Disclaimer: Nope, sorry
A/N: Okay, this is chapter four of this story...I'm busily writing the ninth chapter even as I type this...and man it's getting GOOD! SQUEES! Sorry, shameless advertising on my part. Okay, AOL won't let me get in so I can't thank reviewers...(GAH!) I hope I can make it up to you with hints and getting everyone in at a later date...I'm REALLY sorry about this, the computer's been fighting me all weekend. With my luck next WORD will crash and I won't even be able to update you guys! AHH! Well...hints...This chapter talks about the remaining IY gang. My thoughts, as I wrote this, just instantly evolved. Think about it: without Kagome to keep him...what would IY do? If she died like this I think he'd just go whacko. Yea, he'd be out to avenge Naraku still, especially if Naraku had had a hand in killing her, but like this, randomly, suddenly...would he be left sane? So I portrayed this thought...and also, it's occurred to me that Sango, being a demon slayer, she's never going to wholly trust Inuyasha. She's intensely pro-human. If something happens to shake that faith she's going to put it on IY's demon ancestry quickly. It's not personality, it's what she's been taught. Demons are wild. It's like saying that a rabid animal of some kind WON'T bite you...it's in the animal's nature with the disease, which is kinda like what's happened to IY. The grief has driven him over the edge...but don't worry, he's not THAT far gone...I'm not THAT cruel...hints at the end b/c I can't thank anyone...SORRY again...I'm as sick of it as you are...please Review and tell me how you like or not! YAYS!
Dark Hearts
"Well all I ever wanted was
A hand to hold me down
To keep the sky from swallowing me up…"
It'd been three days since Kagome had died. Sango hadn't seen Inuyasha at all in that time. Like the others, and the villagers for miles around, she'd heard the terrible mournful cries of some beast in the mountain forests every night since Kagome's death, and she knew it was Inuyasha. He lingered nearby but couldn't stay sane in the meadow where she'd been ripped from them. Sango wondered if he would ever return to them, if their quest would ever resume…without Kagome Inuyasha might be too wild, too uncontrollable and too passionate for them to travel with…
None of that was her idea though. It was something Miroku had thought of. On the second night after Kagome's death he'd gathered them together and solemnly reminded them of the terrible truth…
"The shards…" those two words were enough for the remaining group members to grasp what he was saying. Kagome had fallen from the cliff with the Jewel shards around her neck. She'd died with them there in the river. Somewhere downstream that meant the shards were unguarded and waiting for any demon or mortal to come by and use them. They'd have to find the shards and retrieve them…but that likely meant finding Kagome's remains. None of them wanted to see Kagome dead…it was hard enough just knowing she was dead, to see it was entirely different and a thousand times worse.
"We have to find them." Sango nodded, forcing thoughts of Kagome's body from her mind completely. She knew full well what it was like to see death and carnage—her whole family and all of her people had been slaughtered. Only Kohaku had escaped death, and in a way his fate was worse than death—life as Naraku's puppet. Sango, who had once been such a happy, beautiful maiden ripe for marriage and fame and love, had become a member of a group bent on revenge against Naraku for one reason or another. She'd learned to remain sane by turning off her emotions. She'd loved Kagome—but the pain could be forgotten—had to be in order for her to survive…
Miroku had nodded slowly at Sango and then lowered his voice darkly, "I don't think Inuyasha should come with us."
Sango hadn't needed his thinking explained to her. Of all of them Inuyasha had probably handled Kagome's passing the worst. The hanyou had lost her reincarnation 50 years ago to betrayal and trickery. Now he'd lost Kagome in an abrupt and unfair accident. To deal with their loss the rest of the group had come together. Miroku had prayed for Kagome's soul, assuring it safe passage into the realm of heaven where she would be eternally happy, as she deserved. Sango and Shippo had listened to his prayers until he could no longer perform them and broke down. Then they'd joined him to cry their grief out. It was in this way that they made themselves stronger—sharing in their mourning. Misery may love company but so does grief. Crying together eased the pain, eased the burden.
But Inuyasha hadn't joined them. The hanyou had always lived alone. He'd covered and hidden his grief for Kikyo's "betrayal," 50 years ago, and dealt with his mother's death too, all of it alone. Kagome's death would be handled the same way. He did things without the help of others. Sango, Miroku and Shippo didn't understand why he chose such a way of mourning but they didn't question it either.
And of course the prospect of the shards was a grim one…they didn't want to do it themselves, but all of them knew it needed to be done.
Shippo piped up then, breaking their silence, "But…why not bring Inuyasha?"
Miroku's eyes grew hazy and he sighed, slowly, "Inuyasha isn't here for one thing. I honestly don't know if he would come."
"But the shards…it's his job too!" Shippo looked between Sango and Miroku, desperate for eye contact. Although the kitsune and the hanyou tended to fight with one another Shippo held the half-demon in high respect and had loved Kagome dearly. He was whimpering now, confused by their stony and cold expressions, not understanding why they had seemingly decided to exclude the hanyou from their quest.
Finally Miroku sighed and turned to face the crying kit, "Shippo," he murmured, "Without Kagome here…" he shook his head, biting his lips as he spoke those words, stopping any tears from springing to his eyes, "…Inuyasha may not be the same. He may just leave us."
"Why Miroku?" Shippo leapt into the monk's lap abruptly and started to snuggle down. Sango had been forced to look away from the two of them then—the sight of Shippo nestling down in the monk's lap was too reminiscent of what he'd once done nightly with Kagome.
"Inuyasha is…" Miroku couldn't find the words and he too was stricken by the kit's sudden affection. He looked toward Sango but the demon slayer pretended not to notice. Kilala was sleeping peacefully on her lap, mirroring the snuggling kit on Miroku.
Yet although Sango had been looking away from the monk she'd heard his thought and had understood it clearly. Without Kagome, who had been able to pacify Inuyasha and empower him with her continuous need of his protection—whether real or imagined on the hanyou's part—the half-demon was likely to become wild. Rather like a wild dog he might turn on them, steal the shards and become a true full-blooded youkai. It'd be the doom of them all. Without Kagome Inuyasha could become a beast…both the monk and the demon slayer had heard the tales from Inuyasha's past, when he really had been wild and untamed…and everyday Kagome's prayer beads were an obvious reminder strung around his neck.
And now they were useless. Inuyasha was a stray dog again, his master had left him high and dry and in misery.
Dogs in pain will bite innocent hands…
So on the morning of the third day after Kagome's death Miroku convinced Sango and Shippo to search with him for the shards. None of them wanted to speak of the fact that they were in actuality searching for their friend's remains. No one among them could sense the shards, so it would be her body that they would need to search for.
"We'll search the cliff-face first," Miroku coldly outlined the plan, "In case it caught on a ledge." Sango and Shippo didn't meet his gaze when he spoke; they were too preoccupied with keeping their minds empty of thoughts. If they allowed themselves to think they were certain to imagine Kagome's body falling through space, her body smashing into the jutting rocks, the shards catching on a rock or a twig, the chain snapping taught and then flying free…it was too gruesome. None of them wanted to think about or face Kagome's final moments.
Sango, Miroku and Shippo rode the transformed Kilala and began the search. Because none of them could sense the shards they were forced to sweep in close to the cliff face, searching the rocks with narrowed, squinting eyes. They found nothing. The shards had, apparently, made it into the water with Kagome's body.
The river snaked its way along the base of the cliff. In most areas it was wide and shallow, but in a few spots, like the place where Kagome had entered its currents, the river was narrow and quite deep. They guessed that the current would've carried the shards away—it flowed swiftly at the area where Kagome had fallen. Yet it was possible that the shards hadn't separated from Kagome in the fall and might've sunk or caught on foliage. The only way to be sure involved a lot of diving and swimming…and the possibility of coming across Kagome's body, something none of them wanted to do.
They agonized over it for a time and then decided to search the shallow areas downstream first. Kilala flew them along the twisting, winding length of the river, downhill and into a broad expanse of hilly forest. The river remained deep for a few miles and then once it exited the forest, it broadened. It was easy for Sango, Shippo and Miroku to see the sandy riverbed now. There were rocks sprinkled about it frequently, black and rounded by years of exposure to the water's current. Fish darted this way and that, startled by Kilala's shadow as she passed above them.
On any other day it might've been a beautiful thing to see, a glorious outing, but on that day with that task hanging over them not one of the group spoke of it. They flew onward, watching the rocks, hoping to see the glint of the shards, and not the dead body of their friend…
As the sun rose higher into the sky they hadn't found either. New fear and anxiety were beginning to creep into the group's hearts. Where were the shards? Had someone already gotten to them? Had someone stolen them from Kagome's body? That seemed to be the only thing that explained the lack of both items they were seeking.
The river continued to broaden until abruptly it forked. One fork was smaller and with fewer rocks. It traveled away from the forest and the mountains. In the distance they could make out the smoke of a village. The other half of the river passed into more forest, and it seemed to be the larger half, deeper and narrower. They couldn't see its bottom. The water was more sluggish in that branch of the river. If the shards had floated on the current which route would they have taken?
"This is impossible." Sango muttered, pursing her lips. She felt sick to her stomach. At every bend in the river she worried about seeing Kagome's body. She shook inside at the thought, at the images. It was bad enough for her friend to have died, but the shards forced them to go out asking for this trouble…this insult to her…it was like robbing from the dead. It didn't sit well with Sango at all.
Miroku nodded beside her. "Without someone to sense the shards we could look for days…"
"Maybe they aren't here anymore." Shippo sighed; he was clinging to Kilala's fur and looking thoroughly unhappy. He hadn't really put much energy into searching the river with his eyes as Sango and Miroku had. The possibility of seeing Kagome was too much for him. The Thunder Brothers had killed his father and then worn his fur. Shippo didn't want to be reminded of that. Not in the least. He buried his face in Kilala's fur to hide his tears.
"We should go back, Miroku," Sango turned to look back at the monk, to plead him with her eyes, "I can't do this anymore. It's too much."
Slowly Miroku nodded. "I know. I don't like it one bit either. But it must be done. We must find the shards…if we don't someone else will, and they'll use them in greed."
Sango frowned and looked into the distance, trying to still the pain inside her again. Yes, what Miroku said was true…but she couldn't handle much more of the tension, the anxiety, the horror she felt with it…she'd killed many, many times in her life, but those had all been demons. Demons, she'd been told, were generally soulless creatures. They were almost never trustworthy. Even Inuyasha was wild at heart, likely to turn on them…
It was then that she had a terrible, horrifying thought.
"Miroku…"
"Yes?"
She took a deep breath, "How wild do you think Inuyasha could be without…" she couldn't bring herself to say the girl's name; her voice dried up and died. A lump formed in her throat. I hope that I'm just crazy and sick with grief…
Miroku seemed to be concerned suddenly, thinking along the same lines as she was. "I'm not sure Sango…why do you ask?"
Sango swallowed nervously, but the lump inside her throat wouldn't go away. She bit her lip, refusing to cry. "I think we should've found…something…by now."
"You're thinking Inuyasha has worked alone."
"We haven't seen him in three days." In her mind she saw the hanyou slinking along the riverbank, sniffing like a dog, seeking Kagome's scent out…she saw him pull her drenched body from the river, saw him take the shards from her…and then what might he do? Bring Kagome back? Become a full-blooded youkai? Without Kagome, what would he become, what could he do? She felt sick at it, bitter and angry…
"…We should find him…"
"But the shards, Sango…"
"We'll never find them this way." Her voice was curt and angry but her eyes were shining with embittered tears.
The monk could no longer fight them. Slowly he nodded, relenting, "Let's go back to the meadow, Shippo can try to find Inuyasha by scent."
Kilala wheeled away from the forking river, through the sky and back toward the now fairly distant mountains and the cliff that had claimed Kagome's life…
Inuyasha was at the edge of the meadow where she had fallen. His amber orbs were wide and wild. He'd been sitting at the meadow's edge for several hours, waiting, thinking…
They'd left him. Miroku, Sango, Shippo and Kilala had left him behind.
It was the last straw on the hanyou's already weakened state of sanity. I don't need those weaklings…none of them…
The lingering smell of pig demon blood was making him sick to his stomach. Slinking off into the darkness of the mountain forest, Inuyasha decided to set out on his own, to leave all thoughts of the others behind him. He buried thoughts of Kagome's scent, her smooth skin, her black hair, her warm brown eyes, the squeak of her voice when she was embarrassed by something…he never wanted to feel the pain again, ever.
There was only one way to make that happen: never become attached to another living thing ever again. He would be a killer; cruel, callous, and heartless…hadn't his life been so much easier before he'd fallen in love with that damned Kikyo? Yes it had. Simple and sweet he'd wanted to be powerful like his father, powerful enough to be threatened by no one, to be respected…
To never have to rely on anyone ever again.
Inuyasha bounded through the trees, startling the birds away, slashing them to bits if they moved a fraction of a second too late…he would make his way out of the forests and into the plain, avoiding the river. The first village he came to he'd pillage—stealing all the food he could eat, killing anyone that tried to stop him…
There was no better way to work off any emotion…everything always looked brighter after he'd killed something…
A dog in pain will bite innocent hands…helping hands…anyone's hands…
As night descended on the world the hanyou slept uneasily high up in the branches of another tree…and in his dreams her face reappeared to him. He could smell her. She wasn't happy, she was crying somewhere, crying for him…
He woke at dawn, the tears still streaking down his face…
Endnotes: Okay, next chapter is called "Stars Lost in the Dark." Basically about Kagome becoming Sakana, learning to fit in. Then there's some action involving our favorite wild IY and some samurais having a BBQ...hehe...that's about it, then there's Chapter 6 "The Fish, the Samurai, and the Beast." The fish is Sakana, the samurai you'll learn more of later, and the Beast is IY...Yes, Inuyasha has been drawn to the village that rescued Kagome. He comes SO close to seeing her or scenting her, but is driven off...sorry...too early to reunite them. Chapter 7, "The River,"is as far as I'll hint for you guys, but I'll give you a GOOD hint this time, actual clips:
The women began to cry out with alarm. Shisuki rushed forward, plunging into the river, fighting the current…but her foot landed on a sharp edged rock and she screeched in sudden pain and lurched forward, fighting to current and gravity to keep herself out of the water and out of danger. She looked up just in time to see Sakana stand back up, her black hair flinging sparkling droplets, like diamonds through the sunlight…
And in her hands, covered with river slime and muck, there was a golden chain and a pendant that glowed an amazing purple…all of the women stared at it, thunderstruck all over again.
Okay, I hope that works...You can guess what it is, right? (snickers) must go now...till next time...later...Read and Review! I listen, I SWEAR! At least when my email works (groans)...