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CHOICES

: Lucille Lee

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SUMMARY: One-Shot. Draco-Harry-Luna triangle story – in EXACTLY that order. Therefore, R for Yaoi (m-m pairing). Who will Harry choose? Does he really have a choice?

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WARNING: This is strictly R-Rated material and has a central Yaoi (male-male pairing) relationship. If it unsettles you, then you are warned not to read further.

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Harry pulled back.

"Hate it, Potter?" asked Draco Malfoy lazily, not relenting his hold on his unruly hair.

"Malfoy…"

But Harry's sentence died out in a sharp intake of breath as he felt his lips nibble on his throat.

"Hmm, Potter?" Malfoy whispered against his skin.

"Let… me… go," said Harry, pushing him off with a supreme effort.

"Go where? To somewhere you don't belong?" asked Malfoy sarcastically.

"The only place I don't belong," said Harry, straightening out his sweater, "is with you."

"I am not asking you to be with me," said Draco. "Just don't be with anyone else." Then smirking, and putting his hands on either side of Harry's face against the wall, he said, "Why, Potter, I believe that I am almost possessive of you!"

"Let me go, Malfoy. This isn't… this isn't right."

"Never said it was," agreed Draco, leaning in.

"Then it ought not to be," said Harry, turning away his face and closing his eyes.

Draco kissed his neck. "Don't think, Harry," he whispered. "Just feel… feel me… feel yourself. You have won the war. You have done your part of thinking and worrying. Just relax now. With me."

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Harry wasn't sure why he gave in to Draco again and again. Every time he decided that it would be the last time. But it could never be. There was always a next time. At first, being with Draco had just been some kind of solace. It had slowly grown into an addiction. It was something greater and more dreadful now.

Draco moved against him in his sleep, his slim arm coming to rest across his chest.

Harry wondered why Draco had turned sides in the first place. He had been highly wary of him when he had come to Dumbledore's office with Snape. Harry had tried to dissuade Dumbledore from trusting Malfoy. For once, Harry was glad, that Dumbledore had not listened to him. Draco had been quite a help.

He had been in love with Luna at that time – or thought that he had. Because it was more like… she understood him. She was the only one he could truly confide him. Most of the time, her pretended indifference was a help for him. Hermione and Ron's concerned looks had irritated him. Everyone else except Luna had disconcerted him. Luna, on the other hand, listened but never treated him like he was made of glass. She wasn't very subtle to begin with. She had not changed after Sirius' death. That was what Harry liked about her.

But… he seemed to have confused 'like' and 'love' – the old story. He had known from start that he was attracted to both men and women. He had harboured a secret crush on Bill Weasley for a few months. It had made him insecure at first, but now it was rather natural. So natural that he never thought about it now.

And then Draco…

Till date, Harry wasn't quite sure when Draco ceased being his arch-enemy and turned into his lover.

It was somewhere when the war was at its height. Harry's nerves were a serious case. Draco Malfoy with his sarcastic jabs wasn't a great help. At one point, they had got into a fierce fight. And the next thing Harry knew, he was in Draco's arms, the taller blonde man almost bruising his lips with the intensity of his kiss.

The first time with Draco Malfoy wasn't very clear to him. It had all been very fast with little foreplay… a wild desire to reach out and touch each other.

The next time had been the night before the Final Battle (coincidentally, because no one had thought that Death-Eaters would attack that day). Harry's head had been aching when he had got up earlier that morning. He had been in a bad mood for some unexplainable reason and had been snapping and shouting at people and had retired early. Draco came in and the look in his eyes made it only too clear why he was here. No questions. No answers. Only this time, Harry was the one who had taken control. He wanted to give vent to the force of frustration building up in him.

And then they had both survived the war.

They had had sex regularly then. Neither could say that it was 'making love'. There was no love… or was it? Harry wasn't sure. So he thought not. That, Harry supposed, was what infuriated him. He didn't want to share something this personal without any expression of intense feelings.

Presently, he was engaged to Luna. In the morning, he could keep Malfoy away from his mind. His life was running smoothly with Luna not suspecting that he was cheating on her. The only thing was this horrible guilt that overcame him every time Draco Malfoy accosted him. And Harry gave in. Every time.

But the mere thought of Luna… how she had helped him through his most difficult times… it made him want to kill Draco Malfoy.

And yet… and yet the unacknowledged feelings between them grew stronger… Harry was torn between hoping that Draco felt something and hating him for making him the deceiver he had become.

Not now, he decided suddenly. This couldn't go on. The guilt was getting stronger each time he saw… anyone – even the remotest person who cared for him. He was betraying everyone. That was what he felt. And most of all, Luna – whose unconditional trust was one of the greatest treasures of his life.

Lying here by Draco's side, Harry recalled everything. In the darkness before the dawn, his resolve to break off all relations with Draco Julius Malfoy strengthened. This was the last time he was with this man.

Slowly moving away Malfoy's arm from his chest, Harry slipped away. It was just the kind of decision that had made him a Gryffindor instead of a Slytherin. It was just the kind of a decision that had made him refuse snobbish Malfoy's hand and befriend Ron Weasley.

Only time would tell how right or wrong the decision was.

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"Harry? Is that you?"

"Sorry I woke you up, Luna," said Harry softly, pulling on his pyjamas.

"You should be. I was having a very good dream. Good night, Harry," she said sleepily and was asleep again.

No matter what Malfoy said, thought Harry, this was where he belonged. These were the people who mattered. Draco Malfoy was… an accident. Some sort of an adventure – good for a while but detrimental if it lasted long. As he looked around the somewhat messy room, Harry heaved a sigh. This was home. He was home. He felt a strange sense of relief. As if he had come here after ages. It was pleasant.

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"Are you sure about this?" asked Harry dubiously as Luna put up the startlingly reddish-orange blinds.

"They will keep off the bad aura and bring in prosperity."

"They look rather ugly."

"Charm your eyes to see them as some other colour," she said flippantly, concentrating on fixing the blinds properly.

"Who cares for bloody auras?" muttered Harry, going into the kitchen.

"I would like some tomato soup with the bacon," Luna called out.

"To keep off the bad aura?" said Harry, frowning at the orange blinds.

"No. It is good for hair - especially if it has a lot of red chillies."

"I really think you shouldn't read weird books. You will have… food poisoning or something."

"Leave the Mediwitch work to Hermione," said Luna, rolling her eyes. "By the way, I will be going shopping with Ginny and Hermione tonight."

"You mean Hermione finally has some time for us perfectly healthy people?"

"I think Hermione is involved," said Luna, coming into the kitchen.

"So Hermione and Ron have FINALLY realized that they like each other."

"Ron?" Luna magic-ed the cutlery on the table. "I don't think it is Ron."

"Who then?"

"Professor Snape."

There was a great clattering noise as Harry dropped the soup-bowl and eggs he was levitating to the table.

"WHAT!"

"How long will I have to wait for that soup now?" asked Luna ruefully, staring at the spilt carroty liquid.

"Where did you get that STUPID idea?"

"Huh?"

"Snape and Hermione! Spare me the mental images!"

Luna had set about cleaning the mess and did not make an immediate reply.

"I think you ought not to interfere in who Hermione likes and does not like."

"But… SNAPE!"

"Hmmm…"

Harry sighed and sat down. "The world has gone mad."

Luna came up to him and put her arms around his neck. "There was something I wanted to ask you."

"I am not going Rojoson-hunting again… or whatever that was."

"Rijasok," corrected Luna. "No, I was thinking about a vacation. A long, long vacation… just the two of us."

Harry tilted back his head and kissed her. "Sure, love. It will be great."

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Harry had had a long day. It wasn't easy for him to be around Snape and know that the man – the man had relationship with his sister-like best friend. He wanted to strangle the man to death. How dare he touch Hermione? But if he was involved with Hermione, and Hermione was the serious sort of a girl who was not into short flings, well, Hermione would hex him very badly if he hurt Snape.

Harry was the Quidditch Instructor of Hogwarts ever since Madam Hooch had had a horrible accident and had decided that she would like to spend the rest of the days quietly and peacefully.

Dumbledore had casually asked if Harry would like to replace her. Harry had grabbed the chance. He had been quite miserable after leaving Hogwarts which he would always consider his true home. However, life had to go on. One couldn't indefinitely live in school.

So, Harry hurried back to his house just as the last class for the day was over. The day after was the final Quidditch match he would referee. After that he could talk to Dumbledore about going on vacation somewhat early because he wanted to plan out a great two-month holiday with Luna. He wanted to get his life back on track. No more wavering.

He apparated home to find that Luna wasn't there yet. Then he remembered that she would be going shopping with the girls.

He decided that he would soak in the bath for an hour or so. It seemed ages since he had done that. It seemed ages since everything. His life was divided into two parts – before Draco Malfoy and after Draco Malfoy.

The latter was just beginning. And he was determined not to muddle it up.

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He hadn't known that he could be romantic. It was a novel notion for him. It was with secret relish that he arranged the scented candles (Luna always had a great stock of them for some Divination thing) and poured in the Rhoda Rimes' Rainbow Bubble Solution.

All in all, he hadn't done a bad job, he thought, as he put on the slow music and relaxed into the bath. The whole thing felt wonderful. He decided to surprise Luna with something like this some time.

"It's sensual… lovely…"

He started as he heard the caressing whisper. Malfoy.

"You amaze me, Harry.'

"Malfoy, what are you doing here?" he asked, feeling aggravated.

The blonde smirked and brought his hands to rest on his thin shoulders. "What do you think, Potter?"

Harry closed his eyes for a moment, praying to heavens to harden his resolve.

"Go away."

Draco almost pouted. "Do we always have to go through this conversation, Harry?"

"I am serious, Malfoy," said Harry, pushing away him away, "go away."

"Harry…"

"I love Luna. I really, really love her. Please, let me be with her."

"You don't…"

"I DO! Go away! Please! Malfoy, leave me alone. Get out of my life!" Harry yelled at him.

Draco looked at Harry for the longest of time.

"You love me," he said, moving slowly towards him. "Why do you not realize that?"

Harry brought up his knees to his chest and moved away. "No – go away."

"And I love you, Harry. I want you."

"You are lying, go away!"

Harry closed his eyes tightly and turned away his head. He would not be lured by Draco Malfoy. No!

Some moments later, he felt two slender hands moving up his arms. "We are meant for each other, Harry," Draco was loosening the tight grip Harry had on his arms. "You know it." He cupped his face and tilted it up. "Then why do you have to lie about it and hide it?" Draco kissed his forehead.

"Open your eyes, Harry. Look at me."

Harry could not but do so. He looked into Draco's eyes. He wasn't sure of what he was seeing. He wasn't sure that he was seeing anything in the first place. All he could think was how grey Draco's eyes were… how gloomily grey…

"Do you think I am lying?"

"I have never been able to tell before. I am not sure even now," said Harry, looking down.

"Harry, I…"

But before Draco could complete his sentence, there was the unmistakable sound of the doorbell ringing.

"Go!" said Harry desperately.

Draco looked hard at him. "We will clear this up tonight. I won't go far."

The candles all extinguished for a moment. When they flickered back to life, Draco was gone. Harry stretched out his legs and leaned back for some seconds. Then he got out of the tub.

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"I was right about Hermione," said Luna, as he entered their bedroom. "Ginny and I forced it out of her. Can you believe that she and Snape have been together ever since the second-year of her apprenticeship with him? That would make a full secret relationship of five years! How treacherous of Hermione not to tell us!"

"Snape must have forced her," said Harry, who had now found a new reason to hate Snape now. However, he was looking about if he could find where Draco was.

"If you ask me, I'll say that Hermione is the one who made the first move."

"Little bookworm Hermione? Never!"

Luna shook her head exasperatedly. "Men!"

As he sat down near her, she leaned in to kiss him. Harry felt uncomfortable. Was Draco watching? What did he care?

"Something wrong?" she asked, feeling his lack of response.

But suddenly her eyes closed and soon she was asleep. Harry looked up to see Draco with his wand held out in front of him.

"I suppose we can talk now."

Harry looked at the frail woman in his arms. Then he gently lay her down on the bed.

"There is nothing to talk about," said Harry, his tone firm.

Draco raised an elegant brow. "I strongly think to the contrary. Before you say anything, I want you to know that I want you because I love you and I need you. You have the same feelings for me. That is the only reason why we have been together all along, Harry. How hard is it to understand?"

Harry said nothing. Draco continued,

"Why do you want to live your life with someone who you do not love with the passionate love you love me?"

Silence reigned for a long time. The time which Harry would later recall as a major turning point of his life.

"I love you," he said, "and I can want no one as I want you." He sat down on the bed and held his fiancée's hand. "But with Luna, I can be happy. And now, all I need to be is happy. I have suffered long enough."

Draco's eyes were undecipherable. But Harry knew what he must be thinking. Harry had learnt to know Draco quite well. It pained him to part with him thus, but then, the right thing wasn't always the sweetest one.

Without another word, Draco fastened his robes and went out.

Harry released the breath he hadn't known he had been holding. He held his head in his hand and cried his heart out for a long time.

Feeling considerably lighter, he pulled Luna closer and soon drifted off to really peaceful sleep for the first time in his life.

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Review! You know you want to…

Just for the record, this is my first ever Harry-Luna ff – in fact, the first ever Harry-female ff. So I hope I didn't do badly.

And don't forget to comment on the Draco part – that's main, of course.

- Lucille.

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