Chapter Three; Your Blood, My Tears
Matt, TK, Tai and Kari rounded the corner of the street. They were planning to spend the afternoon bowling together – Kamiyas against Ishidas. As they approached the entrance, they became of aware of almost hysterical shouting and loud cries of pain. Both voices sounded somehow familiar.
"Oh my God!" Kari cried as she saw the violent scene in front of them. Ken had given up on hitting Davis, and had instead settled for throttling him. The already bruised boy's face was slowly turning purple, choking as his air was being slowly cut off.
"Get off him, Ken! Get off him!" It took both Tai and Matt to pull the struggling boy away, and even then he fought tooth and nail to get back to Davis…to try to hurt him again.
Kari and TK ran to where Davis was lying on the floor. Whimpering slightly, Davis tried to get to his feet, but crashed back down almost immediately, still shaken by the beating. His right eye was swelling up, and his cheeks bore the red marks of several handprints.
"Davis! What happened? Are you alright?" Kari touched his damaged face tentatively, unable to believe that Ken had done this. The three suddenly realised that everything was quiet now, and turned to look at Ken.
He'd stopped struggling, and was standing almost limply between Tai and Matt. It was hard to believe that this was the boy who had just completely lost control. The only sign of his guilt was the shirt he was wearing. A shirt that was now stained with Davis' blood.
As he stared blankly at Davis, his victim was more scared than he had been during the actual attack. Ken's frenzy had left so suddenly…leaving Ken empty and cold.
"You wanted to see if I still had that violent streak in me, Davis." Ken said bitterly, wiping Davis's blood from where it had spattered over his face.
"And now you have." Ken looked at him for a moment, before fleeing down the road. But the others still saw the hot tears that had flooded his eyes, and poured down his cheeks.
>God, what have I done? What have I done?> Ken ran blindly through the streets, not caring where he was going. >Just anywhere but there. Anywhere. >
He could still hear Davis's yells of pain as he savagely struck at him, could still feel the boy's neck as he put his hands round it, choking the life out of him.
>This just proves it. I can't be saved. The others may think that I'm a changed person, but I'm can't be. Because I am the darkness.>
Another sob wracked his body, and Ken carried on running, trying to escape his guilt and horror.
Trying to escape those dark memories of the past.
"Steady, now." Davis groaned as Tai and Matt helped him to his feet, propping him up between them. His left side was throbbing angrily, and he wondered whether he'd broken a rib. Whether Ken had broken a rib.
"You ought to go to hospital." TK said, watching his friend with concern. Now that Davis had stopped lusting over Kari, the two boys got along fine. Most of the time.
"Nah. I've been in worse scrapes than this." >Not because of my best friend, though…>
"Are you sure?" Matt eyed the younger boy doubtfully, wondering just how much of an act he was putting on.
"Yeah!" Davis tried to shoot the others a nonchalant thumbs-up, but the effect was spoiled when he doubled over, groaning in pain.
"Davis!" Kari cried. A year or so ago, he would have loved to hear her calling his name so worriedly. But that crush had faded away ages ago. When…
Davis' eyes widened slightly as he suddenly realised when those feelings for Kari had begun to fade. Right after Ken had come into his life.
The moment Ken had accepted his offer of friendship, Davis had been able to shut out the pain caused by Kari's constant refusals. He'd been able to look at himself in a different light – one where he didn't need to go round begging girls to go out with him. He was special just on his own.
>You always said I was good for you. I guess that you were good for me too. > Davis shook himself out of his confused thoughts, noticing how he wasn't listening to Tai.
"…ure you're alright? There's a hospital nearby." Davis smiled, and shook his head.
"I'm fine. Really." He paused, and stared after the departing figure.
"In a way, I think that Ken was more freaked than I was."
"How did it start, anyway? Ken's not normally the kinda guy who loses control." Matt asked, frowning slightly. >I wonder what you'd say if I told you that I think Ken's mind is coming off its tracks like a train derailing? >
"Well, we were going bowling, and he was late. But he just didn't seem to care, right? So I sort of boiled over, and started saying stuff to him. None of it affected him. Well, until I got to the bit about…about the Emperor." Davis hung his head in shame, and Kari gasped.
"Davis, that's low!"
"I know, I know. I guess he just snapped. I deserved every punch he gave me." He squinted, and looked the others straight in the eye.
"Anyway, what are you guys doing here?"
TK and Kari began to shift around, and a wide grin appeared on Matt and Tai's faces.
"We're celebrating." Tai grinned, showing off his pearly white teeth.
"Celebrating what?" Davis asked. TK and Kari exchanged looks, before TK nervously stepped forward.
"Yeah…well, we were going to tell you. To be honest, we haven't told the others yet either." He took a deep breath, before gabbling in a rush;
"I-asked-Kari-out-and-she-said-yes." The couple waited for Davis to blow up, and begin to rant about the unfairness of life, but to their surprise, the brunette haired boy simple nodded.
"Congratulations. I'd hug you, but the bruises, you know?" He shook TK's hand, smiling.
"I'm happy for you."
TK's eyes brightened, and he beamed back.
"You are? Thanks!" He laughed in relief, and Davis joined in. The odd thing was that he'd meant it. He was happy for them.
Ken stumbled through the door, still sobbing with self-hatred. If his parents had been home, they would have come running. But they had gone on holiday, and wouldn't be back until next week. Which left only Wormmon.
The small digimon came over to where his partner was lying on the sofa, feeling his heart being torn to shreds by those wracking cries. Placing a leg on the boy's forehead, he tried to comfort him as best he could, but Ken hardly seemed to know he was there.
He was muttering something, but Wormmon couldn't understand it. It sounded like 'monster', but that didn't make any sense. Finally, Ken's eyes opened, and he realised that Wormmon was there. Holding him tight, Ken rocked slightly, trying to keep away the pain he felt in his heart
"I'm a monster, Wormmon." He whispered, tears streaming down his cheeks.
"I'm a demon in disguise – always have been, always will be." Wormmon stared pityingly up at Ken, finally understanding what the boy had been saying.
>Oh, Ken. Why is it that the only emotion you can show nowadays is unhappiness?>
Ken lay awake in bed, staring sightlessly at the ceiling. He was still awake. Any normal person would have cried himself to sleep by now. But then again, he wasn't a normal person, was he?
Being careful not to disturb the sleeping Wormmon, he slid out of the bunk bed, landing lightly on the floor. He went out to the balcony, where he sat down on the floor, shivering in the cold night air.
>I remember when I was innocent. When I stood here with Sam, blowing bubbles. The world seemed so simple then…I wish that I could just go back to that time. Back to when nothing was wrong.>
But something was wrong, wasn't it? Even then, Sam had hit him. He just couldn't see beyond his adoration for his big brother.
>Adoration for what seemed to be the best person in the world. After all, he was smart enough to be. Everywhere I went, I heard stories about his latest achievements. I could never be as good as him…a fact that my teachers loved reminding me of.>
He'd been a fool to believe them – he knew that now. But what did that matter? It was Sam, not the teachers, who had destroyed his self-respect.
>What else are you meant to believe when your clever big brother hits you, tells you that you're just a waste of space? No wonder I retreated into myself. There are only so many times you can crack a heart before it shatters.>
Ken leaned his head back against the wall, ignoring the way cold was beginning to seep into his bones. It didn't matter.
>But it wasn't all Sam's fault, was it? He had his good sides as well. I chose to ignore them, to get sucked in by the dark hole of jealousy. I wished for him to disappear…was it because of me that he died? I used to think so, but now I'm not so sure. That's the thing about time. It changes how you think about things.>
Ken shuddered as he remembered the other day. He'd been crossing the road…and had nearly been knocked down by a lunatic driver.
>That's not true, though, is it? I stopped in the middle of the road. I actually wondered for a moment whether it had hurt Sam when he was knocked to his death, whether it would be better to just let the next car roll over me. If that driver hadn't seen me…I'd be dead by now.>
Ken let out something between a moan and a sigh. Would it have been so bad, really? If he'd chosen to die?
>Don't be stupid, Ken. Remember Sam's funeral? Remember how sad everyone was? Do you really want your parents to go through that again? To make all the people you care about suffer that same loss?>
What did it matter, anyway? No-one would miss him. He was still Ken Ichijoji, Boy Genius. And who'd miss a walking textbook?
>There. I've said it. That is who I really am, after all. A walking textbook, full of facts and figures, with no experience of real life. Who'd miss something like that?>
Davis would have. Beginning to sob once more, Ken wrapped his arms around himself and curled up into a little ball.
>But you blew that one, Ichijoji. You blew it big time. And it's your own fault.>
Ken closed his eyes, trying to block out the outside the world. And his memories of that afternoon.
Flashback
Ken looked dully at the phone, wondering why he was even trying. Why should he be forgiven? People like him didn't deserve to be forgiven."Go on, Ken!" Wormmon nudged him, and Ken sighed, reaching for the receiver. He knew why he'd allowed Wormmon to persuade him into doing this. Because Davis was one of those rare spots of sunshine in his life – one he didn't want to lose.
Nervously, he waited as the phone rang on the other end. >Please pick up, please pick up, please… >
"Hello?" Ken grimaced as his friend answered the phone. Davis didn't sound so good. >What do you expect? You beat the living daylights out of him!>
"Ummm…hi, Davis." There was silence at the other end, before;
"Ken?"
"Yeah. I'm just ringing to apologise for this afternoon. I shouldn't have done that." He paused. Since when had it become so hard to talk to his best friend? >Since you let yourself drift away from him. Duh!>
"How are you?" he asked softly. There was another long silence on the other end.
"As well as I can be, I guess. It's a bit hard to watch television, what with the swollen eye and all, but I'm coping."
"Good."
Ken tried to think of something to say…anything! Just as long as he filled those awkward silences. They were so painful…especially when you thought about how easy it had used to be to talk to each other.
"Look, Ken, I've gotta go. Maybe I'll ring you sometime." Davis hung up, and Ken stared at the receiver in shock. Maybe I'll ring you sometime. He thought sadly. >I knew it. Davis is never that cold. He hates me.>
Putting the receiver down, Ken sat there for a while. Then burst into tears.
End Flashback
Ken let the tears come again, knowing there was no way to stop them. But what did it matter if there were more tears than blood to him?
>I'm tainted. I know that now. I've known it for a long time, but today was my proof. It's strange how I can still hear his voice, sometimes. The Digimon Emperor. He echoes through my head, trying to tempt me back to darkness. Perhaps he's still there. Or maybe I'm just going insane.>
Wiping his eyes, Ken sat up, gazing moodily at the stars.
>They're so bright…and I'm so dark. Just like me and the other Digidestined. They can say what they want, but it's the truth. Did any of them turn to darkness when they were feeling upset? No – they all stayed true to themselves. Perhaps I was being true to myself. Is that who I am now? Nothing more than an extension of evil? I fear it may be true. Just look at the digivices. Theirs are coloured. Mine's a shade. >
Ken took once last glance at the moonlit darkness, before drawing back inside. He wasn't cold – not really. He just felt lonely.>But I've always been lonely. My parents didn't understand me, Sam nearly always used me, and I pushed potential friends away. Except Wormmon. He stuck by me, no matter how much I pleaded with him to leave. He said that we were friends, and friends always stick by one another.>
Ken slowly climbed back up the ladder to his bunk, sliding around Wormmon to get under the covers. The faithful bug slept on, with no idea that his friend was still awake.
>But wasn't there someone else? A boy?> Ken had memories of crossing a desert with another boy and Wormmon. However, they weren't very clear – he might have imagined them, for all he knew.
>Stop kidding yourself. There was a boy, and he abandoned you, just like the rest of them.> Ken shut his eyes in pain, whimpering slightly to himself as he faced the wall.
>Just like Davis.>
