Title: Nattou
Rating: K+
Category: General
Sub-category: Humor
Warnings: A lot of OOC-ness so beware
Feedback: Constructive feedback appreciated
Summary: Hiei discovers the most terrifying thing ever known to man or demon. One shot.
Disclaimer: Yuu Yuu Hakusho is copyright to Yushihiro Togashi and Studio Pierrot. I own nothing.
AN: This was posted before but someone gave me the best constructive feedback ever and I made some bitty changes in grammar and spelling. Special thanks to Rachey Himura for pointing out the mistakes to me. I only got into YYH recently so the characters may not be written down well or may act terribly OOC. Gomen! For those who might be reading too much into Hiei and Kurama's relationship here, they are friends only. Nothing implied or hinted. I prefer them as friends only, without the yaoi or shonen-ai factor.
This was the best thing ever made by mankind. Probably since they invented the wheel and slice bread.
Perfect for a snack anytime of the day, but the best for breakfast. Yes, the odor emitted was pungent and can make anyone with a nose choke but it smelled heavenly to him. The perfect little cartons in a six pack like beer - not that he had ever drank beer in this body but hey, sake counts as alcohol. Eat it plain from the carton or add some soy sauce to it. It was definitely food from the gods, manna from heaven, it was...
"What in bloody hell is that thing?" came the angry exclamation across him.
It was the one thing that can make the half-Koorime turn green and look disgusted instead of wearing that patented scowl.
Youko Kurama or as his human form is known as Minamino Shuuichi, grinned the biggest, gleeful grin ever known to man or demon at his friend seated across him in the kitchen.
Before Kurama was a small carton that looked like it could have been a yogurt carton except it wasn't. It contained the most vile concoction ever created by man, in Hiei's opinion, and he wondered how in seven hells did the youko stand the horrible smell. It seemed to make his own eyes water and his nose twitch.
"Nattou," came the cheerful reply. Kurama picked at the edge of the carton top, peeling off the plastic cover.
If Hiei thought it smelled terrible inside the carton, the aroma that wafted up from the open carton was even worse. It reminded him of the mucky swampland in the farthest East of Makai where he had went several years ago to hunt down a demon. Except that this smelled worse than the swampland.
"Enma-sama!" he gasped, hand going to his nose at once before he could be assaulted anymore.
"Didn't think you were that fond of Enma-sama, Hiei," Kurama chirped, still disgustingly cheerful. In fact, the youko looked delightfully happy. Something which the half-Koorime thought should be outlawed when it comes to that "nat-to" thing. How can anyone be that happy around something that smells like week-old socks is beyond him.
"I'M not!" he snapped, fingers still on his nose. He was forced to breathe through his mouth. At least he won't be inhaling that scent, although he could still smell snatches of it. "How can you stand it? Your nose is as sensitive as mine and you're not even affected!"
"Because, dear Hiei, I am used to it." Kurama got up to the cabinet to search for something, and for a moment - a teensy, tiny moment - Hiei thought of flaming the thing. No such luck though as the kitsune was soon back; armed with a bottle of soy sauce.
"Okaasan used to eat this stuff at lot when I was younger, so I got immune to the smell." Kurama shrugged. He poured a generous amount of soy sauce into the carton. "Besides, it taste good. Really."
Hiei looked doubtful, skeptical and downright suspicious all at one time. He frowned at the gooey concoction, not sure whether to take Kurama's word for it. Never trust a kitsune, was an old saying he'd heard. They're wily, full of wit and tricks.
"And I like it." Kurama set the soy sauce down, placed both hands together and, "Itadakimasu!" before grabbing the chopsticks to dig in.
The half-Koorime stared in morbid fascination at the sticky beans. At how when Kurama pulled up a couple of the beans with the chopsticks, the rest would follow in a gooey trail leading from the beans in the chopsticks down to the ones in the carton. They seemed intend to stick together. Or not, he amended as one dropped from its slimy web and plopped back down to join its other companions.
Kurama seemed to notice his intense stare for the youko lowered his chopsticks, studied him for a minute and then grinned widely. If Hiei weren't so lost in his stupor of the bean falling over and over again back into the carton in his mind's eye, he would have noticed the grin on the kitsune's face and how close the kitsune suddenly was.
"Hiei," crooned Kurama wickedly.
"Nani?" Hiei's eyes suddenly lost the glazed look and with sudden horror, he realized the god awful thing was right under his nose. "Gyaaah!" He tried to jump up from the chair but succeeded in tripping over backwards and landing on his back on the floor.
"Won't you try one?" the kitsune was almost cooing.
"No!" shouted the panicked demon.
Kurama either ignored him or didn't care for he sidled closer and with the most evil grin ever on his face, he shoved the chopsticks with the beans into the demon's mouth then backed away. Hiei held the beans in his mouth for a heartbeat before he turned as green as the plants in Kurama's backyard, dashed to the sink, spat them out and began to rinse his entire mouth with the gushing water. In fact, he ducked his whole face under the tap, mouth wide open as if he had just came from a scorching African desert and hadn't had water in years.
"You foul fox!" the demon roared after he was done with his rinsing. He could still taste the terrible taste on his tongue and vowed to use his katana's blade to scrap his tongue raw. He was dripping water all over the floor, his hair was wet and water dripped down his neck. The front of his black robe had a huge wet patch.
The redhead twitched a little, as if trying to hold back laughter but his face still held the smile that Hiei wanted to wipe off with the katana.
Hiei's coal-red eyes landed on the carton in Kurama's hand. With one swift move that surprised even the youko, he had the carton in his hand, snapped the chopsticks in half, stomped over to the open window and threw it as far away as he could - chopsticks, carton, beans and all.
Kurama goggled at the sight in all of two minutes, mouth opened and closed like a goldfish gulping for air, eyes as wide as dinner plates. He just looked gobsmacked. As if he couldn't believe that something like that would happen to him.
For a moment, Hiei thought of adding some words and the evil laugh to make his point since Kuwabara had mentioned that most people who'd done evil deeds always have a trademark evil laugh. Hell, even the deader-than-doornail Karasu had the evil laugh. But that thought was soon dashed when Kurama seemed to have snapped out of his stupor.
"My-MY NATTOU!" the youko wailed, charging to the window to stare woefully at the long gone nattou. His lower lip quivered, and Hiei had a sinking feeling the kitsune might burst into waterworks any second now but thankfully, Kurama did nothing of the sort.
The youko had opened his mouth to speak or probably to curse him - not that Kurama made it a habit to curse people, he was just too damn polite - when they heard the front door opened.
"Tadaima!" came the cheery call. "Shuu-chan, you'll never guess what happened! I bought two packs of the very last nattou on sale at the supermarket! Isn't it wonderful?"
Hiei turned deathly pale. Oh no.
Kurama on the other hand turned an even more evil grin on the poor half-Koorime. "Oh, Hiei-chan," he cooed. "How about some nattou? I'm sure you won't disappoint my okaasan, right?"
Hiei was beginning to regret coming to see how Kurama was doing today as the kitsune drapped an arm around him in a friendly gesture - friendly as in a tight hold to prevent escape - and he soon found himself face to face with the person who had started the youko on such a horrible, pungent, nose-pained food known as the nattou.
"Ah, konnichi wa, Hiei-kun," smiled the woman. Under that serene expression, Hiei thought crazily, was a plotting, evil person capable of taking over Makai, if given the chance. "Nattou?"
And the carton, already opened, was shoved into his face.
"TASUKETE!"
"Did you hear something?" asked Kuwabara Kazuma to his friend.
Urameshi Yusuke shook his head, a sudden serene smile coming to his face. "No. Not a thing. Let's get back to our homework, shall we?"
Owari.
EN: Nattou is fremented beans. I have never eaten nattou or smelt them so I won't know how accurate my description of it is. Thank Kami-sama I never have to eat them at all.
Glossary:
Makai - Demon world
Enma - Ruler of hell
Okaasan - Mother, Mom
sama - honorific added after someone's name eg Relena-sama (GW) or Kami-sama (God)
Itadakimasu - something you say before you eat in Japan (which I do as well )
Nani - What?
chan - endearing or affectionate suffix for girls, kids, pets or a sweetheart eg Yahiko-chan (RK)
kun - same as -chan, only mainly used for boys but can be for girls as well eg Ranma-kun (Ranma 1/2 and Sakura-kun (Sakura Wars)
Tadaima - I'm home
Konnichi wa - Correct writing in romaji should be 'Konnichi ha' but I put it as 'Konnichi wa' instead. It means Good afternoon.
Tasukete - Help