Close Encounters of the Concrete Kind
By FlyingKit aka Christine
Note; std disclaimers apply. I am a NON PROFIT gal with no earthy thoughts , or heavenly for that matter, of making ANY kind of moola for this luverly little tale.
Barnum and Bailey don't have nuthin' on moi. Heh heh.boxing bell dings ROUND ONE: 'Let's get ready to RUMMMMMMBLEEEE!' C.)
Chapter 17
I backed up a pace and surveyed my hostages.
"Hmmm. One bullet left in here. Who gets it? Tick tock. Tick tock. Who's the lucky contestant?"
"Almost outta bullets, huh? That's a real shame, Jersey. Yeah now, a GEN-U-WINE cryin' shame. I was looking forward to seeing you pop one of the egos in here. All that hot air… Stuffy in here, don't ya think so?" Pebbles, over there, was apparently really getting into this whole shoot-'em-up atmosphere. In the past that might have put me off him a bit but now… I just grinned at him.
"Oh yeah, I agree Darth-baby. I totally agree."
I would have said you could cut the tension in the room with a knife but that wouldn't accurate; a chainsaw was more appropriate. Just then, to my surprise, laughter erupted, like renegade gunfire. Huh, guess I wasn't making all the villagers cower in fear after all.
"Oh Gawd! This is priceless! She has your number, Ranger, that she does." More laughter. "I never thought I would see the day a mere woman would be cleaning your clock! You must be eating yourself up at this! The great, all-fucking-powerful Manoso, master of the underworld, made to stand quivering before a female. Oh excuse me, dodging bullets by dancing before a female…" Bobby leaned over for a moment catching his breath and wiped tears from his eyes. "OH, PRICELESS! FUCKING PRICELESS! I told you didn't I! HUH? Nah! But you didn't want to listen. Oh no, you didn't. And now look, here is the woman in question, defying you at all odds. CLASSIC! Yeah, go run home, Ranger. We don't want or need you here!" He ended with a smile facing Ranger. I guess he was dismissing me, bad move, VERY bad move.
I examined my gun. Then I popped my clip out and grinned as I slid it back home. "Wow, Bobby looks like I was mistaken. Sorry, but I didn't forget the first rule you taught me. AND I quote: 'Never forget to chamber a round in dire circumstances.' Remember this is for your own good." BANG! He hopped around on one foot like a jack in the box.
"ANGEL!" he held his foot howling. "You shot me, you fucking shot me!" With that he fell to the floor. Lester moved and I sighted on him.
"Don't do anything funny, Santos. I'm watching you. I wouldn't want to add your name to their mass grave." Lester visibly swallowed and shuffled to Bobby cautiously.
"How's he doing?" I arched the question at Les with some concern. I mean, I didn't want to maim the guy…YET.
I could see him debating his options. Les apparently came to the conclusion to make me happy. He had removed Bobby's boot and examined his foot. When he was finished he returned with an answer. He looked pissed off but docile, an interesting combination, not unlike a chained King Kong. "I'm not certain, but he appears to be okay. The bullet just grazed his pinky toe."
"Are you sure he's okay?" All right, now I was feeling a little teeny weenie bit guilty.
"If you're not sure Santos, I can take a look and 'doctor' him can't I, Jersey?"
Lester ignored Stone and turned to face me with hard eyes. "As well as being shot in the foot as a man can be." I returned his look with one of my own. Les better watch himself. I had long ago fallen off the sanity wagon, and I wasn't about to chase it down now to try to hop back on. "Back off, Les. I'm not in the mood."
"Yeah, sure, whatever you say Steph. You've proven how trigger happy you are. You don't owe any explanation to me." He stood and stared at me for a moment before speaking again. "Is it all right if I go get the first aid kit, Tex? Or is that a hanging offense?"
"Hardy, fucking har. Shuddup, Santos. Go get the damn thing and not another word." With that, Les just nodded and left the room. All right, one less stooge to worry about. Three more to go…
"Jesus Steph! What the hell did I do? Ranger is the one that started…"
"Hold it RIGHT THERE! Watch what you say Bobby, or it might be your last words. You and I know what happened here, don't we, HMMMmm? I KNOW that Ranger, here didn't develop all this rage on his own, although he is quite perfect in his thick-headed Neanderthal impersonation. Some how I think you may have made this worse? Am I right or am I right?" I paused. "I am going to take that glare for a yes. Cripes, BOBBY! What the in the hell were you doing? What if you had gotten killed, huh? What then! Jesus! What the hell is wrong with you? UGHHH!"
Lester made his way back into the room at the tail end of my rant. "I can name what's wrong with him in one word…"
"Lester if you say my name, by all that's holy I'll chase you down and strangle you with these bare hands. And if you run, I will hound you to the ends of the earth, AND THEN if you escape me by dying prematurely, I will dig a hole, pull you from Satan's clutches and kick your ass all around the 7th circle of hell."
"Watch it man, I think she's serious."
"Who asked you Lord Helmet!" I growled at stone "You're not my father. UGH!"
"Good one." Stone smiled. "But now, Jersey…" Stone clucked his tongue once again at me. What the HELL! Is he a chicken now? Who the hell does he think he is! "You need to focus your rage back on target, leave me out of this." He sobered suddenly, waving his gun hand regally in my direction. "I'm not the 'droid you're looking for.' Remember?" OH lord!
"Spare me, Colonel Sanders, stick to things you know…like chicken beaks and feet, and leave us bipeds to ourselves. Oh and less television time for you young man. Filthy things you are picking up. I mean, PLEASE, Star Wars! I thought you above it!" Damn him for making me smile! Didn't he know I was trying to commit multiple homicides here? GEEZ! Talk about a mood killer!
"I could show you filthy…" Stone mumbled but only Lester heard it, and unfortunately he wasn't about to let it go.
"DAMMIT!" Lester shouted and cocked his head at Stone. "What did you just say?"
"Pardon Santos?"
"You heard me! What the hell is the matter with you? Are you trying to make things worse by saying something LIKE THAT!"
"I think you just did… make it worse. Only you had heard me, 'Unca Les'."
What the fuck? Huh? "What? Who said what and when?" No one was listening to me though.
"HEY! What the hell did he say, LES!" Okay, maybe Bobby was listening. But honestly I think that was just due to the lead poisoning.
"Who are you to come in here and fuck around with this team, huh!" Lester snorted and stomped the ground. Look out! Stampede!
'Uh. Hello! I said 'what did he say?' Is anyone listening to me?" I waved the gun in the air. "Uh, mad gun-woman on the loose here!" I barely resisted the urge to use my last chambered round to break up this verbal altercation.
"From where I'm standing Santos, y'all are doin' a right fine job of that all by your little lone selves."
"You're a fucking prick, you know that! Jesus. And can the Southern Gentleman crap. No one's buying it!" Lester turned to point the verbal gun at me. "AND YOU! Is this how you show a man you love him, by shooting him! Christ almighty, remind me not to go down that route, okay? If I do, then I'm entitled to being shot!" I winced but felt that earlier cool rage return full throttle.
"I fucking asked you a question Lester! WHAT DID STONE SAY ABOUT ANGEL!" No one spared Bobby a glance. Too many other loonies in the bin were talking at once.
"Fuck you Lester! Oh, you don't have to wait for that shot! I have a bullet here with your name on it. Here let me show you… it has 'ASSHOLE' engraved on the casing." I sighted down on him.
"You want to know what he said, Bobby? He fucking propositioned STEPH! Jesus! Is everyone and his brother lead by his fuckin' Johnson around here!" Les walked towards Stone and slammed his open palm against the wall. That was all it took for Stone to go on the defensive. He drew down on Lester.
"I told you to back down once before, Santos. I won't say it again!
"I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU STONE! HOW DARE YOU TALK TO HER LIKE THAT! She's like a…"
"YEAH, YEAH. We heard ya before, Brown, sister. Uh-huh. Whatever. You have major issues."
"PRICK! PUT DOWN THE GUN AND SAY THAT!"
"Tempting but no, I'm not as stupid as you look."
Bobby lunged at Stone and they grappled for the gun grunting. Lester groaned saying: "Not again…" and added his contribution in resolving the conflict by slowly and methodically banging the back of his head against the cinder block wall. Tank just helped in the only way he knew how besides violence.
"EVERYONE SHUT UP!" Uh-oh looks like Tank roused form his stupor. Fat chance he was gaining control. I just ignored him. "GAWD DAMMIT SHUT UP YOU… YOU…Bunch of FUCKING…" Looks like Tank is running low on nouns. Remind me to buy him a thesaurus for Christmas, or would that be Kwanza? I'll have to ask him after I shot him.
"IS THIS AN EXAMPLE OF HOW MUCH BETTER YOU ARE AT TAKING CARE OF THINGS HERE, CHUCKIE? JESUS! I SHOULD HAVE JUST BURNED DOWN THE BUISNESS BEFORE TURNING IT OVER TO YOU, OR BETTER YET, IF I HAD REALLY WANTED TO FUBAR IT I COULD HAVE LEFT IT IN VINNIE'S HANDS."
"YOU SONOVA… I SHOULD KILL YOU FOR THAT!"
"You keep promising, CHUCKIE but no one sees any…"
And with that Tank and Ranger were now locked together like squid, which made four-tentacled beasties were now rolling on the floor cursing. Leaving one blubbering self-mutilating blowfish and me, the guppy, watching. The Discovery Channel would have a field day with this bunch. A glimmer caught the corner of my eye as I rolled my gaze heaven-ward. I strode over to the chair where Tank had been perched when this whole Greek tragedy, (or would that be divine comedy?) had begun. I picked up the item and weighed my choices. I dismissed all the logical ones right off the bat. That just left…
The twang of knife hitting the wall wasn't what brought the room to a standstill. It was the soprano shriek of the man above it. Everyone turned to look at Lester still shrieking and clutching his family jewels. "Omigawd, omigawd, omigawd, omigawd, omigawd, omigawd, omigawd…" You get the drift. I don't think Les was on this plane of existence anymore.
A communal groan lifted from the men like a vapor. They all instinctively grabbed themselves, I guess in sympathy. Stone was the first to comment.
"Jersey, remind me never to round third base with you unless you wave me home…" He grimaced and stood. When he had collected himself he walked over to me. "If you have finished demonstrating what you have to 'say' to us…" He said by pointing out where Lester stood, still pinned to the wall in terror and trauma, with the knife hilt still quivering in the drywall just an inch or two south of his treasure chest. "…I think it would be in all our best interests if I search you for weapons now. I, for one, would like to leave this room with all appendages intact."
"Hey, I am the one with the gun here! Shouldn't what I have to say count for anything?"
"It would if you still had bullets in that gun." He said before pulling me into his grasp. He was thorough in his full body search.
"Watch it, Pervy! Hands north of the Equator, remember your manners!"
"You wish Jersey, you wish…"
That was the moment we were joined in the land of the coherent.
"YOU!" Looks like someone decided to unlock out of stunned bunny mode. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?" Ranger growled pointing to Stone. WHAT! Was he so engrossed in himself during that whole brawl that he didn't see Stone until now! JUDAS PRIEST! And people said I was oblivious!
"Nice to see you too, Manoso. Or is it batman? I can never keep it straight now-a-days…" Stone riffed. "You really should think about investing in those disposable name tags… You know the ones: 'Hello my name is…fill in today's name here'."
"I told you, I would kill you if you ever came for me." Ranger said while creeping menacingly towards Stone. "And I always keep my promises."
Stone just chuckled. Can you believe it? He chuckled at Ranger! And I thought I had gone off my rocker! "You have a mighty high opinion of yourself, Little Ricky. If I was gunning for you, you wouldn't know it. You'd already be cold and in the ground." He stated with precision. "You of all people should know that I don't have the detrimental flaw of insisting on terminating face to face."
"I know what a cold hearted bastard you are, S.T., You don't have to remind me." Ranger snarled. Cripes! This day was the best and only day I had seen Ranger at his emotive best. And here I thought he was a chia pet.
"It's just 'Stone' here, Manoso. I don't hide those parts of what I am from the people I work" he shot a glace at me, …and play with."
Ranger whipped around to glare at Tank. "YOU hired this killing freak," he pointed indicating Stone, "to work for MY company! Jesus, what the hell were you thinking? DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE IS! DO YOU!"
Tank just glared right back. "Of course I fucking know what he is! Do you think I would just hire any ol' body! JESUS RIC! I know how to do my job and run MY company! Remember that! YOU left it to me! Besides he checked out clean enough. He was Okayed by the Colonel…"
"Oh for GAWD's SAKE, TANK! The old man says he's clean and you just let him waltz around the complex! For how long!"
"For three months now, not that it matters. He's not the one. It's too obvious, man, besides the Colonel's word has always been good enough before. What makes him so special?" Tank spouted while indicating Stone. I just watched entranced, aware that I had lost control over these men somewhere in the last several minutes.
"HE is a spook. HE is what I was trying to leave behind! HE is the ANTI-CHRIST! HE is something so foul that even the Colonel cut him loose!" Ranger ground out and Tank blanched as white as a dark man could. "I see you are slowly comprehending here, my friend. You have hired what even the Colonel wouldn't touch with a ten-foot-FUCKIN'-pole!"
During this time Lester and I had been doing our imitations of bobble-head dolls watching the action. I don't know about Les but I was having a hard time following this conversation. I mean spooks? I don't think they are talking about Casper the friendly ghost here. Bobby was just smirking, leaning back on heels with arms crossed over his chest. Apparently he was enjoying all this way too much. I am starting to really believe he is a masochist. Tank looked at Stone and recovered the gift of speech.
"Is this true?"
"Well, I've been called a lot of things in my time, but anti-christ is not entirely accurate. Lower level demon: maybe. Right hand of Satan: okay, got me there. BUT anti-christ? Nah, too overly dramatic." He smirked, "Besides my friends just call be Bubba."
I had to ask: "Short for Beelzebub, right?"
Stone turned to look at me like a proud papa bear. "Aw, Jersey, C'mere. You deserve at least a hug for getting that one."
I guess there are some things even a gun, knife, or physical threat of death can't chase away. And apparently Stone's humor wasn't the only one of those things. Looks like the man himself was just as lethal as his burns. I shivered. The comment that Lester made outside the room came back to me in a flash. "DARK ASSASSIN…"
"Yeah, Jersey. Just one name of many. But YOU should call me Stone or 'The Best Lover I've Ever Had' will suffice."
Didn't he ever stop? And why didn't the fact that that he was just revealed as former back-ops, current hitman cool my libido concerning all matters 'STONE'? Ugh. Mental head slap! I still found him cute, in a lethal rent-a-thug kinda way. WHY ME!
To be continued in chapter 18…
Close Encounters of the Concrete Kind
By FlyingKit aka Christine
Note; STD disclaimers apply. I am a NON-PROFIT gal with no earthy thoughts, or heavenly for that matter, of making ANY kind of moola for this luverly little tale.
To the addicts, you know who you are. Sorry for the brief interlude. Keep your eyes peeled for more soon. HEH HEH. laughing maniacally did you really think Stone would just let me post this lonely chapter? C.)
Chapter 18
"DARK ASSASSIN…"
"Yeah, Jersey. Just one name of many. But YOU should call me Stone or 'The Best Lover I've Ever Had' will suffice."
Didn't he ever stop? And why didn't the fact that that he was just revealed as former back-ops, current hitman cool my libido concerning all matters 'STONE'? Ugh. Mental head slap! I still found him cute, in a lethal rent-a-thug kinda way. WHY ME!
'S.T.', 'Dark Assassin', spook, heck 'Bubba'! The names ran around like mice in my head, slowly nibbling away at what few coherent brain cells I had left. I mean, a girl can only function so well after a rage-induced haze. I think I was doing pretty well given the fact that in the span of the last 15 minutes I had broken up three fist fights, fired off a round of ammo at moving targets like Dirty Harrietta and performed my the femme Nikita knife throwing act. Who could blame me for wondering who the huge mammoth of a man sitting across from me was? I mean who he truly was. I had no idea. If the last few minutes had taught me anything, it was that. I watched Stone intently. Studying him like a lab rat, if by staring at him I could somehow peel away the façade of the cool 'Stone' exterior and find the man underneath. And did I want to? Find the man… I mean, evidently this man was as comfortable on the dark side of life as the rest of the guys. Heck even more so. And he seemed to have a history with Ranger. A bad one at that from the way they spoke to each other. I mean, hello! What did Ranger mean by 'the next time you come for me'? I shook my head. These two evidently have spilt blood, possibly even each other's. Was Stone somehow connected to the mysterious trips that Ranger was always taking? Were they, I am assuming, black ops agents? The only thing I knew about black ops could be summed up in a paragraph. Hell, If it wasn't for Ethan Hunt and James Bond I probably wouldn't even know that much. I stole a look at Ranger sitting at the head of the new conference table. Okay it was a folding card table, but after how the first table was destroyed I think Tank was wise in requesting a cheap folding table. He was probably worried about how long a life span any piece of furniture would have in this room with this group.
I shrugged and focused on Ranger. He and I were attracted to each other, and look how THAT ended! Mental head slap. We had practically burned down my apartment building the night we finally got together and look at us now. Seething hell hounds were nicer to each other! I miss what we had, as twisted as that sounded. I missed the man that I thought would always be supporting my crazy schemes and be there for me no matter what. The man who uncuffed me form that shower rod when I was naked as the day I came into the world, and never tried to make one move. But that man was an illusion, he had to be! Ranger up and left me all those months ago. What's to say that he wouldn't do it again? No, maybe I didn't miss him as much as I thought. Maybe I just missed the idea of Ranger. I visually compared the two men, volleying between Stone and Ranger's faces. It was like comparing the moon and the sun. One man was all mystery, best shown in the dark of night, with his mocha skin glowing, drawing you in to its orbit. Who hasn't wanted to go to the moon? The other man was just as mysterious. A hot body burning up the very air one breathes, pulling me into its atmosphere. But as much as you want the warmth of the sun, you don't try to go there! You'd get third degree burns before getting too close, and probably die happy doing it. UGH. I better focus on improving myself before I invest myself emotionally in a man again. I shook my head once more, hoping I would shake something free and be able to figure out what the hell to do with my life. I sniffed. Like that was probable, talk about impossible tasks! Thinking that made me think about all the insane things I have done in the past, yeah, some in the very recent past. I smothered a groan as I thought about the morning's events. All these men were insane. Okay, maybe you could even add my name to that list, but I was provoked! I folded my arms and shot dirty looks around the room, not sparing any of these stooges. Tank was sitting at the foot of the table, or the head depending if Ranger and he wanted to battle it out. How symbolic. Lester had been sitting in a chair in the far corner of the room. Tank had tried to get him to join us at the table, but Les wouldn't budge until he was threatened with the prospect of setting me loose again. Now he sat at the far corner of the table, and his attitude apparently has not improved. Hmm. When I met his eyes, he glared at me. I would bet that he was still cupping himself protectively underneath the table. Hell, it was a safe bet. He hadn't stopped doing it since he was lured away from the wall. Not even when Bobby had pulled the knife from the wall and tucked it away somewhere on his person. Les was going for the world record for longest death stare in the western hemisphere. I rolled my eyes and dismissed him. Sheesh! MEN! You'd think I threatened his children the way he was acting. It's not like I had actually cut him or something. That was one thing I was pretty adept at, according to Hector. Knife throwing, not the eye rolling, although that is something else I can do quite well.
Bobby sat in the chair on my left side and stoked my back with the thumb of his right hand. Several minutes ago he had slung his arm across the back of my chair and proceeded to give my shoulder a squeeze from time to time. From the looks he received, I think I was the only one present that didn't object. Well, strangely enough, except Stone. That fool just tipped the corners of his mouth up, like he was laughing internally at something. Smug weasel. Ugh.
I crossed my arms and scrunched my eyebrows up in disgust. I wonder if this wrestle mania at the aquarium event would continue even after this little confab briefing on the recent case. Typical. I snorted and rolled my eyes.
"Are we bothering you, Steph?"
"Huh?" Shit, looks like I zoned out again. So sue me, I had a lot on my mind. I looked up at Tank.
"Well, unless your snort was one of approval of the handling of our current situation, I somehow don't get the feeling you having been listening to me one little bit." With that Tank uncrossed his arms and leaned forward menacingly in my direction. You'd think he would realize after today's events that you shouldn't try to intimidate me, it was futile. How can you intimidate a permanent rubber room resident?
"I was listening!" When in backed into a corner, go on the offensive and attack. It works for snakes. Lester voiced his opinion eloquently by loudly snorting. I shot him a death ray before swinging back to look at Tank's face for a reaction.
Tank frowned and grunted. "Yeah, I'm sure you were. So tell me, what do you think of what we have come up with so far?"
SHIT!
"Uh, well, I think that it's the best we can do under the circumstances." There, that was an innocuous enough comment, right? I snuck a look at Tank. Double shit. Okay, how about… "Besides you know better than I do, when it comes to this stuff Tank." Heh heh. Stroke the male ego, works every time.
Tank just stood there, glaring, with an eyebrow raised. A short chortle came from Bobby besides me. I whipped around and gave him the look. "Shuddup." I elbowed him in the side.
Bobby grabbed me and pulled me sideways into his lap carefully avoiding his foot. "You better watch out, Annie Oakley. I still owe you for that crippling shot." He swatted my thigh playfully. I snorted.
"Oh, yeah RIGHT! Like you actually need a pinkie toe to walk or something! It's just ornamental, like tinsel on a Christmas tree. Pretty, but unnecessary. Be a man! Suck it up, wuss." With that I pushed out of his lap forcefully and launched myself towards my chair. He caught me before I could get very far. "Watch it, Angel. I meant it. I still owe you and you'll never see it coming."
I shivered and retorted: "Yeah, whatever you say Bobby. Like you would really hurt me or something, you love me, remember?"
He whispered in my ear and held fast to my arm. "To quote Tina Turner, Angel: what's love got to do with it?"
You would think something that corny wouldn't inspire fear, but it did. I think, I just swallowed my tongue mentally. I watched him warily as I slid back into my chair.
"If you two have quite finished," Tank paused to bang his fist on the folding table, which shook like Jell-O. "We can get serious, IF EVERYONE IS PAYING ATTENTION."
Okay, somebody is a teeny bit mad, looks like. Geez, miss one conversation and…okay more than one…well…maybe about 90 percent of business conversations I tune out on. Is it MY fault that Tank can't keep my attention for more than five minutes at a time? NO. I think not. He should take some lessons from Billy Graham on dramatic speaking, maybe then he wouldn't… UH-oh.
"…at that point we can move in and isolate the signal. The hard part will be thinning down the necessary staff to run Rangeman for the next few weeks and making sure we neutralize the threat of loosing more information. We need to cut this S.O.B. off before he screws us worse than he already has. Otherwise the Colonel and his staff will move in and take over, AND NO ONE WANTS THAT." Tank slammed his fist again. The table did its job and folded. We all collectively stared at the new pile of rubble. This time Stone apparently couldn't contain himself.
"Good thing we didn't move this meeting into that fancy dinin' room, huh. You might want to seriously consider adding comprehensive coverage to your home insurance policy, unless there is a crazed muscle man clause or something. Then you are pretty much totally pooch-scr…"
"Stop right THERE! Dammit! I have one comedian in this bunch I don't need two. Leave it be Stone, if you know what's good for you."
"Believe me I know what's good for me." He turned his attention from Tank and on to me in a predatory manner. "I think I can judge when I should leave it be or not." He winked at me and returned his attention to Tank. "For now I'll agree and back off…" He grinned and added as an afterthought. "…Boss." And he chuckled. This man must have balls of steel. Tank just did hid impression of boulder in response. The he suddenly turned his attention to the other side of the room.
"Lester, go find someone to clean up this mess. And make sure they don't come in until we signal by opening the door. I don't want anyone else added to our list to check out." With that he sighed and rubbed his head like it was a magic eight ball or something. Shake it and it has all the answers. Ugh. Lester got up, went around the chairs counterclockwise so he wouldn't have to pass by me. I rolled my eyes and decided to focus on something else. Uh, like what were we supposed to have been discussing anyway?
I must have had an enquiring look on my face because Bobby leaned in and said: "We are narrowing down duties in relationship to this case to be operated only by the inner circle: You, me, Tank, Lester, Stone," dark glare, "and Ranger," even darker glare. "Until we can clear the rest of the staff, no one else is to know what investigation is underway. This is strictly on a need to know basis."
Huh. I suppose I need to know. Big sigh. Might as well admit it. I leaned in to whisper in Bobby's ear as he grinned knowingly. "And what are we investigating?"
He turned his face so his lips brushed a few centimeters from my earlobe and whispered back, barely containing his mirth. "I knew it. You weren't listening to anyone at all, were you?" I felt his chest shake against by shoulder. "Angel you have to learn to multi-task. Daydream and listen in on important case briefing. Just be glad Tank hasn't figured out to what extent you haven't been paying attention."
"Was that a threat, Bob?"
He snarled. "I warned you about that BOB business. That's two. If you say it again I won't be held responsible for my future actions."
"Yeah, Yeah, whatever, Brown." I snorted. "Like you could take me out if I didn't want you to."
"You are getting entirely too cocky. But before I detail just how I would take you down a peg or two, I think we should find out exactly how much information you picked up during this meeting. I know you are just trying to distract me."
Rats! "Well, it was worth a try."
"Spill. How much did you actually hear?"
"Uh, does the last sentence Tank said count?"
Bobby groaned, slouched back in his chair and looked around the room. I followed his gaze. Tank and Ranger seemed to be deep in conversation; heads huddled together on the other side of the conference room. Looks like they haven't noticed how much Bobby and I have been gossiping and sniping yet. Probably a good thing, it might increase the odds in favor of prolonging my life expectancy. I somehow got the feeling I was persona non grata right about now. Wonder why? Stone was the only other one left and he stood leaning against the wall opposite Bobby and I. He was rubbing something with his hands. Yuck. Don't want to know. I shrugged and looked at Bobby, shaking his shoulder to regain his attention.
"Bobby." I hissed as softly s I could. When he finally opened his eyes and looked at me I continued. "So…"
He leaned his head towards mine again so I could feel his breath against my cheek. "You didn't hear anything more than that?"
"Uh, I also heard what Tank said at the beginning; something about information being leaked."
"Good, at least I don't have to start from scratch. Here's the short version, since you checked out on the detailed one. Someone inside Rangeman is sending data covertly from the office to an outside source over a period of time during the last two months. This person has used high level clearances which originate from inside the Rangeman organization to access information on past covert missions performed at the request of our government contacts. Therefore we are assuming this is an inside job. Someone here has turned and sold us out. We have yet to isolate the person or persons responsible, or narrow down the location where the data was sent. It was traced to an inbox for an internet provider that anyone or his brother could apply for. So we don't know who is on the receiving end or what their intent is with smuggling out this data. In order to prevent this situation from escalating we are setting up a sting. We are going to plant falsified information and see is the leak takes the bait. We track him with the set wire taps and computer monitoring devices. Then we have him. Simple."
Alright. It did sound simple. But then why…
"Uh, Bobby if it's so simple why if Tank so antsy about this? What information about what missions? Is this about that Colonel guy?" When Bobby winced and nodded I lurched forward. "Who is he? Why would he take over Rangeman? Ranger would never allow anyone besides Tank to take over his company! Is he the government contact that you were talking about?" I gasped. "Is he actually in charge of Rangeman! Is this Colonel guy like 'M' from James Bond? Does he…" Bobby cut me off by slapping a hand over my mouth. I furrowed my brow at him to show my displeasure. He better let go soon or I was gonna bite him.
"I don't know the guy, I just know of him. And what I know ain't pleasant, Angel-Girl. He's not one you want to be associating with, so pray we are able to contain this before he swoops in and takes over shop. And before you ask, even I don't know exactly what data was taken. I just know what I've been told; that the data is related to covert missions that Ranger has been sent on over the last year or so. And NO, I don't know where he went or what Ranger did on those missions. I'm not sure that Tank even knows that! We were never meant to even know that he was still taking contracts for the Colonel anymore. That much Ranger has made clear, the bastard." Oh-KAAAY. Looks like someone has some suppressed anger to deal with. I tried to change the subject. As much as I would love to know more about double-O Bat, I knew Bobby's control had it's limitations for some reason when it came to all things Ranger.
"Uh, Okay. So when is this thing going down? Do I have to be aware of doing special for this sting?" I looked up into Bobby's face and prayed he would calm down before things got ugly again. He mumbled something about the fact that I would just have to continue on as normal and some other garbage. I wasn't really concentrating. All I could think about was the fact that I don't have any weapons left. I patted down Bobby in the guise of trying to comfort him, looking for the knife. Shit! Where is it! I caught a movement out of the corner of my eye. Stone. I moved only my eyes to look at Stone over Bobby's shoulder while the rest of me continued embracing Bobby.
FUCK.
Stone was whistling now, the theme from 'The Andy Griffith Show' as a matter of fact, and polishing a blade. THE BLADE I had just used to coach Lester with his singing abilities. HOW DID HE POCKET IT FROM BOBBY! HE WAS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOM, FOR GAWD'S SAKE! I narrowed my eyes at Stone. All he did was reach up and tip his imaginary hat. All the while never ceasing the infernal whistling and he winked at me! HE FREAKIN" WINKED AT ME! ARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!
To be continued in chapter 19…
Close Encounters of the Concrete Kind
By FlyingKit aka Christine
Note; STD disclaimers apply. I am a NON PROFIT gal with no earthy thoughts, or heavenly for that matter, of making ANY kind of moola for this luverly little tale.
Told ya it would be soon ladies. ENJOY! Lots of strife for all. C.)
Chapter 19
"So if that's okay with you, Angel, I'll bring my stuff over tonight after we finish up here."
Huh? I released my grip on Bobby's shoulders and pried my gaze from Stone's, forgetting all thoughts of knives. Stunned I pulled back from the man I had my hands wrapped around to sit in my seat and looked up into Bobby's face. He looked like he was waiting for a reply. SHIT. SHIT. SHIT. What did he say? Okay, fifty-fifty chance here. Just go for it.
"Uh, sure it's okay." I waited. Bobby beamed, scooped me up and swung me around in his grasp like a windmill, drawing the attention of the rest of the room again.
"You won't regret this, Angel." With that he plopped me down on the ground on unsteady feet, and before I could recover he grabbed me, pulled me close and dropped a big kiss on my lips. Shit. What the hell did I just agree to? Why didn't I just admit that I wasn't listening again? Shit. I wobbled a smile and shrugged.
"I am sure I won't." Yeah, right. I'm so full of it. I struggled to keep a blank face.
"Well, isn't that just a cozy situation. Not anything going on, huh, Brown! You are a fuckin' liar now and always. I knew I shouldn't trust you!" Ranger stalked towards Bobby. Shit! Not again. Was that a boxing bell I just heard? Tank grabbed Ranger and I put my hand on Bobby's forearms and leaned back, holding fast. I put all my body weight into it, so the sheer weight of my hiney alone should keep him grounded. The guys had yet to show me an exercise that was of 'Buns of Steel's caliber.
"Fuck you, Ranger! If she wants me to move in, I can. Live with it!" Bobby shouted.
Holy Hell! I agreed to Bobby moving in with me! I slapped my forehead and Bobby used that moment to break free of me. I fell on my butt, how appropriate, while Bobby proceeded to pummel Ranger with his fists. Tank was so shocked, I was guessing that from the look on his face, that he had yet to let go of Ranger. Hell, he was shocked! I was shocked! Dammit! Could I make things any worse! Ugh. Memo to self: pay more attention in general to conversations involving you. I just sat there wondering where exactly I had lost control of my life.
Tank eventually recovered enough to pry himself between the two men and push them apart. "Need a hand here, Stone!" he bellowed.
"You look like you're managing okay there, Boss-man." Stone grinned.
"NOW!" Tank growled.
"All right, All right. Keep your pants on, I'm comin'." Stone sprung off the wall and grabbed Bobby while Tank hauled Ranger to the opposite corner. "C'mon Brown. Settle down big guy. As fun as it is to watch you beat the crap out of the capped crusader here, you really should back off if you wanna keep your job, bud."
"Oh, it's too late for that! He's fired! Get your stuff and get out Brown!" Ranger seethed. "Turn your passkey and code card in at the gate when you go."
"NO. You fucking won't Bobby!" Tank shook Ranger. "Fucking think man! What the hell's the matter with you! You haven't acted this stupid since Junie. Pull you head out of your ass! Between the two of you I…Oppphhfftt!" Stone pulled Ranger off Tank and body checked him with a low blow to the solar plexus. Once Ranger was a disabled blip on the radar, Stone then offered Tank a hand up. "Better watch it, these two are nuts…Boss." That time Stone couldn't withhold his chuckle.
"Yeah. THIS is the reason I am putting Brown in the office on Comm duty. You and Stephanie should be separated for a while. I think it's for the best."
"No, you just want to appease Ranger. Fuck HIM!" With that Bobby tried to lunge at the crumpled form that was Ranger.
"STOP! You should know you may not be fired yet but you are coming close if you continue in this manner during business hours! Don't fuck up. You are already on probation, Brown." Tank ground out while he diverted Bobby from his Task a firm tug on his collar.
"Don't worry Tank. I know who runs the show around here." He looked pointedly at Ranger lying on the floor. "I haven't forgotten."
Before Tank could answer, Ranger retorted: "You better fucking believe I still run the show, Brown. You better remember that!"
"Now, you are mistaken, Ric. You left the company to me. You can't come back here and take over like you never fucking left!" Tank bellowed at Ranger an inch from his face.
"Nothing is concrete. My lawyer has yet to finalize the paper work, Tank." Ranger crossed his arms and spat back.
"Is that a threat, man?" Tank ground out between clenched teeth.
This time Ranger stepped up and pushed on Tank's chest. "No, pal, it's a promise."
Stone brandished his knife. "All right, Gents. Let's all simmer down now. Wouldn't want us to have to discuss this with my sharp little ol' referee here."
Bobby grunted and clenched his fists at his side. I managed to finally recover enough to stand up, approach the animals safely and swing an arm around Bobby's waist.
"Uh Bobby, don't do anything you'll regret. He's not worth quitting a job you love." Ranger glared at me with that comment but I could care less at this point.
"Don't worry, Angel. I'm not quitting. I won't give either of them that satisfaction, but I am moving out. I have no desire to live on this compound any longer. I'll be at work on Monday don't worry, BOSS." Bobby directed the last to Tank. Bobby lived here full time! What the hell!
Bobby turned and left the room, slamming the door as he exited. The sound echoed in the room with finality along with the sound of silence…
"FUCK!"
Okay, maybe along with that too.
"Uh, Tank?" I turned to awkwardly address Tank but he had dismissed me.
"GAWD DAMMIT, RIC! See what you've caused! GET OUT!"
Oh shit.
"Excuse me, Tank. Did I hear you correctly." Ranger said with a deadly calm. This would not end well, I sighed mentally. This was beginning to be par for the course.
"You heard me. Bobby is like your freakin' blood man. And how do you treat him? You cut him down with every chance you get! Hell, you both do it! What the hell are you ultimately doing here? Sabotaging your life, that's what. I didn't say a word when you said you'd sign the company over to me. I didn't say anything when you left the best woman you'd found in a long time behind without an explanation or backward glance." What the… huh? "When you left this compound, YOUR VERY HOUSE to me to take care of I didn't say one word, and look where all this silence has gotten not just you but US! Everyone that fucking cares about you man!" Holy hell! This was Ranger's HOUSE? WAS THIS THE BATCAVE? I had been in the BATCAVE and no one had fuckin' told me! "I told you the last time you called you should come back, and did you? NO. FUCK THIS!" He stomped away from Ranger and punched the wall. Red letter day, Tank punching the wall and loosing his cool. Is it an epidemic? Is it in the air like legionaries' disease or is it like oxygen that's pumped in at casinos? Air borne Rage! Shit, the airlines would freak out! "I'm done holding your hand and trying to be your friend, man! You need a fuckin' keeper and I don't want the job! I think it might be best if you just leave and don't look back."
"Fine, Tank. You've made your case. Consider us only business associates from this moment on. I'm leaving. I plan to leave the Rangeman Trenton office as soon as this leak business has been wrapped up to my satisfaction. Then I plan never to come back. There is nothing left for me here now." With those grim words Ranger strode towards the door. A part of me wanted to call him back and dispute what he had said, but I just couldn't. It was all true. He had burnt all his bridges whether he realized who was actually responsible or not. He just knew that they were indeed destroyed. My heart ached for Tank. It ached for Bobby. Heck, it even ached for Lester to a certain degree. Les worshipped Ranger even though he hadn't known Ranger as long as the rest of the guys. I could only hope that one day they could all forgive each other.
"I'll be in my bedroom if anyone needs me."
Lester opened the door right before Ranger made the last comment, froze and he winced visibly. "What's wrong Santos?" Lester's mouth opened and closed several times and nothing came out. After a full minute of lack of speech and Lester sweating profusely, Ranger growled and turned to face Tank. "What the hell? Why is Santos acting like a deaf mime, Tank?"
Tank cleared his throat. "Your former room is occupied, Ranger. I can arrange for another room to be opened up and prepared for you. It will take just a few…"
"Who has my room, Tank?"
"…mere minutes. Lester, go tell Cal to open up the west wing and…" Tank rambling? SHIT. I was dumb struck along with Lester. We should form a club. How does the Gaping Guppies sound?
Ranger slammed his fist against the door with a thundering crack. Another one bites the dust. "FUCKING WHO HAS MY ROOM, TANK!"
"Stone." Tank deadpanned.
Ranger stalked towards Stone with his eyes glowing like the fires of hell. If the fires of hell were chocolate brown in color, of course, and resided in the finest Latino body I had ever seen.
"YOU have MY ROOM." Ranger growled. "YOU! HAVE! MY ROOM!" He pushed Stone in the chest and Stone just laughed him off. Man, he was ice cold. Did nothing ruffle his composure?
"It's not the only thing I'm moving in on of yours, Ricky." Stone smirked.
Ranger shot me a disgusted look while I just blushed red. DAMN HIM! I didn't know if I was more embarrassed, mortified or insanely angry. Hmm, let me think. ANGRY! I started to open my mouth to cut him down to size when it happened. It hit me. THE COMMENT! SHIT. Stone had Ranger's bedroom. I had jumped on Stone's bed. SHIT, Ranger's BED! Oh. MY. GAWD. My hand crept down to the seat of my pants. Nope, still dry. Praise the Lord for small miracles. I had been asked out in the very room that Ranger had slept in! Oh SWEET BIPPY! Both men had slept in that bed! That mattress should be bronzed! BOTH MEN HAD USED THAT VERY SHOWER I HAD USED! BOTH MEN HAD BEEN NAKED IN THAT ROOM! I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I started waving my hands in the air in front of my face, feeling myself grow flush and then pale, over and over again. No one seemed to pay any attention. I vaguely heard Tank and Ranger argue some more after Stone made some comment. Heated words were evidently exchanged. But if anyone had asked me what was said, I couldn't say. I was watching a silent movie, narrated alternatively by my inner voice screaming and hyperventilation. I must have finally made some weird noise, because both Lester and Stone looked at me. The world grew dim at the edges and I could have cared less. Wow, I wonder if I just give in and…
And with that thought I tumbled over backward. I felt myself falling and was totally apathetic. Hmm, all I could think was: 'Gee, I hope I don't wind up on my ass with my shirt hiked up over my head or anything. Talk about embarrassing.' Then suddenly the world completely blacked out.
To be continued in chapter 20…
Close Encounters of the Concrete Kind
By FlyingKit aka Christine
Note; STD disclaimers apply. I am a NON PROFIT gal with no earthy thoughts, or heavenly for that matter, of making ANY kind of moola for this luverly little tale.
What can I say, I was feelin' Smurfy. shruging gotta love those smurfs! Heck, anyone who can use their name as an adverb, adjective, noun, or verb…
ya gotta respect. ANYWHO…before anyone suggests it, I didn't have a head injury! We will find out about the fainting thing soon…MUUUUhhhhHHHAAAHHHAA! In case you were wonderin', yes indeedy that was the evil laugh. C.)
Chapter 20
Two weeks later…
The door bell rang and I groaned. Let me die! Maybe then whoever was out there would get the point. I flopped over onto my stomach, burrowed my head under my pillow and prayed whoever it was would just leave already.
WHAM! WHAM! WHAM!
Okay maybe they aren't going to go peacefully after all. UGH! All those years of wishing people would just knock on my front door and now I just wanted whoever it was to break in already! Much quieter that way. There has to be some way of peacefully getting rid of this nut who insists on pounding on my door at the crack of dawn!
"GO AWAY!"
If that didn't discourage them, I don't know what would. The echo of my harpy like shriek was deafening even to me. Damn. I massaged my temple blindly and groaned with resign. I wish I hadn't done that. Now I was completely awake! I growled and threw my covers off me and halfway across the room. I grabbed my alarm clock. 6:59 a.m.
Six Fifty freakin' Nine A.M! There is only one way to deal with this!
I snatched up my scraggily Looney Tune robe and slammed my bedroom door open. I stalked toward the front door snorting fire, which is probably why I missed seeing the duffle bag on the floor. All that sulfur can distract a gal. I swore some creative phrases featuring Bobby's lineage and current health. This living situation has got to end! I scrambled to my feet and punted the duffel, definitely not my smartest idea ever.
"SHIT! That HURTS!"
I hopped around trying to ease the throbbing in my big toe. I love Bobby and all, but living in a one bedroom-one bath apartment with the man is KILLER! Who would have thought that he was a worse slob than even me! I never thought that possible before now. Bobby said he was looking for a new place to move to, but I was beginning to lose hope. My secret belief is that his search was a lot like the quest for the Lost City of Atlantis, legendary and mythic.
While I attempted to straighten my haphazard robe and cinch the belt on my chic Wiley E. Coyote ensemble, I plotted mayhem. I KNOW for fact that anyone I am on personal terms with, heck even those I'm not, would just break in if it was important. Especially after that last angry shriek, so therefore it was someone I didn't know. DAMMIT! It was Saturday! Why can't the Adventers, Witnesses, and vacuum salesmen leave me the hell alone! Didn't they see the mark of the beast on my door? Well too late for warnings, I fumed. I scooped up a necklace off the end table and flung it around my neck.
As I stomped to the door I yelled: "I'm not buying; I don't care how cute your uniform is! I'm not donating; I could care less if you had a crack habit! I'm not selling; I'm too tired! AND I'm sure as hell not joining you at your next tambourine banging, snake dancing, fire eating church function!"
I started undoing the gazillion locks Bobby had made me install on my front door. I growled as I tried to undo the last deadbolt which was resisting.
"No amount of religion is gonna save this sinner! Now back away from that doorbell if you want to keep what the good lord gave ya!"
I held up the end of my necklace, warding off whatever devil was on the other side and flung the door completely open.… I let the rosary slip from my hands. It would do me no good. This particular demon wasn't afraid of it. It figures, considering my luck. I turned back around and held the door open for my visitor.
"Welcome to Dante's Inferno! Come in and have a seat. I know you will feel at home, it is hell." I grumbled, snatched up a few pairs of men's shoes that were lying in my entryway and threw them against the far wall. I stomped toward the kitchen and my savior: Mr. Coffee, a.k.a. the only man to never disappoint me. As I flung open the cupboards looking for ingredients for my brew, I threw over my shoulder: "Be sure to make yourself at home and leave all your shit laying around! EVERYONE ELSE DOES!" After getting all the parts in the necessary places I pressed start on the machine. It gurgled away happily as I started banging mugs together in the cupboard. Where the hell is it! DAMN IT!
"You really need to try yoga or that pilates stuff. It might help you channel all your rage." A very male voice boomed over my shoulder.
I whirled around while clutching my chest through my robe. When my heart rate lowered from hummingbird to bunny rabbit, I glared up into my morning interloper's face.
"DON'T DO THAT! You nearly gave me a heart attack!" I resumed my frantic search.
"Calm down. Now do you need help finding something or are you always this blissful since you started cohabitating with Brown?"
"Shut up Morelli! If you must know I am trying to find my mug!"
He groaned. "You mean to tell me you still drink out of that...THING?"
"DAMMIT Joseph," I growled, "Just help me find it and nobody gets hurt! Look over there." With that I thrust an arm out and pushed him over to the other side of the refrigerator towards my oven. He just stood there with a goofy grin.
"You want me to look for it over here? In your oven?"
"Can you think of a better place to store the overflow dishes, smartass? No more comments, just look. When we find it, then you can tell me why you interrupted my REM cycle on a Saturday!"
Morelli turned his back to me laughing, bent over and tentatively peeked inside the oven. Damn. He may still be an ass, but boy was it F-I-N-E.
"All right, All right. We'll find THE THING first before discussing business, Cupcake."
Geez, why did I break up with him again? I felt the drool pooling in my mouth.
"Damn, Stephanie! When was the last time you cleaned this thing! And how did it get so dirty! I know Sarah Lee didn't cause this kind of mess."
Okay, now it's all coming back to me.
"As much as I enjoy seeing you with your head in my oven, Morelli, now's not the time or place. Just find it!"
"I never understood why you kept that thing around…" Joe grumbled while he returned to a vertical position.
"I've had it forever! Besides looking at it makes me feel better about myself."
"I'll just bet it does…" Joe walked over to stand beside me and reached over my head to open the cabinet over the refrigerator. He was reaching up just as I was turning around and we collided. He thunked heads and both cursed for different reasons.
"Watch where you're going, Twinkle Toes!" I growled and shoved his shoulder intending to make him back off. It backfired. What I didn't take into account was where our feet were positioned and how small my kitchenette was. We fell on the floor in a tangle of limbs, me on top. The wind was knocked outta me and I couldn't properly curse him right away. Joe must have taken that silence as an invitation.
"Cupcake, it you wanted to feel me up, all you had to do was ask. We're still friends… GOOD FRIENDS." He pulled me closer to him and tilted his head towards mine.
"Oh for GAWDS SAKE, MORELLI! Does everything make you horny! I thought you would have changed since Terri." I slapped him across the face and sprung to my feet, but not before Joe managed to cop a cheap thrill. Scum.
I resumed my search and snarled. "You better behave yourself or I'll sic Vito on you. I may not have his number but I'm sure Connie does!"
Joe grinned as he stood and dusted off his trademark jeans. "I guess some things DO change." He shook his head mournfully . "Stephanie Plum turning down a quickie."
"That just may be your problem, JOE. It's not supposed to be quick. Some men actually involve more than one body part. It is kosher you know." I snorted.
Joe leaned forward and breathed on the back of my neck: "Cupcake, our problems were never in the bedroom."
I swallowed awkwardly. No. No, they weren't. Morelli induced orgasms were the one constant motivator for keeping our relationship alive, but I wasn't going to inflate his ego any by telling him that.
"Just save your little problem-solver for home use only, mister! I have no desire to see it. That's Terri's burden now."
"And quite the burden it can be! She is ALWAYS complaining about how big and ha…"
"EWW. Stop right there! I do not want to know anything else! Keep it to yourself, Morelli. Literally, go stick it somewhere the sun don't shine. Good Gravy, you are so egotistical! THAT has never changed!" I grumbled and slammed the cabinet door shut. "SHIT! Where is it? I know it was here yesterday morning, well technically evening. I wonder if Bobby… NO! HE WOULDN'T! Even he is not that low down!" I paused. "Shit. Maybe he is! I'll kill him!" I ran from the room like a woman possessed to the front door, flung it open and lurched into the hall.
"Uh, Cupcake? You do realize that you aren't fully clothed, right? Not that I'm complaining, but your neighbors might not be able to take the show. And I don't mean ethically, I mean physically! Some of these geezers look like they are one lap dance from the big dirt nap!" He trailed behind me as I ran down the stairs. I ignored him, filled with purpose and what a big surprise, rage. I reached the parking lot before Morelli did, a fact which I can honestly say I am very proud of. I only stopped when I reached my Ford Escape. Morelli pulled to a stop panting behind me.
"Geez, Cupcake. That was some," pant, heave, "fancy footwork. I would have never figured you for a sprinter," cough, pant, "…given your past history of anti-perspiration rants." He doubled over to catch his breath. I had to smile. There is a God, and she had a sense of humor. I patted Morelli on the back in friendly manner and batted my eyelashes.
"Soooo, Morelli." I grinned up into his face coquettishly, "How guilty, exactly, do you still feel about our relationship?"
"Where are you going with this, Cupcake?" He straightened his spine and looked me dead in the eye. I think he was taunting me.
"I just mean now that you admitted the whole Terri thing to me…"
"HEY! You said that was all water under the bridge!" He growled.
"So, I lied. Wouldn't be the first time…" I mumbled under my breath.
"What was that, Stephanie?"
"I was complimenting your honesty in our newfound…err…friendship." I smiled brilliantly at him and cocked a hip. I still balked at calling him a friend from time to time. My definition of what a friend did for another friend differed quite a bit from Morelli's, which we were forever debating. When I say debating I mean voices raised, slamming doors, curses, and snarling.
"What are you getting at, Stephanie?" Shit, no Cupcake. I upped the ante.
"You still care about me, right?" I batted my eyelashes prettily at him, imploring him to bend to my will.
"As much as I might regret admitting it later… Yes, yes I do."
"And you would do anything to prevent me from being hurt, right?"
"Are you in trouble, Cupcake? Need the help of certain cop… again?"
I snarled internally. Yeah, right! Like he thinks I always need him to help me out of a jam! That WAS someone else's job, a certain flying rodent. Now that position is vacant. A casualty of Steph-corps downsizing of the chest cavity, no room for emotional baggage. Ugh. Don't think about, girl. Just forget it. I focused on my current verbal victim.
"Define trouble?" At his frown I clarified. "Relax. It doesn't require a cop, per se, just a REALLY good friend."
"Oh really." Morelli backed me against the brick wall of my building a few feet from the dumpster and my car. He snagged a lock of my hair and twirled it around his index finger. "Would this task be FUN, for this FRIEND, Hmmm?" I snapped. THIS is why I can't stand Morelli as a boyfriend anymore. Hell, I could hardly stand him as a FRIEND. Even a stinky dumpster doesn't turn him off.
"Yuck, down boy. WHAT I MEANT…" I seethed as I pulled away, "was would you help me out by searching a…place. I'm looking for important evidence."
Morelli backed away with his cop face firmly locked in place. From horny and hard to robocop in 0.2 seconds flat. THAT was the other reason that I remember. I sighed.
"I didn't know you were working any big skips that required backup. What's the situation? Recon? Illegal wire tapping?" He rubbed his hands together. "I have to say hanging around you can be enlightening. Remember the wire tap I put in your bra that time." He smirked. I rushed forward before his eyes could glaze over anymore.
"No, nothing like that. I need you to search somewhere for something while I play lookout." Morelli eyed me suspiciously.
"Where would this be, Ms. Murder She Wrote?"
"Uh nearby…"
"Stephanie, I don't have time for this! I have to be back at the station soon and we still have to have that talk I came here for. Just spill it."
"The dumpster."
"Huh? OH NO. I am not searching any dumpster…" He backed away from me angrily. I knew the moment he caught on because he turned fifteen shades of red. "You are NOT asking me to dumpster dive in YOUR building's trash to look for your…YOUR…THING!"
"Judas Priest, Joe! It's just a mug! Why does it freak all you guys out so much? UGH. Just climb up and over, it won't take long…"
"Not in a million years! Not for a million DOLLARS! Hell, not for a million Blow jobs! NO WAY! I am not your keeper anymore. Where's Brown? He's your honey now, make him do it!" Joe grinned in enlightenment and leaned against the wall smugly. "That's it, isn't it? Brown THREW IT AWAY! Damn. I KNEW I liked him for some reason. Remind me to thank him for doing the world a service."
I stalked away from Joe and searched the parking lot for something to stand on.
"Whatever Morelli. FINE, don't help. SCUM. All men are SCUM, you hear me?" I growled as I snatched a box, set it beside the dumpster, and attempted to scale it. I managed to get on eye level with the lid before the cardboard gave way and I fell on my butt. I heard snickering behind me.
"NOT. ONE. WORD. MORELLI!" I brushed the back of my robe off and grimaced. "This is not how I wanted to spend my day off. I just wanted to sleep in, but NO! DAMMIT, I just went to bed two hours ago." I grumbled. "I HATE stakeouts!" I finally figured out I could scale the side by climbing my fire escape ladder and jumping to the lid from there. Just before I launched off, I heard Morelli comment: "I don't think that's such a good idea, Cupcake…" Much too late for me to reconsider. I landed right on target, but then realized that only one side of the dumpster's lids was shut. I was now waist deep in eau d' stink.
"Fuuuuuccck!"
"Uh, no thanks, Cupcake. Not right now." Morelli chuckled from the safely of the less fragrant outside world.
"SHUDDAP!" I started throwing bags around looking for mine. After leaving a blue streak in the air I found what I was looking for. "EUREKA!"
"Strike gold in there?"
"If you mean, smartass, did I find my mug? Yeah, I did. Now be a gentleman and help me outta here."
"No thanks, I'll pass."
"MORELLLLLLI!"
"All right, all right! Geez, I'd tell you to keep your pants on but you aren't wearing any." I saw his head pop up over the side. "The only way I am coming near you is if you let me use your shower. I can't go to work smelling like you, people would talk." He riffed.
He heaved me over the side with one hand and somehow managed to leverage me out of Pepe les Peu heaven. I retaliated the only way I knew how, I fake stumbled and slid down his chest, grim and all. I giggled. "Opps. My bad. Guess I'll have to insist you wash up now. Wouldn't want Terri or the guys to smell the real you."
"You did that on purpose!"
"And your point is?" I grinned as I walked towards my building's entrance, prize in hand.
"I am so glad you aren't my problem anymore."
"Joe, your problem was that I NEVER WAS YOUR PROBLEM!"
"FINE, Stephanie! THAT'S IT! GO wallow in your stench, I'm outta here."
With that Joe stalked over to his Starsky and Hutch undercover calamity and peeled out of my parking lot without looking back. Hope he rolls down the windows, other wise he'll never get the smell out of his upholstery. I should know. Queen of the vocational dumpster divers, that's me. At least there was a bright spot to my crappy beginning of a morning. I whistled and practically skipped through my lobby to the elevator. I sighed. I guess it wouldn't be fair to leave this smell in here for some innocent senior to be accosted by. DARN. I still hate stairs. No amount of training will make me like them in any form, functional or the gym machine variety. When I reached my front door I realized it was ajar. CRIPES! What a time for someone to break in. I was so distraught earlier that I had run out before packing a gun. SHIT! Well, I suppose this mug is the only thing left to me, weapon wise. I wrinkled my nose. HELL, I'd avoid it, if I were a burglar. But I know it isn't a burglar. That would be too easy. I crossed myself and prepared for ambush. Here goes nothing…
To be continued in chapter 21…