A/N: Thank you to vipersa, corrs1977 and huntersgirl for reviewing the last chapter. Enjoy-Kiera

My days at home amounted to a pile of nothingness, I slept until the afternoon, I stayed up late talking to my friends back home on the internet and I watched a lot of TV. There wasn't really a lot for me to do, I didn't need food so I didn't have to go shopping and this, rather unfortunately, gave me a lot of time to think about things I don't like thinking about. I'm one of those people who dwells on mistakes, even years after they've happened something will suddenly remind me of something I once did and I end up cringing about it for weeks. Over my few days off I was thinking about the way I sometimes tended to behave when I was sad and how at the time it seems perfectly reasonable and later I feel like a huge drama queen. It's not my fault, I tend to have very bad judgement about these sorts of things, it just happens to be my natural reaction to burst into tears when something goes wrong, regardless of where I am. I'm a very sensitive person, too sensitive to be honest. I would love to be one of these people that nothing bothered, I would love to have an icy, cold exterior and I really try to pull one off, but underneath it all I'm just a big jumbled up mess of emotions and I often find that no matter how hard I try to hide that, I never can. The scar of my wrist is easy, so is the eating disorder and the depression, but somehow the emotional mess always finds its way out.

The day I returned to work for the next I ended up stuck in a meeting for three hours straight and to amuse myself began sending messages over my phone. Remember how I said solitude could make me go mad? Well so could having to be silent, I think it has a lot to do with me disliking authority. It started off innocently, it was just a simple message really 'How is your day?' and I sent it to Julian, Toby, John , Timmy and a few other people and left my phone on the table only to have it give an abnormally loud BEEEEEP four times in a row as everyone replied at once. Everyone turned to stare and I hid the phone under the table whilst my cheeks burnt to read my replies.

Julian: Hung ova, wud like it if u came home soon.

Toby: Worked all day, missing me that much?

John: Where r u? Been looking for u all day

Timmy: Boring, have no money, can u help?

I rolled my eyes, this was going to be a pain trying to get all the right replies off to everyone. As I hit send the last time I switched my phone to silent and tried to seem interested in the new camera system we where going to be using as of next week. My phone shook as I got a reply, it was John.

'Missing u as well. Dinner later?'

I frowned and went to my outbox then realised how stupid I can be sometimes. I had sent the text to meant for Toby to John instead. My mind went into overdrive, now John would think I was missing him and thinking about him, and that I thought our relationship was actually a relationship and not just dates and at that point I had to turn my phone off and take a deep breath. I tried to rationalise things, if John was missing me then he must think we where more then just dates, but I wasn't sure if I was ready or if I even wanted that. I know people would think I was crazy, John was sweet and funny and gorgeous. But me and him in a relationship meant things that I just didn't want to face. I turned my phone on and punched in that I was busy all week. I might not be able to hide emotional instability, but I could hide myself.

It turned out that there was a problem with some of the equipment in the tech vans and I was sent to try and help out. I thought this was some sign from God that he was giving me a break and I would be allowed to hide from John, until I was told John would be filming a brief segment in the van and they wanted me to appear on camera with him. I didn't have much choice.

"All you have to do is take the tape off John and say 'Yes Sir.'" Someone told me, five minutes after I was told about the segment and thirty seconds before it was due to start.

Some I nodded and then someone shouted 'Action!' and John walked in

"Excuse me, can you play this tape on the titontron?" he asked and handed me a tape.

I didn't even look at him, I made sure our hands didn't touch and I muttered my one line. I knew what I was doing was cowardly, I knew that I was acting cold because I didn't want John to think I was that interested, I knew it was stupid but there was nothing I could do about it, it's just the way I am. I'm messed up and it was when I said that to myself in my head that I realised it was probably best for John not to get involved with me.

John caught up with me in the halls and I had no idea what he was going to say but I had a fair guess for what it would be about.

"Kate, about that message earlier…"

I braced myself for the onslaught

"Sorry. I shouldn't have said that, it was too quick and I didn't mean to scare you."

That I had not been expecting, was John really on my side?

"I get why you where acting strange in the truck."

I shrugged slightly still caught completely off guard and not knowing what to say.

"We'll just take it slow."

"Do you think this is a relationship?" I asked suddenly.

"I don't know, do you? Do you want it to be?"

I wasn't sure, I didn't have an answer.