Disclaimer: if we owned Fruits Basket, why would we be writing here?

"Ooh, what is it?" asked the members.

"WE'LL STALK HER!"

"…"

"I said, we'll stalk her!"

"…"

Haru enters as the girls are staring at the Vice President. "What's this I hear about snow cones? I want snow cones! If I had a million dollars, I'd be rich…in SNOW CONES! Ah ha ha ha!" Haru then tries to run from the room before running into the door, knocking himself unconscious.

Motoku sweat dropped. "Um, OK, about this plan. A bit eccentric (Motoko thought the kicking sounded good) but it'll do."

"What's the plan?" Number 2 asked.

"Stalk Tohru…HELLO! Aren't you paying attention!" Motoko yelled.

"Uh…no." Number 2 said.

Motoko sighed. "Alright, we're going to stalk Tohru, that should let us know what the prince sees in her. Once we find out more about her, we'll be able to infiltrate her lair, and come up with a new plan."

"Wow…" the girls said in unison.

"You actually sounded smart for once, Pres," Number One admitted.

"Oh my Bob! She's showing intelligence! She must be a witch!" the Vice President screeched.

"I knew it all along! Quick, tackle her before she turns us into tuna!"

Motoko then found herself pinned to the floor with three over zealous girls poking her with random writing utensils.

"GET OFF ME, YOU WHELPS! HONESTLY, THIS SCHOOL IS FULL OF YOU PEOPLE! I NEVER THOUGHT STUPIDITY COULD GO SO FAR!"

"SNOOOOWWWW COOOOOOOONNNNNESSSSS!"

Oh dear. It seems Haru woke up. After several minutes of the girls' stupefied stares and Haru's frantic searching, Haru exited the room, but not before he pointed to Motoko and shouted, "It's a witch! Tickle her!"

"I am not a witch! Am I really that ugly?" Motoko sniffled.

"No President"

"Never, if I were a guy, I'd so go out with you!"

Motoko stared at the Number Two.

"Never follow me home again," Motoko said, as calmly as possible when one of your friends just tells you they LIKE YOU like you.

"Sometimes you say the stupidest things," commented the Vice President, Minami.

"Oh, but it just can't be helped," added Number One.

"WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!" cried Number Two.

"Oh, nothing, just that you're stupid by nature, baka."

"Oh, alright then. Sounds good to me!"

While this exchange is going on, Motoko can't help but wonder what deity she pissed off enough to warrant this treatment.

"You know, that Haru was pretty cute…and he liked snow cones," confessed the Vice President.

"Yeah, but he kind of reminds me of a cow…" added Number One.

Motoko sighed. Yes, now they were even admiring other men besides Yuki. How on earth did I get stuck with these people? Wait, it's impossible to love anyone but Yuki! This is all Tohru's doing, I know it! We must find her weakness, she must suffer for her selflessness! It's inhuman! We must prevail!

Will Motoko prevail? Will Minami admit to Haru he's cute? Will Haru get his snow cone? These questions answered next time on Stalking 101! insert "YAY! here