Disclaimer & Author's Note: I don't own Harry Potter. The stories, the characters, even the way I uses Latin belongs to the author J.K. Rowling. This is a parody; if you get mad over it because you are writing about Voldemort's fandom daughter, it isn't my fault. Okay? I am going to try to get a beta version of this chapter up as soon as possible.

A Voldemort-Daughter Parody

Chapter One: Teh Evil
Transformation of Hermione

Hermione Brittanie Granger was never the prettiest girl in school. No… she thought to herself, that title belongs to Lavender or that Cho girl. As always, they are too perfect. In fact, she wasn't even sure she was the brightest or even smartest girl in Hogwarts, not with that Susan Bones around. They just didn't understand Hermione Brittanie Granger. Everyday she insisted to drench herself into sorrow over a secret… a horrible secret she didn't want to share. But of course, her friends were going to find out eventually no matter what she did. It was her family who had done this to her; it was they (or him) who had made her like this.

During the summer, her mother and father just so happened to tell her a dark secret about themselves. Hermione Brittanie Granger would have never guessed that her parents was truly pure-blood and, on top of that, they were also Death Eaters sent on a top secret assignment for their Dark Lord, but that was only the beginning. She soon found out that her very own mother, Wakana Qiana Granger, had an affair with the notorious Voldemort and he was really Hermione Brittanie Granger's father. After that they decided to send their daughter to Death Eater Youth Camp of a full summer where they learned to be as evil as their lord.

Hermione Brittanie Granger was ever so happy to go to the camp where she would learn how to be Teh Evil™ that would make her parents prouder than they had ever been.

When Hermione Brittanie Granger came back from Death Eater Youth Camp, she was a changed girl. With an elegant grace, Hermione Brittanie Granger walked out of the train with a luxurious shade of straight, not puffy, midnight-purple hair, cocaine-colored eyes, and a figure that had curves in all the right places. But that wasn't the only change her parents found in her; on the other side of her, it seemed that Hermione Brittanie had found a boyfriend in the only sex god at Hogwarts, Draco Malfoy. (A/N: Together, they became the only two to master the Dark Arts at Death Eater Youth Camp and up falling in love, I thought you should know.)

With her new look, attitude, and boyfriend Hermione Brittanie Granger was almost ready to start her sixth year at Hogwarts. I need a new name… she wrote in her private journal; she believed that all evil teenage girls needed a journal, Mya? No. How about 'Mione? I think Draco will love this, she continued to write. 'Mione is perfect.

Now with her transformation complete, it was time for Hogwarts. And with that came the satisfaction of shocking her friends Ron Weasley and the famous Harry Potter with her new brand new look and token boyfriend.


"What a wonderful day," Hermione Brittanie said, walking hand and hand with her token boyfriend, Draco, to Platform 9 ¾, "if you think the sun is a wonderful thing. I prefer clouds and rain."

The breathtaking couple scuffed across their way through the walkways of the Hogwarts Express looking for the perfect compartment all to themselves. Throughout their search, she noticed the gossiping whispers of her friends. It wasn't unusual to Hermione Brittanie Granger at all, she was used to this treatment. All last year there was thought about her relationship with Ron Weasley. That Cho girl, I am to good to take away from her 'ideal' compartment. We can get another one. They continued until they past rows of compartments full of Hufflepuffs. As usual, they are in the center of the train. Alas, will they ever change? Huh. We can always curse their arses to France. Lastly, they came to the ideal compartment with one drawback. Ron and Harry! They destroy everything; they will not allow me to be happy!

Meanwhile…

Harry and Ron sat down in their seats and Ron seemed to whisper something to Harry, but even with Hermione Brittanie Granger's "uber-speshul!!1!" hearing couldn't pick it up.

"Er," Harry pointed manically towards Hermione Brittanie Granger's direction before grabbing Ron and darting towards her to get a closer look, "isn't that Hermione?" At that very moment, he fell over the heels in love with Hermione's amazing long, flowing, midnight-purple hair and an hourglass figure. "Her eyes, they are so white. Wow!"

Ron looked confused (A/N: but he is always confused, hehehe! I am so funny), "Who? Her? Hermione is much prettier than that girl anyways." Ron walked back over to his seat where he started to fiddle with his thumbs, "This is going to be an uneventful trip to Hogwarts this year… I hope." But things never goes his way.

As the time passed, Hermione Brittanie Granger and Draco Malfoy joined Ron and Harry for no reason at all. Within the 5 seconds they were in the compartment, Harry leaped onto the floor to bow to the greatest of all, Hermione Brittanie Granger.

"I am so flattered that you the famous Harry Potter would bow to little old me," Hermione Brittanie Granger said with a stylish grace. Well that was what Harry and Draco thought; Ron was just getting sick to his stomach.

"May I get up now, the Wonderful, Amazing Hermione?" Harry addressed with a hope that the extraordinary, fabulous, and fantastic Hermione Brittanie Granger might touch him.

"Please Harry, call me 'Mione," she whispered into his ear (A/N: his right ear silly!) before hurling her hair into the air in a chic manner.

"Thank you, thank you, Her-- 'Mione," Hermione Brittanie Granger sat down over by the train's window. Moments later, Draco joined her.

Harry squealed out with joy, Draco joined in, Hermione Brittanie Granger fanned herself with her hands because she was Teh Hawt™ and Ron simply rolled his eyes before getting up, "I think I am going to find my sister, you know, Ginny." Uninfected with the stunning affection for Hermione Brittanie "'Mione" Granger, girlfriend of Draco Malfoy and master of Harry Potter, he got up and left the room. "Uh, I guess I was wrong. This was eventful." Minutes later he found Ginny.

"I need your help, Ginny."

Next time on A Voldemort-Daughter Parody:

"You have to agree with me. That isn't Hermione; the real Hermione is locked up somewhere. She has to be, that girl with Harry is an imposter. You have to believe me, right?" Ginny was never used to Ron begging for her help with something important, so this had to be true.

"Ok, Ron, I will help. What do you want be to do?"

Will Ron find out what happened to Hermione over the summer? Will Ginny help him with this mystery? What kind of effect does this have on Hogwarts? What does the past have to do with this? Stay tuned to A Voldemort-Daughter Parody.

Thanks to Jillian for being my beta!