I am sorry to say, but my sting operation was not successful and I am now forced to say that I do not own Naruto. The problem was they used Sasuke against me. He stood there looking all sexy, and I got distracted. TT. It's a lost cause.

A/N: Hello Everybody, and welcome to the wonderful world of Irrelevant Titles! Once again, this chapter's title has nothing to do with what's going on, but hey! To make up for it, Sasuke's underwear make a cameo. Anyways, the Warnings for this story are: Language, OOC, and future SASUNARU. This means that in the future, this story will feature boys kissing boys, and maybe even boys boffing boys. (I don't know about the boffing yet.) If this bothers you, get the hell away from here! I don't like you, and you should have gone away already. That's all I really have to say, so I will now thank my reviewers.

Yaoilover S: I'm glad you liked your brownies! And the story. You're the only one to review chapter three. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'm trying to make it believable, but I think this chapter kind of destroys that idea. Anyway, thanks for your review, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Here is a cake. –pulls a giant five layer cake of Yaoilover S's favorite variety out from under cool flowing cape- Enjoy. (okay so technically I don't have a cool flowing cape, but it'd be nifty if I did!)

But Home Is Nowhere...: I Submit No Excuse

Naruto was practically grinning as he strolled through the noisy cafeteria, tapping his fingers on his thigh as the words from "Bohemian Rhapsody" scrolled through his mind. He could almost say this had been the best first day of school he'd had in a very long time. Torturing Sasuke had proven to be quite an enjoyable pastime.

By the time he reached the table that had unofficially been declared his, he was singing quietly. "Mommaaaaaaa, just killed a man. Put a gun against his head. Pulled my trigger now he's dead. Mommaaaaaa, life had just begun. But now I've gone and thrown it all away." He slid across the bench, so the he was flush against the corner of the wall that was farthest from the door. "Mammaaaaaaa, ooooooooo-" He cut himself off, frowning furiously. "What the fuck!" In his hands, he held a package of Sushi and a bottle of water. This was definitely not his lunch.

"How the hell did my Ramen turn into sushi?" he demanded loudly, though no one could hear him over the general chatter that filled the room. He spent a good ten minutes staring at it before a thought occurred to him. Sasuke had been holding a brown paper bag when he'd gotten his lunch out of locker. "Sasuke stole my Ramen!"

Naruto stood abruptly, sliding over the bench and away from his table. He stomped violently across the cafeteria to a table that was crowded with nearly twice as many people as it should hold, immediately spotting the center of attention. He stopped directly across from Sasuke and pointed straight at him. "You!" he growled vehemently.

Sasuke looked at him, unimpressed. It didn't appear that he'd opened his sack yet. "Yes?" His voice was dry and he sounded rather annoyed. Him! Naruto's frown deepened. 'Why the hell is he so annoyed?' he asked himself. 'He's the one that stole MY lunch!'

"You stole my lunch, you bastard!" Naruto was fuming now, and the girls were all looking at him as if he'd just spoken some sort of blasphemy.

The only reply Sasuke gave was a short, "What?"

"You did, you god damned maniac. I know, because I have yours! Now hand it over." Naruto growled unintentionally at the end of his sentence, and several of the girls near him scooted to the side, pushing the ones at the end of the bench to the floor. Sasuke looked a little startled himself as he shrugged and handed over the lunch, that had to be Naruto's.

Naruto snatched it away violently and gave a stiff, "Thank you," before throwing Sasuke's own lunch down on the table. He was about to turn and make his dramatic exit when Sasuke stopped him, saying callously,

"Tomorrow, label it, and we won't have this problem."

"Why don't you label yours?" Naruto asked incredulously. "Are you too good for that or something?" He stood there, his arms crossed, his breathing heavy, and his nostrils flaring. It seemed like Sasuke was about to make a witty comeback, but his eyes suddenly went wide, his eyebrow twitching as Ino, who was sitting on his left, shouted triumphantly,

"Ah-hah! They're boxers! I knew it." She had a wide grin on her face, and appeared to have pulled Sasuke's boxers far enough past the waist line of his jeans to see what kind they were.

"Oh! What color are they?" A girl at the end of the table shouted, her voice filled with glee and hidden traces of envy.

"They're black." Ino giggled and then added, "With 'Sexy' written all over them in curly white letters."

Naruto was forced to turn away, so he wouldn't crack up as Sasuke stood abruptly and exited the cafeteria as quickly as he could without running. Naruto just made his way back to his table and sat down again. He was attempting to eat his ramen without laughing, but after five minutes, he could no longer hold himself back, and he began to giggle. This giggling soon turned into an uproarious chortle, and he was soon clutching his side and gasping for breath. By the time the whole thing was over, he had practically no time to finish his food, and the lunch bell rang less than thirty seconds after he'd finished.

He left the cafeteria still smiling.

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Sasuke was still shaking with angry embarrassment as he walked into his sixth period class. He was sure his face was bright red, and he couldn't help but growl when two girls, who he was pretty sure he hadn't seen at lunch, began talking about how jealous they were of Ino. Rumors, it seemed, spread very quickly in this place. 'I guess it's a good thing I didn't tell them I was gay then.' (1) That would have been the beginning of a dangerous social destruction, he was sure.

Frowning at the thought of this, he slid into a seat at the back of the room and waited a little impatiently for class to begin. This, he knew already, would be his favorite class. It was the elective class, and he had chosen Creative Writing, something that had always been a hobby of his. He remembered being exceedingly excited to discover this class was an option, and there had been no competition when he'd looked at the other choices. Somehow, he just knew he would enjoy Creative Writing more than Home Economics, Archaeology, and Visual Arts I.

It was at this point, as he was grimacing at the thought of the other choices, that a very strange looking man entered the classroom. He was tall, with a youthful face that contradicted the silver color of his hair. He was wearing black slacks and a white button-down shirt, un-tucked and wrinkled. And for some reason, Sasuke was disturbed, but not at all surprised when the corner of a book with a naked woman (no wait, it was a man) on the cover slipped out of his notebook.

The teacher looked a bit sheepish as he slipped the book back into hiding, scanning the room to see if anyone had noticed. When he saw that Sasuke was looking, he gave him a look that clearly said, "Well, what can ya do? Gotta satisfy the urge somehow," and smiled. Then, the bell rang, signaling the end of the passing period and the man turned and looked out across the classroom.

Sasuke barely noticed as the dobe slid into the desk next to him, and began sniggering, because the man turned, looking out over the students as if he were king and they were all loyal subjects. "Hello students," he said in a calm voice. "I am Mr. Kakashi (2), and I will be your creative writing instructor for the remainder of the year. So, you ask, what does this mean to you?" He paused, as if waiting for a reply, and received a chorus of sixteen blank stares. He just shook his head.

"Fine then. I will tell you hat it means to you." He smiled. "It means that you are going to have to learn to like me as well as obeying my every command while in this classroom." The students just nodded. Sasuke was forced to smile. This had just turned into his favorite class.

"So, we are going to start of class with a short spur of the moment assignment. I want each of you to write a five line poem about anything you want. I'll give you ten minutes, and then we'll read them aloud. We do, after all, have to get rid of all our embarrassment. We will be reading our work aloud on a regular basis. And when I say we, I mean all of us, including me." He nodded as the students began rummaging around for pencils and paper, and we he saw that everyone had prepared themselves, he said firmly, "Okay, everyone. You have ten minutes. Start writing."

For a moment, Sasuke had no idea what to write, so he just stared down at his paper as the little blue lines taunted him. His pencil was resting lightly at the left margin of the first line, and without even thinking, he began to move it across the page, wondering what words would come out. Within three minutes he'd printed five lines of complete nonsense, and as he read it to himself, he was sure it would not satisfy the teacher.

Sasuke frowned. He was about to erase it and start again, but before he could even touch his eraser to the paper, there was a loud bang and Mr. Kakashi practically shouted, "Time's Up! Put your pencils down." Sasuke groaned inwardly. 'Crap.'

Mr. Kakashi's eyes were scanning the room as he asked, "So! Who's gonna read first?" When he got no response, he frowned almost playfully. "Well, fine then. I guess I'll just have to pick someone." He looked around once more, and Sasuke was supremely relieved when his gaze settled on Naruto. "You! Naruto! You look particularly troubled. You get to go first."

Naruto's head snapped up, and his eyes widened. "B-but why me? He looks troubled too!" The blonde was pointing at Sasuke once again. Mr. Kakashi just shook his head and smiled.

"Now, now Naruto. If you go first, no one can compare you to anyone. You set the president. Come on. You have to anyway."

Naruto growled, turning his paper over, "Fine." He cleared his throat and began reading,

"Eyes of the apple

Cry into fur and whiskers

Screaming for the midnight aura

Lost in the painful hurt

Emotions that mirror the hated love." (3)

Naruto frowned, and everyone was silent for a moment, and then Kakashi smiled. "Very good! That was excellent. And reading wasn't really that hard was it?" Naruto just scowled, looking as if he wanted to stick his tongue out at someone. All Sasuke could think was, 'Wow.'

He was surprised to say the least, and for some reason, every word of the blonde's poem made sense to him. It was beautiful.

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Naruto was fuming. He couldn't believe Mr. Kakashi had made him go first. He was sure the man had done it just to spite him, and now everyone was staring at him like he'd grown tentacles or something. Especially the pretty boy. He wished they would just stop, and he was about to say so when Kakashi broke the awkward silence. "So! As Naruto said. You," he looked at his roster, apparently searching for someone's name. "Sasuke! You also looked rather uncomfortable. You're next!"

Naruto smirked. At the sound of his name, Sasuke had immediately quit staring and started looking extremely disgruntled. He did not, however, protest as he picked up his paper and began reading very quietly. Unfortunately for him, Kakashi thought it was too soft, and told him to start again, and speak louder this time. Naruto's little pinch of glee returned at Sasuke's embarrassed look, and he was extremely gad to here discomfort in the boy's voice as he began again,

"Killer days of starry skies

Scrolls of blood slice the meat

Daisies grow on the side of the road

I kill them in my grip

And they laugh."(4)

When he was finished, he crumpled the paper in his hands and slid low in his desk as the uncomfortable stares were turned onto him. Naruto's was one of them. He was a little shaken by the whole idea of the pretty boy snob having a brain, much less an emotional one, and he was sort of stunned.

"Well!" Kakashi's voice was extremely cheerful now. "It would seem we have a couple of very talented poets here!"(5) He smiled, once again scanning his subjects, and picking a girl this time.

The only thing Naruto really heard of the other poetry was something about puppies and something else about a slinky. He was too busy thinking about the disturbing revelation he'd had after Sasuke's reading. He'd actually liked the boy's poem. It was really good, and he wasn't sure he could handle it. How was he supposed to hate someone who was capable of real, intelligent, completely incoherent thought?

'Damn it! It sounded like something I would write. That is so not cool.' He frowned. 'Maybe it was just a fluke. Maybe he'll be a stupid, stuck up, pretty boy next time. I hope so.' Naruto cringed at the desperateness of his own thoughts. He couldn't help it though. If he was gonna lose Sakura, it had to be to someone he could hate. To some shallow, lunch stealing, trouble-making bastard. Not someone who wrote poetry.

TBC...

A/N: So that was it. I don't really have anything to say here. What did you think? Please tell me in a review. Please. (I'm begging you.) Oh! The chapter title is from "Guernica" by Brand New. It is not mine. Tootles!

ISAN:

1. Sasuke isn't really gay at this point in the story, I don't think. Or maybe he is. Never mind, ignore what I said and interpret as you will. Oo

2. I know it sounds weird and should be Kakashi-sensei, but I made all the other teachers Mr. and M(r)s. so I had to do it this way. Forgive me. Maybe I'll just start calling him Kakashi. I dunno.

3. Okay, I know this makes no sense whatsoever, but it's not supposed to. I just did what I said Sasuke did. Made it up with out thinking. Please forgive me if it sucks.

4. Once again, making stuff up, sorry if it's bad.

5. I just want you to know that I'm not trying to toot my on horn here. Just pretend they're brilliant. Okay? Thanks.

Coming Up Next Chapter: An encounter in the hallway. What will Naruto say? How will Sasuke react? Will there be bloodshed? And, most importantly, is the word 'ditto' actually part of Sasuke's vocabulary?

Find out next time on, But Home Is Nowhere...