TITLE: Guilty Heart
RATING: PG-13
SUMMARY: Shannon's guilt for using Boone and never apologizing is tearing her apart. She falls back on old habits to get rid of her grief; will she lose Sayid in the process?
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters from Lost and am not making a profit. If they were mine, then there would be more Shayid moments.

Thanks to my Grammar Fairy for making this a much better story and adding some great stuff to it. And thanks to mrstater for pushing me to write this even though it was rough. Couldn't have done it without you!

Thanks for the feedback, it is greatly appreciated!

Chapter Three

As she made her way closer to Sayid, it took everything in her not to turn and run back to her tent and hide. But, she needed to see him; maybe she could explain and salvage something with him. Even just a friendship would be okay. Well, she didn't really believe that, she wanted more.

He stood at the edge of the jungle waiting for her. She was relieved to see him; it had crossed her mind he might leave without her -- and she wouldn't have blamed him. The fact that he still stood there had to mean something. She just had to figure out if it meant that he still cared or if he wanted to take the opportunity to yell at her for the next couple of hours. She took a few deep breaths hoping that she could prepare herself for the second one.

"All ready," she called out, her voice trembling. So much for being prepared.

"We should get started," he said, without looking at her.

She didn't realize how much she loved looking at his eyes until he refused to meet hers. She had held onto a small hope that maybe Sawyer had said something else to Sayid, but his body language told her he knew.

They walked in silence for a while. She thought back to the last time they had been walking together, when Sayid had taken her to another section of the beach for a surprise. They hadn't talked much then either, but that silence was so different from the one that was overpowering them now. She hated it. Her own thoughts were too loud and she needed something to silence them.

He walked further ahead of her, his long strides outmatching hers easily. She remembered how last time he had walked slower, keeping pace with her. He had been worried that hurrying would trigger an asthma attack. He had also warned her repeatedly of the possibly of traps set by the "French Chick," as Hurley liked to call her.

She wrapped her arms around her stomach, as if that would protect her somehow. It had only been two nights since then and already she had officially screwed it all up. It wasn't like she should really be surprised; it was pretty much what she did best. She had done it with her brother and their relationship would now never have a chance to be mended.

She was going to take the chance and try and talk to Sayid. She didn't think it would be a good idea to just start right into the fact that she had sex with Sawyer; instead she thought she would concentrate on the reason they were out in the jungle.

"Do you have any idea where Locke is?" she asked.

Sayid stopped and turned to face her.

"No," he answered simply.

She stood next to him now and was finally able to look him directly in the eyes. She bit her lip to keep the tears at bay. His face was a mask, but she could see through it. The pain that she saw on his face broke her heart even more. She didn't know if forgiveness was an option anymore.

Shannon turned away, unable to look at the hurt she saw anymore. She walked forward and wasn't paying attention to where she was going. Her foot went underneath something and she started to fall forward. Sayid grabbed her around the waist before she could fall and pulled her off to the side. Sharpened pieces of wood fell from the trees, staking the earth where she would still be if Sayid hadn't been there.

They had fallen out of the way and she now lay on top of him. She didn't know what to feel at that moment. His mask was gone and she could clearly see his concern for her mixed with his anguish. She felt safe in his arms, but at the same time she felt dirty and unworthy of his concern.

He seemed to realize the position they were in and quickly stood up, steadying her briefly before putting some distance between them.

"Are you all right?" he asked softly, not looking at her.

She could feel her chest tightening up and knew that an asthma attack was imminent. She didn't want to tell him. "I'm fine," she said, wheezing a little.

He turned around and examined her closely. She felt naked under his intense gaze and wondered briefly if he could read her jumbled thoughts.

"We should remain here until your breathing returns to normal," he said. He took a step towards her as if he wanted to help her, the way he had during her last attack, but he seemed to think that it was a bad idea and sat down under the tree. She wished that he had come to her.

Shannon moved so that she was sitting closer to him. She tried as best she could to control her breathing so that she could prevent the attack. She pulled out some water from her bag and her hand hit against the present she found for him. She looked at Sayid lost in his own thoughts and decided that now would be the best time to give it to him.

"Sayid."

He looked up at her startled from his thoughts.

"I have something for you." She pulled out the compass and handed it to him. Their fingers brushed ever so slightly and Shannon wished she never had to pull her hand away.

She watched him as he looked at it questioningly. She hoped that after he examined it that his pain would lessen somewhat and then maybe they would be able to talk.

"Thank you," he said quietly. "It will be beneficial to helping us to find our way."

She smiled, "I knew you would like it as soon as I saw it. No one else on the island would have a use for that orienteering thingy."

"Orienteering thingy," he repeated.

She laughed, she loved when he repeated some of things she said, they always sounded so different coming from him; his accent making the words seem smarter than when she said them.

"I believe it is simply called a compass, Shannon," he said, with a small smile. "Although I do not know what the purpose of the rest of these buttons are."

Even though she knew he was teasing her, it wasn't derogatory like when Boone did -- Sayid never makes her feel stupid for not knowing about things.

He continued to examine it and Shannon was relieved. Maybe things would be better now. But when she looked closer she saw that the pain was still etched on his face. The compass hadn't fixed it. She sighed, she should have known better. Sayid wasn't like her; his forgiveness couldn't be bought by a shiny new toy -- or in her case new clothing or jewelry.

She realized that she was way out of her league now. She didn't know how to fix something without money or presents. She didn't want to lose him. She wished that she had thought of this more before she had sex with Sawyer. A tiny part of her wondered if Boone died just so this would happen, his last attempt to hurt her. A wave of guilt cascaded over her at that thought. Her brother was dead; if he had wanted to really get back at her he would have stayed alive. She really needed to stop those thoughts. Boone's death had nothing to do with her.

"Do you feel well enough to continue?" Sayid asked.

She took a few deep breaths to make sure that she was really okay and then nodded to let him know she her breathing was fine. He collected his things and stood up, ready to continue their search for Locke.

Shannon stood up to follow him. She took two steps before she blurted out the words, "I'm sorry."

TBC...