Title: Hard Side Effects

Author: Nemesis

Feedback: Yes, please!

Rating: R

Pairing: Harry/Severus

Summary: Severus tries to perfect an ancient potion and ends up with some not-so-pleasant side effects. Written in response to the spamming sent to the yahoo!group AfterClass.

Severus smiled wickedly as he pored over the ancient tome. "This will be perfect," he half-purred. Almost anyone would have an immediate heart attack if they saw the look on his face. Severus, however, was positive that he was alone – it was three a.m. He was trying desperately to prepare a surprise for his young lover. Harry was very active in bed – everywhere, actually. Fucking was never a problem for him. But as Severus approached…

Severus nipped the thought in the bud. He didn't want to even think about having approached middle age. In any case, Severus was having problems getting an erection or maintaining it. Harry always understood, but Severus was frustrated. He wanted to be able to fuck as often as Harry wanted to (okay, maybe not that often).

Severus copied down the recipe and shut the tome, putting it back on the bookshelf. He'd start the potion in the morning, with a few… modifications of his own.

Two days later, the potion was ready.

"Harry, love!" Severus called, knowing that he would be mortified if anyone else heard him call Harry something so… sweet.

Harry popped his head into Severus' lab. "Yeah, Sev?"

Severus smiled. "Come here, you brat. I have a little surprise for you."

Harry slipped into the lab and around Sev, hugging him from behind. "What is it?" he breathed in Severus' ear. Severus shivered and resisted the temptation to kiss Harry senseless. For now, anyway.

"A potion," Severus answered with a bit of a struggle.

"Ooh, really? What does it do?"

"It's an ancient potion I found in the library with some modifications of mine. It's for getting stiffer erections and maintaining them for a longer amount of time."

"Who's it for?" Harry teased.

"Cheeky brat. Do you want to enjoy the bloody thing or not?"

Harry smiled and chuckled. "Only if you're willing to take the risk."

Severus frowned. "What risk? I made the bloody thing!"

Harry shrugged. "Well, let's try it out."

Severus ladled some into a beaker and drank it, making a face at the taste. Harry chuckled, a noise that went straight to Severus' quickly hardening member. "Holy fuck," he breathed.

"I was hoping you'd say something like that," Harry laughed.

Scene deleted due to nature of the material. Full version can be found on my livejournal (homepage on profile)

Five hours later, Severus was still hard and exceptionally desperate for sex. Even Harry was worn out.

"Severus, I think something's wrong," Harry slurred, exhausted.

Severus bit his lip. "So hard," he moaned.

Harry stroked Severus' cheek gently. "I know, Sev. It's not normal. You shouldn't be this hard after six hours of nearly continuous sex."

"So fucking hard," Severus nearly whined.

Harry frowned. "I think we should go to St. Mungo's right about now. Maybe they'll be able to help you."

Severus sneered. "No quacks. Sex."

"Sev, love, you've had a good deal of sex, and you're nowhere. St. Mungo's. NOW!"

Harry cleaned them off and dressed up quickly. Severus was whimpering in near-pain. Harry sighed and dropped to his knees, finding his lover's hard cock and sucking hard, trying to take the edge off somewhat. Severus came again, and remained hard.

Harry flooed them into the hospital.

The cheery receptionist greeted them. "How can I help you?"

Harry bit his lip. "It's a bit delicate matter, you see."

Severus sneered again. "Honestly," he hissed. "I made a bloody potion, took it, and I'm experiencing some side effects. I think I might've screwed it up."

"Ah. What potion did you blotch?"

"A potion I found in an old tome designed to aid and maintain arousal."

"Right, and how did you mess it up, sir?"

"I made some modifications so that it was also a bit of an aphrodisiac."

"Okay. Why did you make modifications?"

Severus rolled his eyes. "Because that's what I do?" he sneered.

"No need to get huffy. What are the side effects."

"I have an erection that simply won't go away."

"Ah. Come this way, sir. Excuse me, young man," she continued, motioning to Harry. "You'll have to wait here while we take your father in."

Harry and Severus' eyes widened, and they spluttered. "Father!"

"I'm sorry, sir, but it's our policy not to let your children in."

Severus glared. "He's not my child, he's my lover!"

The receptionist blinked. "Oh. Right, I'll need some names."

"About time you thought of that," Severus sneered. "I'm Professor Severus Snape, Potions Master at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and this here is my lover, Professor Harry Potter, Defense Against the Dark Arts Master at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."

"Harry Potter?" the receptionist asked incredulously.

"Oh, for Merlin's sake! Yes, you ditz, Harry bloody Potter. Do you have a problem with my choice in lovers?"

A good seven hours later, Severus was finally released.

"We are never doing that again," Harry said strictly. "Merlin, the whole scene… especially the one you caused when the doctor tried to get you to take your clothes off."

Severus pouted childishly. "I was simply trying to please you."

Harry smiled. "I know, love, I know. But I love you best just the way you are."

Severus cast his eyes on the ground. "I thought you were unhappy with our sex life."

"Never! I love every aspect of our relationship. And before you do something so incredibly stupid, Sev, tell me before."

Severus smiled and wrapped an arm around his lover. "I'll perfect that potion, you'll see."

–Fin