Hiding
Disclaimer: I don't own them
Summary: Spike is looking for answers that no one has.
Reviews: Yes, reviews are longed for, needed more than air and I'm willing to beg, please, please, please. They keep the muse happy. I love all reviewers. Readers Rock but Reviewers RULE!
A/N: I was just as surprised as the rest of you when Spike came out with that statement about the pirate look so I had to come up with a story to explain it. This is what they said. I take no responsibility for what they came up with. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. I really, really suck at having a lot of people in a scene at once, I'm trying to get better, so if I forget someone, let me know so I can fix it. I know this is a short chapter (again!) but I'll make up for it in the next chapter. I promise.
veganschoolgirl: Honey, if you stake me then I'll be dust and the story will never get finished.
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Spike sat on the bed cross-legged with his head tilted inquiringly.
Xander looked at the floor sheepishly. "Yeah, well. There's a story there."
Spike smirked. "Not going anywhere, not getting any older. Spill it. What did you do? Did Red pull some major mojo and replace it? That could be dangerous, you know."
The brunette shook his head, strangely happy to see that smirk. "It wasn't Willow. Angel has this friend. He's a demon but he's nice. He owns a club. We should go there."
The vampire huffed in exasperation. "Will you just tell me already? What did you do?"
"Well, Lorne, that's Angel's friend. He knows a lot of people, because of the club. We came here after that thing with the First. Buffy and I, we needed some space." An expression of unbearable grief crossed Xander's face.
"Why did you need space?" Realization dawned as soon as the question was uttered. Horror darkened Spike's eyes "No. Demon…I mean… Anya didn't make it? Damn, Harris. I'm so sorry."
"It's okay. I'm getting better. I can almost go an hour without thinking about her." Xander whispered, sorrow obvious in his dark chocolate gaze.
"I know how you feel." Spike told him somberly. They were both silent for a moment remembering the ex-vengeance demon.
"Okay, you needed space and Peaches has a friend who owns a club and knows people. What has all that got to do with your eye?" Spike asked with irritation.
"Lorne knows a plastic surgeon who's been doing research with transplants. Since the injury was recent, he thought I would be a likely candidate for an ocular transplant. A few tests, a couple of days in the hospital combined with just a little magic because the doctor's a witch, and presto. Two working eyeballs." Xander grinned.
Spike began to laugh. "Are you telling me that you underwent experimental surgery performed by a witch-doctor?"
Xander laughed too. "If you want to put it that way… But no, the doctor just happens to be a witch."
"All I can say is…good on you. I hated what that wanker preacher did, I wish I could have prevented it." Spike ducked his head. He began folding pleats in his sheet.
"No one could have. It's just the way things work out sometimes." Xander studied the floor. He looked up. "Are you hungry?"
Spike shook his head. "No. I think I want to go back to sleep."
Xander nodded. "When are you gonna come back downstairs?"
Spike flinched. "Not sure I ever want to."
"Spike, Buffy and Dawn love you so much. They missed you while you were gone." The brunette told him gently.
"I know, they told me. I love them too." The vampire admitted almost inaudibly. He bit his lip and looked away, his deep blue gaze glittering with unshed tears.
"Then why are you hiding?" Xander asked.
Spike closed his eyes, concealing the deep pain Xander glimpsed in the sapphire depths. He inhaled deeply in an attempt to regain his composure. "I have a lot of memories to sort yet. I…um…remember how Buffy was when she came back. She told me the other day how our relationship was, she didn't hide anything, but it didn't sink in until I remembered it myself. It was a bad time." He sighed. Long minutes passed. Xander watched and waited knowing there was more.
"Why did she wait until I was dying to say she loved me? Did I have to die to be good enough to love?" He whispered, his head bowed, his voice hoarse with renewed heartache. Xander swallowed the lump that rose in his throat when he saw the single tear sliding down the vampire's lean face.
"I don't know." The former carpenter said. He watched as Spike curled up on the bed and knew the vampire would not be getting any sleep. He didn't say anything more as he quietly got up and left.
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Xander went downstairs just in time to see Wesley, Susan, Dawn and Jake leave for the grocery store. He wandered over to where Giles was reading one of Wesley's ancient books. He looked around to see where Buffy was. She was deep in conversation with Willow on the other side of the room. She hadn't noticed his arrival.
Giles looked up at the young man he considered a son. "You look troubled. Is Spike okay?" The former watcher marked his place in the book with a slip of paper.
Xander sat down in a nearby chair. "No. Not really. He's still trying to sort through his memories. He's trying to come to terms with some of what went on right after we brought Buffy back. I guess she hurt him pretty bad."
The older man cleaned his glasses. "I gathered it was a bad time all the way around."
Xander nodded. "He wants to know why he was pulled out of Heaven. God, Giles! He was in Heaven and someone or something did the same thing to him that we did to Buffy. He thinks it's because it was a mistake and he didn't deserve to be there in the first place. He's hurting so much right now and I don't know how to help."
"I'm sure it wasn't a mistake. There has to be some way we can find out why he was brought back." Rupert replaced his glasses and frowned.
"There is." Angel stood in front of them. "I'm going to ask the Oracles."
"I think that's very good idea." Giles told him. "When are you going?"
"As soon as the sun goes down." The dark vampire stated. "Xander, is there anything Spike needs?"
"Time, rest, reassurance, understanding. None of the above, all of the above. I don't know what I can do, what anyone can do. I think answers would be the best thing for him right now." Xander shrugged.
"He'll have them." Angel vowed.
Everyone turned as the front doors burst open. Wesley and Susan stood on the step disheveled and breathless. Buffy and Angel rushed over to support the couple, guiding them over to the sofa.
Wesley gasped for air. "Dawn and Jake, they're gone."
