A/N: I have not really updated ANYTHING for quite a while, two days at least, which is a long time for me. :)
Yoda was having quite a time trying to get through the large glass doors. The building was made of stone, or brick or something. Yoda looked up, seemingly an ant among the humans that buzzed around him, busy with buying presents and decorations, candy and food for the holidays. "Help me, will someone?" He cried out helplessly. Finally, frustrated and annoyed, he used a great Force-push to slide the doors apart.
Waddling in, he looked around. Up and around, actually, since the short Jedi Master could only see people's knees at his height. And ugly knees they were. Lowering his gaze, he looked around him. Before him lay the deep crevaces and niches filled with holiday colors, green and red, everywhere, people were scattered. The loud murmer of voices rang in his large ears as the green Master looked around.
Walmart. Yoda had been here before, when he was buying knitting supplies. Nobody had payed any attention to him. As he looked back on it, there hadn't been anyone there, the lights were out, and he didn't have to check out. He left some Republic credits, however, and he was sure someone had found them by now.
Yoda looked around some more before walking off to get a cart. He needed a lot of things. He saw the rows of carts up ahead, gleaming silver in the light of the glorious Walmart. He pulled a cart along behind him with the Force, walking along as if it were perfectly normal for a short, wrinkled green man in Jedi robes with a lightsaber at his side and extremely large ears, not to mention an abnormal laugh to be walking through Walmart, pulling a cart behind him with, seemingly, invisible string. As he went down the aisle with candy and holiday treats on them, many people stopped and stared. A Walmart employee came up to him and squatted down as if he were a child.
"Well, hi there, little fella!" The statement was over-enthustiastic and way too cheery. "How can I help you?" The smile pasted on her face made Yoda feel like emptying the contents of his stomach. "No help, I need." He muttered before trying to go past her. She blocked his path. More smiles and cheery sounds that disgusted the Jedi Master. "Are ya an elf?" Her eyes were shining, twinkling, and wide. "No elf, am I!" Yoda was insulted and just wanted to get his shopping done.
"Are you from the North Pole?" She whispered, as if it was a secret. Though she had lowered her voice considerably, it still held the overly-cheeriness of a clown, and the too-white and too-wide smile was still pasted on her lips. "Do you work for Santa Claus?" Now she looked like an eager child waiting for a candy cane. Yoda looked at her with pity. Must've been dropped as a child. Serious head injuries come from being dropped. He shook his head and held out a hand, meaning to lift her in the air with the power of the Force, and, hopefully, fling her to where her cheeriness and sickening smiles would never bother anyone again.
However, she took this to mean that he wanted something. Treating him like a child more still, she stood up, patted him on the head, put a candy cane in his hand, patted his head again, and twirled on her heel, completely turning around, her blond hair bouncing as she skipped off to bother more people.
"Sad and disturbing, this is." Yoda said, dropping the candy cane. He sliced and diced it with his lightsaber in a quick motion, leaving a smoldering pile of reddish-white gunk.
And he finished his shopping, paid, left, and was never seen at Walmart again. For good reasons, too. Afraid of running into Miss Happy-Happy as she became known as, Yoda stopped going to Walmart and decided to go to Target instead.