Why?

Disclaimer: I don't own these wonderful people; I just borrow them for my own evil purposes.

Summary: Spike has some tough questions. Xander is doing the best he can but it's going to be hard.

Reviews: Yes, please. I love all reviewers. Readers Rock but Reviewers RULE!

A/N: For some reason the site took the number out of my pen name so I had to change it. It's pronounced the same though. Sorry this chapter was a little slow but real life interrupted. So here you go everyone. Hope you like it.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Wesley began the first of what he was sure would be many pots of coffee for the day. As far as he could tell, he was the first one up. He gazed around the kitchen and wondered just what they were going to feed all the people now residing in the old hotel. Wandering over to the refrigerator, he opened it and peered in hoping for inspiration. Nothing. He made a mental calculation of the number of people they now had to feed. Hmmm, there were twelve humans and two vampires. It seemed that a major trip to the grocery store was in order. A trip to the butcher would also be essential. He went into the office to obtain some paper and a pen. Opening the cupboards one at a time, he proceeded to make a list of the basic necessities required to sustain the guests they had. Susan joined him while he was inventorying the refrigerator. She peered over Wesley's shoulder.

"Oh, my. I hadn't thought about feeding all these people." Susan observed. "I'll cover a portion of the costs."

"Thank you. We appreciate that." Wesley smiled. He put on a kettle to heat water for tea. They turned as Fred and Gunn came in laughing and carrying large grocery bags filled to overflowing.

"You're just in time." Wes beamed as he began unpacking the goodies.

"Fred gets the credit." Gunn told them as he started to help put away the contents of the bags he was carrying. "She knew the cupboards were getting pretty light and made me stop at the store on the way over. Angel is going to reimburse me, right?"

Wes nodded. "Of course. It was good of you to do this, naturally we'll pay you back."

Susan helped Fred with her bags. Looking over the contents, she gazed at Wesley. "It's a good start but we'll need more. How about we make breakfast for the gang and then the two of us hit the store ourselves?"

The former Watcher slid a shy grin at Susan. "Yes, we should do that. We also need to visit the butcher."

The four of them set about making breakfast and by the time it was finished the smell of cooking food had lured the rest of the group down from their rooms. Angel, Lindsey and Spike being the only ones not in attendance.

Cordy drew Gunn aside. "Lindsey can't leave, why don't you go get him so he can eat?"

Gunn frowned. "Why can't he leave?"

"Because Willow put up a barrier that keeps Wolfram and Hart employees from entering or leaving." The Seer explained.

"Cool." Gunn grinned. "But if he acts up I get to put him back in the cage, right?"

Cordy only nodded.

Fred, Susan and Wesley set up the table as a buffet, figuring it would be easier to let everyone serve themselves and find places to sit down.

Buffy found herself next to Xander in line. "How's Spike?" She asked softly. Her green eyes reflecting her worry.

Xander shook his head. "He was still asleep when I checked on him. He's hurting. I can see the pain pouring off of him. He's got a lot to deal with. I'm going back up as soon as I eat. He'll need some more blood. I may sneak him another sleeping pill. I just want to be there if he feels like talking."

Buffy looked at her friend in awe. "You've really gotten past the hate, haven't you?"

Xander shrugged. "It's kinda hard to hate someone who fights off an evil preacher for you. He probably saved my life that day. Some things you just don't forget."

The Slayer looked down momentarily. "I'd forgotten about that." She whispered.

"It's okay, Buff. You had other problems to deal with." The former carpenter smiled at her. "We all have."

Dawn joined them on the sofa where they'd settled after filling their plates. She motioned for Jake to come over and sit with them. He hesitantly came over and took a seat. Dawn introduced the artist to Xander, and then the four of them ate in companionable silence. Jake finished and took his plate back to the kitchen. When he returned he looked over at the male Scooby.

"Is Will okay?" Jake asked. Dawn glanced up, interested in the answer.

Xander pondered the question for a moment. "He will be. He was still asleep when I came down." He finished his breakfast and stood up. "I need to get back up there." He said, his attention already on the vampire he'd agreed to help.

Xander walked up the stairs, passing someone on the way. He nodded, going on up. Lindsey continued down and hesitantly wandered into the kitchen.

Wesley drew the lawyer to the side as soon as he entered. "I hope you know enough to behave yourself. You cannot leave the building; you will only hurt yourself if you try. Angel said you might be willing to help us. If that is true then we have no problems. I have to warn you that those people out there are not ordinary and can defend themselves without any effort at all. Am I clear?"

Lindsey nodded. "Very. Does that mean I won't be locked up any more?"

"That's exactly what it means. As long as you cause no problems, you won't be locked up. If you do act up, Gunn has permission to put you back in the cage." Wesley warned him.

Again Lindsey nodded as he picked up a plate. He refused to show it but hope was flaring that these people just might be his ticket out of hell.

Upstairs in his room, Xander walked silently to the adjoining door. He peered into the other room and was saddened to see that Spike hadn't moved from his previous position. He could see the vampire's unnecessary breathing and knew he was awake. Xander slowly entered and made his way to the bed.

"What do you want, Whelp?" The familiar Cockney accent was back in full force. Xander smiled a little at the old nickname.

"Just making sure you're okay. Had several people asking about you at breakfast." The brunette told him.

"That so?" There was no interest in the question.

Xander pulled a chair up to the side of the bed and sat down. "Yeah." He could see tension in the bare back. He noticed the blanket had been kicked off the end of the bed and wondered if there had been nightmares he hadn't heard. The sight of the leanly muscled vampire curled into a fetal position was distressing.

"Are you hungry?" Xander asked quietly.

"No."

Xander waited but apparently there would be no more. "Do you want to talk?" He tried again.

"NO!"

This time there was some emotion behind the single word. Xander just sat there patiently and waited. He didn't have to wait long.

Spike rolled over and glared at him malevolently. "Why are you here?" He snarled.

"Waiting until you feel like talking." Xander answered mildly.

Spike sat up. "Go annoy somebody else."

"Can't do that."

"WHY NOT?" Spike roared.

"It's my job to help you." Xander told him.

"I DON'T WANT YOUR HELP!" The vampire shouted.

"You might not want it but you need it. Besides, you wouldn't let any one else near you last night." The human remained unperturbed.

Spike pulled his knees up to his chin. He glared at Xander. "Then tell me why." The demand was quieter, almost defeated.

"Why what?" Xander was puzzled over the sudden question.

"Why am I here? Why was I dragged out of Heaven? I was finished. I was at peace. Tell me why I'm back in hell." Spike dropped his forehead onto his knees as he finished his impassioned plea.

Xander closed his eyes. "God, Spike, I didn't know."

"I wasn't sure. But now that I have my memory back, I know. I don't understand. Am I being punished? Was it a mistake? I got kicked out because I wasn't supposed to be there in the first place?" The quiet questions were laden with pain.

"No. I'm sure it wasn't a mistake. You saved the world. You earned Heaven. I don't know why you're back. But I will tell you that Buffy hasn't been the same since you died. She all but stopped living. I believe that if it hadn't been for Dawn, she would have tried to join you." Xander confided.

"I died so she could have a normal life! How dare she not take advantage? What the hell was it all for if she didn't go out and find some nice guy to settle down with?" Spike's eyes blazed blue fire at the information that Buffy hadn't moved on without him. He'd known she was thrilled to have him back but she hadn't told him what she'd been doing in the six months he hadn't been with her.

"Did you move on after she died? Did you go out and get a new girl and settle down? She died so we could live. Did you take advantage of that?" Xander asked.

"NO! GOD NO! How could I? I loved her. She wasn't gone long enough for me to even think about anyone else. Don't be daft." Spike retorted heatedly, incensed at the idea he could have gotten over Buffy so soon.

"There's your answer. She loves you. She couldn't move on. She mourned you deeply. Seeing you was probably the happiest moment of her entire life." Xander said gently.

"I didn't think she meant it." Spike whispered.

The brunette looked at him sympathetically. "She knew that." He watched the emotions chase across Spike's face for a moment. Grief, sadness and pain were all reflected in Spike's sapphire gaze.

"Do you have all your memories back in place?" He asked.

Spike shook his head. "I'm still trying to sort out some of it. I've been around a long time. That's a lotta memories."

Xander grinned. "We know. Cordy pointed it out."

"Cheerleader was right." Spike looked at Xander more closely. "Wait a minute. Weren't you sporting the pirate look when I dusted?"