You Have To Let Go
By: dw
Summary: The Previews for "Do No Harm" have me all kinds of sad :whimper: and this is what come of it.
Ratings: Get out yer tissues
Characters: Boone, Shannon, Locke, Jack, Hurley and a few others.
Boone's head lolled side to side as he slept. His forehead was covered with fevered beads of sweat. Shannon brushed her fingers across his brow. "Ssssh, sssh," she shushed him softly. "I'm right here Boone. I'm right here." Her voice was thick with emotion, her eyes filled with tears. She had a reason to be sad, he wasn't getting better. And to make matter worse, Locke had lied to them about how he had gotten hurt.
To say that they felt betrayed was putting it mildly. Unfortunately Locke had disappeared off the face of the island- if not the planet. Sayid was furious, Jack was as well, but unlike Jack, Sayid felt completely helpless; whereas Jack could help him- even if only in some small way, Sayid could only sit by helplessly, occasionally bringing them food and water. It wasn't enough.
The entire group was very quiet and morose now. It had been three days since Locke had brought in Boone and vanished into thin air. For Shannon it had been the longest three days ever. Three days of sleepless nights, listening to each and every one of his raspy gurgled breaths, waiting, begging for the next breath to come. Three days of holding his hand and keeping him calm, whispering softly, and putting on a brave face that was as fake as her hair color. In those few short days Claire had given birth thanks to Charlie and Sawyer and Hurley. Rose and some of the other women had managed to put together a scraggly, yet respectable, baby shower that she was pretty sure stocked almost completely by Sawyer. For all of his protestation to the contrary Sawyer seemed to have a gigantic soft spot for the tiny blonde. And speaking of Sawyer, he had done something nice, besides supplying the goods for the baby shower. He had helped Hurley bring all of her and Boone's possessions to the caves and not one thing had been pilfered.
At least, that's what he had said as he talked to her, his eyes darting around the cave floor, unable to look at the young man in languishing in obvious pain.
Not that she cared about her things, she'd give them all away, she'd happily, gladly take all of her things and burn them or hand them out to the others if it meant that Boone would miraculously get better. If it were only that easy… if only.
She cast her gaze to the side, her mind wandering off until the familiar footfalls of Jack drew her back to reality. She gave him a polite, but weak smile, he returned it just as politely before he started his routine of checking Boone's bandages. She watched his face carefully, mentally taking in each sharp grimace and sad shake of his head.
"What's wrong?" She asked softly, her voice coarse with emotion.
He looked at her startled. "Oh… I…"
"Jack, please… tell me, what's… wrong…" She whispered haltingly, her eyes filling with tears as her fingers flexed around Boone's once more.
"Shannon," his tone became sharp and authoritative. "You need to breath. If you don't calm down you're going to have an asthma attack. You need to calm, down."
Shannon squeezed her eyes shut and forced herself to breath through her nose until her chest didn't burn and the color returned to her cheeks.
She opened her eyes and Jack was smiling down on her, his eyes filled with concern and compassion. "Please," she beseeched. "Just tell me, what's wrong now."
His eyes flickered sadly, he sighed as his eyes drifted back down to Boone's feverish form. "The wounds… I don't get it… Locke said that he fell off a cliff, but these wounds… these aren't the wounds of a fall onto rocks. I… I haven't even found any gravel on his body what-so-ever. These wounds… these wounds…" He couldn't bring himself to say it out loud.
"They aren't of a fall of that sort, are they?" Came the voice of Sayid from behind them.
"No, no they aren't." He answered sadly.
Shannon gasped sharply. "Are they even from a fall?" She asked, tears teaming in her eyes.
"The injuries are from a fall… but not the kind that Locke described. I, I don't even know how he could have gotten some of these wounds… it's like… he fell out of the sky in something… I just don't know --"
"… plane…" came the guttural groan from behind both Shannon and Jack. They turned around sharply, Sayid joined them. Shannon got down on her knees; pulling the hand that held his hand to the side of her face, in response he rubbed his thumb across soft cheek.
"Boone," she whispered, closing her eyes, tears slipping down her cheeks.
"Ssssh," his voice was rough, barely audible, as though it were difficult for him to breath or speak. "Don't… cry… Sh-shan."
"Boone… what did you just say?" Jack asked as he tried, futilely to make him more comfortable.
"P-plane… there… was… a plane-"
"Flying over head?" Sayid asked sharply.
"No… No… In a …" he coughed sharply.
"Take it slow Boone… take it slow." Jack warned.
The fit subsided and he started once more, slower this time. "There… was a … plane… in a … tree… high up…tall tree…" he winced, trying to readjust himself to be more comfortable, but nothing seemed to help.
"Hold still… Here…" Jack tilted his head up, supporting his head as need as he gave him two aspirin and a sip of water. He laid Boone's head back down as he swallowed, it took too much effort for him to swallow and it worried Jack. The rise and fall of his Adam's apple looked almost torturous to him.
"Th-thank you…" he turned this head back to Shannon, looking her in the eye though his eyes were clouded and glazed over with exhaustion and infection induced fever. "The plane… in the tree… I … I climbed up… the tree … and found … found drugs…"
The distinct clatter of metal on the stone floor momentarily caught their attention. Jack looked over his shoulder to see the frantically retreating form of Charlie rushing for his and Claire's nook of the cave. Jack cursed inwardly before turning to Sayid. "Would you stay here with them? I have to go look in on--" think fast… think fast… "I have to check on Carlyle."
Sayid nodded, though he knew that he was going to check up on Charlie. Sayid moved closer to Shannon and Boone, his hand absently drifted to the small of her back.
"Jack will be back soon…" he answered the unasked question in Boone's eyes as he realized that Jack was gone. "What were you saying before?" For the first time in ages Sayid was grateful for his military training. He got up and started where Jack had left off with the peroxide and bandages.
"There… the drugs… statues… filled with it… two bodies… one in the tree… one in the plane… and a radio…"
Shannon gasped softly. "A-- A radio?" She whispered softly.
"Yes," he croaked, softly coughing. "I picked it up… I used it… I got someone… someone answered on the other end… I told them… I told them that we were the survivors of flight 815…" he coughed weakly, moaning in pain.
"Hold still, Boone. Your ribs, may be bruised if not broken." Sayid put his hands on either side of his chest and carefully felt his way around. He closed his eyes in an attempt to help his sense of touch feel anything out of the ordinary. Miraculously, astoundingly, his ribs weren't broken. Sayid was taken aback by this; because knew of men that had suffered far less severe blows and had ribs that were completely and utterly shattered.
He tuned out the conversation between the two siblings, catching only vital snippets, the startling 'there were no survivors' revelation; which caused both himself and Shannon to share startled glances, and the realizations that a) there had been no hunting expedition, and b) that he hadn't fallen off a cliff at all.
"Locke lied." He muttered under his breath to himself angrily as he hurriedly continued to work the best he could on Boone. 'I will kill him with my own hands if anything happens to Boone.' He thought grimly as Boone started coughing once more. 'I will more than happily kill him myself.'
000
Jack looked around the caves frantically for Charlie. Carlyle was fine, he had just checked on him and Claire. Claire had asked about Boone, but by the grim expression on his face she must have understood because tears filled her eyes and she quickly picked up Carlyle and scurried off, muttering something about a diaper change.
He shook his head sharply, as his eyes scanned the caves once more.
"I can't do it." Came a small voice just behind him. Jack turned around and saw Charlie standing behind him, looking even younger and smaller than usual with his arms crossed over his chest, and his eyes darting around anxiously. "I- I can't do it, Jack… I heard what Boone said about the- the--" he couldn't even bring himself to say the word out loud.
"Charlie--"
"Nay, Jack. I can't. I can't go out there… I can't go out there, knowing that there is a shite load of heroine out there just-- waiting for me." He breathed the last part softly, his eyes darting around the empty caves.
He held up his hand, palm down, fingers shaking, his entire hand trembling. "Look at that, man. Look! I canna even keep me own hand from shaking."
"It's been a month, Charlie." Jack tried to reason with him.
"A month, a bloody month. Dammit Jack, you know how long I've been hooked on those bloody drugs? Years, Jack. Bloody years." He growled, his voice hollow and empty. "And bein' off of them for a month has been nice and all 'at, but dammit Jack, you don't just stop bein' an addict and not have a soddin' cravin' every now and again. And right now-" he breathed in deeply. "Right now, is not the best time for me to know about a bloody drug stash out in the jungle… I've been doin' good… really bloody good… and I like bein' like this, bein' 'normal' being 'straight' as it were…. But dammit Jack… can't you do something... Send someone you and I both trust out there to finish off the drugs before I go off and find them without even realizing what I'm doing and what I'm putting into jeopardy?"
Jack thought for a second. "Does anyone else know?"
"A few, besides you and Locke…" he shook his head, then looked at Jack with trepidation in his eyes. "I was wrong about him Jack, wasn't I? If Boone dies… it'll be all me fault, won't it?"
"No…NO! That's ridiculous."
"I told you that I thought that he was going to be the one that saved the whole bloody lot of us and look what's happens instead…"
"Charlie, this is NOT your fault."
"But if I hadn't--"
"I trusted Locke too… I didn't warn Boone anymore than you did. No one, NO ONE, felt the need to warn him. We all thought he was safe with him." He shook his head sadly. "Back to what you were telling me before… how many people know about…"
"You, Locke, Claire- she just doesn't remember, and Hurley. No one else though."
Jack winced. "Hurley can't go; he's helping Sun in her herb garden." He thought long and hard before a name came to mind. He snapped his fingers. "Michael."
"But what about Walt…"
"If necessary, I'll watch him, or you and Claire or Sun… but Michael, we can trust Michael, he will be discrete."
Charlie seemed to mull it over for a second before conceding to Jack with a nod of his head. "I'll be busy… keeping me mind off… you know… yeah, I'll keep busy-- somehow." He trailed off before shuffling off to find Claire.
Jack sighed, cracking his neck and shaking his head sadly before turning to go back to the caves. When he returned from talking to Michael, and by extension, Jin, and sent them in the direction that a few had seen Locke come from it was just in time to hear the Sayid mutter the words "Locke" "Betrayal" and "Breathe Boone, you must, breathe!"
He closed his eyes grimly, said a quick prayer and jogged over to the infirmary that Hurley and Sun had hastily set up. He took over for Sayid; who went back to Shannon's side, both coaxing Boone through each breath. Soon however, he couldn't deal with the noise of their whispers, the wheezing of his breathing, and his own doubts eating away at him. The buzzing and hum of the other castaways whispers were starting to fray his already frazzled nerves.
He was about to snap at them all when Sun came up, gave him a small sincere smile of encouragement. Her hand grazed his, steadying it as a nervous tremor ran through it. She gave him a slight nod and he could feel the pressure waning, the buzzing and the humming became the prominent inside his head, a sudden clarity settling over him. He didn't think it was possible to communicate his appreciation to her for alleviating his own anxiety and panic.
They worked together, side-by-side for what had to be hours, but nothing seemed to help. At one point Sayid leaned over and whispered into his ear, for only him to hear. "Perhaps I made too much haste in my initial examination of his chest. Perhaps his ribs are broken." It was a possibility, a possibility that's repercussions were catastrophic, and beyond their meager means of treatment. But they had to do something; he wasn't about to let him just suffer like this. After a moment of deep thought he nodded his solemn agreement to Sayid, turned his head and reached his hand out to get Sun's attention, but Boone lifted his hand weakly on his forearm.
"Jack…" he breathed in a raspy voice. "J-Jack…" he called out weakly, his voice wavering as he spoke.
"Sssh, Boone, you have to take it easy--"
"You have--" his voice was so soft that Jack had to lean in to hear him. "You have … to… let… go…"
Jack pulled away slowly, his face pale, he felt light headed from the blood rushing from his head. He shook his head slowly. "No. Boone. No." He whispered softly.
"You… You h-have-- have… to l-let … go…" he choked out painfully.
"We can fix this…"
Boone shook his head no. He turned his head to Shannon, who had let out a loud gut wrenching sob when he had first spoken. "S-shan."
"I-I'm right… right here Booneyboy." She sniffled, her own voice raw and quivering. She picked up his good hand, the one that she could tell had the least amount of damage, and held it against her cheek; closing her eyes as his thumb gently caressed the skin under her eye. She kissed the inside of his palm before opening her eyes once more.
"You … have… you have… to help… him… let… go…" If it felt half as bad to hear it as it were for him to say it then Shannon would have fainted. But a sob caught in her throat as her body doubled over, her face inches from his.
"Noo… You can't… please… you can't leave me… you can't…"
"Sh-Shan--"
"You promised, Boone." She sobbed openly. "You promised."
Once more, with great effort he cupped her cheek, caressing her skin. "Shan," he eeked out softly. "I'm- I'm s-sorry, for… for everything, for so much… but you … I don't … have any… say… in this…" he trailed off with a soggy sounding cough. "Please… Shan... let me go… with… dignity… please…"
She was too choked to reply in any other way but shake her head as she cried.
Boone's eyes drifted to Sayid. "Please… help her… let… go…" he beseeched. "…now… please…"
Sayid was on his own emotional rollercoaster, but this young man, with whom a few days ago he would have readily admitted feeling a great deal of animosity towards, was asking him- no, begging him to help his sister touched his heart in such a way that he could do nothing other than make sure he did it properly.
"Are you--"
"I… don't wan' her… to… see me… die…" his eyes drifted to Shannon once more. "She saw… her f-father die… I was … there… I don't… want her… to see mine too."
It sent a chill down his spine and formed a pit in his stomach. But he nodded none the less. "Shannon," he cooed putting his hand on her shoulder.
"No… you… don't… get… a … say… in … this…!" she wheezed angrily as she pulled away from Sayid's touch. She put her hands on either side of Boone's face and planted a firm, but affectionate kiss on his lips, looked into his eyes and tearfully whispered. "I love you." She sobbed. "I.Love.You." She whispered huskily, her voice so quiet that she could tell by the look in his eyes that despite the burning in his chest and the pain it took to breath, she had gotten through to him. That and that alone was her consolation as Sayid wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her out of the room.
Tears were forming in his eyes as he turned to Jack and Sun. "Leave… please… let… me … have… a… bit… of …dignity…please…" he rasped laboriously.
Jack wanted to protest, to pull a miracle out of his back pocket and make it all better. And when it was all said and done, they could laugh about it. But he couldn't do that. He couldn't do so many things for Boone that he desperately wanted to.
With a sigh of resignation he dropped his chin to his chest, put his hand on the younger mans arm and whispered, his voice on the verge of tears. "I'm sorry--"
Boone shook his head weakly. "No… thank you… for trying…"
Jack's chin quivered, but he stifled the urge for a few more moments. "I give you my word; no matter what, I'm not going to let Locke get away with this. He won't hurt anyone ever again. I won't let it happen. I won't. I swear."
Boone gave him a weak, but appreciative smile as the older, wiser man hesitated, almost to the point of physically wavering back and forth before leaving. He turned his head to Sun. "You… don't… have… too…"
"I stay, because no one should die alone." She whispered solemnly, her fingers intertwining with his as she put her head down next to his. "You may be dying, and you want to protect your friends and family; but you and I… we are neither of those things, yes?"
He groaned a little. "I wish… I could … go back… and change that…" he gurgled softly, feeling her silent response as she gave his hand a squeeze.
Part of him wanted her to join the rest, to go, to give him this time sort things out in his mind before it was too late, but in another way he was glad that she had been the one to stay. They may have not been very 'chummy' as Charlie would have put it, but there was something about Sun, it was like she was connected to mother nature, it was like she knew the earth better than the earth knew herself. He winced as he glanced towards Sun and winced at the tears that she was trying vainly to hide.
He wanted so badly to not be the reason for her tears, he wanted so badly to hold on so that he could make his and Shannon's relationship better. He wanted to hold on so bad.
And yet part of him...
Part of him, an even bigger part of him wanted to let go...
TBC.. I know... I know ... bad ending. Next chapter there will be more characters I swear, it's gonna get better (I even have it written out... I just need to type it up!) SO REVIEW PLEASE! DANKE!
ETA: I changed plain to plain and a few other gramatical things :D danke to flannelsanddramaqueens for the catch... my bad ... my bad