Title: Japan #9
Warnings: Spoilers up to anime episode 21. Hardly makes sense. Total crack. And I haven't read the manga so there might already be a Japan #9.
Pairings: Kuroyanagi/Kirisaki, implied Kawachi/Azuma

1.

Devious things are happening tonight.

Tomorrow is the final competition of Pantasia's newcomer battle, and the two finalists, Azuma and Kanmuri, are feverishly preparing.

At least, Kanmuri is.

For now, rest assured that Kanmuri is making a list, checking it twice, and running around after ingredients, as he should be. Let's instead worry about Azuma, who isn't thinking about bread at all, but rather…

"KAWACHI!" Azuma slams the door open. "Kawachi, there you are! I've been looking all ov—what's wrong, Kawachi?"

Kawachi is sitting in the alley, looking like a balloon that's been caught in the rafters and left there to deflate.

"Come on, Kawachi," Azuma says, copying Kawachi's pose: a cross between the fetal position and that my-brain-might-explode-so-I'll-try-clutching-at-it-to-minimize-potential-damage position adopted by people with intense migraines or an upcoming math test. "It's not that bad… You made it to the semifinals. That means you're third, right? That's really good, especially with all the other newcomers out there…"

"It's not that, Azuma. It's…" Kawachi sighs and lets his hands fall. Red marks show through his hair where his fingers have been digging too hard into his forehead.

"It's what?" Azuma asks, getting on his hands and knees so he can peer into Kawachi's face.

"Nothing!" Kawachi snaps, shoving out but missing Azuma in his annoyance. "Nothing. Why are you here? You should be making delicious bread! You have to win!"

"But not when you're like this," Azuma protests. "Tell me what's wrong. I want to help."

"All you can do is make bread, Azuma. There's no way you can help."

"Pleeeeaaaase, Kawachi? I just want to know what's wrong, then."

Kawachi groans. "I just… I'm in love with… with someone, okay? It's no big deal."

"Really?" Azuma asks, even more curious now. "Who is it?"

"Why does it matter?" Kawachi jumps up, crossing his arms over his chest. "It's… it's Kanmuri!"

"Kanmuri?" Azuma repeats, shocked.

"You have a problem with that?"

"What? No, no," Azuma says, hastily. "So what's wrong? Just ask him out."

"But I can't. It's not like y—he'd say yes."

"Sure he would! You're a great guy, Kawachi. I'm sure he likes you a lot."

Kawachi sighs. "Th… thanks, Azuma, but… I can't do it. If I could at least pretend I believed y—he liked me back, I might be able to, but right now I just… I don't feel confident, you know?"

Azuma brightens. "Oh, I know what you can do!"

"You do?" Kawachi looks suspicious. "But you have to make your bread for…"

"Yeah," Azuma agrees happily. He always gets like this, Kawachi thinks. He's always so happy when he figures out how to help people that he always forgets to actually tell them what the solution is.

"Azum-aaaaa," Kawachi prompts.

"You can give Kanmuri… Japan #9!" Azuma says.

"What?" Kawachi asks. "Look, if I wanted to give… him bread, I could make it myself, not some Japan—"

Azuma shakes his head. "No, no. Japan #9! It's the Bread of Love, Kawachi!"

"What!" Kawachi asks, stunned.

"Yeah. If you give it to Kanmuri, he'll go out with you for sure!"

"You can… you can do that… with bread?" Kawachi's voice jumps several octaves.

"Sure," Azuma says. "But let's hurry. We need to get the ingredients before all the stores close!"

Devious things are happening indeed.