Title: The Quest!
Author: Zee
Disclaimer: Did you hang my picture on your bathroom door?
NOTE: Yes! So, Zee has a new computer. A MAC! WHOOO!
hide-chu: And she has like…no idea how to use it.
Yup, I'm a Dell girl. But NEVER FEAR! For I WILL learn how to use this damn thing! I WILL! I don't know how the program I'm writing on will work, since it's no longer Microsoft Word Pad, so let's all just go with this. I'm sorry if the format is fucked up. If it is. I have no idea. Oh God, this is dumb.
hide-chu: Dear Lord, that's the first thing you've said about yourself that's actually true!
What? That I have no idea?
hide-chu: No. That you're dumb. Oh. Yeah. I'm good
(hide-chu is now smacked across the room by Zee)
Anyway, reviews
/o/
Holly: Argh, fine. Everyone, Holly made me a website that she put all my shit on. I don't know why. ForbiddenTouch . Com / Zee. Everyone go look at it. Whooo. Whoring my website.
childrenwithblades: Whahaha indeed! Glad to see you enjoyed it! Yes, I did check your profile, and I enjoy it very much. I like the new stuff, though I miss some of your old stuff (The Logantooth thing made me smile on bad days). Oooh, how was camp in Malaysia? I've never been to Malaysia, being that I live on the other side of the world. BUT IT SOUND LIKE FUN! Although you don't seem to be anticipating it….but by the time you read this you would have come back…and…uh…ANYWAY! I get criticized. Okay, I can deal with that. I'll try not to write anything flame worthy, for I fear the wrath of the CWB. Yeeeesss….Yeah, I love Pietro. It's hard not to love Pietro. Oh. You'll see what happens to him. And what happens to Magento. Bwahaha. Eh, I like the idea of John and Lance fighting like morons. It's amusing. It involves them yelling. Ah well. HERE IS THE NEXT CHAPTER! And also- those people who flamed you are fucking stupid, yet highly hilarious. "omg im not gunna reed ur stori I just wanna say u SUCK bcuz u sed my story sucked omg1111eleven!" People are stupid. I choose to ignore them. When I'm feeling masochistic, I'll read some of the Mary-Sues. Then I'll laugh, then I'll cry, and then I'll move on with my life. Occasionally I actually go looking for your reviews. Because you fucking rock. KEEP IT UP! AND SMILE UNTIL YOU STOP! WHOOOOOO –dead-
Ruby631: Ooooh, I know. :D
nessie6: No. But I love you too. Thanks for the compliment. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! You gotta love Logantooth. Thanks! I don't think it was well written. But then again, I think a chipmunk getting run over is funny. I know, flamers who flame good stuff are fucking retards. Especially when they flame a story because someone criticized them. I LOVE John and Lance XD And uh…that quote. Yeah. Kinda creepy. WHOO!
/o/
Dun dun duuuun…oi, anyone want to be my beta? I have no idea how that works, but I just want someone to look over my grammar, like apostrophes and stuff, because I didn't pay attention when they taught us that in second grade and it's been haunting me ever since. Much thanks to anyone who actually wants to. I'm really paranoid about giving out my e-mail address, so just leave a review (which goes directly to my e-mail, omgwtfbbq) and we can…work it out. Or something. I don't know how it works, sorry. But hey! You'll get to read my stuff before everyone else! That'd be nice! You could throw up before everyone when you read Down! Whoo! Hot dog!
hide-chu: …why don't you just like…learn grammar?
BECAUSE I…am embarrassed to go to an English teacher and ask. I'm a freshman. We're supposed to know those things. BUT I DON'T! Yeah. By the way, my birthday is on April 27! Whoo! Yeah! I am THAT much closer to being able to drive! YEAH!
Yeah. You know you want it.
/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/
"So…um…are you two okay, yo?" asked Todd. Yo.
Lance, who was driving rather recklessly, and John, who was sitting in the back with his arms crossed in a huff, both grunted, glaring at the space in front of them. The Brotherhood (and Pyro, who was technically still an Acolyte?) had been watching the sky for an hour or two to see when the X-men were leaving. When Fred (who, being the sane one, was the only member actually looking) spotted the plane, Lance and John stopped being pissed off in Lance's room and the T.V. room (respectively), Wanda stopped being insane for a moment, Todd stopped chasing flies, and Pietro stopped being in denial. They all got dressed, hopped (or, in Lance and John's case, trudged) into Lance's jeep, and started to drive to the mansion.
The drive, however, wasn't a pleasant one. Todd was spending most of his time trying, and failing, to hit on Wanda, who zapped him. Pietro was spending the whole time complaining about how slow they were going. Fred was eating all their provisions. And Lance and John were acting like fourteen year olds who were having an internet war meeting in real life: Being shockingly stupid and huffy.
"No, Toad, I don't think they're okay." Said Fred when he took a moment to breathe between eating. "I think John's angry because he didn't get any and Lance is angry because John's being a bitch."
"I am NOT being a bitch!" yelled John, speaking for the first time that car ride.
"Fool me." Growled Lance. John kicked the back of his seat and Lance lost control of the wheel. Everyone screamed as the car tipped and almost fell backwards. Or it would have if Wanda hadn't thought fast and used her powers to right the car.
The jeep sat in the middle of the road, the Brotherhood looking extremely frazzled. Then, they all turned to slowly look at Pyro, who was sitting in shock. The rage of the other mutants was palpable. John gulped.
Almost in unison, the whole Brotherhood screamed "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!"
"JESUS JOHN!" screamed Pietro "YOU COULD HAVE GOTTEN ME-I mean, US KILLED!"
"YEAH, YO! WHY DID YOU DO THAT, YO!" Toad croaked loudly. Yo.
"ALL HE DID WAS SAY YOU'RE A BITCH!" said Fred, stating the obvious.
"YOU WILL PAY!" shrieked Wanda.
"NOW YOU'RE NOT GETTING ANY SEX FOREVER!" yelled Lance. Everyone gasped.
"Duuuude…that's cold, yo." Whispered Todd. Yo.
John stared into Lance's anger-filled face. "…ever?"
"EVER!"
John sniffed. And sniffed again. Then he buried his face in Fred's flab and began to bawl.
/o/
Kitty sat in the X-jet, humming contently. Rogue looked ready to kill her in a brutal, angsty way.
"Fer God's sake, SHUT UP KITTY!" screamed Rogue, causing the whole plane to jump. "WHY'RE YOU HUMMIN' LIKE A FOOL!"
"Because I'm like, happy!" Kitty beamed. "I like, always wanted to go to Africa, like!"
"If you don't stop hummin', Ah'm gunna kill your with ma bare HANDS!" shrieked Rogue.
"But you can't, like, touch me! If you like, hold on for too long, I'll like die!"
"I think that's the whole idea, Kitty." Said Storm blandly, holding Rogue back from pounding Kitty into a pulp and doing all of us a great favor.
"Well, I'm like happy, so I'm going to KEEP ON HUMMING!" Kitty giggled like a schoolgirl in second grade, which just another example of how she's trying to seem younger than she really is. I mean, look at her clothes! What kind of self-respecting freshman wears those clothes? No one wears baby-blue and baby-pink anymore! I am a freshman and NO ONE wears that! IT'S A SICKENING DISPLAY OF SOMEONE TYRING TO BE YOUNGER THAN THEY ARE, PROVING THE MEDIA IS CORRUPTING-
(We're going to take a break. The authoress has just been knocked out by the little man on her shoulder for being too stupid.)
"Ah sweer ta God, if you keep-"
"Hey, Rogue, how about you sit over here for a while." Said Jubilee, grabbing Rogue's arm and hurrying her away from Kitty. Rogue's eye twitch.
Kitty continued humming. She stretched her legs sighed, staring out the window. Only like a few more hours, Lance, my love. She thought. Then we shall like be together again and OHMIGOD! IS THERE A STAIN ON MY UNIFORM! LIKE NOO! I JUST HAD THIS WASHED!
While Kitty began freaking out about the stain left on her uniform, Rogue cackled softly. First I'll destroy her uniform. THEN HER WORLD! BWAHAHA!
It was at that moment Rogue realized she was speaking out loud and everyone except Kitty, who was having a conniption over the stain, was staring at her. "What?" she asked sheepishly. Then she crouched into a ball in her seat and asked herself why life was so unfair to a poor mutant Goth Girl™.
/o/
"Ugh…" moaned Logan, waking up from his post sex nap. "What happened?"
"I don't know…" muttered Sabertooth, sitting up as well. He grinned. "But that was the best sex I've ever had."
"That was the only sex I've ever had." Logan confessed shyly.
Sabertooth gasped and held a hand to his mouth in shock. "You mean-"
"Yes. Before this I was straight."
Sabertooth screamed in shock. "YOU! STRAIGHT!"
"Yes." Said Logan sadly. They stared at each other for a few moments. Then Sabertooth began to howl with laughter. "What?" asked Logan, looking surprised. "What's so funny?"
"You COULDN'T have been straight!" Sabertooth began to hiccup with laughter. "I mean (hic) look at you! You're so ob(hic)viously gay! You wear those tight pants and that leather jacket and (hic) if you grew a mustache it'd be like the one the police guy in the Village People wore! How (hic) could you not have figured it out sooner!"
Logan began to weep. "You're terrible! I tell you my one secret and you MOCK ME!" he sobbed harder into his semen coated hands. "You…you're so CRUEL!"
"Oh there, there, my love." Said Sabertooth, ceasing his laughing and hiccupping (because cats can't hiccup. Like, duh.). He wrapped his arms around Logan and held him to his chest. "I'm sorry, lovely, I don't know what came over me. Can you ever forgive me?"
"Yes…but on one condition." Murmured Logan.
"Anything, my love." Said Sabertooth gruffly, stroking the X-man's hair.
Logan stared deep into Sabertooth's eyes. "We must be wed."
Sabertooth howled in happiness. "I was only waiting for you to ask!"
And so they were wed. Sabertooth looked dashing in his tuxedo with his hair pulled back and Logan couldn't have looked more beautiful in his wedding dress of white silk, strewn with diamonds, holding those beautiful roses in his hands. They stood before the congregation under a canopy of roses and silk, filled with mutants and humans alike, and kissed for the first time as a married couple.
And then Logan woke up.
"ARGH!" he roared, bolting upright from the ground.
"ACK!" yelled Sabertooth, falling out of Logan's lap and off his dick. "The fuck was that for!"
"I…just had…the most terrifying nightmare…ever." whispered Logan, his eyes wide with horror.
"Did you really need to wake me up because of your stupid fucking nightmare? Deal with it!" growled Sabertooth, rubbing his head from where he hit it on the ground.
Logan gazed at Sabertooth. "You…you're not comforting me."
"Of course I'm not. Jesus, you can take care of yourself!"
Logan stared for a little longer, then he pounced on Sabertooth, growling, "Fuck, now I want you even more!"
The people in the room next to theirs groaned. "Why'd we stay at this hotel? We could have stayed at a nice Holiday Inn, but noooo, we had to go here." Muttered the husband.
"Mommy, why were those two men yelling all night?" asked a cute ten year old. The mother sighed.
"This is all Gwen Stefani's fault." She moaned. "Her and her damn Harajuku girls."
"What the…where the hell did that come from!" shouted the husband. "What does she have to do with it!"
"Everything." Said the mother, sounding forlorn. The ten year old nodded sadly in agreement. The father stared at them both.
"What the FUCK is wrong with you two! I mean, seriously, two guys having sex in the room next to us has nothing to do with-"
"RICK!" yelled the wife, smacking her husband square across the face. "DON'T SWEAR IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN!"
"Mommy, what does 'fuck' mean?"
"It means…it's what mommy's and daddy's have to do to get the stork to come!"
"Oh for God's SAKE, Leona, the kid's TEN! He should know what sex is by now!"
"NO!" shrieked the mother, jumping up to shield the childs eyes and ears. "HE'LL NEVER KNOW! NEVER!"
"Why not! It's not like it's a bad thing!" exclaimed Rick, staring at his wife in shock.
"Never…" she whispered, stroking her childs hair. "Never…you'll be pure…puuuuuure…"
"…I think you need some time alone. I'm gonna go take a walk…" muttered Rick, edging towards the door. And then he ran out and away, never to be seen by his family again.
It's possibly because he just plain ran away, but the real reason is, the second he got out his door, the door to the room next to his slammed open and he was grabbed by some very not-human claws.
"So," growled Sabertooth, smirking, "you don't see what Gwen Stefani has to do with it?"
"I think we should remedy this, Sabey-baby." Logan grinned from behind his lover.
"NOOOOOOO!" screamed Rick as they dragged him into his room. "I HATE HER! HER AND NO DOUBT! THEY USED TO BE GOOD, BACK WHEN THEY WERE SKA BUT NOW THEY SUUUUUCCKKK!"
"You have no idea." Muttered Sabertooth, and with that he slammed the door, a plan already concocting in his cat-like mind.
DUN DUN DUUUUUN!
(To be continued next chapter)
/o/
John was still crying into Fred's blubber as they pulled up outside the mansion.
"Um, John? I think the salt from your tears is diffusing into my skin cells, so if you could-"
"WWWWHHHHIIIIIEEEE!" screamed John. "I NEEEEEED SEEEEEEXXX!"
"Ugh, for the love of…I DIDN'T MEAN IT, OKAY! I WAS JUST PISSED OFF BECAUSE YOU ALMOST GOT US ALL KILLED! JESUS, CALM THE FUCK DOWN, YOU'LL GET YOUR SEX!" yelled Lance, breaking the car key as he turned off the ignition.
Everyone stared at him holding the broken piece of metal in his hand. Said hand was shaking with rage. As was the ground.
"Um…Lance?" asked Pietro in a small voice. "Are you o-"
"Get…out…of…my…CAR!" Lance screamed the last word and the earth beneath the jeep began to crumble.
Everyone screamed. With some difficulty, Fred bounced from his seat; Todd wrapped his tongue around Wanda and carried them to safety; Pietro just flat out ran away. Lance, on the other hand, didn't move.
John sat with one leg in the car and the other out. "Lance!" he yelled as he began to lose his footing. "Come on! Please!"
"My car doesn't work anymore…I live with a bunch of morons…and now I'm going to Africa for motherfucking Pietro. WHAT DO I HAVE TO LIVE FOR!" wailed Lance, slamming his fist on the dashboard and knocking a tree over in the process.
"Quit being so emo!" cried John, reaching out his hand for Lance's. "If you have anything to live for, it's me! Stop being so stupid! So you're life isn't going so great right now! Big donkey-raping deal! Live for yourself! And if you can't do that live for me! Now this whole situation is getting really cliché, will you PLEASE take my hand and get out of the goddamn car!"
Lance gazed at John for a moment and took his hand just as the jeep careened into the hole.
"YES!" cried John happily. "Someone pull us up!"
Fred grabbed John's wrist and pulled him and Lance to safety. Lance fell into John's arms.
"See? You're okay now. Come on, Lance, stop acting like a fourteen year old girl in a Livejournal war and let's go." John stroked Lance's hair and kissed his forehead.
Lance pouted. "Okay."
John grinned and tweaked his nose. "You're so cute."
Lance stood and pulled John up. He suddenly clutched John's waist and pulled him against his chest. "You won't be saying that when I fuck you into the ground." He licked John's cheek and walked over to the gate of the mansion, which Wanda had already taken care of.
John stood there, dumbstruck. Pietro walked over and stood next to him. "So…what the hell was that all about?" asked the gay-one-in-denial.
"I don't know. I mean, that wouldn't have normally happened, would it?" said John, staring quizzically at the hole in the ground. "I mean, normally Lance isn't suicidal. He's pretty level-headed. And even if he did make a big gaping hole in the ground, he would have closed it up. Why did that happen?"
Pietro just cock(which he wants to SUCK)ed his head to the side and shrugged.
"…Eh, better not dwell on it. Come on, gay boy, we got a plane to steal." And with that, John began to walk to the hanger, blasting away any security devices that the others hadn't already taken care of.
"I'm not gay!" yelled Pietro after him. "God, why does everyone think that! I never acted gay in the show! It's like…" he shivered. "It's like someone's CONTROLLING ME WITHOUT MY KNOWING!...eh, I'm just being paranoid." And he ran off to join the others in the hanger.
In a three dimensional world, a girl sitting at her computer, typing, laughed.
Yet again, DUN DUN DUUUNNN!
/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/
(Zee is wearing a bee suit!)
WHOOO! WASN'T THAT CER-AYE-ZEE! IT HAD SO MANY PLOT TWISTS IT MADE MAH BRAIN HURT! AM I NOT INSANE!
hide-chu: Yes, Zee, there is no doubt you are insane.
YUS! SO, ARE YOU PREPARED! PREPARED FOR MORE INSANITY! BECAUSE I AM! I SAW A CONCERT LAST NIGHT AND I MADE ME GRIN! BECAUSE WE GOT TO TALK TO THEM, EVEN IF THEY WERE A PRETTY GENERIC PUNK BAND AND I'M MORE OF A METAL GIRL! BUT STILL! I AM A BEEEEE! A BEEEE!
hide-chu: You are retaaaaarded. Retaaaaaarded.
QUIET, PLEEB! CAN YOU WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER! I CAN! BECAUSE I'M ON SPRING BREAK AND THE LAST THING I WANT TO DO IS WORK! BUT THIS ISN'T WORK! WHAT THE HELL AM I TALKING ABOUT!
hide-chu: I have no idea.
EITHER WAY! I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS! AND I HOPE YOU ENJOYED RICK! BECAUSE HE'LL BE BACK! OH YES! YES HE WILL! BECAUSE I SAY SO! AND I AM THE GOD OF THIS STORY! MWAHAHAHAAA! Or am I? I'M PLAYING WIH YOUR MINDS! OR AM I! DEAR GOD, I'M SO CrAzY AND HARDCORE AND-
hide-chu: -smacks Zee with a steel two by four. Zee falls to the ground- Ugh…what a weirdo…(to you) please review!
