me?  We aren't even together.

                "So I think we are better off as friends.  I don't know how you feel about that, but I am sure it for the best."  Hojo peered over at a bewildered Kagome nervously, "We can still be friends, right?"     

                Kagome nodded, "Uhhh… suree… Hojo-kun… friends are fine."

                At her response, Hojo pulled her into a bear hug, his smooth cheek pressed against her own, "I knew you would understand…"

                Kagome blushed at such intimate contact.  If anyone sees us, they will automatically assume something is going on, especially Ayumi, Eri, and Yuka. Those girls sure do love to gossip.  The last thing I need right now is to be their hottest topic… again…

Kagome cleared her throat uncomfortably, a blush rising to her cheeks, "Hojo-kun… Hojo… I don't think we should be like this in public…"

                The young boy released his hold on her awkwardly and blushed, "Yea, we are supposed to be friends now and all."

                When we ever more than that?  I am getting a headache...  This boy definitely reminds me of that boy Nobunaga we met two years ago.  Hojo-kun is either his descendant or his reincarnation.  Either way… they are both not all there.

                Hojo inhaled deeply, "I feel like I got a huge weight off my chest.  I want thank you for being so understanding, Higurashi."

Kagome smiled, more than a little confused by the conversation that just took place, "Uhhh… anytime Hojo-kun… anytime…"  

Hojo stood up slowly, "I have to get going now.  I kind of lied to my teacher and skipped out with the hall pass.  I will talk you later."

She smiled in response and then looked down at her luke warm food, "I guess I'll start eating now.  I think… This food doesn't look so hot right now.  Probably doesn't taste so great either."  Kagome sighed, popping one her mom's special pickled vegetables in her mouth. After chewing it slowly, she came to a decision, "It will do for now.  I need some energy if I want to alert in Sae-sensei's class after school."  With that having been said to no one in particular, Kagome ate her breakfast slowly.  I hope I don't make a total idiot of myself today.  What am I saying?  I will make a total idiot of myself today.  I don't know the first thing about fighting.  I should have paid more attention to the gang when they were fighting instead of trying to escape or be rescued for that matter…  What have I gotten myself into?

Kagome leaned back against the tree.   "I think I lost my appetite…" she groaned, pushing the containers away from her.  Her stomach was doing flip-flops and her forehead was beading in sweat, "Maybe I can tell I don't feel well today…  Wait!  I can't do that…  If I back down now, Sae-sensei will think I am too weak to anything."  Kagome propped her chin up on her elbows, "I have no choice but to go today.  I guess I can try not to be too much of an embarrassment…."

 I never was this unsure of myself.  Once long ago, I knew what I could and could not do.  I knew my strengths…   my weaknesses…  I thought I knew everything there was to know about me…  Now, I'm never sure of who and what I am from one minute to the next. I never fathomed that I would be this lost…   I don't know where I am heading and I am afraid of what lies before me.  I second guess my every decision now and am unsure of the things I once thought I did well.  Because of him, I doubt myself…   because I once put all my faith into him and had it broken.  It's hard to move past that point because ever since that day a part of me has been missing…  I lost it in that moment…   blown away with the wind… alongside my broken heart...  I don't know how to regain it and I am afraid to try because I may fail and lose it all again…

Kagome looked up at the treetops with dull unseeing eyes.   I cannot remain as I am; an emotional wreck and afraid of my own shadow.  Kagome lowered her head, eyes closed and her small hand fisted over her chest.  Weak…  Afraid… alone… so alone…  I cannot remain as such.  I cannot cower from the world always…  There is too much that I wish to accomplish… I must get past this pain.  I must find the strength, wherever it might be, to keep going. 

Kagome sighed and opened her eyes.  A soft breeze rustled the sakura blossoms above her causing some of the delicate petals to drift down.  She opened her hand a bit, catching several petals in her hand.  A smile tugged at the corner of her lips, "So pretty…" 

Kagome blew the petals from her palm, packed her things away, and left her spot by the cherry tree.  "It's time to get back to school."   The young miko stopped to stretch languorously and take a deep breath.  Another cool breeze brushed gently past her face as she turned back to look at the spot she just left.  Her obsidian tendrils fluttered, disturbed by the wind.  For some reason, Kagome could not tear her eyes away from that spot beneath the cherry blossom tree.

"I feel…" she began to whisper, but fell silent.  I can't put it into words…  I think I left something behind there but I know I have everything... Looking at her book bag slung loosely on her shoulder, she shook her head.  Her hand slid up to grip the jewel shards around her neck, the Shikon shards pulsed in answer.  The girl shrugged.  I guess I am just being silly.  

She turned away heading back into school.