It was after church that Lolly again returned to her computer.

Although she was, in fact, meant to be doing her volcano project and her mother would surely scold her horribly for procrastinating, Lolly blissfully read through her reviews, learning only that Father Dominic, the poor soul, was now incapable of moving anything below his waist, having been paralysed be Stephanie's lethal pillow.

How rude.

Sunshine, SHAME ON YOU.

So. You'd think that after a nice episode of Jesus-ness, Lolly would be feeling rather Christian, and would write a nice, boring and polite instalment of Kissing the MCBC?

Well, you'd be wrong.

Quite wrong.

So, with poor, dear Father Dominic now possibly a quadriplegic, (hahaha, go Stephie,) Jesse seemingly homosexual with his murdering foe, and Paul how naming each of his toes, (I believe that the big toe on his right was Bobbalina, and the left was Paulie-kah-muffin,) Lolly had nothing else to do but call in yet another favour.

And that would be in the form of none other than . . .

Adam McTavish.

Of course, Lolly had to ring a 1800 number to get to him, in his new business.

Fabio Impersonators Inc.

SHOCK!

'Hello? Can I have Adam McTavish, please?'

'Certainly. One hour, or all night?'

'Um,' said Lolly uncertainly, 'Er . . . all . . . night?'

'Certainly. Leopard skin or leather?'

'Uhhhhhhhhhh . . . '

'Certainly. And what flavour wax do you want? Strawberry, or tropical.'

'UHHHHHHHH – '

'Very well. That will amount to two hundred.'

'No, no – um, I'm not – I mean, I don't want – '

'Miss. Our Adam is very popular. With his inflata-Fabio suit, he's the spitting image. So pay up, or piss off.'

'Um…just tell him that Suze Simon is calling for him,' Lolly lied quickly.

'Please hold.'

I'm Too Sexy For My Shirt began playing.

"I'm – too sexy for my body – too sexy for my body – the way I'm disco daaaaaaancing –"

'I'm Elma Fudd, you know what I mean, and I shake my little tush on the catwalk – ' Lolly began singing vaguely, when a perky sounding Adam picked up.

'SUZE!' he cried gleefully, 'Oh, how I've waited for the day when you would require my . . . services . . . '

'Actually, it's not Suze,' Lolly said flatly. 'My name is Lolly, and I believe that you owe me, Adam.'

'Um.'

'In Flashlight, you see, I think you're getting more sex than you're ever going to get through your F. I. Inc. So, you're going to pop down here, free of charge. Right now.'

'Um,' he said again. 'Okay. Let me go inflate my suit.'

8 -

Five hours later, a Fat Bastard look-a-like ambled through Lolly's bedroom door. The plastic muscles gleamed in the light.

'Listen, lose the suit,' Lolly rolled her eyes.

Adam lost the suit, looking dejected. His skimpy little frame stood in the corner of the room, as he crossed his arms nervously.

'Okay,' Lolly said. 'This is how it's going to work. You're going to kiss my friends.'

Adam brightened. 'Might they be by the name of CeeCee Webb?'

'No.'

'Oh,' he replied. 'Well. Uh, I don't think I can – '

'Of COURSE you can,' she snapped. 'Or . . . ' she leant closer to him, 'I'll tell Cee you keep a photo of Kelly Prescott under your pillow.'

He paled. 'You wouldn't,' he gasped in horror.

Lolly's smirk went lollilicious. 'Oh, wouldn't I? Try me, Sparky.'

Adam scowled. 'Oh, all right. Just – ' he looked around furtively, 'Don't tell CeeCee . . . that.'

'I'm glad we've come to an agreement,' Lolly sniffed.

8 -

The unsuspecting victims of Adam McTavish sat quietly, practicing their accordions together. The sound was so monstrous that surrounding birdies were dropping dead off their perches.

When Adam, in his uniform leopard loincloth, climbed up the window, he cried, 'ARDA, ALDA, LET DOWN YOUR HAIR.'

They threw a hare out the window.

Nicole and Jasmine, aka, Arda Silverlace and Alda Rethe, ceased their hideous attempts of music.

'Whomever could that be?' Arda said to Alda.

'I do not know,' Alda said to Arda.

'Are you sure?' Arda said to Alda.

'Quite sure,' Alda said to Arda.

. . . Lolly's getting a headache.

The girls rushed to the window. 'My my! It's Adam McTavish!'

'Are you sure it's not Tarzan?'

'I CAN BE HIS JAAAAAAAAANE!' Jasmine cried happily.

Nicole stared at her.

Jasmine shut up.

The both through out a sheet for Adam to climb up on. Which was weird, because they were on the first floor.

Once in their room, Adam sprawled on the floor panting. 'Okay,' he said, I have to kiss – '

He looked up.

'TWINS!' HE CRIED GLEEFULLY.He laughed, jumped up, rearranged the contents of his loincloth, and began flexing his lack-of-muscles.

'Should have kept the suit,' he muttered.

Alda and Arda giggled, much like the Japanese twins off Austin Powers 3, whom Lolly is blatantly ripping off. Except that Alda and Arda aren't kinky names like Fook Mi and Fook Yu.

Sigh.

'THANK YOU LOLLY!' he yelled in ecstasy up to the author. 'THANK YOU! TWINS!'

Alda said to Arda, 'Oh joy! Finally! An audience!'

Adam's smile slid off. 'A – A what?'

'An audience of course,' Arda said in blissful agreement. The lead the nearly naked weirdo to a seat.

And for the rest of the night, cruelly serenaded him with their horrid imitations of accordion playing.

What? Did you think that Lolly was going to make them have a thr – THE END.

Aaah, but wait. It was barely 3am, when who should randomly stop by at Alda and Arda's Hawaiian residence, but CeeCee?

'Oh, hi Jas and Nic, I was just – '

Her eyes landed on Adam, who was laying on the floor.

In but a leopard skin loincloth.

CeeCee swelled in rage. 'I THOUGHT YOU WERE GIVING UP POLE DANCING!' SHE SHRIEKED AT ADAM.

He sat up, terrified. 'What? No, CeeCee, wait, I – it was Lolly, she – no, I didn't – we didn't – there were no poles involved – '

CeeCee blew him up with a weapon of mass destruction.

In the debris, all that was left of Mr McTavish was a single finger . . .

(Maybe he's an Animagus)

The REAL end.