Disclaimer: Okay, I don't own Inuyasha, I never will, (whimpers) but, BUT I DO own the lyrics this time...they're from a poem I wrote sometime last year!
A/N: Okay, sorry this is so long in coming...I haven't had a chance to write ahead like I usually do, thus I'm reluctant to post at all, but I have to...Okay, in this chapter I use some puns with Kagome's "new" name, Sakana. Remember that it also means "Fish," and you'll be fine...
Shadows of Memories
"Shadows move against the walls
Memory stirs like a wind
Blown from ages of joy long passed
Haunting the soul in the dark of the present
Stifling the very breath of life
Until angels freeze in the dark…"
"Well Shippo, you smell anything interesting here?" Miroku asked as the group rounded the bend and faced the steaming and utterly empty blackish water of the hot springs.
The kitsune had been busily snuffling at the air for a long time now, but he hadn't told them of anything he'd scented. Miroku suspected that it was too difficult for him to pick out the hanyou's scent from among so many foreign ones. He suspectedthat the task would be impossible for the kit. He wasn't an inuyoukai after all, or an inuhanyou for that matter…
But much to his surprise Shippo nodded enthusiastically and squirmed eagerly on his shoulder. "I smell Inuyasha all right…" he mumbled, but the kit was grinning ecstatically, his green eyes sparkled brightly. It struck both humans as odd that the kit would appear so pleased at that news with the grim possibility of their old hanyou companion having gone feral.
Before anyone could dpeak up and question him, Shippo had leapt straight away from the high position of Miroku's shoulder and was snuffling at the ground, determinedly.
Sango and Miroku looked at each other in confusion. "I wonder what's gotten into him." Sango mumbled. But just then Kilala mewed and began fighting Sango's grasp on her. In a second she was on the ground too, sniffing about, searching.
"Apparently Shippo's not the only one…" Miroku observed, smiling faintly.
Sango sighed, fatigued and tense from the idea of the task before them. "I just want to leave this place, Miroku." Her usually powerful, mature voice now shook with emotion. She fought tears and a lump in her throat that had never truly gone away. From her family, to her village, to her brother, to Kagome, and now to Inuyasha…was she doomed to live a life full of grief?
Miroku's gaze had softened with sympathy and shared grief. "It's all right Sango…" he moved to encircle her in his arms, patting her on the back…and surprisingly his hand never strayed anywhere near even her waist. The lecherous monk behaved himself. Although it was hidden, a small smile bloomed over Sango's lips.
Suddenly Shippo cleared his throat and the couple separated, both mildly embarrassed. "I have to tell you something that I know neither of you are going to believe…" the kit began, and Kilala soon joined his side, mewing and nodding her head slightly.
"Okay…"
"Kilala and I both smell Inuyasha…"
"That's not so hard to believe." Miroku muttered.
Shippo threw him a challenging glare and ignored him, "But we also smell the girl he took…"
"That's also not very hard to believe." Miroku pointed out, blinking slowly.
Shippo growled a little, "Don't you understand?"
"No." both the monk and the demon slayer responded at the same time.
Shippo huffed, "Kilala and I recognize the scent of the girl!"
Now both the monk and the demon slayer frowned, "How is that possible, Shippo? Who else in this village do you know?" Sango asked.
"No one in the village—we smell Kagome."
Sango and Miroku blinked stupidly, both were rendered mute for a moment. Their minds groped and played with the idea for a few fantastical seconds—Inuyasha had taken the girl with the unusual name of Fish. This girl had been called Fish because she'd been rescued from the river barely alive. Why would Inuyasha take an interest in her? Kagome? Could Kagome have been rescued here, without remembering who she really was, only to be ambushed by theirverylovesick hanyou Inuyasha? But it seemed too coincidental, too perfect…
Miroku shook his head at the same time as Sango. "It can't be Shippo." He sighed, "Life just doesn't work out this way…"
Shippo's little face contorted into a terrible angry frown. "You think I'd make this up! Give me a breakyou guys!"
"Maybe it's just wishful thinking, Shippo…" Sango suggested, sighing sadly, "I miss Kagome too…I keep thinking that what happened in the mountains was only a bad dream until I wake up and live through the day without her." but most of Sango's life seemed like the stuff from a nightmare—yet she lived it anyway.
"It's not!" Shippo screeched, desperate to get them to believe him. At his side Kilala mewed and nodded her head once, agreeing with him again.
Sango and Miroku looked at each other. "Could they both be wrong?" Sango asked, quietly.
Miroku shrugged, "If it's true, well," he shrugged again, "I'll be damned."
She couldn't resist, "With the way you grope women and cheat entire villages—I'd say you already are."
Miroku rolled his eyes, "Thanks."
It was darkening fast. She watched as the red robed demon named Inuyasha gutted and cleaned a fish he'd caught in the river and began to cook it over the fire. She caught his golden gaze on her every so often, sneaking furtive glances this way and that. Meanwhile she openly watched him, willing herself to remember him, if there was anything to remember…
And, much to both her astonishment and her horror, she could remember things about him now…
Clinging to his red-clothed back as he carried her over the ground vast distances. His silver hair flowing in the wind. His masculine scent leaving her dizzy and hungry for him in a way she'd never felt for any other—it was what she'd felt was missing from her time spent with Koshi.
She remembered his body pinned by an arrow to a tree. He was sleeping there in her mind, peaceful, tranquil. His handsome face unworried and uncomplicated. She remembered flashes of light as the hanyou fought for her and…others…a man, a woman, a cat-like demon and a young kitsune youkai. She couldn't remember any of their names. For all she knew she might've made them up as she was going crazy.
And she remembered other faces too. A kind hearted, sweet woman that must've been her mother, with her eyes and short black hair. A little brother with the same black hair as her mother. An old man, her grandfather, white haired and slightly senile. There were many, many other faces trying to swim back into her mind, but none of them had names, none of them she knew anything about except for their faces. Their faces swam through her mind, haunting her like ghosts. Their words came to her randomly, making her feel as if she wanted to scream…just one moment of silence in her head, one moment…
The tears came again, and her head started to throb. Before she could stop it the sobs came, harder than they had been before. In the dark the tears felt less shameful, she thought—wrongly—that it might be harder for the hanyou to see them. But the sobs, they were loud and exposed her as weak. If he was tricking her then as soon as she showed weakness he'd rape her or kill her or eat her alive…whatever hideous torture a creature such as him could plan.
She tried to see through her tears to the glow of the fire—and she caught the hanyou's stare. There was a long moment where neither hanyou nor girl blinked and neither moved. Then the wind blew through the meadow and a few clouds skidded across the moon. The change in the light made Sakana look away swiftly and shiver to herself, still crying, albeitsilently now.
The hanyou sighed softly through the dark. "Please don't cry Kagome…"
"My name's Sakana!" she snarled at him, squeezing her eyes shut, forcing out the last tears. Her eyes hurt, they were as dry as the Sahara desert with all the tears she'd shed in the last few hours.
"Okay, Sakana, come eat some sakana…" she looked up and saw him ripping through the fish, finding the best parts of it for her to eat, muttering to himself just loud enough for her to hear as he did so, "I think, considering sakana are things that people eat, Kagome is a much better name…" he looked up again at her, golden eyes flickering like a wild animal in the firelight, "You coming for your sakana, Sakana?" he taunted, scowling.
Bitterness bloomed in the nameless girl. "No, I won't eat anything you make. You're so filthy that I'd probably spend the rest of the week vomiting after eating your fish."
The hanyou seemed to bristle at her words, he looked away and continued digging through the fish's meat. In a moment she saw him bringing some of it to his mouth, chewing, swallowing. But then he looked up at her, his expression angry and wounded. "I want you to eat. You almost died. I can smell that."
Somehow that didn't surprise her. It was familiar. Sakana frowned at that thought and forced it away—she didn't know him, and that was that. "I'd rather eat dirt." She hissed.
The hanyou frowned deeply and looked away from her. It sounded as if he was muttering to himself, but Sakana couldn't make out the words.
"I once made you a cure." The hanyou announced, and when she looked up at him Inuyasha's face was calm and expressionless once more, "You had a terrible cold. Miroku and Sango sent you home while I was out looking for things to make you betteringredients for the cure." He snorted, "Stupid monk…I went after you into your Era and tried to make you sleep, but you wouldn't. That's just the way you are…" his eyes were soft with memory, and although it terrified her, Sakana could almost remember his story herself…
"So I made the cure for you and you went to sleep and the next morning I carried you to your school…" he smiled, "My cure may have tasted awful but it sure as hell made you well again!" he looked to her then, and seeing that she was staring at him, listening, thinking over his story, he prodded her, "Do you remember that?"
"No." she lied.
Inuyasha looked away. "You ate my cooking then and it made you feel great. Maybe now if you eat the sakana I cooked you'll agree with me that your name is Kagome and not Sakana." She saw him take a fistful of the fish meat and rise from the fire. Slowly, cautiously, as if she might bite him or blow fire at him, Inuyasha walked to sit in front of her, crossing his legs in his traditional manner. He held out his clawed hand for her. In the night air, away from the heat of the fire, the meat was steaming.
She was hungry, but Sakana made no move to accept the offering, her pride and uncertainty of the hanyou remained stronger than her belly. "I told you I'd rather eat dirt." She tried to add some venom to her words, to sting the hanyou's pride and confidence, but her words came out sounding hollow—which they were. She knew with one look to Inuyasha that he didn't believe her for a second.
"I could drop it in the dirt for you." he offered, smirking for a moment.
She looked away, toward the shimmer of the river in the distance. "Go away."
There was a pause and then Inuyasha lost his patience…with his free hand the hanyou reached for her shoulder and pulled her closer to him, growling under his breath, "Now, you listen to me—wench—firstly if you don't eat willingly I'll have to force it down your throat. Secondly your name is Kagome Higurashi. You're from the future. You have a grandfather, a mother, and a littlebrother. You had a wonderful life until you fell down your family's old well and woke up here, now. You found me pinned to a tree," he frowned here, not liking this part of the tale, "And you freed me from a 50 year sleep…then—you idiot—you shattered the Sacred Jewel and its pieces spread to every single corner of Japan." With the hand that held her frightened face close to him, Inuyasha reached for the chain about her neck and yanked it free of her, holding it up for her to see. "Did you ever wonder what these were?"
Tears had begun to stream down her cheeks, her chin quivered. Inuyasha couldn't even begin to unscramble the mixture of emotions that she was releasing into the air for him to smell. As fast as his outburst had begun it stopped.
The hanyou let her go—though first he forced the fish meat into her palm and ordered her to eat it. The shards he left beside her as well, sighing sadly as they clinked against the hard ground.He walked back to the fire and began to tear through the fish's innards carelessly. Fish meat flew and splattered everywhere. He chewed noisily, his heart pounding with frustration. He forced himself not to look to her, Sakana, Kagome, whoever she wanted to be…but he couldn't force himself not to feel the despair that was spreading inside him.
Would she ever remember?
Kilala careened over the forest, searching for any kind of sign of life. It was obvious that the hanyou wouldn't stay near the hot springs. But the question of what he would do, where he'd go, those were up in the air. Would he make a fire that they could see and smell from a ways off? Would he be stealthy, sleep in the trees; leave no track, no scent…they just didn't know. Inuyasha could do whatever he wanted, whatever he felt like. Which direction would he go? They guessed back towards the cliff where Kagome had fallen, but even that they weren't sure of.
And yet their luck was good…
Just an hour or two after the nightfall Miroku spotted smoke rising in the milky light of the moon. Kilala flew that way and only minutes later they were circling a meadow with a small fire in it—and sitting at that fire, cross legged and cranky—was the hanyou Inuyasha himself.
What they didn't see was Kagome in a small little green kimono on the other side of the meadow, huddled against a tree, trying to avoid Inuyasha's glares.
Kilala descended into the meadow abruptly, startling Inuyasha into jumping to his feet and even drawing Tetsuseiga in preparation for battle for a few seconds. But almost immediately sight and scent told him these were friends and not foe. He sheathed his sword.
"Miroku, Sango, Shippo…" he snorted, "What took you so long?"
Kilala landed but didn't shrink to her unprovoked state until after everyone onboard had gotten off—all of them facing Inuyasha with their arms crossed angrily.
"Inuyasha! You stubborn—"
"Inuyasha you moron!"
"Inuyasha where have you been all this time, and why did you run off?"
All the questions thrown at the hanyou confused him andstifled his senses just long enough that he didn't notice the quick, furtive movement of the figure on the opposite side of the meadow. Sakana was on her feet and dashing straight toward the river, toward the water that would drag her back to the village, to Shisuki and Koshi. She reached the water, bit her tongue to keep from crying out at its chilled temperature, and flung herself into its depths.
Inuyasha heard the splash and he looked immediately to where Kagome should have been sitting against the tree, sulking and crying. It was empty. There was no girl there. The hanyou's heart thumped wildly.
"Get out of the way you idiots!" he shouted, pushing through Sango and Miroku and running straight for the river.
He reached the bank and stepped in up to his knees, quickly looking downstream. He saw rocks in the moonlight, fading away, ripples in the current, fish in the shallower parts, darting this way and that…
He felt as if he might vomit…
And it wasn't becuase ofthe fish he'd eaten.
He couldn't see her anywhere.
Panicked he turned and faced his three very angry and frustrated friends and wordlessly ran to where Kilala was crouched, behind Sango's legs…but he never got that far, Miroku's staff came out and connected with his skull, sending the hanyou sprawling.
"Hey!" he blustered, rubbing his head almost immediately, his eyes flashing with anger, "What'd you do that for!"
"Because you need to answer our questions! We haven't seen you in a week Inuyasha!"
The hanyou looked from one angry face to another. Even Kilala was angry; her fur was bristling. Inuyasha pursed his lips angrily until they were no more than a thin white line. "Look you guys," he growled, "I had to leave for a while…" his eyes narrowed in anger then, "And when I got back you'd all left, you'd all abandoned me. So I struck out alone—but that doesn't matter right now!"
"It does to us." Sango scolded, frowning.
"You guys abandoned me, but that doesn't matter now—Kagome's alive."
They didn't seem particularly surprised by it; although Miroku and Sango did nod and exchange a quick glance…did they doubt his sanity? If the hanyou had had fur he would've bristled for sure.
"Look you morons! I've smelled her, touched her, talked with her…she's as clear and alive as any one of us!"
Shippo nodded eagerly, "I know, I smelled her Inuyasha…where is she now?" he looked around the meadow, blinking his green eyes.
Inuyasha leaned down to be on the kit's level and growled, "She jumped into the river and I couldn't stop her because you guys came…" he showed the kit his fist for emphasis to his message. Shippo squealed in fear and leapt behind Sango's legs for protection beside Kilala.
"Inuyasha—stop it!" Miroku shouted, swinging his staff again to hit the hanyou, but this time Inuyasha ducked and grabbed hold of the staff, tugging it right out of Miroku's hold.
"I'm sick of you people." He growled, tossing the monk's staff onto the ground. "We're sitting around here wasting time when we should be on Kilala, going downstream to that blasted village to rescue Kagome!"
"But it sounded like Kagome doesn't feel like she needs to be rescued, Inuyasha." Sango sighed, praying Inuyasha would understand, "She doesn't remember…"
Inuyasha's ears tweaked and wriggled, "How did you guys find that out?" he demanded, irritated.
"A friend of Kagome's told us. They call her Sakana."
"Fish?" Inuyasha growled, "Yea, I know…but damn it! We should be going to get her! She doesn't belong there, she belongs with us or with her family on the other side of the well!"
Miroku nodded slowly, "Yes, Inuyasha, you're right. But imagine how hard it must be for the poor girl. Let us deal with it."
"You!" Inuyasha snarled.
"Yes, us," Sango glared, "We can talk to the villagers because we didn't go on a rampage and kill a bunch of samurais…"
Inuyasha paused, eyes wide and frustrated. His fists curled into balls of anger. How many times will that come back to biteme in the ass in one day!
"I only did it for the food—and since when have you guys started liking samurais?" but the defense was weak, and he knew it. Why, why, WHY!
"Well, because you were hungry we're going to have to be the ones to get her back…"
"If she doesn't drown first in the river while we're sitting on our asses talking!"
Miroku and Sango exchanged a brief glance and then the demon slayer turned round to signal Kilala to transform. In a few seconds she and Shippo were on Kilala and careening over the river's surface. Inuyasha watched them go with a deep, frustrated scowl marring his face.
"Inuyasha." Miroku called, quietly, softly.
"What is it, monk? Can't you leave me alone!"
"We've all missed Kagome dearly…but I think that you missed her the most. I know you have deep feelings for her…"
"What kind of crap are you talking about, Miroku?" Inuyasha yelled, turning his face away from the light of the fire to hide the crimson that the monk's words had painted on his face.
"Don't think you can fool me, Inuyasha. I think that your feelings for Kagome—your worry and your guilt—have left you a little crazy…"
"Try pissed off!" Inuyasha growled, throwing the monk a warning glare, desperately hoping that Miroku would shut up.
Miroku ignored him; "I just want you to sit back and stop worrying for her. It only makes things worse. Your grief and stress and then the relief of finding her alive—it's left your sense of reality warped…"
"No it hasn't!" the hanyou snarled, fiercely, "I know very well what's going on! Kagome doesn't remember who she is! We have to get her away from that village before they convince her to stay! What the hell can I say to her mother if we can't get her to remember and come back?"
Miroku sighed slowly, and patted Inuyasha on the shoulder, "We're going to get her back. Sango always gets what she wants." The monk smirked a little at that thought and then cleared his throat and glanced to Inuyasha again. He couldn't see the hanyou's face and suspected that his half-demon friend wouldn't let him see it at all anytime soon for fear of exposing his emotions. "Besides…Kagome probably couldn't ever really forget you, even if she wanted to…" he gave the hanyou's shoulder a squeeze, "I think she feels the same way about you as you do her."
"What is this you keep going on about, Miroku? Let's just find Kagome and get her the hell out of here!" the hanyou brushed roughly passed Miroku and started to put out the fire, dousing the meadow in darkness…he wanted to hide the tears that were growing in his eyes.
What if what Miroku said is true? What if she did love me. But what if she never remembers it now? What if she thinks of me forever as a murderer, even if we do get her back?
Endnote: Okay...I may not get everyone in but I'm going to try to do that AND answer questions and comments and such... Lena17 You're not a torture! fanfiction1 It would've been creepy! But fortuantely I knew there'd be a way round itShippo's got a nose too! inuyasha'sbabe07 She's starting to remember, but not completely, only fragments, and right now she's more aware of his vicious strength and blind grief from when he attacked the samuraisoh, sorry it almost made you cry! Thank you:souless one, Taeniaea, kikiprincess, and Heist Thank you! (I think! (Winks)Am I that sadistic?),nonya Is this better? The criticism was actually important to me, and made me eager to post this chapter...I worry about keeping things real, but as the characters haven't really been in such a situation I have to play a little. I might've seen it a little on my own too, as in this chapter he's a lot rougher with her, frustrated, and with Miroku I think he's pretty much accurate...write in and tell me, kay? Lavender Valentine Thank you! That little tidbit was actually unplanned, but as is frequent with writing, it works itself in later cyclically. That hit me at the moment I was writing it, how Kagome/Sakana would see him, how it'd bother her, and thus how IY would have to repent and reanalyze what he'd done. I'm glad you liked it! (YAYS!)... Pyrinsomniac Got a little of it here for you... (smiles) hope it pleases you! cool-chick-rae Time tells all! (snickers) toots, Gosh! That's this chapter in a nutshell! I should call you for summaries from now on! (winks)
Kay, I am through with my High School play Music Man now! WHEE! Lotsa fun, lotsa stories and such...but now that it's over: MORE TIME! Or at least I hope...as a senior in my last semester it's getting rough and serious...soon I shall pass into that realm of semi-adulthood...it's mucho scary and almost a little sad, but at once VERY exciting! Anyway...as this pertains to you guys: Things in the stories should start speeding up...for this story the next chapter is especially cool in the beginning...I was writing pretty well that night...you'll see...anyway, love you all! Remember to review! Thank you!