A/N: I know it's been forever and I'm sorry! Thank you to Insane Zula, wrestlenascargirl, hunters girl, vipersa and alys for reviewing. Enjoy-Kiera

15.

OK, in hindsight, going home and unplugging the phone so no one could get in touch with me was probably over reacting just a bit, but let's face it my track record of relationships wasn't exactly good was it. There was the messiness of first boyfriend and then Toby, though you couldn't really call us a relationship could you. We even tried to see other people despite being married to each other and it was fine, well I say we, what I mean is Toby went out with a girl for a weeks but they broke up when he tried to explain that I was his wife, but we weren't in love. Lots of people had trouble grasping the situation, and who could blame them? Half the time I didn't even get it.

To my utter shock and a little bit of disappointment it turned out that John hadn't even been trying to get in touch with me, he'd been 'busy'.

"Why?" he asked after I questioned him. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, its' fine. I was just saying incase you had tried or something."

But he shook his head. "No, it's cool."

So I left it at that and went on my way, and as usual it nagged at me all day. I mean, ok, so I had no idea if I wanted to be with John, but now that the possibility that he didn't want to be with me was creeping up I felt like crying. I tried to forget about it, push the feelings down, but this was me talking, Queen of Worrying. I spent all day thinking about it, trying to work out what to do and eventually I came to a conclusion. I had to explain to John, as clearly as possible, all about Kate. Why I did certain things and acted certain ways, just so he'd know that I wasn't being a bitch or something, so he'd know that it was simply the way I was. When the show ended I brushed my hair, took a deep breath and went off to find him. It didn't take long, he was heading to the car park with his bag slung over his shoulder.

"Hey." I greeted as happily as I could, trying not to let my nerves show.

"Kate, I need to talk to you."

Now I know that no one on gods green earth has ever wanted to hear those words. Needing to talk translates into, I have something bad to tell you and we're not going to actually talk about it because I've already made up my mind and nothing you say can change it.

"Oh, right. Now?"

"Yeah, that's probably for the best."

I nodded and began messing with my bottom lip while John switched his bag to the opposite shoulder.

"You know I like you Kate, I really do. You're the first thing I think of when I wake up, the last thing of a night and pretty much everything in between. I can't get you out of my head because I think you're amazing."

I'd forgotten how to breath. Really, I just couldn't remember how to breath, I was so stunned that I think I even forgot my own name right now.

"The thing is," John went on. "This is too hard, you're making it too hard for me. You have no faith in yourself so you have no faith in me. I have no idea what happened to you, but you're so scared of what might happen if we get together that you freak out about it all the time. We're not together Kate and now I don't think I want us to be. If it's like this now what would come next?"

Now I was stunned for a different reason. He shifted around and looked at the floor.

"I'm sorry, but I don't know what to do."

Neither did I, he was right of course. I mean I couldn't expect him to want to be with me when I was acting like a monumental screw up right at the start could I. I smiled and nodded.

"Hey, don't worry dude, it's all ok. I get it and it's cool."

He frowned. "Really?"

"God yes! Anyway I have to go, see you later."

I patted him on the arm and waited until I was around the corner before I began to run, and I had to run because standing in front of John while he was saying those things just meant that I was a big huge fucked up failure. I already thought that about myself, but I didn't need someone else telling me did I?

I was out in the parking lot, still running when someone grabbed me from behind, I yelped in surprise, but it was only John.

"Kate…"

I pushed him off me. "I have to go, I'm late for something."

"Wait, I need to talk to you."

I smiled again, but even I could tell it was nowhere as convincing as the last one.

"We already did, remember?"

"I know, but…"

I began walking backwards. "I have to go. See you later."

With that I ran to my car and jumped in. I had so much going on in my head, I couldn't cry could I? You don't lose something you never had. There was one big thought, a main one that dominated my head when it probably should have been pushed somewhere near that back, and that was no one had ever ran after me before. Did that mean something? Or was I going insane?